Monday B-Fest 10/24

dubcompanion

@Spartanrd4 There are definitely certain people we give a benefit of a doubt to and others we take with a grain of salt! If this were someone you highly respected, I'm sure you'd be thinking, "Okay, that's understandable" or "Wow, 39 weeks really is no joke." But since this lady is flaky to begin with, it's only consistent with her pattern of being unreliable. I get it. I do hope to work up to the day my water breaks, if only so that I can use every bit of sick time I have for mat. leave. Whatever I don't use transfers into next year, which could be helpful too, since I'll have a small child to care for by then..

Also, I'm a control freak, so while I cannot waaaaait to take off time to be with my baby (#lifegoals), the professional side of me is still spooked at the thought of someone in my place and using my plans (or misusing them, ugh.) But I'll grapple with that later on down the line. Right now I'm still trying to reassure myself that this is a healthy pregnancy. 

@peony2418 Haha, your secrets are safe with me! If anything, I suck at keeping my own secrets from my parents. They've known the look of guilt and shame on my face since the day they adopted me. I could never get away with stealing the cookie from the cookie jar...

@EnglishTeacherMama It's settled then. After my AS, I'll contact my SPED director and ask to speak to him about going on maternity leave and informing parents ahead of time. Thanks for sharing your plan!

mtmama2

dubcompanion said:

Also, I'm a control freak, so while I cannot waaaaait to take off time to be with my baby (#lifegoals), the professional side of me is still spooked at the thought of someone in my place and using my plans (or misusing them, ugh.) But I'll grapple with that later on down the line. Right now I'm still trying to reassure myself that this is a healthy pregnancy. 

This is so me! I hate the thought of someone else doing my job for me when I'm out on maternity leave!! I keep telling my boss "well I really can do most of this from home"! I'm sure my opinion will change once baby gets here but right now I'm freaking out about how much work I will have to fix when I get back!

kap1988

@SienaC Ditto. I am really dreading going back after my 12 weeks off and having a huge mess to clean up.  We are hiring someone in early January so I will hopefully have 2 months to train them, but I've been doing this five years and still encounter things I have to problem solve and teach myself how to do. This is not a job that you just pick up after a couple weeks of training and there is nobody else here that does my job or even knows what I do. I'm really worried about someone coming in and destroying what I've created.  

Foersty

@dubcompanion @SienaC  @kap1988 I'm with y'all-I'm not at all excited about someone taking over my job while I'm out. I'm just trying to pick my battles and come to terms that I can't work AND be out on maternity leave. This baby will win that round every time! 

A co-worker of mine told everyone we work with that I'm pregnant, after she knew I hadn't told them and that I'm waiting until I feel comfortable. Why do people think they can tell other people's personal and medical business?? 

kap1988

@Foersty What is wrong with people! So so rude. 

dubcompanion

@Foersty Wow, I would be ticked. At least she made it easy to know she can't be trusted. I'm sorry though that she had to show it by spilling your beans.

pandalily

Finally remembered to check in here after a crazy day. I freaking got picked for the jury!!! Who picks the pregnant lady!!!!??? I even wore a tight pencil dress so as to accentuate the bump lol. It wasn't terrible, it was a pretty simple civil case and we got pretty frequent breaks and from jury selection to the deliberation I was at the court from 9 to 3:30 but still. 

pandalily

Oh one more I forgot! So, probably semi influenced by discussions here, but also of my own opinions, the last time someone touched my belly I kind of was like uh yeah no. That someone happened to be my MIL and this was at my SIL'S baby shower several weeks ago. I wore a dress that I thought hid the bump pretty well because well I did not want the attention on me that day. But of course my MIL is so thrilled about two grand babies on the way and she's like "oh look at pandalily, she's starting to pop too" and rubs my belly to which I shirk away and made some comment about not wanting people to touch my belly. Granted even at 16 I felt more like belly than baby/bump so it was pretty awkward. DH tells me this week that apparently I really hurt her feelings. Which this is the first time I think she's probably ever really been upset with me so I can deal but I hate how he doesn't get it. Yes his sister wants everyone to touch her belly and that's good for her. But she's also much larger so maybe it's less awkward because it's clearly baby. I'm all about hugs and stuff but yeah the belly touching is awkward sorry not sorry. 

DrillSergeantCat

@pandalily ask him how he'd feel if people just randomly came up to him and touched him. 

korpisar

I'll join this week (late) I can't believe how many people when they find out I'm pregnant tell me they hope I'll have a girl this time. It's as if my family is not complete unless I have one boy and one girl. 
I get secret pleasure out of telling them immediately that I am having another boy and watch them become uncomfortable lol

disneybaby84

@pandalily I've come up with a strategy for MIL, I told DH to tell her my pregnancy hormones are wonky and touching my belly is just not a good idea. I will say in my situation, DH was ok with that plan.

pandalily

@DrillSergeantCat I said that and he seems to think that since I'm pregnant it doesn't matter...eye rolling forever 

@disneybaby84 if it happens again I'm just going to go with my stomach is super itchy but the hormones is a good excuse too

kiyamurph

@pandalily I'm sorry your husband doesn't get it, and unfortunately, since he has a penis he never will. Even still, it's one of those things where he doesn't need to understand where you're coming from to stand up for you and maybe that should be mentioned to him. If you don't want to be touched then you don't want to be touched. End of story. Doesn't matter if his sister is okay with it or not. You aren't, so if his mom says something again about her feelings, then he should defend you and say something along the lines of it not being your intention to hurt her feelings, but it makes you uncomfortable so please don't do it again. It sounds like your MIL got the memo though so hopefully it won't happen again.

