I'm going brag on H a little here. Not only did he wrangle DD by himself all weekend, keep the house clean, but he also got her ready for school and dropped her off on time. Even braided her hair! This is a huge deal for me because in the past when he has tried to do the morning routine it's ended up in huge meltdowns from her, so this was awesome. And I got to sleep in!
DS has been violent at school lately, particularly to a smaller new kid named Jack. As part of dealing with this, I have taken away all his fighting shows and not let him have treats on days he's being aggressive. Yesterday, he got pissed he had to go inside and kicked and bit me, so he lost treats. We went to SILs for dinner and I explained that DS wasn't having dessert and why and they offered it to him anyway and then told me I was being too hard on him and to at least let him have a to go bag. Then they were like "well he's asking for them now because we offered them" and I said "He asks for a ton of things he can't have.. he's 2".
Ok I'm feeling the need to vent this out. We went and saw my in-laws Saturday and it's always a 50/50 weather it will go nicely or my mil will totally pissy me off and I just sit and bite my tongue then throw random snotty comments out to get a jab in when I can. I know, this rant could potentially be flame worthy, but you don't know my mil. And I'm pissed.
First off, my in-laws have ridiculous amounts of money, they never hurt for anything, and buy whatever they want. Sooo it's nearly impossible to buy them a meaningful gift they will actually appreciate. (Mostly my mil has this spoiled attitude) we have the only grand babies my mil has, and we had never bought her any nice "grandma" thing. So a few years ago I begged and nagged at my husband that we buy her a nice "grandma" necklace. He said "no, she won't appreciate it, it's a waste" but I whined until he caved. We go buy her this expensive necklace that wasn't a hunk of junk but actually yellow gold and rose gold and gave it to her. I've seen her wear it 3 times! That's it. On time number 2 (a couple years ago) she told us the clasp broke on the chain so she had this old lady at church look at it. The old lady makes cheap jewelry from craft beads and cheap chains. This old lady apparently couldn't fix it (again she's not a real jeweler) so gave my mil a free chain temporarily. My mil was so excited to have scored this free cheap chain. Sooo with all her money we assumed she would have fixed it or at least let us take it to get it fixed because it had a warranty on it. But no, this past Saturday we were there and she proudly announced she was wearing the necklace. It was quite obvious she still had the tacky, cheap chain on and I contained it the best I could before I finally brought it up. I said "Did you say the clasp broke?" Her "what do you mean?" Me "on the chain we got you, did you say it was the clasp?" Her "oh I think so, but the lady at church couldn't fix it, so she just put this one on instead." Me "Did she keep the chain, cause if so she's banking off of you, big time." Her " oh I can't remember if she kept it, I forgot all about it actually." (Insert chuckle)
WTF, OMG!!!! I bit my tongue but it doesn't take a real jewelry expert to see that her new chain is a POS. And she doesn't even know if she has the original chain. I got so mad I almost started crying. My husband was right, what a waste. I didn't say anything else about it there, but I've been fighting the urge to send her a text.
Then a couple hours later, it was just me and her in a room, so she sits down and says "I know you don't want to talk about it, but that must've been so hard." ***TW/LOSS***
she was talking about the unexpected loss of my nephew the previous weekend
***OVER***
I just stared at her, and so she repeated it!!! She word for word repeated what i had obviously just ignored...What is wrong with her?!?
A few hours later she was suggesting we go down to S.C. over Christmas break so my husband can fix up the beach house they are in the process of purchasing. When I told her I needed to check with my Dr because I'll be 34 weeks along then she replied with this "Aren't you due in February though?" And I had to explain uuhhhh yes I am but that's only 6 weeks before my due date!! Seriously!!!
That whole day was a freaking nightmare!! What a total bitch!!
@kswiger06 She sounds clueless. I don't care how much money you have, you can at least be appreciative when someone gives you a nice gift. Also, repeatedly bringing up the loss when you were obviously uncomfortable strikes me as very cold.
@jennpearl007 she definitely lacks common sense and judgement at times.
@WinchesterGirl she is clueless. And she has said very inconsiderate rude things about past losses as well. When my grandpa died she brought it up less than 2 weeks later and when I started to cry and told her I still get upset she said "still?" It was unbelievable. I could go on and on about the things she has said and done, but this weekend really bothered me.
@kswiger06 OMG, she sounds painfully like my MIL. After my dad died, about a week after the funeral she told me, "You may as well get over it, he's not coming back." Uhm, lady, I want to punch you right now.
