MIL managed to ruin #2!

erinh2005

so I'll try not to make this too long but I'm sooo frustrated! As I mentioned in another thread MIL cried out of sadness for not wanting be a grandma yet when DH called her to announce our first pregnancy even though we were married, trying, and together nine years. Fast forward to now and we're living with her due to temporary economical/geographical reasons. (DH is a new attorney with LA county and they move them around a lot the first year so we're not gonna pick a place til we have a better idea of where he'll end up). So anyway I've been trying to hide my horrible exhaustion sickness but it hasn't been going well and some habits have changed so I was just hoping to get away with this until our ultrasound next week and then announce to family with a big sister shirt for LO.  So this morning I was drinking tea (usually coffee) and eating breakfast (usually don't) and she looked over at me and asked "are you sick?" And I said "I hope not." And then in a stern gravelly voice "Well are you pregnant?" And I was so caught off guard I just paused and looked away and was like "I'm not feeling well and I have a Dr. appt. scheduled so if so I would hope to announce when I'm ready and that was actually pretty rude of you to ask." And she was like "Oh well I'm sorry I guess I'll wait til you're ready to announce then." I was so hurt that she managed to ruin both announcements all I could do was walk away and go cry in the shower. I know a part of her feels bad but believe me there's a bigger part of her that's happy she got to ruin something important to me. I guess I'm just glad I get to have an exciting reveal planned for my parents to look forward to. 

mrsrep123

WOW! Some people can be really self-centered! You handled it nicely - not disrespectful but also letting her know she was rude. Ironically, she ruined these experiences for herself and as you stated, you get to look forward to the reveal to your parents! 

SKZW

I saw your other posts about this and now this one. And this totally stinks!!! I'm sorry you have to deal with this, and live with this. It's not like you can get in your car and drive away. What a hurtful comment and snide attitude! I can see how you feel about the situation and I think you have the right attitude to look forward to your parents finding out. That will be a nice thing to look forward to and soon this hurt will be behind you.

Kipperoo

Ugh, I'm sorry. That's so frustrating. I can totally understand why you would be so upset. Living with family is hard enough, but adding pregnancy emotions and a crazy MIL and YIKES! 

vrj0522

I'm sorry that you have to live with her. She sounds like a big jerk. 

NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot

She sounds delightful.  I'm sorry you have to deal with that. Hopefully your DH will get settled soon so you can start your own happy home away from her negativity

tumbleweed-1

Hopefully you can find a place soon. We lived with my MIL for a while when we relocated cities, and yeah, it's not fun. Lol. My problem was that she was very specific about how things looked/were done in her kitchen and I was the one doing all of the cooking (she doesn't really cook, she affords a lifestyle where she can go out to eat, buy mostly prepared food, or she just snacks on stuff). We did a lot of comic shuffling of my cast iron pans. I hope things get better while you are there. Has she warmed up to her first grandchild? 

achays11

Living with family is so hard. We lived with MH's grandma for a year, and it was so awful! I hope that you can get out of there soon and that your parents are thrilled for a new grandchild. 

erinh2005

@tumbleweed She definitely has! She's like poster grandma now so I'm not worried about the new baby fitting in I just wasn't ready for the wind to be taken out of my sails...again lol 

Louise_Belcher

Damn! That blows! Sorry this happened to you. Both times. Hope telling your parents is as awesome as it should be. 

BowieFan85

I would be pissed!

Shopaholic

I'm sorry this happened...again. Way to stay positive. This might just be me ......I think you should still do something exciting.  Put balloons up all over make a banner, have fun with it:)

Candy_bandit

I don't understand how she ruined it? 

ladyrouge-2

Awww hun I'm sorry to hear that happened I was so shocked when you told us of the last time she ruined it for you,  I even told SO the story and he was horrified as well!  
Well as for her taking your wind no worries now,  have a nice fun announcement for your parents,  make it super special,  then when you're done just be like,  oh ya I'm pregnant. 
IMO if your MIL doesn't want it to be a special event for her then don't go out of your way to make it one. 

psherman42wwsa

I can see how your annoyed that now she wont be surprised when you tell her you are pregnant... also if your MIL is anything like my mom.. the whole family will know by lunch time today.

erinh2005

@lrwardrop I know! I felt like going back and saying "and you had better not post anything either!" But luckily she doesn't have my family on her social media so it would really have to get around. 

laurenann89

I'm sorry!  Some people are so up their own behinds!

MollyandD

jamielynn3280090808 said:

I don't understand how she ruined it? 

Me either. I understand disappointment, but it's not a question that's totally out of nowhere. You aren't people who only see each other on holidays. Like each other or not, you spend a lot of time together. When one of you isn't feeling well, the other is likely to notice. She could have pretended to not know for the sake of acting surprised, but it would have been a fake reaction anyway. It sucks, but it goes with the territory of sharing space like that. 

erinh2005

@MollyandD I totally get what you're saying but You're right that we're so close that we've actually had this exact conversation a few months back when she asked if I was pregnant and I said "no but if I were I would hope to be the one to tell you when/how I decide". And she said "Well I don't need a special way." So I guess she was absolutely right by not letting me announce my own pregnancy. And yes, I would've much rather preferred the fake reaction and then a "I knew it!" From her for reasons of respecting my choices.

MollyandD

@erinh2005 that changes things. I didn't know you already discussed this with her. I'm sorry she didn't respect what you clearly requested. 

starphish18

That does suck @erinh2005 I'm sorry she ruined the surprise. You're not alone. My husband was on the phone with his mom, telling her about our trip to Italy. She was asking about climbing the Duomo in Florence, and when he told her I didn't do it, she asked if it was because I was pregnant. He was stunned for a second, but felt like he had to tell her the truth at that point. He's extremely upset about it. He really wanted to tell them in person, and she (very unintentionally) ruined the surprise for him. My MIL definitely means well, and she felt really bad immediately because she didn't even think the answer would be yes...it just kind of slipped out. I feel bad that my husband had his moment ruined. I was really happy to have that moment in person with my parents.

geoffandjen728

erinh2005 said:

@MollyandD I totally get what you're saying but You're right that we're so close that we've actually had this exact conversation a few months back when she asked if I was pregnant and I said "no but if I were I would hope to be the one to tell you when/how I decide". And she said "Well I don't need a special way." So I guess she was absolutely right by not letting me announce my own pregnancy. And yes, I would've much rather preferred the fake reaction and then a "I knew it!" From her for reasons of respecting my choices.

Geeze... that makes it feel a thousand times worse. Sorry you're dealing with this... yuck. 

erinh2005

@starphish18 Oh no! At least you know her intentions came from a good place. But poor DH! I know that stunned feeling exactly lol. Hopefully she learned her lesson for the next LO. Good to hear you had your moment with your parents I'm really looking forward to mine on the 10th!