Mental Health Check in

cafedisco

I know we talk pregnancy symptoms a lot but I'm just wondering how everyone is doing with your emotions? Are you coping with the physical changes well? Any anxiety over the upcoming changes?  Obviously we're all excited/happy on some level but growing a human is a lot to process and I'm sure not everyone is feeling 100% excited/happy 100% of the time.

cafedisco

I'll start.  I'm not doing as well as I'd like to admit, which is why I wanted to reach out.  I've struggled with depression in the past and came off my meds this summer to TTC.  Between feeling like crap for the past 2 months and work being overly busy, it's catching up to me, big time.  I really feel like I'm in survival mode physically which makes any self-care go by the wayside. 

I know I need to do something, anything, about it but I'm feeling a bit stuck with that prospect. I have an appointment on Tues so I plan on trying to be really up front with my midwives, but that's not easy for me. 

HappyAnjel

Not as good as I'd like. I've been feeling very crappy.. throwing up all day/night...headaches the worst UC flare up I've ever had and Stress at work.. which is making me very depressed and snappy.. mostly with my 4 year old.. then I feel like absolute shit for being snappy bc it's not her fault and she's going to be dealing with a lot of changes as well.. I'm just finding it so hard to be happy when I just want to be able to spend her last few months as an only child doing things with her and I can barely get off the couch.

KirstinH88

@cafedisco I'm sorry to hear that you aren't doing so well. Please do be honest with your midwife. Do you know if there are any medications that are safe to take while pregnant? The first trimester is definitely rough, physically and emotionally. Hopefully as second trimester really comes into full swing, you will start feeling better physically and hopefully that will help you feel better emotionally. I won't lie. I've had my tough days. When I'm just overwhelmed with nausea, as well as the million other symptoms of pregnancy, plus being PGAL. It has been rough. I broke down to DH about 2 weeks ago just crying for some sort of relief from the first trimester.

HGRich

I'm sorry ladies for all the frustrations, emotional and physical. And then the physical ones take a toll on the emotions too and we don't talk about the emotional as much. This thread is a great idea, @cafedisco. 

For myself, my mental health improved after my loss milestone but PGAL is still the worst and I'm basically constantly afraid I'm going to lose this baby anyway. Each little thing that reminds me of MC freaks me out until I can talk myself into remembering I'm fine, baby's fine, and nothing suggests I'll lose this baby like the last one. But part of the problem I think is that my mc was literally only four months ago and I'm still working through some "PTSD" with ultrasounds and hospital beds and other things that trigger a related memory. 

The physical symptoms I've been struggling with have been reassuring more than anything, but I recognize that my nausea has been pretty mild compared to some. I still look forward to having some energy back. Energy, and eventually some excitement about this pregnancy would be lovely. 

lovelongdog06

Overall, I'm actually doing pretty well. This pregnancy was directly after a loss, so there's always that shred of worry that I'll be one of the rare unlucky few to have a later loss. I feel much more peaceful than I anticipated, and the first tri passed quicker than I expected.

My birth experience with DS was fairly traumatic, in part because he ended up a c section after transferring from a home birth, but also because he had a birth defect causing his intestines to be settled incorrectly in his belly, causing a twist and blockage of a section. I went from mourning the loss of my birth I so happily planned, to crying my eyes out in an OR waiting room not knowing if my 2 day old would be returned to me alive or dead or alive but severely medically needy. I should have been at home being taken care of myself, but instead I slept in recliners and lived in a rather hostile NICU for 9 days. My son is thankfully perfect and healthy now, with no lasting effects from surgery, but I feel like I missed the first two weeks of his life. The worst thing you can say to someone after a traumatic or unplanned birth experience is "all that matters is a healthy baby" but I didn't even get the healthy baby part.

So...long story short, I feel a lot of pressure to sit and stand and sleep and move just right to prevent another breech baby and therefore a c section which is stressful, but I also worry about this baby being healthy.

cafedisco

Thanks everyone for chiming in. I'm not happy others are struggling, but I'm also not surprised to be alone. 

