Boys aren't circumcised and I'm worried about where we live — The Bump
School-Aged Children

Boys aren't circumcised and I'm worried about where we live

I have 2 boys, 5 and 3. When they were born we lived in seattle. We made the choice not to circumcise them for a number of reasons but mostly because I didn't feel it was necessary and that they could make the choice later in life if they so choose. We've moved to North Central wisconsin where people are much, much more conservative on just about every topic. Since being here, 2 years, I've never encountered another little boy who is uncut. Yesterday my friends husband was talking about how thier 3 day old wasn't sleeping because "he got his weenie whacked" and how he felt bad for the kid but he'll thank him later in life so he won't be embarrassed. I don't feel bad for making the choice we did but I don't want my kids to feel humiliated and taunted if they end up being the only ones. If they are, I would feel like I subjected them to this for my own beliefs. Anyone have any experience with this?

Re: Boys aren't circumcised and I'm worried about where we live

  • I haven't posted here before but just wanted to tell you that it'll probably be just fine.  We actually had the opposite situation; I'm from the more conservative midwest (MI) and we lived in Seattle when our oldest three kids were born.  We did actually choose to circumcise, but most of the parents I happened to know were choosing not to.  We live in CA now and our youngest two were born here--It was actually pretty difficult to find a pediatrician who wanted to circumcise them, and we are in a major Southern CA city.  So if it makes you feel any better, maybe circumcision really is on the decline in general?

    Anyway, my point is that it hasn't been something my 12 and 11 y.o. boys have really talked about much with their peers, or their cousins (whom I know for a fact aren't circumcised).  Maybe I've heard them mention the differences in passing, but it was literally a non-issue.  Our oldest two are going to junior high next fall, so we'll see what happens then.  And there's always high school--plenty of body shaming and locker room type teasing opportunities then, unfortunately, and I doubt many people escape that, regardless.  But still.  I wouldn't really worry about it too much either way.
    Laura, mom of:
    James (14)
    William (13)
    Elise (11)
    Zachary (5)
    George (3) [making the blog private.  PM me if you want to subscribe]
  • I think it shouldnt be something you should worry about. Its better that you made the decision for them because YOU wanted to, & not because what everyone else is doing or what anyone else will think. I let my husband decide if he wanted my twins circumcised because i dont have a penis and i wouldn't want him to make decisions like that over DDs parts. & he didn't want them circumcised. I have friends who did get their sons and friends who didnt.  Some ppl question me why I didn't get them circumcised i tell them why and move on. My mom also wanted my boys circumcised for  her own reasons and because the guys on my moms side are all circumcised. But on my husbands they're not.

    I've been with DH for 10.5 yrs. Married 6 yrs and having sex with him for 9 years and as sad as it sounds i didnt realize he wasnt circumised until like 3 or 4 years ago lol. How i never noticed i dont know. Or maybe i didnt care. It does its job :wink: it really doesnt bother me.

    The only people who are going to care if they are circumcised are themselves and their partners. If as adults they dont like it they can get it done. But most likely they wont want to because theyve had it liked that all their lives.

