April 2017 Moms

Mental Health Check in

I know we talk pregnancy symptoms a lot but I'm just wondering how everyone is doing with your emotions? Are you coping with the physical changes well? Any anxiety over the upcoming changes?  Obviously we're all excited/happy on some level but growing a human is a lot to process and I'm sure not everyone is feeling 100% excited/happy 100% of the time.
Me: 31
DH: 36
Married 5 years
DD born 8/30/13
#2 expected 4/25/17
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Re: Mental Health Check in

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  • @cafedisco I'm sorry to hear that you aren't doing so well. Please do be honest with your midwife. Do you know if there are any medications that are safe to take while pregnant? The first trimester is definitely rough, physically and emotionally. Hopefully as second trimester really comes into full swing, you will start feeling better physically and hopefully that will help you feel better emotionally. I won't lie. I've had my tough days. When I'm just overwhelmed with nausea, as well as the million other symptoms of pregnancy, plus being PGAL. It has been rough. I broke down to DH about 2 weeks ago just crying for some sort of relief from the first trimester.
    Me: 29 DH: 33
    Married: 5/30/2013
    DSS #1: 5/25/2007
    DSS #2: 1/22/2011
    DS #3: 7/8/2012
    BFP: 3/14/2016 ~ MC: 3/19/2016
    DS #4: 4/21/17
  • I just want to hug everyone. 

    @Virginialeigh I know what it's like to get lost in your own sad thoughts...I can only say I'm glad you're feeling a bit better. I've also had some second thoughts about not being ready for this baby - it's tough.  I can't really tell - is your H supportive/understanding of you mental state?

    @kitkat8387 are you taking celexa now?  That's what I used to take. I only took 20mg a day.  I like your strategy to arm yourself with facts!  I'll ask about Wellbutrin...something in my memory says that it's safe while breastfeeding but it pretty much ruins your supply.  I definitely don't want to have to switch around if I do start taking something now. 

    @HGRich - it's smart to save some sessions if you can.  It's not always a walk in the park when baby comes (ppd for me was...horrendous. not to scare, but the first 1.5 years were really hard for me.  I didn't think I'd have any other kids because of it). So you might be glad to have that option later. 


    Me: 31
    DH: 36
    Married 5 years
    DD born 8/30/13
    #2 expected 4/25/17
  • @cafedisco I haven't been talking to him about it. I thought I had been hiding it until he he made that comment. And realizing I had made him feel like I was blaming him made me not want to talk to him about it even more.

    Babysizer Geeky Pregnancy Tracker



  • @cafedisco actually I've managed to stay off the celexa, although it's been difficult. I'm starting to feel less anxious about the pregnancy now that I'm almost 17 weeks, so I'm confident I can get through without it which is a huge accomplishment for me. Therapy has been a huge help. I didn't realize wellbutrin could affect your milk supply! Good to know. Agree that switching meds after birth would not be ideal, but maybe your doctor can suggest some alternative options. 
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • I feel like I go through various stages......and sadly on most days.  LOL.  

    For me, pregnancy is a "lonely" time in life.  I feel isolated from the rest of the world and depressed.  I know I've said it before, but it's really not a period of time that I enjoy.  The sickness and nausea, constipation, peeing on myself (thank God for panty liners).  Ugh.  Then I feel guilty because I know there are women out there who would give anything to be in my shoes.  

    Right now my number one source of anxiety is my boss.  I'm a food service director in a school district, meaning I run the cafeterias for 6 schools.  I've been there for a year and absolutely love my job.  My boss is new to the district and unfortunately, he's a jerk.  He changes things without discussing them with me first because he literally just does what he wants.  He cut all of my part-timers hours without any knowledge of what they do each day and didn't let me or my staff know he was doing it.  We've asked him for a meeting twice to answer questions my staff has that I can't answer, he's never responded.  He almost never responds to my emails when I'm asking him for guidance.  But now he's on my ass because they're working over their hours.  We tried cutting back when he first pulled this shit and they couldn't get their jobs done.  I'm just so aggravated and don't know what to do.
    BabyFetus Ticker
    Married: 12-04-06 
    Annabelle: 1-1-08
    Patrick: 8-15-10
    EDD: 4-20-17
  • Oh, and other things I'm worried about are being a mom to three kids and going back to work when baby is around 4 months old.  I was able to stay home the first year with the older two, but plan to go back to work at the beginning of next school year.  I hate that I'm stressing about shit that is 10 months away.
    BabyFetus Ticker
    Married: 12-04-06 
    Annabelle: 1-1-08
    Patrick: 8-15-10
    EDD: 4-20-17
  • @Beckyf321 feeling like crap and then feeling guilty for feeling that way sucks. :/ 

