HELP! Transition from bed sharing to crib — The Bump
February 2016 Moms

HELP! Transition from bed sharing to crib

My DS is 7.5 months. We started bed sharing at 3.5 months when I went back to work, it was the only way to get sleep. For the past couple weeks he's been tossing and turning so much that baby, me and my husband weren't sleeping. So... we put his crib together and in his own room finally. Started putting him down a bit earlier like between 7-8. I then was bringing him into bed with me about midnight every night so we could sleep because he kept waking up. That's not working either as he just keeps waking up. So for the past 3 nights he's been in his bed/room and I simply keep going to him Everytime he wakes. The first night he was up every 30minutes, it was horrible!! The second night he was up every 45mins to 2 hrs the third night he was up every 45 minutes like clock work. I tried CIO the 2nd night for a couple 5 minute increments, but it's just not for me or DH. I want to help the baby sleep and sooth himself and most of all sleep. I feel like such a failure in this area. I don't want to be a hindrance to him becoming a good sleeper, don't want him to feel alone, etc. I need some tips. 
Honestly I would love to just continue cosleeping with him if he would only sleep. I go in every time he cries and pick him up because if I don't a blood curdling cry will definitely proceed. I rock, swing, hold, nurse him back to sleep and this alone can take half hour to and hour only to lay him down and have him screaming, standing up in the crib wanting me within 45 minutes sometimes 10 minutes. What in the world do I need to do? 

Re: HELP! Transition from bed sharing to crib

  • That sounds hellish. It's amazing to me that you are up so often at night and still able to go to work. You are a strong mama! You are not a failure for doing what feels right for you and your family.

    I am not really of much help in this because I have resorted (and am resorting now again) to CIO when my LO starts having sustained sleep trouble like this. It seems to work for us. So that's my disclaimer.

    Would your little guy sleep better if his crib (or pack 'n' play or something portable to sleep in) were in your room, since he's used to being near you?

    Best of luck. And lots of sleepy vibes to your LO.
    jarob747
  • As PP said, try a pack n play in your room so he is near you. Or if you keep him still in his crib, maybe don't go instantly to get him and see maybe if he puts himself back to sleep. He is probably just so used to you getting him. Maybe? Good luck!
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  • There are lots of no-cry sleep coaching methods. I'd say maybe check those out. We did a moderate version of CIO and had great success, but I know it's not for everyone.
    jarob747
  • My LO was doing this after her first cold and during a double ear infection. My pediatrician said that since it had been going on for 3 weeks that she had learned bad habits and needed to be sleep trained to break them (even during her double ear infection). This was hard for me to hear. I had always sworn I would never do cry it out. Especially because my LO often vomitted from crying pretty quickly. I chatted with moms who had done CIO and got support and encouragement (but no pressure). I started with naps just because I am more reasonable and less emotional during daytime. The first few blood-curdling cries were very hard to hear and I definitely shed some tears. But no vomit, and every single time she eventually fell into a great sleep. The first night she cried for 15 minutes and my husband couldn't stand it (he didn't mentally prepare as I had) so he convinced me to go pick her up. I wish I hadn't. She just screamed harder when I put her down again but was fast asleep within 15 minutes. Then something amazing happened... She stayed in her crib the ENTIRE night. She would wake and let out a small wimper but then would roll over and go back to sleep. Almost every night since the first night, she has gone to bed with zero crying around 8pm and stays asleep til she feeds (usually 5am) then sleeps til about 8:30am. CIO has saved both of our sleep and sanity and she is sooooo happy now that she is rested! I know it's not for everybody and I'm so thankful that my LO responded so well so quickly to CIO. But you definitely have to be strong and consistent. A couple moms told me to remember that I am not doing this TO her, but FOR her. And that I'm teaching her a skill that will help her stay rested throughout her lifetime. Hopefully you can find what works for you and your LO to get rest because a rested baby is a happy baby (and mama too!). Just wanted to offer encouragement to mamas thinking about CIO since other moms helped me in my journey to good sleep.
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  • jarob747jarob747
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    edited September 2016
    Thank all you ladies for the help. I gave in last night after 10straight minutes of terrible horrific crying and brought him to my bed and he /we slept pretty good. It felt great. I do want to get him in his bed/room and sooner rather than later so it's easier. 

