@blush64 Thanks for sharing your thoughts! As someone who has been waffling on this decision from the get-go, it has been fascinating to read strong opinions on both sides.
I very much agree that aesthetic reasons for circumcision are not compelling to me. I feel like I have a super wonky vag, but no one ever complained about taking me to the boneyard.
Me: 34 Husband: 35 Married: June 2007
Son Max born 1/10/17 BFP #2: 10/5/17; EDD: 6/11/18
We didn't. And we won't again with the next one. SO is columbian and it's just not something that's done in his culture, unless there's a religious reason. I feel 100% confident in the decision. He's never had any issues and will be able to teach our sons proper hygiene.
Joke's aside though, we would have if we were having a boy. H is a doctor and has seen quite a few infected uncircumcised penises and UTI's stemming from being uncircumcised. He also showed me quite a few medical studies on why you should circumcise. We (obviously) didn't look into it further when we found out we were having a girl, but we do know that we will circumcise any future boys..unless the medical evidence changes before then.
This is kind of what I mean. Medical evidence doesn't suggest it is dangerous not to circumcise according to many doctors and medical professional. I guess it depends on who you ask or what you look at.
A doctor who has seen the negative effects of circumcision might pull information supporting the opposite position. There are very real risks to having it done. The risk are low, but so is the risk of needing it done later.
How does so much of the world live with uncircumcised penis? How are they not suffering the horrible effects people are afraid of? People get old in Europe and other places where circumcision isn't as popular. In Canada right now about 30% of boys are being circumcised and even when it was more popular it was never close to 100% across the country.
As for a sexual partner preferring a circumcised penis, what would you tell your daughter if her partner didn't like the look of her vulva? What if her labia minora is too big or coloured "wrong"? Would we offer surgery as a young baby so she can have the right look later? or would we tell her to get another partner? People have preferences, that's ok, but if they interfered with a relationship you don't want that person as a partner anyway.
Girls get UTIs, should something be done about them?
As for STIs, condoms offer much more protection than circumcision. (I have issues with what certain studies really mean for where I live)
I would never give the decision over to my husband because he has a penis. I am equally capable of reading, researching and talking to the doctor. He has a penis but his experience is limited to his own penis. I would fully expect his opinion on medical decisions regarding a baby girl.
My sons were not circumcised even though their father was. I looked at the studies and information on both sides. I looked at what the studies really said and how much they meant for where we live. Their father didn't want them done.
I obviously do not agree with circumcision so I like to offer my opinion on certain points. That being said, I don't think parents are wrong for choosing circumcision. They just came to different conclusions than I did.
I think this is pretty extreme because we made some jokes about sex/BJs and circumcision, but you do you girl.
@srscott I wouldn't expect you to change your decision. You did the research, we just came to different conclusions. I think this topic is one where that can happen and no one is wrong. (we are both right for our families) I can respect your reasoning even though I think differently. I can't help but offer my own opinions, but not to change anyone's mind. (usually just as a way to offer the other side, or to explain my thinking)
I can understand people making the decision you are making. As for me, UTIs will be treated if they occur, they haven't yet. They actually aren't common in uncircumcised males either. My daughter has had one already though. If my son ends up with an STI I will assume he didn't protect himself with a condom or that he was very unlucky while using one. I will not blame myself for possibly reducing the risk through circumcision. Plenty of circumcised men get STIs. Penile cancer is rare and as you said circumcised men can still get it.
I don't think parents should feel guilty for not circumcising even if their child ends up with something that rare. I also don't think parents should feel guilty if they choose to circumcise their son and he ends up with complications. (either right after or later in life) Parents do what they think is best, that's all we can do.
@blush64 Thanks for sharing your thoughts! As someone who has been waffling on this decision from the get-go, it has been fascinating to read strong opinions on both sides.
I very much agree that aesthetic reasons for circumcision are not compelling to me. I feel like I have a super wonky vag, but no one ever complained about taking me to the boneyard.
Not only did I legit LOL, but H asked me why I was laughing and I had to read it to him. He also LoLed.
As for a sexual partner preferring a circumcised penis, what would you tell your daughter if her partner didn't like the look of her vulva? What if her labia minora is too big or coloured "wrong"? Would we offer surgery as a young baby so she can have the right look later? or would we tell her to get another partner? People have preferences, that's ok, but if they interfered with a relationship you don't want that person as a partner anyway.