    Can you go over your bosses' head? It sounds like that may be warranted at this point - you've reached out several times and he isn't giving you answers.  Or maybe you could go to HR?  I used to manage people for about 8 years...going to HR doesn't have to mean you are complaining, you could just "seek professional support" for yourself.  Say you aren't sure how to adjust your employee's workloads with their new hours....

    I think you've explained it before, but I can't remember, sorry.  It sounds like you're not taking a full maternity leave...is that because of money? Or are you just worried about not being there at the beginning of the year? I stayed home for a year with DD and now will go back within 4-5 months so I'm in the same boat.  A dear friend recently told me it should be easier...less of a strong bond yet with a little baby.  And the baby will be less aware of what's happening.  I'm not sure I buy it but it's a different perspective. 


    Me: 31
    DH: 36
    Married 5 years
    DD born 8/30/13
    #2 expected 4/25/17
  • @cafedisco, he oversees HR, too.  The only person I can go to is the Superintendent.  I'm getting mentored by some director's in other districts so for now we just "build our case".  We're going to keep records of what isn't getting done because they don't have time.

    As far as the maternity leave, it's partially about money and I'm looking forward to going back to work.  We just bought a house and for now our house payment is high.  I don't have enough sick time built up, so only part of my leave will be paid.  We could make it on my husband's salary, but the budget would be really tight.  I like my job and have a great staff, so I don't mind going back.  Thankfully, the day care where my son went to pre-k caught wind that I was pregnant.  I'm friends with the girl who works in the infant room, so knowing the baby will be in good hands makes me feel better.
    BabyFetus Ticker
    Married: 12-04-06 
    Annabelle: 1-1-08
    Patrick: 8-15-10
    EDD: 4-20-17
  • Beckyf321 said:
    @cafedisco, he oversees HR, too.  The only person I can go to is the Superintendent.  I'm getting mentored by some director's in other districts so for now we just "build our case".  We're going to keep records of what isn't getting done because they don't have time.


    Geez, that's awful.  I hope he doesn't last long, for your sake.

    Me: 31
    DH: 36
    Married 5 years
    DD born 8/30/13
    #2 expected 4/25/17
  • I am struggling with thinking about going back to work after this one. I think about it everyday, and have anxiety every time I start thinking. I went back to work with DS after 6 weeks, and I think I had PPD from it. Pumping 3 times a day at work, waking up every day at 4:30 am to get ready, leaving DS and missing out on milestones, not being able to take him to babygames at the library, or to play with other kids his age, it all just kills me. I don't think I can do it again with #2. DH and I talked about me not going back after #2, but we didn't expect to get pregnant again so soon. I cry just trying to think about how we are going to make it work. I just don't think we can make it on DH's salary alone, and DH doesn't seem concerned about any of this. I haven't even told some close friends or family members yet, because I don't know what we are going to do and I don't want to have to talk about it. My aunt is our babysitter, and she depends on us for extra income. I haven't told her yet, because she will ask about her job with us, and I again, don't have answers.

    I have a corporate position with my company, and we do not have work from home positions. I was thinking about approaching my boss with this as a solution- either part time of full time. I am good at my job, and I believe I am valued, but I don't know how they will react. I was thinking about taking my maternity leave to try and job hunt. 
  • Thank you for starting this thread. 

    I always considered myself mentally sound, if a little bit over anxious.  But this time, I reached rock bottom.  I am a FTM at 15w exactly, with one early MC previously.  

