Team Green or not Team Green?

onebadmotha

Good morning ladies! My husband and I have been discussing recently whether or not we want to find out this child's sex. We were Team Green for baby #1 (boy), and I really enjoyed not knowing. I'm leaning towards Team Green again, but I keep wavering. DH says he is 55/45 in favor of finding out. While we will be thrilled with either sex, I think we both are secretly ever-so-slightly hoping for a girl, since this may be our last baby- and I don't want our baby's birth to involve any degree of disappointment. Anyone have experience being both Team Green and finding out, or anyone have any helpful points to make? 

nursemom-2

We were team green with DD but I think we have decided to find out with this one mainly so DD will be able to connect a name to the baby and pick some things out for her little brother or sister.  She'll be 2 1/2 when this one arrives

mamatowildones

Wish I could help but we are just as unsure as you are. My sister has 4 kids and was surprised and is telling us how amazing it is to wait. And I'm sure it is. I feel like that is one of life's great surprises! We have 2 boys and we are anxious to find out. The OB called with NIPT results yesterday and our main concern was health so once we found out everything looked good and she asked us if we wanted to know the sex we actually ended up saying no for now. 

Its a hard decision. I'm trying to remember that it's only up to us and trying not to let outside opinions influence. 

onebadmotha

@NurseMom - That's a good point. I always thought I'd find out for baby #2 to help baby #1 bond...but DS will only be 18 months when he/she arrives, so I don't think he'll care either way. 

@mamatowildones - I definitely agree that health is priority. It's such a difficult decision though! I'm sure our families would love if we found out (they weren't on board with Team Green the first time...which was fun haha), but we're trying not to let that influence our choice. 

mamasmurf12

I couldn't do it but starting to wish I could pull it off. I like having a name for baby as early as possible. This is #3 (we have 2 girls), and I know if we waited then we wouldn't experience the least bit of dissapointment holding another girl in our arms and would just be in love instantly. When we find out early, I know we will go through a period of being bummed that we will never have a boy (if it's a girl like I think it is). However, I just am too impatient to wait and I wanna start using her/his name with my girls. :-)

ann_jeremiah

This will be my 4th child and the only one I am hoping I can be team green for. With the others, I wanted to know so I could be ready... well, now that we have had both boys and a girl, that's not a valid reason. I have enjoyed connected with baby and referring to it by name during pregnancy, though. With this being the last baby.. I'm also thinking it'll be an added excitement we haven't had before with not knowing.

Squirtgun

We have found out with each of ours, and plan to find out this time as well. For us, it's easier to think of names that way!  And, honestly, it's still super exciting and a surprise when you find out!  With both my girls, they were early, and the NICU team was in the room to check them out when I delivered. At that point, there was just so much else to focus on, that I'm glad we had already known beforehand that they were girls, so we could focus all of our attention on their medical needs. I know that it's a very personal decision, and everyone has different reasons for why they decide to stay team green or to find out, but I thought I'd throw another side of it out there for you to consider!  (Of course, I hope above all that you DON'T end up having a preemie like we did!!!) 

vrj0522

We are not into waiting to find out so we'll be finding out this time. After DS was born, I terribly wanted a girl but like you, would've been happy either way, since we wanted a healthy baby so much more than either a boy or a girl. I can't deny though that I would've felt slightly disappointed if we would've ended up with all boys and no girl. 

I think that if there is any risk of facing sex disappointment, that it'd be better to find out, simply so that you have several months to process it and can be fully happy once that baby is born. Otherwise you might be facing the disappointment once that baby is here, which IMHO, would not be fair to the baby. 

chickyclg

We are hoping to be team green, but good lord that's going to require self control.  I have B/G twins so we have both boy and girl stuff so we really don't have a "need" to find out.

onebadmotha

@mamasmurf12 and @Squirtgun - The name issue definitely has me leaning towards finding out. Boy names are so difficult for us! 

@Squirtgun - That is a very good point- if there are other issues we have to deal with right away, I wouldn't want to take the focus off of baby's health at all. 

mamasmurf12

@kayemjay2 I hear that! I won't even think of boy names because the men in DH's family only have girls, lol. He called me superstitious, haha.