@HappyAnjel what you said about not being able to handle your daughter as well as you want really resonated with me. That's how I feel with my students.  The crummy part with kids (I think), is that if we are grumpy, they usually are too. Which makes us more grumpy....cycle continues. It's really exhausting. I'm sure you're doing a better job with her than you feel. Will work slow down for you soon? 

@KirstinH88 I could take my anti-depressant, maybe.  It's class C so they say if the benefits outweigh the risks, which I think they do at this point. It may alter my birth plans though, I'm not sure.  SSRIs are known to cause some breathing trouble after baby is born, which really freaks me out and it's the reason I came off them. I don't think I'd be comfortable staying on course with my homebirth if I started taking them again. But I'll see what the midwives think, of course. It just feels so overwhelming to even decided whether or not to take a little pill. 

You're a week behind me I think....I hope we're both feeling physically better soon so the emotions are a bit easier to focus on. 

@HGRich,@KirstinH88 and @lovelongdog06 I'm so sorry that all of you have suffered a loss. Have any of you had any counseling since your loss? HGRich, I'm wondering especially if you're having triggers in the hospital if it might help (or something similar) before birth.  Since birth has the potential to be traumatic on it's own....it's a lot for you to go through on top of having these feelings of lingering PTSD.  

I hope moving further along in the weeks helps ease some of the anxiety but I know that isn't always the case. 

@lovelongdog06 I knew you had a transfer but I don't think I'd heard about your son's surgery.  I don't even know what to say except sending hugs. That's a really shit hand to be dealt. 

One day at a time friends. 

Virginialeigh

I think I'm starting to come out of my funk, but it was bad for awhile. I was the one that said if we were going to have another we needed to do it now, but once I was actually PG I realized I really wasn't ready. I used to sit in the room with DS while he fell asleep, but had to start rocking him to sleep in the living room again because I would just sit in the dark and cry with all this stuff swimming around in my head. It didn't help that I was a lot sicker with this one than I was with the first. I didn't even wanna tell anyone I was PG. With DS I was telling people the second I peed on the stick. And when I said something about not having told anyone H said "That's because you don't wanna have this baby and you've been acting like I trapped you ad made you do it against your will." That's when I realized I wasn't exactly internalizing everything. Then I found out it was a girl and things got worse. Everyone else was so happy for me, but I didn't want a girl, I really wanted DS to have a little brother to get into trouble with.

 Then the other day I was at Hobby Lobby with my BF (who can't have kids because the PP from her first was so bad she's on meds she can't go off of and also led to the end of her marriage and partial custody of their son) and she wanted to look at little girl stuff. Seeing how happy she was that "we" were having a girl, and knowing how badly she would love to have one for herself kinda helped snap me out of it. Plus the sickness has past and I'm starting to feel more like myself.

 Geeze, that turned into a book. Sorry. It just feels good to finally get some of this out. 

kitkat8387

Thank you so much for starting this thread. My mental health is something I have struggled with since I was a teenager, being diagnosed with anxiety disorder at 18 and trying therapy and other strategies until I started taking medication at 19 and only went off when TTC earlier this year. It was the first time in my adult life I was off meds...and it has been rough. I was also on SSRI's (celexa) and since it was category C I decided I would try going off and see what happened, with the knowledge that I could go back on if needed. My first trimester was so hard. I had constant nightmares and terrible thoughts that something was wrong with my baby. I feel for you women who have had a loss - I haven't had one and yet the anxiety was unbearable, so my heart goes out to you

I felt way better after my 12 week appointment when I started letting myself use the doppler - that has been an amazing tool for me. My therapist says that the enemy of my anxiety is facts, so if I use the doppler I have a concrete fact that the baby is ok. That is also why I opted for the NT scan/sequential screening, so I can have more facts/figures to focus on. I also did a lot of research on MC statistics after a normal 12 week ultrasound and those numbers are very reassuring to me. I need logic, numbers, and facts to keep my mind from spinning out of control. I wish I had something else in my life, like faith, but I didn't grow up with religion so that's not something that's accessible to me at this point. I have been meditating which has helped, and also resumed working out this past week now that I feel better, which has helped - exercise was always one of my anxiety management tools, and not being able to do that in the first trimester due to nausea definitely exacerbated everything. 

