I guess I just need to vent.
I'm 27 years old, married for 4 years, dating for 11 years. Done with grad school. In a good job.
For a year now I have had the WORST baby fever. My husband knows this. But he just laughs it off whenever I talk about it. I keep telling him "2018 is the year!" But he acts like he is in denial.
I agree with him to some point - we live in downtown of the city we live in, in a loft, not at all ideal for bringing a baby home. We want to get a house in about a year or so. So the timeline makes sense.
But I've also been off birth control for a year and NOTHING has happened. My periods are super irregular and 4 docs have dx'd me wih PCOS. I'm glad I got off the pill when I did, but I guess I was just secretly hoping something would have happened by now.
Now to address the title of this post - I am an only child. All I ever wanted as a child was to be part of a big family, with that perfect mom who bakes cookies on a Tuesday just because. Be part of a big group of kids with lots of personalities. The siblings that tease you but you know you'll never have a friend like them, ever.
I knew this would never happen. My mom is sick mentally and did everything opposite of the Tuesday Cookie Mom. She was a bad mom.
I realized that the only role I could ever fill in the family life I wanted was Mom. Matriarch, if you will. Out of all the Kardashians, I stopped envying the girls and started envying Kris.
I don't look like my parents. I don't look like anyone. I don't have that person I can go to that grew up in the same situation as I did and can get support and advice from. I don't have anyone that loves me for exactly who I am, and knows everything I've been through. Sure I can tell my husband about my shitty childhood, but he didn't experience it with me.
I don't know if I'm making sense. I sometimes think I might have been a womb twin. I "miss my sister" sometimes, even though I've never had one.
I'm wondering if this is contributing to my baby fever. Having a child of my own is getting a family member that is mine.
Do any only children recognize this feeling or am I just scarred from a bad childhood?
Me: 28 DH: 29
Married since 2012 dating since 2005.
Golden Retriever girls (8) and (3), orange feral rescue tabby (1).
Finally TTC#1 as of 11/2017!
Thryoidectomy 2007, PCOS, disordered proliferative endometrium.