pandalily

Yep! I already made that clear to him, no worries thank you @kiyamurph

CanadianintheSouth

To those worried about leaving your work to someone else - I was a teacher on maternity leave, and quite honestly once I had DD, I DGAF about what was happening at school even though I was freaking out about it beforehand. My sub wasn't great, they waited until the last minute to find one, but I knew that the other bio teacher was there if she had questions. I was annoyed when I got emails, one about a kid with a behavior problem (I didn't even know the kids, I was out at the beginning of the year), and my only thought was what in the world do you want me to do about it?

wintersong

CanadianintheSouth said:

To those worried about leaving your work to someone else - I was a teacher on maternity leave, and quite honestly once I had DD, I DGAF about what was happening at school even though I was freaking out about it beforehand. My sub wasn't great, they waited until the last minute to find one, but I knew that the other bio teacher was there if she had questions. I was annoyed when I got emails, one about a kid with a behavior problem (I didn't even know the kids, I was out at the beginning of the year), and my only thought was what in the world do you want me to do about it?

I'm actually surprised you got emails. My school was not allowed to contact me at all on my fmla leave or the leave of absence I took until summer break. (Because once I returned to work by reading my emails my leave was technically over, lol)

CanadianintheSouth

@longliveregina oh man I wish I had known about that rule! I think I felt like I should check them because they let me keep my laptop during my leave and gave my sub a loaner so I wouldn't have to share mine. Oh well, I don't have to worry about that stuff this time around, no more full time job! 

kap1988

Has anybody who plans to return to work had problems with their boss not believing they will come back?  We have been going through the process of hiring someone to cover my maternity leave and they keep mentioning to the people we are interviewing that there might be a possibility of long term employment for them.  I'm like um.... no... I'm coming back.  But they just kind of have a "Well we'll see" attitude about it.  I understand that a lot of people stay home after having kids but that is not an option for me right now.  And I know they don't mean it this way but it really rubs it in my face that I can't stay home every time I try to explain to them and they go "Oh well you just can't know for sure until they baby is here."   Um yes I know that we cannot get by on what my husband makes.  It's a fact. It all makes me wish so badly I could stay home

jmacd22

@kap1988 my boss has asked me more than once if I'm coming back but I actually don't know if I am or not. I used to run my own business but it was stressful and after my last loss I went to a regular job to have a routine and to not be alone crying all day. So if I go back to doing that which I made way more anyway I won't be going back but as of right now I told her I am coming back. 

jmacd22

Someone rubs my stomach then asks after rubbing it if she can. Then tells me it's not harassment because she must have seen my face. I don't really care that much. Just funny how people just think they can touch you because you're pregnant. 

dubcompanion

@mcdonald-bailey I wonder if some of it is generational. Kind of related - I was in a grocery aisle with my mom (who is over 70), and there was a small child in front of us. She reached out and put her arms around the child's waist to help guide her towards a snack she was pointing to. I quickly bent towards my mom and told her she shouldn't be touching a child she doesn't know. My mom looked mortified and immediately stepped back. The parent either didn't notice or care, but it reminded me how times change. And I'm glad they have, because I won't want a stranger touching my own child - let alone me. I'll try to remember though that older people might not be as conscious about this, so I'll start off being polite and only get snippy if they're dismissive of my feelings or are aggressive from the get-go.

kap1988

@mcdonald-bailey This whole working with children thing sucks. I hope it works out for you to have your own business again.

Happyhiker

@kap1988, wow, that really stinks. I haven't talked to my manager yet (work from home, so he doesn't see the bump), but everyone I have told has been great. I can see why you'd be frustrated and feel pushed out. Makes me so angry on your behalf!

kap1988

@Happyhiker Thank you.  They really are a great company to work for usually, I think they are just scared that I'm going to change my mind and take off after the baby is here and leave them stranded.  I mentioned working from home one day a week or a few hours each day and they are totally fine with that.  I just wish they would trust that I'm definitely coming back. I may just be extra sensitive right now though too.

wintersong

kap1988 said:

Has anybody who plans to return to work had problems with their boss not believing they will come back?  We have been going through the process of hiring someone to cover my maternity leave and they keep mentioning to the people we are interviewing that there might be a possibility of long term employment for them.  I'm like um.... no... I'm coming back.  But they just kind of have a "Well we'll see" attitude about it.  I understand that a lot of people stay home after having kids but that is not an option for me right now.  And I know they don't mean it this way but it really rubs it in my face that I can't stay home every time I try to explain to them and they go "Oh well you just can't know for sure until they baby is here."   Um yes I know that we cannot get by on what my husband makes.  It's a fact. It all makes me wish so badly I could stay home

How annoying. And inappropriate. 

npaulie

So tomorrow is our AS, and while DH was telling his parents about it, they said they don't want us to tell them the gender (even though they know we plan on finding out). So now I feel like I can't post anything pubically on facebook or instagram about the scan just because they don't want to know. i also don't understand why they are so adamant about not finding out beforehand. I get if it's your own kid, but your grandkid?

kjd291

@npaulie that's so strange!  I'd say, fine we won't tell you, but we're posting it on social media and telling everyone else--so be prepared to be a hermit for the next 5mo if you really don't want to hear the news.

npaulie

@kjd291 yeah, even his sister will know. My MIL is friends with my mom on facebook, and I know my mom will end up posting something. So I already said "we'll, I can't guarantee you're not going to hear it from someone else." Like, I'm not going to go through all this extra work to make sure it's an extra surprise for just you two. Ugh! I really do love them to pieces. Just so frustrated about it at the minute. 

mtmama2

@npaulie I think that is all you really can do! It is kind of strange for them to not want to know when they know you are finding out. Don't let them steal your excitement over announcing! If they prefer not to know they should be prepared to take extra steps to not accidently find out instead of you going out of your way to make sure they don't!