@cafedisco you might want to consider wellbutrin, if you haven't already - I believe it is considered a safer alternative than SSRI's during pregnancy. It is also category C though. I personally had a very good experience with this medication in the past when I was struggling with some depression in combination with my anxiety. 

HGRich

@cafedisco I've had some counseling. We only get a handful of free sessions. The first session was actually really helpful as she helped walk me through grieving and helped me combat my perfectionist tendency to be hard on myself for not "grieving well." Whatever that means. She told me there's no such thing. She also helped me recognize that I was battling PPD on top of the grief. The second session I didn't think was very helpful. So since we've only got a few more, I'm holding onto them, as it were, in case I need them later in the pregnancy. Perhaps I should have just found someone else, as I don't think I liked her very much as a person and that's part of the problem. But it's hard to find ones insurance will cover around here. 

Of course, my mental health while PGAL is important enough to pay for. I just don't want to right now but I will closer to delivery if I need to. 

cafedisco

I just want to hug everyone. 

@Virginialeigh I know what it's like to get lost in your own sad thoughts...I can only say I'm glad you're feeling a bit better. I've also had some second thoughts about not being ready for this baby - it's tough.  I can't really tell - is your H supportive/understanding of you mental state?

@kitkat8387 are you taking celexa now?  That's what I used to take. I only took 20mg a day.  I like your strategy to arm yourself with facts!  I'll ask about Wellbutrin...something in my memory says that it's safe while breastfeeding but it pretty much ruins your supply.  I definitely don't want to have to switch around if I do start taking something now. 

@HGRich - it's smart to save some sessions if you can.  It's not always a walk in the park when baby comes (ppd for me was...horrendous. not to scare, but the first 1.5 years were really hard for me.  I didn't think I'd have any other kids because of it). So you might be glad to have that option later. 

Virginialeigh

@cafedisco I haven't been talking to him about it. I thought I had been hiding it until he he made that comment. And realizing I had made him feel like I was blaming him made me not want to talk to him about it even more.

MWoodside

I'm in a funk for sure. Lots of factors. First and foremost- my loss history. While I love being pregnant I have a ton of anxiety until baby is safely in my arms. Nothing can change this for me except a healthy baby after birth.

work is super, super stressful currently. Especially my dept. We have all voiced our concerns but im seeing no changes yet to improve things. I have to go to a meeting 2 hrs away wednesday and I get super anxious being in the car long distances while pregnant. 

I am an usually sick 16 wks of my pregnancies and this one is no exception. I can't pull my weight around here with the house and the kids. DH has sucked it up but I see it wearing on him and it's causing tension. We had a huge fight last night and I'm feeling extra shitty about that.

just everything.

i started prenatal yoga last Sunday and it helped a bit. Then I got a coffee after snd went to church alone. Having s couple hours to myself was refreshing.

kitkat8387

@cafedisco actually I've managed to stay off the celexa, although it's been difficult. I'm starting to feel less anxious about the pregnancy now that I'm almost 17 weeks, so I'm confident I can get through without it which is a huge accomplishment for me. Therapy has been a huge help. I didn't realize wellbutrin could affect your milk supply! Good to know. Agree that switching meds after birth would not be ideal, but maybe your doctor can suggest some alternative options. 

Beckyf321

I feel like I go through various stages......and sadly on most days.  LOL.  

For me, pregnancy is a "lonely" time in life.  I feel isolated from the rest of the world and depressed.  I know I've said it before, but it's really not a period of time that I enjoy.  The sickness and nausea, constipation, peeing on myself (thank God for panty liners).  Ugh.  Then I feel guilty because I know there are women out there who would give anything to be in my shoes.  