    @=caenis= it is hellish and so hard :(
    @middy411 thank you so much for that encouragement. Do you let her cry for 15 minutes straight? I'm afraid he may have a leg between the rails or busted his lips on the crib because he stands and takes steps now too along with crawling into the rails :( 

    I had such a migraine last night from no sleep and stress of this whole sleep training stuff I caved in :( Gosh I wish it was easier. I've tried sitting right beside him even with my hand on him and nothing works except picking him up and putting him to sleep.
    I'm going to try starting for naps.  Could use some prayers for sanity... I'm struggling SOOOOO bad right now! Baby is struggling too because he's SOOOOO tired both day and night. He's a terrible napper too... 45 mins max :(
    ETA: do I lay him down almost asleep for naps or what? I usually hold him Rocking him to sleep for about 10-15 mins then lay him down but only get about half hour then he's up. Can't get nothing done. Oh man, I'm so anxious right now! :(
  • Ugh Oh my gosh!!!! I CAN'T do CIO... I just tried... 15 minutes straight... no way!!! He didn't settle one time. Complete turmoil right now :( I think I need to CIO
  • It took her around 35 minutes the first time I did it. I started with her first nap of the day bc that's when she is sleepiest. The sleepier they are, the less time they'll usually spend crying (you don't want them overtired either but you know which rest points your baby is most ready for daily!) Every child is different but I just knew that going in and checking on my DD would just make her more upset. I sat glued to the monitor and was so incredibly surprised when she stopped screaming and knocked out. It was hard to watch. I had never really let her cry up to this point in her life. But I kept telling myself the positive things other moms had told me and knew that I would go give her a sweet embrace once she woke up.

    Pushing bedtime back a little til they are really sleepy helps too. We try and get her down between 8-8:15pm for our best results (no crying). When we did it around 7:30pm she cried for about 10 minutes before settling to sleep. We've only been doing this for about a week and she's cried maybe 3 times total: 1st night- 30 minutes of crying (I did check on her/comfort her after 15 min this time), 2nd night- NO Crying!!! Hallelujah!, 3rd night- 10 min of crying (no checking/comfort), 4th and 5th nights- NO crying!!! (She's getting the hang of this and sleeping soooo long like 11-12 hours), last night- she was crying again for some reason... DH and I thought maybe something was wrong (burp? gas?) so I went in and picked her up and soothed her and patted her for a few minutes. I put her back down awake and she settled herself to sleep with no crying.

    Again, I think DD was READY and eager to sleep well and she has done way better than I ever imagined. Some of it is trial and error and intuition and some us powering through based on sleep training ideals. It's so great that your LO slept well with you!! Rest is so wonderful! Hoping you find what works best for you two! Hugs!
    jarob747ldemeris
  • jarob747jarob747
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    edited September 2016
    @middy411 Thanks so much for that. Wow that sounds like amazing sleep. I really think DS is ready to sleep better too. We slept good last night but not great! He still tosses and turns and wakes up uncomfortable at times so I know he needs something different. Did your DD look at you with heartache when you got her? My DS does and it took him almost 25 minutes to calm down this morning after I let him CIO for 15 mins. Sigh I want to give him the precious gift of sleep and me and DH so bad esp that long. Last night after I brought him to bed he slept from 11-3 before waking and it was so great, I couldn't imagine 8-10 hours. Thanks for your input and encouragement!! And good job on sleep training your LO :) 
  • For what it's worth, my experience with CIO is similar to what @middy411 describes.

    When I've gone in and tried to reassure LO at time intervals, yes @jarob747 , he looks at me with heartache. I think what's happening is he is frustrated and wants to be asleep, and is looking at me and asking me to make it all better - but the reality is that I can't fix it for him. This is a skill he needs to learn and use himself. My fix would be a temporary spell that would be broken as soon as I'd lower him down into the crib again. That's what gives me the strength to keep doing it!

