WTF setting my stove on fire =( Interfered with supper and now I have to clean up fire extinguisher powder. And I'm worried that whatever I breathed in might hurt the baby.
Super late to the game again today... @annabenanna there is nothing I can say that hasn't been said, but I'm ragey for you. The whole situation is completely ridiculous and I agree that your H should be evaluating his career options. That is a boss, not a leader that he is working for. Start ups need leaders.
@NoraAurora I'm also excited about those days at school with all the fun dress up for the kids. Maybe I'll change my mind when I'm dealing with life plus a kid, but I can't wait for my LO to get excited about it and for me to be able to help her with it.
@RainMira9e oh no! So sorry you had a fire! That's so scary! I wouldn't stress too much about hurting your LO. Remember, the babies are just packing on fat at this point but, I definitely don't think it would hurt to mention to your doctor, even if it's just to ease your mind
WT ACTUAL F, H. He sits around all night doing nothing and then decides at midnight that it's time to do all the laundry, dishes, and clean out the fridge. I'm freaking exhausted and he thinks just shutting the bedroom door solves the problem. Forget about the fact that I can still hear everything and even if I did fall asleep, he'd wake me up coming in the bedroom, taking a shower and getting in bed. Plus, I can guarantee that he'll set his alarm for 2 hours before I need to wake up so he can "go to the gym" AKA hit snooze every 10 minutes so I'm wide awake. Pregnancy rage is real, I may end up in prison.
Me: 32 & DH: 37
Married: November 2014
TTC #1 Since: October 2015
BFP #1: 11/18/15 - CP BFP #2: 2/8/16 - EDD 10/20/16 IT'S A BOY!!!! DS Born 10/16/16
WTF, DH?!? He just secured a $1 million grant for his employer, and instead of celebrating...he is all disappointed that they didn't get everything they wanted. He is acting like he is a total failure and he's talking about quitting to become a "film crew guy who sets up cameras". Awesome! He actually wants to leave his very promising career path, go to some film crew academy for 6 months (unpaid and costs $10k) while we have a baby, and then enter the film industry when I personally know three people with legit degrees who are struggling to find jobs in that field. He isn't even passionate about film, he just thinks that would "be an easy, well paid job".
@annabenanna Yeah, you have every right to be pissed. And worried. My DH works at a large company in a country with laws protecting ANY parent yet they still managed to boot a coworker who took 3 months paternity leave. It's sick.
My WTF is once again my mother. We are visiting over Christmas but she mentioned several weeks ago they were going to try to visit us this fall. Long story short, I don't want her here. A week ago she brought it up again and I managed to say that 1. Baby won't "get" anything out of seeing her when he's that young and 2. I don't need her help. She was offended but I I thought the conversation was over. Then today I get a message asking for the name of the hotel in my town because she wants to check travel dates and availability. My mother is an intelligent person. She KNOWS I don't want her here. And she knows I'll never be able to say no. I don't know what to do
I know it's hard to say No but if you really can't imagine a scenario in which her being around would be helpful or wanted, being firm is the way to go. I like to take the "What's the worst that could happen" approach. What is the worst that could happen if you flat out tell her No and what is the worst that could happen if you back down and let her visit? Which of those scenarios will you be able to live with the easiest?
That is really good advice. I wish I had some of your personality, because the emotional pain and guilt tripping she'll put me through by forcing me to lay it out that I don't want her here will be worse (and much longer term) than suffering through her constant negativity and shaming for a week. The fact that that is true is an even bigger WTF...
@strickland8052 Oh dear lord... will he at least consider going to a real school where grants and loans are possible to help with expenses and he can get an actual degree? Maybe he is just going through some working-father-to-be crisis and it's just a phase? Hopefully you can talk some sense into him.
@books&icecream I just want to fly you to my home and hide you, sorry about your mother
@MRSCORKER That would make me so irritated! I have worked really hard to improve my sleep habits over the last couple of years, and I've learned for myself that consistently going to be and waking up at the same time is super helpful (about 10pm & 6am). DH is much more inconsistent, and there have been times when he'll stay up a couple hours later every night watching TV, it's so annoying! I'm a very light sleeper so there's no way I won't wake up when he comes into the room. He's been going to sleep at the same time as I do lately and it's been awesome.