@kswiger06 OMG, she sounds painfully like my MIL. After my dad died, about a week after the funeral she told me, "You may as well get over it, he's not coming back." Uhm, lady, I want to punch you right now.
Oh no! That's terrible!! And I'm sorry to hear about your dad. I also wanted to punch my mil, and I've never been in a fight with anyone in my life! (Other than my sisters lol) it's so sad because everyone always has in law stories, but come on. With in laws making these kinds of comments what do you expect?
@kswiger06 your mil sounds like a piece of work! So insensitive & rude! I hope you shut her down when she asked you about your loss. I completely get the frustration of gifts not being appreciated, my mil treats anything we get her like its not good enough cause i might have something more expensive but ive never seen her use or wear anything weve gotten her over the years despite the amount of money spent on gifts for her.
I hate buying anything for my MIL. She shops constantly and we never see her use or wear anything we've given her. This year my FIL said "you're not going to want to shop 7 months pregnant. here is some stuff your MIL liked at the store, I picked it up for you to wrap. oh, and I wanted this." Lol! God bless that man :-)
Um, one more H brag. I was bleaching the bathrooms and he insisted I shouldn't be doing that, and took over. Even did the floors. Idk who this person is, but I'm loving it!
@kswiger06 It's ok, it's been several years now. You just don't forget a comment like that! I'm sorry that you're dealing with your MIL on the same issue. Seriously, a loss or death in the family should be one thing anyone can be considerate and understanding on.
This whole getting mad about gifts thing is a lost cause. Like you give someone something because you want them to have it and should get pleasure out of the act of giving something, not be pissed about how much something cost or was appreciated. Don't give above the level of your own satisfaction, because you can't count on people to behave the way you want them too.
This whole getting mad about gifts thing is a lost cause. Like you give someone something because you want them to have it and should get pleasure out of the act of giving something, not be pissed about how much something cost or was appreciated. Don't give above the level of your own satisfaction, because you can't count on people to behave the way you want them too.
@Janefelicity my mil is the type of person who rarely wears an outfit more than once. She won't put any decor out unless it matches hers exactly (at Christmas she decorates the tree in purple to match her family room) and she won't even burn a candle if the color doesn't match her kitchen or family room. Basically we have no clue what to get her so she generally gets boring gift cards. After years of buying her stuff we've never seen again (she likely re-gifted them because she has admitted to doing that with things that don't go with her house) we thought we finally got it right. It was a big bummer.
@Gretchypoo your fil sounds awesome!! I wish I had that kind of shopping help. Lol
@PerraSucia I agree 100% with what you said. It just hurts some people's feelings when they feel like they did well, and it goes unappreciated. I'm glad you said "you can't count on people to behave the way you want them too." I'll try to remember that and use it when making decisions based off of how I think others will respond. Obviously I don't know how they'll respond. It might save me some future grief.
As I had stated earlier, my sister is also pregnant with her fifth child. I don't get along with this sister. The only time I talk to her is at family events, but even then I only say hi. She's done a lot of crappy things to our family including myself and I'm done with her. She is also the one who does not care for her children well and yet she wants to have more babies. Anyhow, my baby shower is supposed to be in 2 weeks and I found out that my cousin didn't send out the invitations yet! I called my mom to ask her what the heck is going on. She said that they were all waiting to confirm the date because they were going to ask my sister about doing a baby shower for her, too, at the same time!!!
I was so livid!! First of all, this sister throws family parties at her house but won't invite me or my 3rd sister. The only reason I said that it's ok for her to attend MY shower is because she's my sister. Not because I want her there or that I love her. I'm just trying to keep the peace. And secondly, this is her 5th child whereas this is the first one for me. I was so mad at my mom for even considering doing this. The crap that this sister has done to me....I can't even begin to tell you. I made it clear to my mom that I am not sharing my shower with her. I then texted my aunts and cousins and let them know that they are not to even suggest any sort of celebration for her at my shower. I mean FFS, this woman dumps her kids with my elderly parents all the time AND when she gets pissed off at the kids, she literally tells them to "go die." NO. NOT HAPPENING.
I just broke down crying because all the shit that she did to me and my 3rd sister just came back in my mind. It just pisses me off so much. I know there's nothing to do about the past now, but it still hurts. And the fact that still nobody else calls her out on her shit. This is why I keep telling my husband I only want two kids. I want two kids and I want to give them all my attention and focus. None of this "I've got 4/5 kids but I all my attention is going to the one with the issues. The others will raise themselves."