    After our CIO refresher on Tuesday (45 min of crying before his first nap, poor dude - I checked in on him every 15 min), he's back to being a good sleeper again. 5 min or less until he settles himself and conks out.
    jarob747middy411
  • Yes she looks pitiful and even has the little full body sniffle/hiccup going on sometimes. That's a big reason why I stay out of her room also. I feel like I do more harm than good going in and it feels more like betrayal. But that's just what works for us. I just put her down 15 minutes ago and she was asleep within a few minutes with no crying again. She never takes long to settle down after crying and she really rarely ever cries (even as a newborn). If DH tries to comfort her she will scream her head off just bc she usually wants me, but once she gets me she calms down very quickly. But I've only intervened twice during her CIO. Once the first night when my husband had me second guessing myself (she screamed bloody murder when I put her back down, but fell asleep after 15 min) and then last night when we felt something was unusual/wrong (she went to sleep after a little comfort cuddling session). Luckily the thunderstorm and lightning hasn't kept her up at all so far tonight. She was reeeeally tired when I put her down and it only took a couple of tosses before she closed her eyes and was in dreamland
    jarob747
  • These ideal CIO stories make me so frustrated/jealous. It took A LOT of emotional effort for me to even try CIO, and it was horrendous. My LO screamed bloody murder for 45 min (with checks) for 2 nights with no sign of settling down. I couldn't do it. I cried when I finally went and picked her up. It took us weeks to get her to even sit in the crib again without having immediate meltdown (even when I was in there putting laundry away or whatnot). An absolute nightmare.

    OP, no real advice, but you sound exactly like I did with our oldest. I wish I knew the answer, because I could sure use it at my house, too! 

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  • (As a side note, our sleep has also gotten progressively worse by the day and she's a terrible bedmate. I wish I had the answers because I NEED that time alone in the evenings and I need better sleep. I have been incredibly irritable the last few weeks and my poor 3 year old gets the brunt of it

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  • @VitaLuna I wish I had some answers for you, but I don't so I'm here to offer hugs instead. Hang in there!


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  • @VitaLuna sending hugs too! This baby sleep stuff is hard :( I know what you mean on needing time alone in the evenings. My LO gets worse by the day too. Last night he rolled and tossed and turned and tried to climb out of our bed in his sleep from 12-5:30 this morning. It was terrible! He's a terrible napper and sleeper. It's a good thing he's so darn cute and I tried so long to have him or I'd be majorly cranky! It sucks! I feel like I should be able to teach him to sleep better and im failing him! I don't mind rocking him to sleep not one bit, I just wish he'd stay asleep. Sigh!!!  Was your DD1 a bad sleeper since you coslept with her? And are you cosleeping with this DD?
  • I refuse to CIO and feel that it would be detrimental to my son. It's not you're only option and the stress it causes you is very biologically normal. Animals don't leave their babies to cry. You wouldn't leave your husband to cry himself to sleep either. Have you looked into the gentle sleep book?

    And for what it's worth I think what you're describing may be something of a phase. My son has been sleeping very similarly. He's also mastering a lot of new abilities and I think his brain is on overload. I just keep telling myself that this too shall pass. Sleep is just another skill he'll master when he's good and ready.
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  • jarob747jarob747
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    edited September 2016
    @MissLilac I completely agree and feel like it's detrimental to my son. I don't let him cry and have only on 3 separate occasions to try CIO briefly and I can not do it to him again :( CIO was a major fail for me. I'm just winging it. Yes this too shall pass. One day he won't need me to rock him/nurse him/hold him to sleep and won't cling to me for security so I'll just bare the time. It is exhausting though and does make me irritable at times. I will look into the gentle sleep book. Thanks :) 
    Miss Lilac
  • @jarob747 with DD1, I finally just gave up and went with it. I started bed sharing with her at 4mo when I went back to work and wasn't getting any sleep. I also had major supply issues with pumping and it taught her to reverse cycle (eat more at night than during the day), which worked out better since I wasn't pumping enough to keep up. She was a lot better bed sharer than this one, though (DD1 slept better with me. I really think DD2 does/would sleep better without me). Once I stopped stressing about doing the "right" thing, I really was ok with it, and so was DH. We moved our mattress to the floor and she slept with us until she was almost 2 (she weaned at 22mo). We bought her a "big girl bed" from Ikea, set it up on a Wednesday with plans to transition her on the weekend. That night, she insisted on sleeping in it, and slept the whole night. She hasn't been back in our bed since. It was very easy to transition her once she was ready. 

    With this LO, though, I really want to avoid the long term bed sharing, because I really have no down time during the day with 2 kids instead of 1, and I want that time to myself in the evenings. I also don't get the feeling that DD2 "needs" to bed share as much as DD1 did (personality wise). I definitely go by the "do what works for you" theory. I stressed so much with DD1 about doing the "right" thing until I realized that the only right answer was what was right for us. 