I think this is pretty extreme because we made some jokes about sex/BJs and circumcision, but you do you girl.
Actually this wasn't just in response to anything about your joking. I understand you were joking. This was in response to what I have heard from many people in real life. Joking aside there are men and women who take the look very seriously.I know women who would never date a man who wasn't circumcised, how they figure this out before, I don't know. (ask maybe) I am simply saying I would rather tell my sons to steer clear of a woman who put that much importance on it, the same way I would tell my daughter. I also feel that making a decision like this should involve more than thinking about the look, there are risks. (although, not my baby so really doesn't matter)
To be honest there are women going through cosmetic surgery to have the "right" look. I feel terribly about young girls who feel badly because they feel they look different.
@blush64 I agree with your point that you "would never give the decision over to my husband because he has a penis." That's also what I came in here to say. This is a huge point of contention between me and my husband. We've tabled the discussion for the time being because we don't know yet whether we have a wee weenie to worry over, but if we find out our kid is bedicked, we're going to have some serious talking to do. I do not want to circumcise my kid, and my husband doesn't even want to consider not circumcising. I have never in all our years together let my husband's penis be the tiebreaker in our decision-making, and I'm not about to start now.
I told my DH that he will have ultimate say because he has first hand knowledge of being circumcised as a baby. He voted for it. I was in favor of it, but totally wiling to listen to DH's opinions and was ready to change my opinion if DH felt strongly.
As to having it done later in life, my brother had a friend who's parents paid for the circumcision as an 18th birthday present. He wished he had had it done as a baby. Not a thing he wanted to do as an adult but wanted it done.
@blush64 I agree with your point that you "would never give the decision over to my husband because he has a penis." That's also what I came in here to say. This is a huge point of contention between me and my husband. We've tabled the discussion for the time being because we don't know yet whether we have a wee weenie to worry over, but if we find out our kid is bedicked, we're going to have some serious talking to do. I do not want to circumcise my kid, and my husband doesn't even want to consider not circumcising. I have never in all our years together let my husband's penis be the tiebreaker in our decision-making, and I'm not about to start now.
Oh my god, "bedicked" is the best thing I have heard today.
We aren't finding out the sex. I don't want to circumcise and DH does...I think it should be the choice of the individual...I also don't intend to pierce ears if it is a girl. What if she doesn't like earrings? That's her body...not mine.
Just wanted to point out that circumcision and ear piercing aren't even in the same category so you can't really compare the two.
Circumcision is a medical decision whereas ear piercing is purely aesthetic.
We aren't finding out the sex. I don't want to circumcise and DH does...I think it should be the choice of the individual...I also don't intend to pierce ears if it is a girl. What if she doesn't like earrings? That's her body...not mine.
Just wanted to point out that circumcision and ear piercing aren't even in the same category so you can't really compare the two.
Circumcision is a medical decision whereas ear piercing is purely aesthetic.
Playing devils advocate here but there are plenty of groups of people who believe that circumcision is a cosmetic procedure. However I wouldn't compare the two either.
Out of curiosity I asked H, a non religious circed man, if we had been having a boy if he would want to and he said no. He said that there's little to no medical benefit and uncut men have greater sexual pleasure. So go H for thinking of our non existent future sons sex life
Had exactly this convo with my husband too. We would not have done it if we had a boy, but is mute this go around for us.
We aren't finding out the sex. I don't want to circumcise and DH does...I think it should be the choice of the individual...I also don't intend to pierce ears if it is a girl. What if she doesn't like earrings? That's her body...not mine.
Just wanted to point out that circumcision and ear piercing aren't even in the same category so you can't really compare the two.
Circumcision is a medical decision whereas ear piercing is purely aesthetic.
Playing devils advocate here but there are plenty of groups of people who believe that circumcision is a cosmetic procedure. However I wouldn't compare the two either.
I understand and I know my own viewpoint is purely medical.
But ear piercing would never be a medical issue so that's why I wanted to point it out.
We've chosen not to circ if we have a boy. Theres plenty of research for both positions, but aesthetically I don't think many people realize that the coloration and little quirks a penis can have are due to circumcision itself. I also believe (both because of research and personal experience) that snipping leaves the penis less sensitive, much like removing the top layer of the clitoris.