Wow @kswiger06. People just suck. I'm irritated at my inlaws bc they are leaving for SC next week and all of a sudden they really want to see us but not so much that they completely booked up their weekend. DDs bedtime is 7-730 and I try really hard to stick to it. Now they probably expect us to meet them for dinner during the week and I'm going to tell them no. H works until 530 most nights and they live 2 hours away so we usually meet up half way. That still gives me an hour ride both ways. Unless they have a time machine, I'm not going to put myself through a terribly awkward dinner and then have D fall asleep on the way home. It's just annoying feeling like you're an after-thought but still have to jump through hopes to make these crazy a-holes happy.
I'm so sorry they tried to do that to you @AfKash. I'm glad you stood your ground.
I'm not speaking to my brother, haven't been for over a year and that's a long unimportant story. My mom hasn't mentioned a shower yet and it's fine if she doesn't offer to throw one but if she does I plan on telling her that if she invites his wife I will decline and if she tries to pull what she did for my bridal shower (where she invited my one aunt without telling me who was not invited to my wedding in hopes I'd then feel obligated to invite her) that I won't be so gracious and let it go this time, I will leave. Sorry but I'd rather just buy the stuff I need than put on a fake face for these people who clearly have no respect for myself or the family. They just take take take and my mom is so big on forgiveness and keeping the family together that she just keeps overlooking it.
Me: 33 | DH: 34 Married: October, 19, 2015 EDD 2/22/17 DS1 born on 3/2/17 EDD 3/8/20 DS2 born on 3/10/20 EDD 11/24/23 (Formerly Marriedhamstermom Feb ‘17)
@marriedhamstermom see, that's not fair that they try to manipulate you that way. I find it very disrespectful to your feelings. But I completely understand how your mom is, she sounds exactly like my one aunt. She just let's people walk all over her for the sake of family. And she forgives everybody, but she'll complain to you for hours about what this person did to her. That's good. You should stand your ground. Good luck to you.
@AfKash yup that is totally my mom. She constantly talks badly about my aunt and will complain about all the mistakes my brother is making with his life but then she gives them money and forgives them for stealing from other family members. I've finally started just refusing to listen to her when she complains, I just tell her I don't want to hear it. Sorry mom but you don't have the right to keep giving into them claiming families have to forgive while also talking trash behind their backs. Pick one stance or the other.
Me: 33 | DH: 34 Married: October, 19, 2015 EDD 2/22/17 DS1 born on 3/2/17 EDD 3/8/20 DS2 born on 3/10/20 EDD 11/24/23 (Formerly Marriedhamstermom Feb ‘17)
@AfKash we should start a shitty sister club. Your sister sounds exactly like mine, and your family sounds like they handle her exactly like mine. Nobody calls her out on her shit but me. SO frustrating. I am so sorry you're having to deal with this. I'd be mad as hell too.
I can't believe you guys are having to put up with the family drama at your own showers... I hope you are able to sort all this out ahead of time!
@marriedhamstermom +1 to definitely stick to your guns, and put your foot down. You have to be comfortable with who is at your shower! Good for you for not putting up with your mom's double standards.
My FIL's ex just died of an overdose (these are not classy people) so my MIL just posted on fb: "I didn't like u but u dint(sic) deserve to die........................rip."
+1 for bragging on DH! When I got home from work yesterday, he told me to go sit down and relax while he did dinner and dishes, he put our misbehaving boys to bed because I "don't need that kind of stress", and he's just been doting on me. He's always been a pretty awesome husband, but I think me carrying his little girl ups the ante a bit.
I have been so sick all week and struggling today with H working nights. My SIL came over and made dinner for me and DD. It's spicy soup so it's helping open up my nose to breath.
Had a bit of heavy news this morning, but it turns out everything will be fine. My dad was in a pretty bad motorcycle accident (on a highway) and I had to wait several hours to find out whether he would be okay. I guess he's got a lot of road rash and busted his face **TW**(his nose had to be reattached)**end TW** But he dressed "for the slide" as it were and will be fine.
I was so flipping worried, could hardly make it through the rest of my meetings today. Better now, but OMG. Hit waaay too close to home and I've been riding a monster emotional rollercoaster even without terrifying stuff like that. Uff da. I need a drink
Thanks all! He was cracking jokes on the phone lamenting about how he won't be pretty anymore, that more than anything else reassured me he's okay. Whew! My best friend lost her dad to a motorcycle wreck a few months back so it immediately brought up a ton of emotions and anxiety, I just can't even describe how scared I was. Now I'm just thankful he's okay, but the ragey illogical reactive part of me just wants to shoot what's left of that harley with my shotgun and ban him from ever riding again. Obviously not something I can do or demand, but still. Rawr!