Right now my number one source of anxiety is my boss.  I'm a food service director in a school district, meaning I run the cafeterias for 6 schools.  I've been there for a year and absolutely love my job.  My boss is new to the district and unfortunately, he's a jerk.  He changes things without discussing them with me first because he literally just does what he wants.  He cut all of my part-timers hours without any knowledge of what they do each day and didn't let me or my staff know he was doing it.  We've asked him for a meeting twice to answer questions my staff has that I can't answer, he's never responded.  He almost never responds to my emails when I'm asking him for guidance.  But now he's on my ass because they're working over their hours.  We tried cutting back when he first pulled this shit and they couldn't get their jobs done.  I'm just so aggravated and don't know what to do.

Beckyf321

Oh, and other things I'm worried about are being a mom to three kids and going back to work when baby is around 4 months old.  I was able to stay home the first year with the older two, but plan to go back to work at the beginning of next school year.  I hate that I'm stressing about shit that is 10 months away.

cafedisco

@Beckyf321 feeling like crap and then feeling guilty for feeling that way sucks.  

Can you go over your bosses' head? It sounds like that may be warranted at this point - you've reached out several times and he isn't giving you answers.  Or maybe you could go to HR?  I used to manage people for about 8 years...going to HR doesn't have to mean you are complaining, you could just "seek professional support" for yourself.  Say you aren't sure how to adjust your employee's workloads with their new hours....

I think you've explained it before, but I can't remember, sorry.  It sounds like you're not taking a full maternity leave...is that because of money? Or are you just worried about not being there at the beginning of the year? I stayed home for a year with DD and now will go back within 4-5 months so I'm in the same boat.  A dear friend recently told me it should be easier...less of a strong bond yet with a little baby.  And the baby will be less aware of what's happening.  I'm not sure I buy it but it's a different perspective. 

Beckyf321

@cafedisco, he oversees HR, too.  The only person I can go to is the Superintendent.  I'm getting mentored by some director's in other districts so for now we just "build our case".  We're going to keep records of what isn't getting done because they don't have time.

As far as the maternity leave, it's partially about money and I'm looking forward to going back to work.  We just bought a house and for now our house payment is high.  I don't have enough sick time built up, so only part of my leave will be paid.  We could make it on my husband's salary, but the budget would be really tight.  I like my job and have a great staff, so I don't mind going back.  Thankfully, the day care where my son went to pre-k caught wind that I was pregnant.  I'm friends with the girl who works in the infant room, so knowing the baby will be in good hands makes me feel better.

cafedisco

Beckyf321 said:

@cafedisco, he oversees HR, too.  The only person I can go to is the Superintendent.  I'm getting mentored by some director's in other districts so for now we just "build our case".  We're going to keep records of what isn't getting done because they don't have time.


Geez, that's awful.  I hope he doesn't last long, for your sake.

rachelmiller03

I am struggling with thinking about going back to work after this one. I think about it everyday, and have anxiety every time I start thinking. I went back to work with DS after 6 weeks, and I think I had PPD from it. Pumping 3 times a day at work, waking up every day at 4:30 am to get ready, leaving DS and missing out on milestones, not being able to take him to babygames at the library, or to play with other kids his age, it all just kills me. I don't think I can do it again with #2. DH and I talked about me not going back after #2, but we didn't expect to get pregnant again so soon. I cry just trying to think about how we are going to make it work. I just don't think we can make it on DH's salary alone, and DH doesn't seem concerned about any of this. I haven't even told some close friends or family members yet, because I don't know what we are going to do and I don't want to have to talk about it. My aunt is our babysitter, and she depends on us for extra income. I haven't told her yet, because she will ask about her job with us, and I again, don't have answers.

I have a corporate position with my company, and we do not have work from home positions. I was thinking about approaching my boss with this as a solution- either part time of full time. I am good at my job, and I believe I am valued, but I don't know how they will react. I was thinking about taking my maternity leave to try and job hunt. 

smallanimal

Thank you for starting this thread. 

I always considered myself mentally sound, if a little bit over anxious.  But this time, I reached rock bottom.  I am a FTM at 15w exactly, with one early MC previously.  

