Not wanting a baby shower...
FireFighterFarmBaby
member
I'll make this a long story short...my husband and I really do not want to have a shower before the baby is born. He is very stubborn and wants to provide everything that we need for our baby and I honestly don't like being center of attention. My husband's family is divorced and as soon as one side hears about a shower the other side will give one, and then my workplace will throw a shower, and...then I'll probably end up with ten showers (I'm not kidding). Baptism is a very important part for my husband and I, so we are thinking about telling our parents they can invite who ever they want to the baptism. We are planning on doing an evening baptism and serving a big dinner afterwards in the church basement (we have a nice basement) or the community center. Our family is big anyway, so we would have to host something bigger regardless. I figured to make peace, we would allow the Grandparents to invite who ever they would like and maybe, if they want, ask guests to bring a book for the new baby or something like that. We have even came to the conclusion of putting our parents as hosts while we supply everything. My folks are really good about all of this, and they said they will be supportive either way. They actually like the idea of just one big shin-dig and calling it a day. They have even offered to help pay for food, cake, or a photographer. My mother-in-law will try to help out, but I honestly don't expect her too because they are on a limited income. I know she will help set up, prepare food, or help with other tasks. My husband's step-mother is the big pot stirrer - so we are going to leave it at that.
This is our miracle baby and many people have been praying for us, supporting us, and helping us through the adoption process. I truly think from the bottom of my heart it would be a slap in the face if we did not invite the people who have helped us. We weren't suppose to be able to be pregnant, and now here we are! Also, my husband is a fire fighter, so we have to have our fire family as well (hence "big" family).
Re: Not wanting a baby shower...
However, if baptism is important to you, I'd say the party you mentioned above is fine. Albeit I don't know much about baptisms, I don't feel like they are gift-giving events by definition so I don't think you have to worry about etiquette in regards to who hosts, etc.
I will say that I'd leave out the part of bringing a book. If people want to bring a gift, they can figure that out without being asked/suggested to do so.
Big Bro 7/14/13
Little Bro 2/6/17
I agree with letting them invite people to the baptism if they would like since baptism is important to you
Married: 07-2014
TTC #1: Since November 2015
Restarted TTC "count" Oct. 2016
due to previous issues.
***TW***
BFP: 11/4/2016
*TW*
That said, if you really don't want one (or ten), don't compromise. We also had a big-ish baptism party. However, our church ladies made the food for it. We brought cheese cakes. To PP - baptisms aren't gift giving events, but many people usually do. In my experience, the gifts are much more religious than they would be from the same people at a shower. The only non-religious gifts DS received at his baptism were monetary gifts. When we were baptized, my grandfather gave us all chains with crosses (we're not Catholic, even though he is, so they were crosses not crucifixes - is that the plural of crucifix?)
OP - I would definitely have the grandparents leave out bring a book.
Mary
Totally fine to invite whoever to the baptism - but a Baptism is not specifically a gift giving event. I think it would be extremely tacky to ask people to give you a present and even tackier to specify what the present should be (a book, in your case).
Skip the book part and the rest is totally good.
If you're happy with a large baptism then I think your plan sounds great (although I would also suggest leaving out the book request).
May I ask what denomination of Christianity you belong to? I've never heard of baptisms being a party and would like to know when that is the norm.
When you've been married this long, you need a ticker to remind you.
Baby Boy M - 08/01/2013
Expecting Baby Bean February 2017
Just state your wishes assertively and calmly to your families and co-workers, and say "thanks, but no thanks" to anyone who insists that you "have to" have a shower.