A couple years ago DH vehemently disagreed with me, mainly because he said his son would wonder why he looks different from his dad. I asked him how often he ever saw his dad's penis and he paused answerless and sorta started seeing it from the other side. We've researched and pondered, and during that time I happened to feel more strongly about not snipping, and he felt less strongly about doing it. So no snipping. It is a hill I'd be willing to die on -there's not many of those and he knows that. I'm not changing my child's genitals without their consent or until they can make the decision themselves.
Him having the only dick between us is not a factor, both our opinions are taken into consideration for all decisions regardless of genitalia.
We aren't finding out the sex. I don't want to circumcise and DH does...I think it should be the choice of the individual...I also don't intend to pierce ears if it is a girl. What if she doesn't like earrings? That's her body...not mine.
Just wanted to point out that circumcision and ear piercing aren't even in the same category so you can't really compare the two.
Circumcision is a medical decision whereas ear piercing is purely aesthetic.
Playing devils advocate here but there are plenty of groups of people who believe that circumcision is a cosmetic procedure. However I wouldn't compare the two either.
I understand and I know my own viewpoint is purely medical.
But ear piercing would never be a medical issue so that's why I wanted to point it out.
Ear holes can close, but that foreskin isn't ever growing back.
DH and I have discussed it, and we will be circumcising.
I was told by both of my SILs though to verify how your OB or pediatrician does the procedure - apparently mechanical circumcision is becoming popular, but their doctors still do it by hand, and say they have a reduced risk of complications that way. Not sure if that impacts if any of you will get it done or not, but it does impact who will be doing it for our son; so I wanted to share in case any of you found that helpful.
I circ'd my oldest because at the time it was just kind of standard (he's almost 10). I'm not sure what we're doing with this kid as I'm on the fence about it. My husband is for it, but not for the "to match dad" reason. I also know a couple people who have had to be circ'd later in life and they all said they wished it had been done at birth.
Ive been with circ'd and uncirc'd and didn't really notice a difference except one is more aesthetically pleasing. Not particularly concerned about how pretty my kids dick is and we won't be telling people our choice and I'd be super weirded out if someone IRL tried to talk about it.
Oh man I was so excited finding out what we were having that I forgot we'd have to make this decision now! DH and I talked briefly about it and kind of disagreed early on but chose to table it until we knew if it even mattered. I guess I need to bring it back up...
Me: 33 | DH: 34 Married: October, 19, 2015 EDD 2/22/17 DS1 born on 3/2/17 EDD 3/8/20 DS2 born on 3/10/20 EDD 11/24/23 (Formerly Marriedhamstermom Feb ‘17)
Hmm, I also feel like when my first son was born, it was just the thing you did if you had a boy. He will be 8 in April. So this go around, I assume we will do the same. Not necessarily for matching reasons, but there is that.
Married - 7/29/06 Ben and Maggie - 4/10/09 Mia - 6/16/11 Surprise! due 2/23/17
We aren't finding out the sex. I don't want to circumcise and DH does...I think it should be the choice of the individual...I also don't intend to pierce ears if it is a girl. What if she doesn't like earrings? That's her body...not mine.
Just wanted to point out that circumcision and ear piercing aren't even in the same category so you can't really compare the two.
Circumcision is a medical decision whereas ear piercing is purely aesthetic.
Playing devils advocate here but there are plenty of groups of people who believe that circumcision is a cosmetic procedure. However I wouldn't compare the two either.
I understand and I know my own viewpoint is purely medical.
But ear piercing would never be a medical issue so that's why I wanted to point it out.
Ear holes can close, but that foreskin isn't ever growing back.
Actually if you have them done as an infant they don't always. I have gone years without earrings and not had mine close. Maybe my holes just like being open.
Guys, I know we're having a serious conversation here (and it has been GREAT), but between @NiceyMeany's use of the word "bedicked" and @Spicyweiner 's vag remodeling plan, this whole thing is giving me a case of the gigglesnorts.
Me: 34 Husband: 35 Married: June 2007
Son Max born 1/10/17 BFP #2: 10/5/17; EDD: 6/11/18
he was born in Afghanistan and had to leave like immediately because everything was shit there and was a refugee. He wasnt circumcised until he was 5 because of it. Because it was a religious thing they dressed him up like a genie and everyone brought him sorry your penis got cut up presents while he laid in bed icing. I was actually shocked he still wanted to do our boys.