I am an idiot, and go online and read about MMC and then convince myself that I am going to have it.  And also every other issue anyone else has.  For two weeks I have been having anxiety and bad dreams, but this morning I found myself waking up, and my first thought was a detailed plan on how to deal with a MMC, things like .... text my boss, options, stay at home x days, how to tell my parents - isn't it absolutely ridiculous?  So I worked myself into a state and then decided that this is nonsense, so I went to the hospital and asked for a reassurance doppler check (which went beautifully, and heard a nice HB).  

But why am I such a total negative idiot?? Why am I thinking about the worst case scenario always?  My chances of mc are about 1% (like most of us on this forum by now - yay), what is wrong with me?  I am worried that my negative thoughts affect my baby - I am not very supersitious, but I know that negative thoughts cause very real, biological/chemical changes and I am having loads of them.  

I want this baby to stay, be born ok, and be healthy and happy, more than anything.. I have a stable background and the best husband in the world, and receiving good care - what IS wrong with me, why cant I relax and enjoy?  
Sorry for the rant.  Anyone else can relate?  

@rachelmiller03   This is a very tough one.  I agree that you probably went back a bit too early, but I understand if there are not many options.  You should definitely try for flexible working (cannot hurt to try!!!!), we have different options , for example home working, or do 5 days in 4 (e.g. you work 4 days, 10 hours each day, instead of 8 hours over 5 days) - this gives you one day off every week (albeit long hours the other days).  If you then also space your paid holidays (one day holiday a week for , say, 20 weeks), then you basically get two days off every week and the baby only gets 3 days without you.  As for income, have you thought about doing something as a stay at home mum? Thinking about being an online PA... or data collection.. any job that can be done from home / in evenings/flexibly? 

HGRich

@smallanimal you and I are both 15 weeks exactly with one early mc previously. I totally get you. I know we can't let anxiety rule our lives but we also have to give ourselves grace. We lost a child. You don't just get over that. 

Your making plans in the event of an mc sounds to me like you're trying to hold on to some control where you feel powerless to keep the baby alive because your body failed you before. I get that too. In weeks 5-8 I had intermittent spotting and at the same time, some "friends" were causing some major drama and I just cut myself out of it. I stopped talking to them, stopped getting upset. It was my way of protecting myself. Interestingly, the spotting stopped immediately and didn't come back. So maybe I did the right thing in protecting myself, but maybe it was coincidence. Either way, it gave me some control and I needed it, and I don't regret it. I did the same thing when I cut out caffeine and allergy meds. Some coffee is ok and my meds are ok but I wanted the feeling of control, whether it was rational or not. My point is, because of our losses we feel powerless. Whatever we need to do, within reason, to feel like we're doing our best I think is fine. I had to explain this to DH when he said I was being irrational. I told him I know I'm being irrational. But I need this semblance of control. He understood. 

Anyway, I also know how you feel about statistics. I lost my angel baby at 11 weeks and after a healthy dating ultrasound with a strong heartbeat. I was in the 3-5% and I still lost. 1% means little to me. 

I feel better day to day. I said this on the PGAL forum, but there's a difference for me between excitement and hope. I have hope because it's powerful, and it's a gift I'm giving this LO. But excitement is another thing entirely, and I don't have it yet, (though it is growing) and that's ok. 

shaunessa

@smallanimal

You are not an idiot.  You're just someone who's preparing for the worst.  Trust me I went through the same thing before we heard the baby's heartbeat.  We pretended like I wasn't pregnant by not mentioning it.  We had also had a miscarriage before, and we knew how much it sucked when you're overly joyous, only to find out something went wrong and you're no longer pregnant.  I think a lot of women go through this being PGAL.