@books&icecream That's a really tough situation. Over the past few months I've been really thinking through (and talking through with my husband and my therapist) how to set healthy boundaries with my mom when she visits after baby comes. Fortunately she's not negative or critical, but we're just very different (I'm introverted, she's super extroverted) and in some ways we're too similar (I have a tendency to be anxious, and she's REALLY anxious, which makes everything worse). It's really freeing to be able to talk about what you want, and we worked out a situation where she will be in town for a while but not staying at my house. Your needs are important and you do not deserve to have to just put up with her negativity to make things easier! Good luck with that tough situation!
I feel ya @MRSCORKER, my DH comes to bed pretty late each night which he thinks is fine but lately once I'm slightly woken up it takes forever to get comfy again and fall back so I get pretty annoyed. Like last night he was taking a shower at 2am so today was so hard for me to wake up, grrrr. His night owl habits will be good for taking the night shift with baby at least
I consign to that rage @MRSCORKER... My DH gets productive like that when he's been drinking. Once, he decided to wire and calibrate the surround sound (super loud process) at like 2am. So... Putting holes in walls while drunk then creating a bunch of noise. He almost died that night
@bnsmith85 Oh my gosh, that is FI... once he has few in him, he can find about 5 new projects that need his IMMEDIATE attention, no matter the hour. Oi.
I consign to that rage @MRSCORKER... My DH gets productive like that when he's been drinking. Once, he decided to wire and calibrate the surround sound (super loud process) at like 2am. So... Putting holes in walls while drunk then creating a bunch of noise. He almost died that night
OMG. Yeah, I'd be in prison. I kept telling him I would do the dishes in the morning and he wouldn't listen and was getting all pissed at me for "telling him what to do" but I go out to the kitchen this morning and he didn't even put the dishes away! He "unpacked" the dishwasher but just put everything on the counters instead of away so now I have to do it anyway. I seriously don't understand how the male mind works.
Me: 32 & DH: 37
Married: November 2014
TTC #1 Since: October 2015
BFP #1: 11/18/15 - CP BFP #2: 2/8/16 - EDD 10/20/16 IT'S A BOY!!!! DS Born 10/16/16
I'm not an unpacker of the dishwasher, but I'm a washer/rinser of the dishes then... leave them in the clean side of the sink instead of just drying them off and putting them away. Oh, the shame
@AllyTheKid Thanks. I am so sorry for everything you've been through but the tiny silver lining is you really understand mom problems. On a slightly related note, I wish I'd thought of "bio-mom" as a kid. I refused to call her mom and only ever used mother or your highness.
@books&icecream I called her mom until my early teens when I realized what tiny, shredded bit of a relationship we did have was just for the sake of her being able to say there was one, and she wasn't ever actually going to commit to it. After that, she turned into "bio-mom" or "birth-giver". At least we know what kinds of mothers we DON'T want to be, eh? That's something.
Re: WTF Wednesday (Sept 14)
@annabenanna there is nothing I can say that hasn't been said, but I'm ragey for you. The whole situation is completely ridiculous and I agree that your H should be evaluating his career options. That is a boss, not a leader that he is working for. Start ups need leaders.
@NoraAurora I'm also excited about those days at school with all the fun dress up for the kids. Maybe I'll change my mind when I'm dealing with life plus a kid, but I can't wait for my LO to get excited about it and for me to be able to help her with it.
@RainMira9e oh no! So sorry you had a fire! That's so scary! I wouldn't stress too much about hurting your LO. Remember, the babies are just packing on fat at this point
Me: 32 & DH: 37
BFP #2: 2/8/16 - EDD 10/20/16
IT'S A BOY!!!!
DS Born 10/16/16
DS#2 due 25 April 2019
@books&icecream I just want to fly you to my home and hide you, sorry about your mother
@books&icecream That's a really tough situation. Over the past few months I've been really thinking through (and talking through with my husband and my therapist) how to set healthy boundaries with my mom when she visits after baby comes. Fortunately she's not negative or critical, but we're just very different (I'm introverted, she's super extroverted) and in some ways we're too similar (I have a tendency to be anxious, and she's REALLY anxious, which makes everything worse). It's really freeing to be able to talk about what you want, and we worked out a situation where she will be in town for a while but not staying at my house. Your needs are important and you do not deserve to have to just put up with her negativity to make things easier! Good luck with that tough situation!
It's a boy!
Me: 32 & DH: 37
BFP #2: 2/8/16 - EDD 10/20/16
IT'S A BOY!!!!
DS Born 10/16/16
Me: 32 & DH: 37
BFP #2: 2/8/16 - EDD 10/20/16
IT'S A BOY!!!!
DS Born 10/16/16
DS#2 due 25 April 2019
At least we know what kinds of mothers we DON'T want to be, eh? That's something.