Baby Showers

Not wanting a baby shower...

I'll make this a long story husband and I really do not want to have a shower before the baby is born. He is very stubborn and wants to provide everything that we need for our baby and I honestly don't like being center of attention. My husband's family is divorced and as soon as one side hears about a shower the other side will give one, and then my workplace will throw a shower, and...then I'll probably end up with ten showers (I'm not kidding). Baptism is a very important part for my husband and I, so we are thinking about telling our parents they can invite who ever they want to the baptism. We are planning on doing an evening baptism and serving a big dinner afterwards in the church basement (we have a  nice basement) or the community center. Our family is big anyway, so we would have to host something bigger regardless. I figured to make peace, we would allow the Grandparents to invite who ever they would like and maybe, if they want, ask guests to bring a book for the new baby or something like that. We have even came to the conclusion of putting our parents as hosts while we supply everything. My folks are really good about all of this, and they said they will be supportive either way. They actually like the idea of just one big shin-dig and calling it a day. They have even offered to help pay for food, cake, or a photographer. My mother-in-law will try to help out, but I honestly don't expect her too because they are on a limited income. I know she will help set up, prepare food, or help with other tasks. My husband's step-mother is the big pot stirrer - so we are going to leave it at that.

This is our miracle baby and many people have been praying for us, supporting us, and helping us through the adoption process. I truly think from the bottom of my heart it would be a slap in the face if we did not invite the people who have helped us. We weren't suppose to be able to be pregnant, and now here we are! Also, my husband is a fire fighter, so we have to have our fire family as well (hence "big" family).

Re: Not wanting a baby shower...

  • Not having a baby shower is a little bit out of the norm but totally understandable. Make it very clear to everyone that you don't want a shower and stand firm in that since you may get some objections. 

    I agree with letting them invite people to the baptism if they would like since baptism is important to you
    Me:28 | DH: 28
    Married: 07-2014
    TTC #1: Since November 2015
    Restarted TTC "count" Oct. 2016
         due to previous issues.
    BFP: 11/4/2016
     BabyFruit Ticker

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  • I didn't want a shower either, but my younger sister really really wanted to throw one. DH felt that if she wanted to so bad, I should let her. I compromised and it was only family - moms, siblings, siblings-in-law, cousins and aunts. It was small and nice. And my BFF.  I also had a work one. That was the main reason I allowed my sister to do it, because I knew there would be a work one, and it'd be unfair to say no to her and then a work one happened. 

    That said, if you really don't want one (or ten), don't compromise. We also had a big-ish baptism party. However, our church ladies made the food for it. We brought cheese cakes. To PP - baptisms aren't gift giving events, but many people usually do. In my experience, the gifts are much more religious than they would be from the same people at a shower. The only non-religious gifts DS received at his baptism were monetary gifts. When we were baptized, my grandfather gave us all chains with crosses (we're not Catholic, even though he is, so they were crosses not crucifixes - is that the plural of crucifix?)

    OP - I would definitely have the grandparents leave out bring a book.
  • Totally understand how you are feeling and I think your idea is a good one! One thing to add, when I was pregnant this last time, a group of my friends hosted a prayer shower for my baby! It was absolutley awesome! They all prayed for me and him and for his future and shared special bible verses for his life. I kept everything they wrote down. It was one of the most wonderful things anyone has ever done for me. I felt so assured and blessed as I went into labor and birth, remembering the prayers lifted up for him and I. What a blessing it was! So that is an idea- no gifts expected and yummy food shared too. I don't mean instead of but maybe with your closest prayer warrior friends!!
  • Totally fine to not have a shower.

    Totally fine to invite whoever to the baptism - but a Baptism is not specifically a gift giving event.  I think it would be extremely tacky to ask people to give you a present and even tackier to specify what the present should be (a book, in your case).

    Skip the book part and the rest is totally good. 
  • PeachyTeachyPeachyTeachy member
    edited September 2016
    It's always nice to feel loved and it sounds like you have a great, large group of people who want to celebrate with you and DH.

    If you're happy with a large baptism then I think your plan sounds great (although I would also suggest leaving out the book request).

    May I ask what denomination of Christianity you belong to?  I've never heard of baptisms being a party and would like to know when that is the norm.

    DD.R: 2013
    DD.C: 2015
    #3EDD: 8/1/2017

  • "meet the baby" parties are also a common party thrown by the parents after the baby is born. which it sounds like is similar to what you are descibing. 

    When you've been married this long, you need a ticker to remind you.

    Baby Boy M - 08/01/2013 

    Expecting Baby Bean February 2017
  • I think your idea of avoiding the problems and complications of a baby shower and, instead, doing a big baptism bash sounds really lovely and appropriate.

    Just state your wishes assertively and calmly to your families and co-workers, and say "thanks, but no thanks" to anyone who insists that you "have to" have a shower.
    High School English teacher and mom of 2 kids:

    DD, born 9/06/00 -- 12th grade
    DS, born 8/25/04 -- 7th grade
  • I think your  plan is great and I've actually heard of doing events for baby after they are adopted not before. I hope all goes well. 
  • I did not have a baby shower too and it's just fine. It really depends on the parents' priority but one fact remains, their baby is very special for them.
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