Intro (Loss mentioned) — The Bump
Late Term and Child Loss

Intro (Loss mentioned)

alemarie1alemarie1
250 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
member
edited October 2016 in Late Term and Child Loss
Hello All, 

We found out today at a routine ultrasound that our baby's heart stopped beating a few days ago. I'm  22W, 2D today.   I'm  33 years old and this is our first pregnancy. It's been an emotional roller coaster from the beginning.  We had abnormal nipt at around 11 weeks but went on to have a CVS testing with normal results...  Our anatomy scan at 20 weeks was normal.  We weren't expecting this outcome and we're just heart broken :'(  

I'm taking a few weeks off from work to heal,  just worried the depression and after effects.  What's been helpful in helping you cope with your loss?  I hate that I have to explain to co-workers that I'm no longer pregnant. Just greatful we never announced on social media. 


DD angel baby 10/16 <3
Rainbow Due 02/20/18


Re: Intro (Loss mentioned)

  • edited October 2016
    I'm so sorry for your loss, I wouldn't wish this on anyone. I meet with a grief counselor every couple weeks. I also go to a support group. I got really annoyed after we lost Hannah because everyone wanted me to do these things but it really has helped me. It helps to talk about her and to talk about my feelings to a third party. They don't judge me when I talk about my anger or jealousy because they know what it's like. 

    Ive also taken the rest of the year off from my old job. I found a very flexible low stress job to get me out of the house 3x a week and it has been a blessing. The thought of returning to my old job right now stresses me out. Everyone was so excited to meet Hannah.
    Texafornian
  • I had a late term 38 wk loss and I also ended up switching jobs after. I know that most people wouldn't be able to do that but I wanted a change. I had a high stress job that I think may have contributed so I now have a low stress job. I also went to therapy after to help with the loss. Getting out of the house helped me take my mind off the deep sadness I had. So family and friends would offer to take me to dinner and for those moments I had a good time. That worked for me also as I found that when I stayed in the house I just ended up crying. 
  • Thanks for the support. This is probably the most devastating thing I've had to deal with.  I just filed for short term disability so that I can take what ever time I need.   I'm already in therapy,  but I'm also going to look into a local support group

    DD angel baby 10/16 <3
    Rainbow Due 02/20/18


    mcdonald-bailey
  • I'm so very sorry for your loss. hugs to you <3

    At first, all I did was sit around and watch the same movie over and over. But I decided to actively grieve and try to figure out how to live again. I went to therapy, joined a support group, and went online to every loss forum I could find. It helped me to see other stories like mine and to see that other women have come through it. I also started doing an art journal because I'm not much of a writer but I needed to get my feelings out. I did, and still do, the grown up coloring books.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
     Rainbow baby Savannah born 5.13.16 at 30 weeks    
     ♥ 
    Baby Cadence born still 3.24.15 at 28 weeks 

            
  • I'm so sorry for your loss!
    When I had my miscarriage I had my husband tell everyone we lost the baby because I just didn't have it in me to tell anyone.
    When we lost our daughter (from birth complications) I couldn't avoid telling anyone because everyone knew I was pregnant, so I just posted the news on my facebook wall... most people found out that way.
    I did a lot of writing and painting to deal with my emotions.  I found some friends to talk with as well who had also lost babies.  It's good to be around others who know what you're going through.
    Anyway, I hope you can find a healthy way to grieve and heal.  It will get easier.
    mcdonald-bailey
  • So sorry for your loss. I took 5 weeks to recover, but found it helpful to go back to work and the things that I love. The one really big thing we did was buy a boat. We had just moved to a new town with a lake and it was very therapeutic to go out in the lake with my husband and just feel the wind in my hair. 
  • msunshine123msunshine123
    500 Comments 250 Love Its Third Anniversary Photogenic
    member
    edited November 2016
    So very sorry for your loss. Finding there is no heartbeat is so heart breaking we lost our 1st child day of delivery due to a cord accident - he was perfectly healthy. Counselors,  support groups - online and our local hospital's perinatal bereavement group, getting outside, journaling, reading blogs and books of others who had been through the experience were all helpful. Hugs to you and your family. The pain is all encompassing in the beginning, but it does become less acute with time. 
  • I'm so sorry - I just lost my son. He died at 20w 3d last week after a normal anatomy scan just the week before - and I lost a baby at 21 weeks in April, as well, though her anatomy scan she was measuring 2 weeks behind so we expected things to not end well. Support groups for those who have lost babies helped me the most - I tried therapy as well, though my therapist wasn't great and I'll be trying a different one now. 

    The hardest part for me is how isolating it is - so I think support groups were great for combating this. I felt less abnormal, less alone. 

    A

    2010: son born 9/1 

    2013: 2 miscarriages + d&cs, both at 10 weeks: April & July

    2014: son #2 born 6/29

    2016: Baby girl stillborn at 21w6d 4/29 and baby boy stillborn at 20w 3d 11/16

    mcdonald-baileyTexafornian
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