    At the end of the day YOU do what YOU have to and need to for your sons. & I think the best thing you can do is just teach them to feel comfortable with their bodys.
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  • Thank you guys so much. This does make me feel better. I talked to my husband about it too and he said that the most important thing we can do is teach them to be comfortable with thier body regardless. I really appreciate the insight as I feel so isolated here and have found people to be so set in thier ways they aren't even open to other opinions, beliefs, ways of life. I don't want my kids to think like that in general. Really appreciate you taking the time to respond.
  • I'm surprised this topic of conversation comes up so much for you! My son is 4, we live in the conservative midwest, and nobody outside of our family ever talks about his penis... It's kind of personal, right?
  • Mo one has talked about it, it only came up because my friend had a baby last week and her husband was talking about how he had his "weenie whacked" and wasn't sleeping. But, that he will be thankful in the future because a UCP is gross. Obviously he didn't know my feelings on the issue (at least I hope not) but it got me thinking about the other little boys in our neighborhood (kids are always playing in the sprinkler together in the summer, etc.) other friends, babies I've babysat,etc in the time we've lived here. And, I've never seen another boy who hasn't been circumcised. At the hospital when I had my daughter last month there were a few comments made about how good thing she's not a boy because then we'd have to be making plans for the "circ" it wasn't even a question! It was just assumed and implied that if we had a boy then we'd have to have him circumcised. My husband and I both were shocked at the way it was talked about and felt like if she had been a boy and we said we didn't want him cut, we would be subjected to lectures and shock. Probably similar to someone saying they don't want to breastfeed to a lactation specialist!
  • Hi. I live in southern Cali. I have 4 children, 2 boys ages 7 and 7 months. I did not circumcise my sons because I didn't feel it was necessary. Here I think it's pretty mixed, I talk to moms who have circumcised their sons and who havent. You made a choice for your child that you felt was right. my brother is un-cut and he's never been embarrassed/humiliated etc and he's 30 now. I wouldn't worry about it honestly. I will teach my sons/daughters to love their body and all of their body. If someone can't appreciate them or respect them because of something like being -uncut then those people don't need to be in their life. No one should be judged. 
  • Hi there!

    Mom of older kids chiming in.  I live in the suburbs of Washington, DC, where there are a lot of people who have come from other countries where circumcision is not the norm.  It's probably still more common than not among parents who identify as primarily American as opposed to Something-American.

    Anyway, I wouldn't worry about it too much.  My son is 12, and I would be shocked if he's seen a ton of other boys' penises, even though schools have urinals and he's been to swim camp. Kids do change for gym class in middle school and beyond, but they don't shower.  Even at sleepovers, they're changing into pajamas, but not taking off their underwear.  I know there are situations where kids will show each other their parts out of natural curiosity, but it's not like boys spend a ton of time naked together.

    When you think your boys are at an appropriate age for this, talk about circumcision and explain that it's routine for some families and in some cultures, but that other parents choose not to circumcise their baby boys.  Describe how a circumcised penis looks different from theirs and let them know that other boys may not realize that not all penises look the same!  Give them a "no biggie" answer so that they can handle it matter-of-factly if they're ever confronted by another kid.  
    High School English teacher and mom of 2 kids:

    DD, born 9/06/00 -- 12th grade
    DS, born 8/25/04 -- 7th grade
  • bs3079bs3079 member
    My apologies if I am out of line, I am not sure of the etiquette here. I usually do not post in forums but felt it appropriate to share my experience. I realize this thread is a couple years old, but I am from Central Wisconsin and since I am an intact male in his forties in almost the same area I felt I could offer some insight to the original poster, or someone else looking for further information. 

    It is my experience that most boys/men in the area are circumcised, I would rarerly come across someone who still had their foreskin, but it did happen on occasion. Growing up we did go to local beaches and pools, and as a child I just thought all of the other men/boys retracted their foreskin. We moved when I was about 10 to a small town around Hudson. During the year we lived there I found out what circumcision really was during a doctor's appointment, my parents were fairly conservative and never really explained any of these things to me. It was not uncommon growing up to go to the bathroom outside with other boys, and I did have some ask why I was different, now that I knew what it was I could explain it. They were usually curious and I never had any issues.  

    We moved back to the rural Point area the next year, so now I was the new kid as we moved to a different part of the area and quite often bullied at school. During Junior high orientation I found out communal showers were mandatory, I have kids now that are in junior high and that is not the case anymore they say. Needless to say I was terrified of getting picked on by the other kids over my foreskin, it was a challenge over those three years but I actually managed to avoid anyone finding out at school I wasn't circumcised.

    I realize I may have provided you more information than you may have liked, but I would say be sure they at least understand what the difference is. It sounds like you more than likely have already done that, but people assumed I knew things I didn't. As for any concern, as long as they are not in a large group of teenage boys showering together I would bet everything will work out just fine, most adults will look the other way, and small groups of boys will be more curious than mean. 
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