I'm just sad I can't jump on the bouncy house with DS anymore.  Run after him, carry him, wrestle.  I feel like this is the beginning of "baby comes first".  And I know he doesn't mind bc DH has stepped in and started playing with him a lot more, but I wanted to be his #1 buddy.  For now, I just have to sit on the sidelines and watch.

smallanimal

@HGRich  I love the way you look at it.  Especially the bit about control.  It really resonates with me.  And I get the bit about coffee and meds too.. anything to make us feel we are in control.  But I made myself a promise today that next time I catch my thoughts doing the worst case scenario planning, I will try to stop myself...   Really sorry about the 11 week loss, that sounds much harsher than losing before US... 
I love the fact that we are exactly the same baby age!  April 17?

@shaunessa  Thank you... it is good to hear that people understand, makes me feel less lonely.  And for you, the watching won't go on for long... we only have about 5-6 more months to go... then you will bounce back (in every meaning of the word ).  And soon you will have two little ones to bounce and wrestle with  

HGRich

@smallanimal yep! 4/17! Which is a bit over a week before my own birthday. If I have to go late, this rainbow baby would be the best birthday present ever. 

smallanimal

@HGRich  sorry for my ignorance but what is a rainbow baby?
My birthday is may 22 - so probably sleep deprivation and poop will be my bday gift

pammasu0909

My anxiety has been terrible lately.  I don't want to tell anybody about this baby, or really talk about it with anyone.  I don't know anyone my age with 3 kids that works, and not working is not an option for me because I'm the breadwinner.  I've already heard comments implying "Why are you having another just to stick them in daycare" which makes me feel even more guilty for wanting a third.  We need to buy a new car, pay for 3 in daycare, and I'm a little overwhelmed with the expenses coming next year with a newborn, 2 yo and 3yo. 

KirstinH88

@smallanimal a rainbow baby is the term used for a baby that is born after a loss or miscarriage.

@pammasu0909 I know the financial aspect is nerve-racking for many parents. We are currently working as hard as possible to pay off a credit card, and then purchase a new car that will fit the whole family, and baby will be in daycare. It's a lot of stress to handle and think about while pregnant. I have to tell myself that this will pass. The kids won't always be in daycare. In a few years, they will be in school. And as long as they are in public school, the costs will get easier to handle. So the struggle may last a few years, but you and DH will adjust.

SnarkasaurusRex

I'm starting to feel anxious about developing PPD again. I feel like I didn't enjoy my "baby days" with DS because of it, and I'm worried because DH travels a lot for work and it will be just me with DS and a new baby for some of the time and I need to be able to function better than I did last time. I have a good support system in place, so I know that even if PPD rears its ugly head again I'll be taken care of, but I'm still just...nervous.

I'm also freaking out about paying for two in daycare/preschool. I live in the DC area so everything is ridiculously expensive. Two kids in daycare for a month is more than half of what I make from my teaching salary. But, since everything is so expensive here, we can't afford for me to be a SAHM. It has me seriously considering a career change, even though I love teaching, just to feel more comfortable on the financial front. Bah.

MrsBakes

I am constantly battling between being positive, realistic and a total pessimist.

DH lost his job when DD was a baby, was out of work for 2 years, then got back into a FT gig about a year ago, but it doesn't even make half of what he used to. It got us into a horrible financial position and even though we are on the road to recovery I'm terrified of something like that happening again. The company I work for is awesome and I like it here, but there isn't a guarantee that it will be around (at least in this form) for much longer. I'm the bread winner and if I lose this job (with all the flexibility I get) we may be Fd!

On top of that, H isn't really good about just getting up and getting shit done. He slacks a lot in some ways and we had our troubles when DD was born b/c he just wouldn't really 100% step up. There was a lot of "I'm not a morning person, I can't just get up, I need time, I need sleep etc" It wasn't easy. And lately he's been acting so weird, is grumpy all the time, yells at DD (so do I don't get me wrong, but he criticizes her all the time. He can't even say anything nicely anymore). So I'm really worried how things are going to be with 2 kids. My DD also has never slept soundly and still (at almost 5 years old) wakes up during the night). Sometimes I feel pretty alone. Sometimes my H is the best but sometimes he makes me nervous.