    I am an idiot, and go online and read about MMC and then convince myself that I am going to have it.  And also every other issue anyone else has.  For two weeks I have been having anxiety and bad dreams, but this morning I found myself waking up, and my first thought was a detailed plan on how to deal with a MMC, things like .... text my boss, options, stay at home x days, how to tell my parents - isn't it absolutely ridiculous?  So I worked myself into a state and then decided that this is nonsense, so I went to the hospital and asked for a reassurance doppler check (which went beautifully, and heard a nice HB).  

    But why am I such a total negative idiot?? Why am I thinking about the worst case scenario always?  My chances of mc are about 1% (like most of us on this forum by now - yay), what is wrong with me?  I am worried that my negative thoughts affect my baby - I am not very supersitious, but I know that negative thoughts cause very real, biological/chemical changes and I am having loads of them.  

    I want this baby to stay, be born ok, and be healthy and happy, more than anything.. I have a stable background and the best husband in the world, and receiving good care - what IS wrong with me, why cant I relax and enjoy?  
    Sorry for the rant.  Anyone else can relate?  

    @rachelmiller03   This is a very tough one.  I agree that you probably went back a bit too early, but I understand if there are not many options.  You should definitely try for flexible working (cannot hurt to try!!!!), we have different options , for example home working, or do 5 days in 4 (e.g. you work 4 days, 10 hours each day, instead of 8 hours over 5 days) - this gives you one day off every week (albeit long hours the other days).  If you then also space your paid holidays (one day holiday a week for , say, 20 weeks), then you basically get two days off every week and the baby only gets 3 days without you.  As for income, have you thought about doing something as a stay at home mum? Thinking about being an online PA... or data collection.. any job that can be done from home / in evenings/flexibly? 
    Me:  35 year old FTM, a busy city banker living in London, and a constant worrier. 
    My DH:  French guy, car fanatic, best husband ever.  
    Our baby boy:  Due on 17 April, currently 37 weeks.  I can't believe it - I made it to full term!!!! 
    Last measurement:  3150 gs at 37+1!  This is going to be a big baby :)
  • @smallanimal you and I are both 15 weeks exactly with one early mc previously. I totally get you. I know we can't let anxiety rule our lives but we also have to give ourselves grace. We lost a child. You don't just get over that. 

    Your making plans in the event of an mc sounds to me like you're trying to hold on to some control where you feel powerless to keep the baby alive because your body failed you before. I get that too. In weeks 5-8 I had intermittent spotting and at the same time, some "friends" were causing some major drama and I just cut myself out of it. I stopped talking to them, stopped getting upset. It was my way of protecting myself. Interestingly, the spotting stopped immediately and didn't come back. So maybe I did the right thing in protecting myself, but maybe it was coincidence. Either way, it gave me some control and I needed it, and I don't regret it. I did the same thing when I cut out caffeine and allergy meds. Some coffee is ok and my meds are ok but I wanted the feeling of control, whether it was rational or not. My point is, because of our losses we feel powerless. Whatever we need to do, within reason, to feel like we're doing our best I think is fine. I had to explain this to DH when he said I was being irrational. I told him I know I'm being irrational. But I need this semblance of control. He understood. 

    Anyway, I also know how you feel about statistics. I lost my angel baby at 11 weeks and after a healthy dating ultrasound with a strong heartbeat. I was in the 3-5% and I still lost. 1% means little to me. 

    I feel better day to day. I said this on the PGAL forum, but there's a difference for me between excitement and hope. I have hope because it's powerful, and it's a gift I'm giving this LO. But excitement is another thing entirely, and I don't have it yet, (though it is growing) and that's ok. 
  • @smallanimal

    You are not an idiot.  You're just someone who's preparing for the worst.  Trust me I went through the same thing before we heard the baby's heartbeat.  We pretended like I wasn't pregnant by not mentioning it.  We had also had a miscarriage before, and we knew how much it sucked when you're overly joyous, only to find out something went wrong and you're no longer pregnant.  I think a lot of women go through this being PGAL.