SparkySunDevil

With my oldest, I was dead set on finding out. With the second, DH was dead set on finding out, and I didn't care. We haven't really discussed it with this one....but I think we'll find out. I think it would drive us nuts not knowing 

looney-2

We didn't find out ahead of time with DS and we won't be finding out this time either.  I really enjoyed not finding out until he was born and it drove everyone else crazy not knowing!

SKZW

With my first, I wanted to be Team Green and be surprised, but H was adamant about finding out ahead of time, not so much for the naming, but for purchasing things, and being prepared, and wrapping his head around having a child in the first place and knowing all that he could ahead of time and feeling somewhat ready overall. For this one, I still feel like not knowing ahead of time would be a wonderful surprise, as well as a lovely way to "meet" the baby the very first time. (Let's keep in mind that only a generation ago, ultrasounds weren't common practice, and probably everyone reading this was a surprise to their moms!) I'm still trying to convince the hubbs to not find out the baby's sex and that the surprise is worth the wait! He's so against the idea though. He's a planner. Either way, if it's a boy or girl, it will change the way we live/are organized in our tiny postage-stamp house, although in different ways. He wants all of that sorted out first. I say, young kids can share a room no matter if they're boys or girls or mixed... but that's another topic altogether... but, it's the reason he wants to find out, and something most people probably want to consider.
P.S. Regarding the name thing: We knew baby's sex ahead of time, and STILL didn't have a name decided upon (we were down to a top two) when we went into labor. I think there's lots of ways to bond with baby-on-the-way even without knowing the name.

megchelle

@SKZW this is my husband! He wants to be mentally prepared for either boy or girl and just knowing what's coming. But I want a surprise! I'm wondering if he could know and not spill the beans to me? Haha

Kipperoo

We are definitely finding out because I hate waiting and I'm a super planner...but kudos to those of you waiting!! That takes a lot of self control and I'm sure it makes for an extra exciting delivery! 

NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot

With DD we were team green and DH announced the sex in the delivery room. I loved it.  DH didn't want to be Team Green that time, but I told him I get a 51% vote since I was the one carrying and delivering.  This time around, we will probably find out.  One, because DH wants to find out and two because I saved all of DD's clothes and if this one is a boy, I can purge some girly clothes.

jessbruxanovaa

I love the idea of waiting to find out. With my first, I just could not wait. I found out he was a boy at 17 weeks. Knowing the way I am and being completely honest I know I will be slightly disappointed if I find out I'm expecting another boy.  That's why it's not a bad idea to wait. Because how could you ever feel disappointment holding a healthy newborn baby? It melts my heart just thinking about it. 

pshaortao

I love the idea of team green but I don't have it in me to wait. Plus we saved all of DDs clothes from the last 2 years and shes already wearing 3t now. So if its a girl, I'd like to be able to sort through everything and organize, but if it's a boy I would sell or give away the girly stuff and keep an eye out for good deals. Plus with our first we didnt even talk about names until after the anatomy scan. It was rough just to get it going so its easier for us personally to have one list instead of two. 

I am however excited to hear all the birth stories from all the team green mamas where they get to be like its a... girl/boy! Its very sweet to watch

Louise_Belcher

I love the idea of team green, and get super excited when someone says they are. Seems like all my friends are going that route. For our first we delayed finding out until at our shower at 32 weeks which I really loved and did help curb the spending that I know I would have done. This time we will find out right away, but may have them write it down, so we can find out privately.

@NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot and @pshaortao Be careful getting rid of your stash. My cousin was 2 days away from selling her's when she found out her first two ultrasounds were wrong and she was having a girl again not a boy. 

pshaortao

@Louise_Belcher Good point! I remember worrying that I would be surprised with a boy instead of a girl at birth. We are discussing whether to do the NIPT to check for chromosomal abnormalities since we want to be prepared with DD in mind, so that would at least be accurate in determining the sex as well.

sbissell35

I found out with my little girl and we plan on finding out for this one but doing a gender reveal closer to due date for family hubby wants to keep it a secret from family until due date which could be fun

geoffandjen728

We were team green with my first, but... two separate times nurses accidentally spoiled the surprise for me. They both tried to cover... but not very well. I never told anyone, and obviously I was thrilled and certainly helped make it feel more real... but I am still a little sad I didn't get to have the surprise at the end of labor. We found out with my second. I loved that experience too! It was neat to be able to talk about DS by name before and during labor etc. 
All that said... I think I'm leaning towards attempting team green again this time around- especially since we have one of each  

NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot

@Louise_Belcher  Good point.  Both of my nephews were supposed to be girls.  

achays11

We found out with our first and will be team green this time. DH wants to find out again, but since this may or may not be our last baby I want to be team green. I would say that if there is going to be any disappointment with the sex then it may be a good idea to find out ahead of time. That way you have some time to adjust. 

mamatowildones

It's so hard to be team green!!! I'm loving reading all these opinions as we are currently dying to call and ask! But the surprise sure would be amazing. 

emilyalso

@SKZW - We found out with our first and I have decided we will be Team Green this time. Maybe you can use some of my arguments reasoning with your husband. 1) We found out last time (like you wanted to), so it's my turn to get my way. 2) I am growing the baby and will either push it out of my vajayjay or have it cut out, sooooooo I should get to decide. 3) It's easy to have a name ready for either gender. 4) If you MUST have gender specific clothing, someone can make a Target run for some onesies after they're here. 

arels483

I am definitely team green. I think DH would really like to know, but he'll go with whatever I choose. I told him that he can find out as long as he doesn't tell me. We already know what we would choose name-wise for both a boy or a girl. I am sad that I can't pick out gender specific clothes, but I'll survive that. 

SKZW

@megchelle Ha. If my H knew and I didn't, I'd bet a thousand bucks I'd get it out of him within a week, two, tops! There's no way he could know that kind of info, where I couldn't get it out of him... or, at least picked up on the types of things he said/did/planned for, and make a very strong educated guess!
@NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot I love the "I get a 51% vote" argument! That's definitely being put away for a rainy day...
@achays11 That's a really good point. If you think there's any potential for disappointment, it'd be better to know ahead of time and be able to have time/space for reflection/thinking/exploring/growing-excitement ahead of time. I thought FOR SURE it'd be a girl, I would've bet money on it (gambling reference twice in one post? do I have a latent problem? lol), but my feeling was totally incorrect. It took me a day or two to (1) accept that my stubborn ass self was wrong and (2) to really truly warm up to the idea that "OMG I'm going to have a son?! How the hell does that work?!"

SKZW

@emilyalso  Great points!! A little bit hard-assed, but you're right, it's probably what it will take to get through to him! How would you counter this one: "I have to know if it's a boy or girl because we have to get our sleeping arrangements figured out"---knowing that, in a 2-bedroom household, the two LOs would be sharing a room for some time anyway, and if it's boy/girl, it's not like we'll magically fall into $100K to build an addition?!

Abby7

I think being Team Green would be a lot of fun but I don't know if I have that kind of patience. DH definitely wants to know the sex but I could probably talk him into it if I really, really wanted to. I am thinking instead that maybe we will do a fun gender reveal with the family (low key, only people who actually care like  us, my parents, and DD) instead of just finding out at the ultrasound visit or via test results.

We knew DD was a girl but we still did not have the name picked out, even after she was born. The hospital basically forced us to name her on our last day there. So naming is likely to be an issue either way.

emilyalso

@SKZW - Yes... I realize those aren't up the alley of a give-and-take conversation. I guess the tactics you choose depend on how badly you want to be surprised!  

I mean... it will either be a boy or a girl. They will either be able to share a room indefinitely or not. Unless we're talking house-hunting or actual giant renovation, surely a little thought put into the possible bedroom scenarios wouldn't seem like a HUGE waste of time if you got another boy. I sort of live for hypotheticals and thinking through all scenarios, so it could be like a fun exercise.

kat81

We did team green twice and are doing it this time as well. We REALLY like it that way. Though I'm bad at coming up with names and don't want to have to do that again for two sexes (both the names we came up with the first time have now been used!), it's really the only downside as far as I'm concerned. We like being surprised, and we like not having people impose gender norms on our child before s/he's even born. When you have a shower (i.e. it's your first baby), it's even better to be team green because people are forced into getting actual practical stuff off your list, or books, as opposed to clothes. But then they still get excited and get you clothes after the baby is born. I don't say this as someone who is greedy, but I did find it to be a bonus that that worked out that way and we didn't have 1000 outfits (all in 0-6 mo size), which I hear of happening to other people.

If you're REALLY into gendered stuff (equipment, nursery, toys, clothes, etc.) then I guess it's an advantage to find out. But we are really strongly not into that. So it was super easy for us to go team green.