@MrsLittleMac that is so scary! I'm glad he can heal from this, and hopefully you can ease your mind a bit now that he's cracking jokes. I don't blame you one bit for wanting to shoot his bike!
We announced baby's sex on FB- our 3rd little girl! ANd my MIL's rely wasn't "aww maybe your 4th will be a boy. Next time try a different position". Wtf?
DD1- Aug11 Angel Baby- June13, said goodbye Oct12 DD2- Aug13 DD3- due Feb17
@MrsLittleMac that is so scary and stressful. Sounds like an awful day. I'm so happy to hear that your dad will be ok, and just got banged up some. That's really scary! I hope his recovery is speedy, and maybe this scared him enough, so you won't need to shoot his bike
@peachesnbean that is a very odd reply! It must be the position!! lol was that reply where everyone can read it? My mom got her eye brows tattooed on (she never grew them back after chemo) and after one of her first pics on Facebook a friend of hers publicly posted that her eyebrows looked good lol my mom said it was quite awkward.
We announced baby's sex on FB- our 3rd little girl! ANd my MIL's rely wasn't "aww maybe your 4th will be a boy. Next time try a different position". Wtf?
Eww! Does anyone want their MIL suggesting "positions"?!!! No!!!!
How, about, "What great news! Three sisters will be so special!" And leave it at that!
Yep it was a public reply so all my friends could see. I debated deleting it since i was so horrified by it but kept it up so people know what madness I deal with.
DD1- Aug11 Angel Baby- June13, said goodbye Oct12 DD2- Aug13 DD3- due Feb17
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Re: Family Matters 9/19/16
Not only did he wrangle DD by himself all weekend, keep the house clean, but he also got her ready for school and dropped her off on time.
Even braided her hair!
This is a huge deal for me because in the past when he has tried to do the morning routine it's ended up in huge meltdowns from her, so this was awesome.
And I got to sleep in!
I'm still so fucking annoyed.
First off, my in-laws have ridiculous amounts of money, they never hurt for anything, and buy whatever they want. Sooo it's nearly impossible to buy them a meaningful gift they will actually appreciate. (Mostly my mil has this spoiled attitude) we have the only grand babies my mil has, and we had never bought her any nice "grandma" thing. So a few years ago I begged and nagged at my husband that we buy her a nice "grandma" necklace. He said "no, she won't appreciate it, it's a waste" but I whined until he caved. We go buy her this expensive necklace that wasn't a hunk of junk but actually yellow gold and rose gold and gave it to her. I've seen her wear it 3 times! That's it. On time number 2 (a couple years ago) she told us the clasp broke on the chain so she had this old lady at church look at it. The old lady makes cheap jewelry from craft beads and cheap chains. This old lady apparently couldn't fix it (again she's not a real jeweler) so gave my mil a free chain temporarily. My mil was so excited to have scored this free cheap chain. Sooo with all her money we assumed she would have fixed it or at least let us take it to get it fixed because it had a warranty on it. But no, this past Saturday we were there and she proudly announced she was wearing the necklace. It was quite obvious she still had the tacky, cheap chain on and I contained it the best I could before I finally brought it up. I said
"Did you say the clasp broke?"
Her "what do you mean?"
Me "on the chain we got you, did you say it was the clasp?"
Her "oh I think so, but the lady at church couldn't fix it, so she just put this one on instead."
Me "Did she keep the chain, cause if so she's banking off of you, big time."
Her " oh I can't remember if she kept it, I forgot all about it actually." (Insert chuckle)
WTF, OMG!!!! I bit my tongue but it doesn't take a real jewelry expert to see that her new chain is a POS. And she doesn't even know if she has the original chain. I got so mad I almost started crying. My husband was right, what a waste. I didn't say anything else about it there, but I've been fighting the urge to send her a text.
Then a couple hours later, it was just me and her in a room, so she sits down and says
"I know you don't want to talk about it, but that must've been so hard."
***TW/LOSS***
she was talking about the unexpected loss of my nephew the previous weekend
***OVER***
I just stared at her, and so she repeated it!!! She word for word repeated what i had obviously just ignored...What is wrong with her?!?