    I'm just sad I can't jump on the bouncy house with DS anymore.  Run after him, carry him, wrestle.  I feel like this is the beginning of "baby comes first".  And I know he doesn't mind bc DH has stepped in and started playing with him a lot more, but I wanted to be his #1 buddy.  For now, I just have to sit on the sidelines and watch. :(
  • @HGRich  I love the way you look at it.  Especially the bit about control.  It really resonates with me.  And I get the bit about coffee and meds too.. anything to make us feel we are in control.  But I made myself a promise today that next time I catch my thoughts doing the worst case scenario planning, I will try to stop myself...   Really sorry about the 11 week loss, that sounds much harsher than losing before US... 
    I love the fact that we are exactly the same baby age!  April 17? :)

    @shaunessa  Thank you... it is good to hear that people understand, makes me feel less lonely.  And for you, the watching won't go on for long... we only have about 5-6 more months to go... then you will bounce back (in every meaning of the word :)).  And soon you will have two little ones to bounce and wrestle with :) 
    Me:  35 year old FTM, a busy city banker living in London, and a constant worrier. 
    My DH:  French guy, car fanatic, best husband ever.  
    Our baby boy:  Due on 17 April, currently 37 weeks.  I can't believe it - I made it to full term!!!! 
    Last measurement:  3150 gs at 37+1!  This is going to be a big baby :)
  • @smallanimal yep! 4/17! Which is a bit over a week before my own birthday. If I have to go late, this rainbow baby would be the best birthday present ever. 
  • @HGRich  sorry for my ignorance but what is a rainbow baby?
    My birthday is may 22 - so probably sleep deprivation and poop will be my bday gift :smile:
    Me:  35 year old FTM, a busy city banker living in London, and a constant worrier. 
    My DH:  French guy, car fanatic, best husband ever.  
    Our baby boy:  Due on 17 April, currently 37 weeks.  I can't believe it - I made it to full term!!!! 
    Last measurement:  3150 gs at 37+1!  This is going to be a big baby :)
  • My anxiety has been terrible lately.  I don't want to tell anybody about this baby, or really talk about it with anyone.  I don't know anyone my age with 3 kids that works, and not working is not an option for me because I'm the breadwinner.  I've already heard comments implying "Why are you having another just to stick them in daycare" which makes me feel even more guilty for wanting a third.  We need to buy a new car, pay for 3 in daycare, and I'm a little overwhelmed with the expenses coming next year with a newborn, 2 yo and 3yo. 
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  • I'm starting to feel anxious about developing PPD again. I feel like I didn't enjoy my "baby days" with DS because of it, and I'm worried because DH travels a lot for work and it will be just me with DS and a new baby for some of the time and I need to be able to function better than I did last time. I have a good support system in place, so I know that even if PPD rears its ugly head again I'll be taken care of, but I'm still just...nervous.

    I'm also freaking out about paying for two in daycare/preschool. I live in the DC area so everything is ridiculously expensive. Two kids in daycare for a month is more than half of what I make from my teaching salary. But, since everything is so expensive here, we can't afford for me to be a SAHM. It has me seriously considering a career change, even though I love teaching, just to feel more comfortable on the financial front. Bah.
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  • I am constantly battling between being positive, realistic and a total pessimist.

    DH lost his job when DD was a baby, was out of work for 2 years, then got back into a FT gig about a year ago, but it doesn't even make half of what he used to. It got us into a horrible financial position and even though we are on the road to recovery I'm terrified of something like that happening again. The company I work for is awesome and I like it here, but there isn't a guarantee that it will be around (at least in this form) for much longer. I'm the bread winner and if I lose this job (with all the flexibility I get) we may be Fd!

    On top of that, H isn't really good about just getting up and getting shit done. He slacks a lot in some ways and we had our troubles when DD was born b/c he just wouldn't really 100% step up. There was a lot of "I'm not a morning person, I can't just get up, I need time, I need sleep etc" It wasn't easy. And lately he's been acting so weird, is grumpy all the time, yells at DD (so do I don't get me wrong, but he criticizes her all the time. He can't even say anything nicely anymore). So I'm really worried how things are going to be with 2 kids. My DD also has never slept soundly and still (at almost 5 years old) wakes up during the night). Sometimes I feel pretty alone. Sometimes my H is the best but sometimes he makes me nervous.


