I lost my baby girl at 18 weeks this past June. Her due date is coming up in early November. I can't help but feel sadder as the day approaches. Finding myself getting teary eyed often. Just empty sadness that fills my heart. Anxiety and sadness fills me any time I get a moment to myself. A reminder of what had happened and what was taken away from me.
We conceived her through IVF, and we honestly didn't think it would work considering I didn't respond well to meds as we had only one follicle. We were over joyed when we got pregnant with my one egg and had made it past 12 weeks of pregnancy. We thought we were very lucky to have gotten pregnant. I was nervous the entire time thinking something bad would happen, then our worst fear came true, we discovered our baby girl had congential diaphragm hernia. We made the very very tough decision of terminating her. It sounds horrible, terminating...ending her life. I have days where I feel like we made the right choice and days where I feel like I made a mistake. I don't think I will ever know if what I did was right or wrong...
My clock is ticking, 38 years old and need to decide if we are going to give IVF another shot. Quite stressful. So much worrying. Will IVF work again? Will something go wrong with that pregnancy as well? I don't know...all I know is that my journey to motherhood has been very difficult. I'm tired, very tired..
2012 Diagnosis with high fsh, low ovarian reserve.
34 years old at the time.
IUI #1 Clomid - BFN
IUI #2 Clomid - BFN
IUI #3 Clomid - BFN
IUI #4 Gonal-f injectables - BFP
Baby son born in July 2013