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  • I totally expected CIO to fail for me too. I had even said at one time that I would never do that. But after my pediatrician recommended, I felt the need to give it a chance. My attitude was always "she will have to sleep one day" but then I started feeling sick from lack of sleep and I could tell she was miserable and needed good rest too.
    Any time she would toss or turn she would just wake up screaming and any time I bent over to place her in her crib she would scream bloody murder. I was up about every hour holding her and rocking her and nursing her. My biggest concern was that she has always thrown up very easily and quickly when she cries. I've always tried to avoid her crying at all costs. But amazingly she never threw up in the few nights she cried during CIO. She actually hasn't thrown up while crying at all since. I must say, I believe my daughter was sooooo ready for sleep and to learn how to get herself to sleep. Luckily, she only cried for a few nights after the initial night and never very long. If she didn't respond well, I'd probably be sitting here saying I will never do it again too. I think if I had tried this earlier, she wouldn't have been ready. And if I waited much later, it may not have worked then either. I feel like I had one of those perfect timing moments. We can only do what we feel is best for our unique child. I'm sure there are plenty of sleep techniques out there. Hoping everyone finds what helps their LO get (and stay) asleep!
    jarob747rainbowminion
  • @jarob747 I totally hear you. I think it's just different for every baby. And I think like @VitaLuna mentioned, you just have stop worrying about what you *should* be doing and follow your baby's lead. It's so easy to read the internet or hear what other people say is "best" and feel like there is something wrong with your baby or how you're handling them.

    I literally had this conversation the other day with my husband about sleep and he reminded me that our baby is only going to need me this intensely for such a short portion of his life. Hearing that really melted my frustration. In the last six weeks my baby has cut 4 teeth, learned to sit up independently, learned to crawl, and is starting to pull up on things. I'm thinking the poor guy has a lot to think about and process. I've just been trying to hug, snuggle, love, and nurse baby when he wakes up now and I think even my change in energy helps him be more calm. I'm tired. But there's coffee. Lol. And I go to bed embarrassingly early some nights.   
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    jarob747rainbowminion
  • Oh, and as a side note, with DD1 I bed shared, breastfed on demand, carried/wore her more often than not, comforted her with the boob, etc. and she is now a fiercely independent, confident 3 year old. You won't mess them up for life by giving extra snuggles :) 

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    jarob747Miss Lilac=caenis=
  • This thread was great to read. LO was sleeping through the night at 3 months in his crib, but at 4 months starting waking more and more. For the last month at least he refuses to sleep at night without me. The longest I've gotten him to sleep in his crib is 20 minutes. We bedshare in his room/our guest room most nights so DH can try to get sleep in our room. LO still wakes up to nurse when we bedshare, but only a few times and goes right back to sleep. But DH is paranoid that we're going to have a school aged kid still in bed with us if we don't teach him to sleep on his own now. We've tried a gradual CIO (go in and soothe him, without taking him out of his crib, after 5, then 10, then 15 minutes etc.) But we haven't been able to make it longer than 15 minutes straight without caving. Then he had the saddest sniffle for a long time after even with cuddles. Ugh. Going crazy trying to figure this whole parenting thing out!
    jarob747=caenis=
  • @Kimbarbour08  We're just going day by day. We're not worried about him being a school aged child still sleeping with us though. He will transition when he's ready. Right now he just needs my comfort and cuddles and I'm totally ok with that. One day all too soon he won't. I always start the night out with him in his room/crib. Sometimes I get 10-45 mins but last night we got 2.5 hrs :) He still nurses through the night which again I'm ok with since I don't pump enough when I'm working anyways without pumping extra at home. He's already 8 months as of yesterday, it's going so fast. I'll have the next  years of his childhood to catch up on any missed sleep and honestly I know me and I'll miss these moments so very much! Just do the best you can and what feels right for you and your hubby :) Your baby will be ok and will eventually learn to sleep, he's still just a little tiny baby only been in this big big world for such a short time. It will fly by even if the nights seem long. :)
  • Miss LilacMiss Lilac
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    edited October 2016
    Kelly Mom is always good at making me feel better. Everything you're describing is perfectly normal. Snuggle that baby.

    http://kellymom.com/parenting/nighttime/sleep/
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    jarob747
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