  • I'm starting to feel anxious about developing PPD again. I feel like I didn't enjoy my "baby days" with DS because of it, and I'm worried because DH travels a lot for work and it will be just me with DS and a new baby for some of the time and I need to be able to function better than I did last time. I have a good support system in place, so I know that even if PPD rears its ugly head again I'll be taken care of, but I'm still just...nervous.

    I'm also freaking out about paying for two in daycare/preschool. I live in the DC area so everything is ridiculously expensive. Two kids in daycare for a month is more than half of what I make from my teaching salary. But, since everything is so expensive here, we can't afford for me to be a SAHM. It has me seriously considering a career change, even though I love teaching, just to feel more comfortable on the financial front. Bah.
    Um, did you get inside my head to write this?  I agree 100% with literally everything you said, down to considering a different career than teaching.  It's a daunting thing to think about starting over though.  How long have you been teaching?

    I just admitted my fears about PPD and my current mental state to my midwives tonight and they want me to get back on my anti depressant. They want to work with me on more holistic approaches long term (as do I), but they said the most important thing right now is to get my head above water. It's a huge relief but at the same time, added a lot to my current to-do list (I am out of pills and refills so I need an appt ASAP). 


    @MrsBakes any chance your H has a bit of mental health issues himself?  I mean, it might just be his personality but they way you wrote about him makes it sounds like it's a change for him.  

    @Mama5181 I'm sorry to hear that you've had such difficulty in the past. Do you hope to stay off your meds through BFing again?


    Me: 31
    DH: 36
    Married 5 years
    DD born 8/30/13
    #2 expected 4/25/17
  • @KirstinH88 Thank you - then my baby is a rainbow baby :smile:

    @SnarkasaurusRex and @cafedisco  for us, I am the one who is chilled about financials, and my husband is the one who started worrying constantly since I got pregnant.  He really wants the baby and is super sweet and loves him already, but he freaks out about finances and at the thought of us not having any money.  I am much more easygoing in this one aspact.  And I already saved up enough money to still have "full income" for the entirety of my mat leave, so whilst I am off, we still will be on two incomes.  It does not matter to him - he is freaking out about costs and gets very anxious.   I don't know how to help him. 

    For me, I just want my baby to be healthy and no conditions or worries or issues... and happy and post that, we will sort out whatever comes..... 
    Me:  35 year old FTM, a busy city banker living in London, and a constant worrier. 
    My DH:  French guy, car fanatic, best husband ever.  
    Our baby boy:  Due on 17 April, currently 37 weeks.  I can't believe it - I made it to full term!!!! 
    Last measurement:  3150 gs at 37+1!  This is going to be a big baby :)
  • @cafedisco This is my 7th year of teaching. I've never once gotten a pay raise, so since my wages are so stagnant I just don't feel like we're keeping up with the cost of living around here. I don't even know where to start with looking for a different career...I'm just dreading having two kids in daycare and sending them to college and saving for everything...we've budgeted for it all, but it still feels so tight. Maybe I just need to move somewhere else, haha. If you figure out the answers, let me know, haha.

    As for the PPD stuff, I still go to therapy monthly and my OB knows what's up, so she's checking in with me too. I'm hoping to not need to go on antidepressants again...those make me feel so unlike myself, even if I do feel better.
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  • @cafedisco 
    This baby wasn't exactly planned so I know it's a bit scary for him, too.  But a lot of it is simply his personality. If he's really into something, (like his current job that he enjoys so much and I'm soo soo happy about) he gives 110%. But he lack the sense of urgency and responsibility when it's about things that aren't as fun ya know. Not that he doesn't love or want this family but when things get tough he'd rather just not deal with it by finding excuses such as being sick, tired or anything else.