Mama5181

I'm doing better these days. I am bi polar with anxiety and chose to stay on some of my meds for this pg. I went off everything for DD and after I stopped bfing her I had a huge manic/depressive episode that I couldn't shake for nearly a year! It even landed me in the hospital for 10 days. It. Was. Awful. 
After the loss of the twin during this pregnancy I kind of fell apart for a bit. I nearly begged for my Xanax back. But I pushed through and I'm doing much better. Some days are harder than others of course. And occasionally my mood gets a bit off kilter but that's expected. I will say that my pregnancy rage is extreme!!! I'll be glad if that goes away a bit. 

cafedisco

SnarkasaurusRex said:

I'm starting to feel anxious about developing PPD again. I feel like I didn't enjoy my "baby days" with DS because of it, and I'm worried because DH travels a lot for work and it will be just me with DS and a new baby for some of the time and I need to be able to function better than I did last time. I have a good support system in place, so I know that even if PPD rears its ugly head again I'll be taken care of, but I'm still just...nervous.

I'm also freaking out about paying for two in daycare/preschool. I live in the DC area so everything is ridiculously expensive. Two kids in daycare for a month is more than half of what I make from my teaching salary. But, since everything is so expensive here, we can't afford for me to be a SAHM. It has me seriously considering a career change, even though I love teaching, just to feel more comfortable on the financial front. Bah.

Um, did you get inside my head to write this?  I agree 100% with literally everything you said, down to considering a different career than teaching.  It's a daunting thing to think about starting over though.  How long have you been teaching?

I just admitted my fears about PPD and my current mental state to my midwives tonight and they want me to get back on my anti depressant. They want to work with me on more holistic approaches long term (as do I), but they said the most important thing right now is to get my head above water. It's a huge relief but at the same time, added a lot to my current to-do list (I am out of pills and refills so I need an appt ASAP). 


@MrsBakes any chance your H has a bit of mental health issues himself?  I mean, it might just be his personality but they way you wrote about him makes it sounds like it's a change for him.  

@Mama5181 I'm sorry to hear that you've had such difficulty in the past. Do you hope to stay off your meds through BFing again?

smallanimal

@KirstinH88 Thank you - then my baby is a rainbow baby

@SnarkasaurusRex and @cafedisco  for us, I am the one who is chilled about financials, and my husband is the one who started worrying constantly since I got pregnant.  He really wants the baby and is super sweet and loves him already, but he freaks out about finances and at the thought of us not having any money.  I am much more easygoing in this one aspact.  And I already saved up enough money to still have "full income" for the entirety of my mat leave, so whilst I am off, we still will be on two incomes.  It does not matter to him - he is freaking out about costs and gets very anxious.   I don't know how to help him. 

For me, I just want my baby to be healthy and no conditions or worries or issues... and happy and post that, we will sort out whatever comes..... 

SnarkasaurusRex

@cafedisco This is my 7th year of teaching. I've never once gotten a pay raise, so since my wages are so stagnant I just don't feel like we're keeping up with the cost of living around here. I don't even know where to start with looking for a different career...I'm just dreading having two kids in daycare and sending them to college and saving for everything...we've budgeted for it all, but it still feels so tight. Maybe I just need to move somewhere else, haha. If you figure out the answers, let me know, haha.

As for the PPD stuff, I still go to therapy monthly and my OB knows what's up, so she's checking in with me too. I'm hoping to not need to go on antidepressants again...those make me feel so unlike myself, even if I do feel better.

MrsBakes

@cafedisco 
This baby wasn't exactly planned so I know it's a bit scary for him, too.  But a lot of it is simply his personality. If he's really into something, (like his current job that he enjoys so much and I'm soo soo happy about) he gives 110%. But he lack the sense of urgency and responsibility when it's about things that aren't as fun ya know. Not that he doesn't love or want this family but when things get tough he'd rather just not deal with it by finding excuses such as being sick, tired or anything else.

cafedisco

@SnarkasaurusRex I can't tell you how many times I've googled "other careers for teachers."  That's awful that you haven't had a pay bump in that long.  Mine goes up by $300 a year. Amazing, right?  But we do have performance pay, which is as high as $3800 a year.  It's a nice little bonus but it's stressful to go through also.  I feel you on being so tight with money.  Our budget works...but there's not breathing room. It would just be nice at the ages we are to feel a bit more relaxed with money.  I'll let you know if I have any epiphanies

@MrsBakes that makes total sense. how do you guys handle those night wakings still?  I know that's been the one thing DH and I have fought about because middle of the night is sooooo hard on everyone. We had to have a system in place beforehand or one of us would end up angry at the other. 

