Days of sadness — The Bump
Late Term and Child Loss

Days of sadness

JustLilOMeJustLilOMe
10 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper
member
edited October 2016 in Late Term and Child Loss
I lost my baby girl at 18 weeks this past June. Her due date is coming up in early November. I can't help but feel sadder as the day approaches. Finding myself getting teary eyed often. Just empty sadness that fills my heart. Anxiety and sadness fills me any time I get a moment to myself. A reminder of what had happened and what was taken away from me.

We conceived her through IVF, and we honestly didn't think it would work considering I didn't respond well to meds as we had only one follicle. We were over joyed when we got pregnant with my one egg and had made it past 12 weeks of pregnancy. We thought we were very lucky to have gotten pregnant. I was nervous the entire time thinking something bad would happen, then our worst fear came true, we discovered our baby girl had congential diaphragm hernia. We made the very very tough decision of terminating her. It sounds horrible, terminating...ending her life. I have days where I feel like we made the right choice and days where I feel like I made a mistake. I don't think I will ever know if what I did was right or wrong... 

My clock is ticking, 38 years old and need to decide if we are going to give IVF another shot. Quite stressful. So much worrying. Will IVF work again? Will something go wrong with that pregnancy as well? I don't know...all I know is that my journey to motherhood has been very difficult. I'm tired, very tired..

2012 Diagnosis with high fsh, low ovarian reserve.
34 years old at the time. 

July 2012 
IUI #1 Clomid - BFN

August 2012
IUI #2 Clomid - BFN

September 2012
IUI #3 Clomid - BFN

October 2012
IUI #4 Gonal-f injectables - BFP
Baby son born in July 2013
blessingsx4-2

Re: Days of sadness

  • I'm sorry you're hurting. 
  • So very sorry for all that you've experienced. Approaching due dates can be challenging. Be patient and kind to yourself. Sometimes the approaching date can be harder than the date itself. Thinking of you and sending hugs your way.
  • I am so sorry you are hurting. These decisions suck!!! When we lost our Hope in March we had to decide whether to keep the pregnancy going and prolong the inevitable, or to just end it and move forward. I to sometimes think of the "Shoulda Coulda Woulda's" but in the end there was nothing that any of us could do to change it. We just have to grieve and move forward. I am not going to say any of the stuff I hate hearing like "whats meant to be will be!" and all that jazz, but I will say that you need to take it easy on yourself and give yourself a break. You will be OK. We all are eventually! 
  • I'm so sorry for your loss. It's such a heartbreaking thing to have to go through. Hugs to you <3
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
     Rainbow baby Savannah born 5.13.16 at 30 weeks    
     ♥ 
    Baby Cadence born still 3.24.15 at 28 weeks 

            
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