I am interested in people's ideas that men don't get more of a say in the matter. I always believed it was like a woman's right to choose but man version.
@perrasucia Maybe because when you're deciding this it's for another human beings body and not your own? Like you can't decide what happens with my uterus but together we can decide what happens to our sons penis? Just a guess.
he was born in Afghanistan and had to leave like immediately because everything was shit there and was a refugee. He wasnt circumcised until he was 5 because of it. Because it was a religious thing they dressed him up like a genie and everyone brought him sorry your penis got cut up presents while he laid in bed icing. I was actually shocked he still wanted to do our boys.
I am interested in people's ideas that men don't get more of a say in the matter. I always believed it was like a woman's right to choose but man version.
I think, for me, this is applicable when talking about one's own body. But when it's a decision being made for a child, that's when both parents' voices/opinions should be heard.
Our first son was circed and this next boy will be as well. I'm not necessarily for it, and wouldn't make the decision on my own to do it. But my husband had really, really, REALLY strong feelings about it (and he also has a penis) so I let him make the final choice. I still feel conflicted about the whole thing, but I guess not enough to fight the H on it. I also think that if there were some sort of similar decision to be made about girl babies, as the person in possession of a vagina, I'd get the larger say.
Re: husband getting to decide: I don't have a strong opinion. I wouldn't let his dick trump my feelings on anything, but when it comes to this I'm far more ambivalent and he feels strongly.
We aren't finding out the sex. I don't want to circumcise and DH does...I think it should be the choice of the individual...I also don't intend to pierce ears if it is a girl. What if she doesn't like earrings? That's her body...not mine.
Just wanted to point out that circumcision and ear piercing aren't even in the same category so you can't really compare the two.
Circumcision is a medical decision whereas ear piercing is purely aesthetic.
Playing devils advocate here but there are plenty of groups of people who believe that circumcision is a cosmetic procedure. However I wouldn't compare the two either.
I understand and I know my own viewpoint is purely medical.
But ear piercing would never be a medical issue so that's why I wanted to point it out.
I'm well aware that it's a medical procedure; however, my husbands biggest argument is for cosmetic purposes and I told him that I wouldn't pierce ears on a girl so that he could somewhat relate because no other cosmetic procedures are taking place for a girl at that age (generally). I know they aren't the same but sometimes men needs examples.
**Triggers**
Me: 32 DH: 35 Married 10/4/14
TTC #1 May 2015 BFP: July 21, 2015 Stillborn January 8, 2016
TTC #2 April 2016 BFP: June 17, 2016
Baby Girl Shih-Tzu and Baby Boy Boston are my furbabies
We had a 2 second convo about it when we found out we were pregnant with 2.0. We will be getting our son circumcised. I don't think its common for guys not to be snipped here. Maybe if it was, we both would be for not getting it done?
I do agree that it should be a conversation between both parents. For me, however, I do feel it's reasonable to give H's opinion some extra consideration since he has penis and therefore knows more than I about their care, keeping, and maintenance. I was pretty surprised how passionately he felt about the whole thing. It's not that he trumps my feelings or anything, more that I've chosen to give him a little more weight in the decision.
That said, we may still need to revisit the discussion now that we have a confirmed boy. I still don't feel comfortable about it and want to make sure we thoroughly examine all the pros and cons.
Edit: Certainly don't blame any other couples who are making the decision more 50/50! This is just my personal approach to the decision.
Re: Controversial Topic Ahead : Wiener Talk
I very much agree that aesthetic reasons for circumcision are not compelling to me. I feel like I have a super wonky vag, but no one ever complained about taking me to the boneyard.
Husband: 35
Married: June 2007
Son Max born 1/10/17
BFP #2: 10/5/17; EDD: 6/11/18
TTC since January 2016
BFP - 3/12/16 - MC 4/5/16
BFP - 6/11/16
I can understand people making the decision you are making. As for me, UTIs will be treated if they occur, they haven't yet. They actually aren't common in uncircumcised males either. My daughter has had one already though. If my son ends up with an STI I will assume he didn't protect himself with a condom or that he was very unlucky while using one. I will not blame myself for possibly reducing the risk through circumcision. Plenty of circumcised men get STIs. Penile cancer is rare and as you said circumcised men can still get it.