A few hours later she was suggesting we go down to S.C. over Christmas break so my husband can fix up the beach house they are in the process of purchasing. When I told her I needed to check with my Dr because I'll be 34 weeks along then she replied with this
"Aren't you due in February though?"
And I had to explain uuhhhh yes I am but that's only 6 weeks before my due date!! Seriously!!!
That whole day was a freaking nightmare!! What a total bitch!!
@WinchesterGirl she is clueless. And she has said very inconsiderate rude things about past losses as well. When my grandpa died she brought it up less than 2 weeks later and when I started to cry and told her I still get upset she said "still?" It was unbelievable. I could go on and on about the things she has said and done, but this weekend really bothered me.
I completely get the frustration of gifts not being appreciated, my mil treats anything we get her like its not good enough cause i might have something more expensive but ive never seen her use or wear anything weve gotten her over the years despite the amount of money spent on gifts for her.
I was bleaching the bathrooms and he insisted I shouldn't be doing that, and took over. Even did the floors.
Idk who this person is, but I'm loving it!
@Gretchypoo your fil sounds awesome!! I wish I had that kind of shopping help. Lol
@PerraSucia I agree 100% with what you said. It just hurts some people's feelings when they feel like they did well, and it goes unappreciated. I'm glad you said "you can't count on people to behave the way you want them too." I'll try to remember that and use it when making decisions based off of how I think others will respond. Obviously I don't know how they'll respond. It might save me some future grief.
Anyhow, my baby shower is supposed to be in 2 weeks and I found out that my cousin didn't send out the invitations yet!
I called my mom to ask her what the heck is going on. She said that they were all waiting to confirm the date because they were going to ask my sister about doing a baby shower for her, too, at the same time!!!
I was so livid!! First of all, this sister throws family parties at her house but won't invite me or my 3rd sister. The only reason I said that it's ok for her to attend MY shower is because she's my sister. Not because I want her there or that I love her. I'm just trying to keep the peace. And secondly, this is her 5th child whereas this is the first one for me.
I was so mad at my mom for even considering doing this. The crap that this sister has done to me....I can't even begin to tell you.
I made it clear to my mom that I am not sharing my shower with her. I then texted my aunts and cousins and let them know that they are not to even suggest any sort of celebration for her at my shower. I mean FFS, this woman dumps her kids with my elderly parents all the time AND when she gets pissed off at the kids, she literally tells them to "go die."
NO. NOT HAPPENING.
This is why I keep telling my husband I only want two kids. I want two kids and I want to give them all my attention and focus. None of this "I've got 4/5 kids but I all my attention is going to the one with the issues. The others will raise themselves."
I'm not speaking to my brother, haven't been for over a year and that's a long unimportant story. My mom hasn't mentioned a shower yet and it's fine if she doesn't offer to throw one but if she does I plan on telling her that if she invites his wife I will decline and if she tries to pull what she did for my bridal shower (where she invited my one aunt without telling me who was not invited to my wedding in hopes I'd then feel obligated to invite her) that I won't be so gracious and let it go this time, I will leave. Sorry but I'd rather just buy the stuff I need than put on a fake face for these people who clearly have no respect for myself or the family. They just take take take and my mom is so big on forgiveness and keeping the family together that she just keeps overlooking it.
Married: October, 19, 2015
EDD 2/22/17
EDD 3/8/20
EDD 11/24/23
(Formerly Marriedhamstermom Feb ‘17)
That's good. You should stand your ground. Good luck to you.
Married: October, 19, 2015
EDD 2/22/17
EDD 3/8/20
EDD 11/24/23
(Formerly Marriedhamstermom Feb ‘17)
ME: 25, DH: 27
TTC #1 since 09/2015
Miscarriage @ 10 wks 02/28/2016
BFP 05/28/2016!
@marriedhamstermom +1 to definitely stick to your guns, and put your foot down. You have to be comfortable with who is at your shower! Good for you for not putting up with your mom's double standards.
Why did H turn out so normal?
My dad was in a pretty bad motorcycle accident (on a highway) and I had to wait several hours to find out whether he would be okay. I guess he's got a lot of road rash and busted his face **TW**(his nose had to be reattached)**end TW**
But he dressed "for the slide" as it were and will be fine.
I was so flipping worried, could hardly make it through the rest of my meetings today. Better now, but OMG. Hit waaay too close to home and I've been riding a monster emotional rollercoaster even without terrifying stuff like that. Uff da. I need a drink
How, about, "What great news! Three sisters will be so special!" And leave it at that!
@peachesnbean Ewwww. Also, not how it works.