  • @SnarkasaurusRex I can't tell you how many times I've googled "other careers for teachers."  That's awful that you haven't had a pay bump in that long.  Mine goes up by $300 a year. Amazing, right?  But we do have performance pay, which is as high as $3800 a year.  It's a nice little bonus but it's stressful to go through also.  I feel you on being so tight with money.  Our budget works...but there's not breathing room. It would just be nice at the ages we are to feel a bit more relaxed with money.  I'll let you know if I have any epiphanies :)

    @MrsBakes that makes total sense. how do you guys handle those night wakings still?  I know that's been the one thing DH and I have fought about because middle of the night is sooooo hard on everyone. We had to have a system in place beforehand or one of us would end up angry at the other. 
    Me: 31
    DH: 36
    Married 5 years
    DD born 8/30/13
    #2 expected 4/25/17
  • @cafedisco

    Well, it's been almost 5 years now and I simply don't know a different life anymore lol

    At this point, there can't even be a system in place (even if H tried harder) because DD is so used to me (H goes immediately into yelling or criticizing mode that doesn't help an already tired and irritated child at 3am) that she only wants me. So when I can, I just lay down on the bottom of her bed until she's back out and then I sneak back out. Sometimes it's enough, sometimes she needs me there the whole time.

    It's seriously simply a part of our lives now and there isn't much choice in the matter.


  • @smallanimal  you sound just like me!  I go through the same though process daily sometimes hourly or less over things like that.  I have not experienced a miscarriage before, but my anxiety runs wild with every possible "What if". It took me until 29 when I was home for summer break (I'm a teacher) when I literally kept all the lights off in the house, stayed in the bedroom in the dark, refused to turn on a tv because of sound, and kept my phone on silent.  I didn't even speak until my husband got home from work.  All because I had a run-in with our landlord who yelled at me for 40 minutes over there being cobwebs on the corner of the outside of the house. The thought of her stopping by, having to pay rent, etc put me into full blown panic attacks.  There were other issues like I couldn't drive on the interstate, childhood trauma, etc etc.  My point is, I finally realized I had a serious issue and went to see a Dr.  I have been on anxiety medication for a year and a half now and literally never realized what life was supposed to be like.  I am not saying this is how you are at all, but that I can relate to those never ending thoughts and planning out how to deal with scenarios.  It was the ONLY control I had in those horrible situations, to plan how to deal with it. And it made me sick to my stomach knowing my mind even thought of those things and that I knew it was dumb/wrong to do but I couldn't control it.  Now that I am pregnant, I have had quite a few more anxiety meltdowns over possible miscarriage, genetic testing, heartbeat, bleeding, anatomy scan, baby being a boy and not a girl...  The best thing I ever did was admit that I couldn't control the thoughts and reached out for help.  It's not healthy for you or baby to live like that.  Is this something that started once you got pregnant or have you always had some anxiety?  Hormones can wreak havoc on you and could be the cause of some of it.  I hope you find some peace, reach out for help when you need it, and I'll be a listening ear if you ever need one. Keep your head up, no matter what thoughts cross your mind, you aren't a bad person and you will be a great mom.  
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I feel myself being anxious a lot lately, mostly because of my boss.  I also get depressed when pregnant, but I think I've realized that right now part of my problem is that I don't ever go out with friends.  I've become somewhat of a recluse and know that's only adding to my mental state (let's not forget to talk about how it's dark out at 5:00 every night!).  I'm going to make more of an effort to get out with some girlfriends and also plan to mention it at my next appointment.
    BabyFetus Ticker
    Married: 12-04-06 
    Annabelle: 1-1-08
    Patrick: 8-15-10
    EDD: 4-20-17
  • I'm having a hard time today. I'm not showing. I have zero symptoms. I was seen last over 5 weeks ago and everything was fine. Yet, I'm having a hard time imagining that I'm actually pregnant. My anatomy scan is Friday and all I keep thinking is that I'm going to hear bad news on front of my Mom and MIL.  

    Please tell me others have felt this way. Help dig me out! I'm usually a positive person but I can't get out of this funk. 
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