I don't think parents should feel guilty for not circumcising even if their child ends up with something that rare. I also don't think parents should feel guilty if they choose to circumcise their son and he ends up with complications. (either right after or later in life) Parents do what they think is best, that's all we can do.
To be honest there are women going through cosmetic surgery to have the "right" look. I feel terribly about young girls who feel badly because they feel they look different.
As to having it done later in life, my brother had a friend who's parents paid for the circumcision as an 18th birthday present. He wished he had had it done as a baby. Not a thing he wanted to do as an adult but wanted it done.
Circumcision is a medical decision whereas ear piercing is purely aesthetic.
Big Bro 7/14/13
Little Bro 2/6/17
But ear piercing would never be a medical issue so that's why I wanted to point it out.
Big Bro 7/14/13
Little Bro 2/6/17
A couple years ago DH vehemently disagreed with me, mainly because he said his son would wonder why he looks different from his dad. I asked him how often he ever saw his dad's penis and he paused answerless and sorta started seeing it from the other side. We've researched and pondered, and during that time I happened to feel more strongly about not snipping, and he felt less strongly about doing it. So no snipping. It is a hill I'd be willing to die on -there's not many of those and he knows that. I'm not changing my child's genitals without their consent or until they can make the decision themselves.
Him having the only dick between us is not a factor, both our opinions are taken into consideration for all decisions regardless of genitalia.
TTC since January 2016
BFP - 3/12/16 - MC 4/5/16
BFP - 6/11/16
I was told by both of my SILs though to verify how your OB or pediatrician does the procedure - apparently mechanical circumcision is becoming popular, but their doctors still do it by hand, and say they have a reduced risk of complications that way. Not sure if that impacts if any of you will get it done or not, but it does impact who will be doing it for our son; so I wanted to share in case any of you found that helpful.
Ive been with circ'd and uncirc'd and didn't really notice a difference except one is more aesthetically pleasing. Not particularly concerned about how pretty my kids dick is and we won't be telling people our choice and I'd be super weirded out if someone IRL tried to talk about it.
Married: October, 19, 2015
EDD 2/22/17
EDD 3/8/20
EDD 11/24/23
(Formerly Marriedhamstermom Feb ‘17)
Ben and Maggie - 4/10/09
Mia - 6/16/11
Surprise! due 2/23/17
Maybe my holes just like being open.
Husband: 35
Married: June 2007
Son Max born 1/10/17
BFP #2: 10/5/17; EDD: 6/11/18
Just giving you ladies props for keeping it civil. Really great reading, thanks!
Samantha - 4/5/2017
@RunBooRun OMG where did you find that Chewy sash for your dog?! I've been looking everywhere for one!
ME: 25, DH: 27
TTC #1 since 09/2015
Miscarriage @ 10 wks 02/28/2016
BFP 05/28/2016!
he was born in Afghanistan and had to leave like immediately because everything was shit there and was a refugee. He wasnt circumcised until he was 5 because of it. Because it was a religious thing they dressed him up like a genie and everyone brought him sorry your penis got cut up presents while he laid in bed icing. I was actually shocked he still wanted to do our boys.
I am interested in people's ideas that men don't get more of a say in the matter. I always believed it was like a woman's right to choose but man version.
Samantha - 4/5/2017
Big Bro 7/14/13
Little Bro 2/6/17
**Triggers**
Me: 32 DH: 35 Married 10/4/14
TTC #1 May 2015 BFP: July 21, 2015 Stillborn January 8, 2016
TTC #2 April 2016 BFP: June 17, 2016
Baby Girl Shih-Tzu and Baby Boy Boston are my furbabies
Speaking of appearances, I've never actually seen an unCirc'd peen.
Not Googling this.
Big Bro 7/14/13
Little Bro 2/6/17
I don't think its common for guys not to be snipped here. Maybe if it was, we both would be for not getting it done?
That said, we may still need to revisit the discussion now that we have a confirmed boy. I still don't feel comfortable about it and want to make sure we thoroughly examine all the pros and cons.
Edit: Certainly don't blame any other couples who are making the decision more 50/50! This is just my personal approach to the decision.
First BFP: 12/16/13
EDD: 08/23/14
Baby BOY born: 08/29/14