Virginialeigh

@cafedisco I just wanted to thank you for starting this thread. Seeing that I am not the only one feeling these feelings has really helped me. With my first I was over the moon and really loved being PG, but I haven't felt that way this time and thought there was something wrong with me. I'm not really a "talker" I tend to keep things bottled up so I don't really discussed things with family and friends. But for some reason it is easier with you guys.

MrsBakes

@cafedisco

Well, it's been almost 5 years now and I simply don't know a different life anymore lol

At this point, there can't even be a system in place (even if H tried harder) because DD is so used to me (H goes immediately into yelling or criticizing mode that doesn't help an already tired and irritated child at 3am) that she only wants me. So when I can, I just lay down on the bottom of her bed until she's back out and then I sneak back out. Sometimes it's enough, sometimes she needs me there the whole time.

It's seriously simply a part of our lives now and there isn't much choice in the matter.

Nolegirl1185

@smallanimal  you sound just like me!  I go through the same though process daily sometimes hourly or less over things like that.  I have not experienced a miscarriage before, but my anxiety runs wild with every possible "What if". It took me until 29 when I was home for summer break (I'm a teacher) when I literally kept all the lights off in the house, stayed in the bedroom in the dark, refused to turn on a tv because of sound, and kept my phone on silent.  I didn't even speak until my husband got home from work.  All because I had a run-in with our landlord who yelled at me for 40 minutes over there being cobwebs on the corner of the outside of the house. The thought of her stopping by, having to pay rent, etc put me into full blown panic attacks.  There were other issues like I couldn't drive on the interstate, childhood trauma, etc etc.  My point is, I finally realized I had a serious issue and went to see a Dr.  I have been on anxiety medication for a year and a half now and literally never realized what life was supposed to be like.  I am not saying this is how you are at all, but that I can relate to those never ending thoughts and planning out how to deal with scenarios.  It was the ONLY control I had in those horrible situations, to plan how to deal with it. And it made me sick to my stomach knowing my mind even thought of those things and that I knew it was dumb/wrong to do but I couldn't control it.  Now that I am pregnant, I have had quite a few more anxiety meltdowns over possible miscarriage, genetic testing, heartbeat, bleeding, anatomy scan, baby being a boy and not a girl...  The best thing I ever did was admit that I couldn't control the thoughts and reached out for help.  It's not healthy for you or baby to live like that.  Is this something that started once you got pregnant or have you always had some anxiety?  Hormones can wreak havoc on you and could be the cause of some of it.  I hope you find some peace, reach out for help when you need it, and I'll be a listening ear if you ever need one. Keep your head up, no matter what thoughts cross your mind, you aren't a bad person and you will be a great mom.  

Beckyf321

I feel myself being anxious a lot lately, mostly because of my boss.  I also get depressed when pregnant, but I think I've realized that right now part of my problem is that I don't ever go out with friends.  I've become somewhat of a recluse and know that's only adding to my mental state (let's not forget to talk about how it's dark out at 5:00 every night!).  I'm going to make more of an effort to get out with some girlfriends and also plan to mention it at my next appointment.

nwshay

I'm having a hard time today. I'm not showing. I have zero symptoms. I was seen last over 5 weeks ago and everything was fine. Yet, I'm having a hard time imagining that I'm actually pregnant. My anatomy scan is Friday and all I keep thinking is that I'm going to hear bad news on front of my Mom and MIL.  

Please tell me others have felt this way. Help dig me out! I'm usually a positive person but I can't get out of this funk.