RainyDays86

We found out with DS but are Team Green with this baby! There is no way I could have held off on finding out with my first baby (I needed as much info as I could get to wrap my head around the whole thing) but I am excited for the surprise with this one. Like PPs, this may be our last baby and I will be a bit disappointed if it's a boy again. I think I will be less disappointed if I'm holding my baby in my arms when I find out.

bacorrea

SKZW said:

@emilyalso  Great points!! A little bit hard-assed, but you're right, it's probably what it will take to get through to him! How would you counter this one: "I have to know if it's a boy or girl because we have to get our sleeping arrangements figured out"---knowing that, in a 2-bedroom household, the two LOs would be sharing a room for some time anyway, and if it's boy/girl, it's not like we'll magically fall into $100K to build an addition?!

In our situation DD slept in our room. A lot of people keep the baby in their rown anywhere from 3m-1yr. I don't think the sleeping situation is a need to find out right away. How old is your first LO? I mean if they are 2 then you have a while before you really "need" separate rooms due to opposite sex. 

kat81

bacorrea said:

SKZW said:

@emilyalso  Great points!! A little bit hard-assed, but you're right, it's probably what it will take to get through to him! How would you counter this one: "I have to know if it's a boy or girl because we have to get our sleeping arrangements figured out"---knowing that, in a 2-bedroom household, the two LOs would be sharing a room for some time anyway, and if it's boy/girl, it's not like we'll magically fall into $100K to build an addition?!

In our situation DD slept in our room. A lot of people keep the baby in their rown anywhere from 3m-1yr. I don't think the sleeping situation is a need to find out right away. How old is your first LO? I mean if they are 2 then you have a while before you really "need" separate rooms due to opposite sex. 

We have our opposite gender kids sharing a room right now. Eventually we will separate them but at ages 3 & 5 I don't think it's a big deal. DS does want privacy to change but he does regardless of the gender of the people he's around. So he changes in the bathroom or the office (his old room) or when his sister isn't in the room.

I'm sad we'll lose our office that we JUST gained a couple of months ago, though DH pointed out that all 3 kids could share a room if we want, once the baby is old enough to share.

As for when the kids are all at the needs-their-own room stage, we have a playroom downstairs that they will no longer need at that age and it can be a bedroom. There is also a finished room in the basement that we could make a bedroom. It is dark but that sort of has appeal for teens. It's also very private.

germangirl6988

We will be finding out. Team green sounds cool in theory, but DH and I are planners. We like to be ready so to speak.

sarah0985

I want to be team green and have always wanted to be. But H wants to find out. I don't know what we'll do.  I above all don't want anyone else to know if we do find out. I just don't want a ton of blue stuff or a ton of pink stuff. My nursery will be the same no matter what. And even once the baby is here, I want reds, greens, blues, oranges and purples regardless of the sex. I know if others find out, we'll get a ton of one color or the other. 

cclaineDC

I'm team green! DH is onboard. This'll be our first, so we don't have any girl stuff or boy stuff stashed away, but my sister has had a girl and a boy and has promises plenty of hand-me-downs. We're also last-minute planners, so I think it'll work out great. We have no preferences but for a happy healthy baby. 

emilyalso

@cclaineDC - All a little baby wears are onesies anyway, so grab you some grey/green/yellow and you'll be ready to go!  

SKZW

I just want to say that I love this thread. Everyone is so brilliant in their thoughts and explanations. Maybe I'm feeling extra mushy this morning thinking about a happy healthy little bundle to come... totally agree, @cclaineDC that's really all that matters!
@kat81 we, too, have a lot of neutral stuff from the first time around (greens, yellows, orange) in clothes and blankets, toys and decor... with some blues and pinks in there too... like, I figure, there's nothing wrong with using all the colors, right? And you're right, it's nice for people to consider all the items a family might need, not just clothing, but diaper bag, rocker, diapers, books, etc. Also, you're right! I forgot about the basement (ours is partially-finished)---that'd be a great place for a teenager... he'd probably end up there on his own without any prompting anyway, lol.
@bacorrea He'll be 4 in May when this next one arrives (fingers crossed), and you're totally right, the LO will stay in our room for maybe a half year or something, more due to feedings and sleep issues than sleeping arrangements per se. I agree it's really a non-issue... but H wants everything sorted ahead of time.