Anxiety on where to have my baby.

Cook3133

A little back story.  I have 4 kids. My first 2 were born in the hospital with an epidural.  I had an epidural the last 45min of each labor.  My last 2 were in a birthing center med free.  My 3rd was only 3 hours and very little effort, hurt like hell but he came fast.  My last however was long and he was turning from sunny up as I was pushing.  He was my bugged baby and made me work for it.  We did not have health insurance with the last 2 and that's why we went the birthing center route.  Paying out of pocket it was just easiest.

I loved my experience at the center and it was so nice leaving 4 hours after having the baby and going home.  I didn't realize until the last couple days that I have a bit of trauma from my last birth

Breesy14

Are you debating hospital or birthing center?  I'm trying for a VBAC after my son turned sunny side up and refused to budge.  This after 30 hours labor and 3 hours pushing.  So I have a little birth trauma that I'm working through too.  This is also why I'm not going to a birthing center.  I'd like to be close to a NICU and have all options available.  This is what will work best for me.  Think on it a while and you'll figure out what will work best for you.  Also props for #5.  Not sure I could be pregnant 5 times.  Would love tons of kids though!

cafedisco

Can't say for you which will be best but I'm wondering if you've had any help to process your last birth?  I had quite a traumatic birth with my first and it really helped to talk to a counselor about it and I feel I will need to again before giving birth again.  Just a thought...

Let us know what you decide!

Cook3133

#5 was a BIG surprise!!  We were done

edit... It deleted the rest of my comment

JessWannaEatEverything

I think @cafedisco is right. Maybe you should talk to someone about it before deciding. Sometimes just getting all that off your chest helps. It sounds like you have a good record though! Maybe that was just the one baby that was difficult. At least as they get older you can always tell him what a pain he was  

Cook3133

Ok so I've decided on a midwive at the hospital.  I've decided I would love the epidural this time . My "natural" births were great, but I want pain meds this time!  I just hope I get the hospital in time to get them!!

Magheeta

I'm glad you were able to come to a decision that makes you comfortable. I just want to echo that if you ever feel like you still need to process through your recent birth, I support going to a counselor.

BecNJake

I'm glad you feel comfortable with your dedision! I had a traumatic labor with my first baby last year and hope to work out some of my anxiety/fear before labor this spring. I just haven't known who to talk to about it. @Magheeta would you go to a general counselor, or is there a specific specialty within counseling that you would recommend? Open question also to anyone who has experience  

Magheeta

@BecNJake I think it would depend on your situation. It can't hurt to start with a general counselor or family counselor, then see if something more specialized is required. I'm sure they can make a recommendation to help find what would fit best for the situation. 

babymama619

I have yet to meet a woman without birth trauma. Having another human come out of your body is, in and of itself, traumatic! Lol. Glad you found a solution you are feeling good about!

cafedisco

@BecNJake in MN (I've moved since), there was a list kept of counselors who specialized in post partum and birth issues.  I don't think it's necessary to talk to someone specific but it can't hurt.  Maybe do a little googling and even if you can find a local birth network or a natural birth group on facebook they can help you out (you don't have to be interested in natural birth, I just know from experience those groups are pretty well-connected to their local birthing professionals).  Good luck!

lovelongdog06

I don't think it's accurate to say all women have birth trauma. Plenty of women enjoy their births, feel empowered, feel respected, feel supported, maybe even feel redeemed, vindicated, or consider their births profoundly healing. Saying otherwise really is kind of minimizing to those who have genuinely felt traumatized. It's a real thing.

pinkshades05

@babymama619 I'll be your first then. Neither of my girls' births were traumatic. They were tough but very positive experiences.

The traumatic experiences I've heard are with women who have had to deal with life or death scenarios, emergency situations, pain beyond what most can cope with, etc. It gets scary, especially when you feel so vulnerable and out of control.

BeachMommy2B

@babymama619 to say that is really insensitive. I'm not saying that its not hard, especially with the first because there is so much going on that you just don't expect. 

But a real traumatic birth... one where you're baby comes out purple and not breathing, then you are laying there helpless while they are performing CPR on your baby on the other side of the room and you have no idea what's going on and you don't hear that amazing cry for a solid 3-4 minutes. Then only to hear from the respiratory therapist that even they were scared for a couple of those minutes.

That's nothing to laugh or gawk at by saying everyone has a "traumatic" experience. 

rachelmiller03

I don't feel like I had a traumatic birth with my first at all. Was it long? YES (26 hours). Was it difficult? Hell yes. But traumatic? No. My nurse and Dr. listened to my birth plan and supported me, as did DH and my family. I only had a few stitches and DS and I were both well enough to be released from the hospital a day early. I can only hope my experience with this LO is un-traumatic as well. 

mylittleirvz

I agree, I in no way feel I had a traumatic birth. In all honesty it was a very quick, "easy" delivery that I only hope to be so fortunate with this time around. I felt so accomplished and proud of myself afterwards especially doing it med free when I doubted I could beforehand.

All that being said, I can't relate with anyone who has had a traumatic birth but I know several of my friends have had those experiences and it makes my heart hurt so bad for them and pray they can work through it and am thankful they have all had healthy thriving babies in the end as I know not everyone is fortunate in that way. Hugs to all you mamas that have experienced a traumatic birth and I pray you have amazing experiences this time around!

Cook3133

Traumatic is all up to interpretation,  I would never compare what my births are like to another mothers.  I didn't feel like any of mine were traumatic, I didn't realize my last one effected me until I found out I might have to go through it again.  So had he been my last I would have not had any issues.  

I did however have some scary stuff with my first 2 pregnancies.  My first had the cord so tight around his neck when his head first came out that my midwive made my husband step aside so that on the second push she pretty much ripped him out of me, his vitals had plumitted and he was a bit purple, they had to do deep auction and give him O2, no one was allowed to take pictures for the first 5 min until they knew he was ok.  I'm the mean time I laid on the table bleeding out and getting more internal stitches then my midwive could count (this was in the hospital).  But I never saw it as traumatic.  My 2nd threatened to come at 23 weeks and I went 17 weeks with contractions, lil shit held on until 30 min after his due date. 

To to me traumatic is anything that makes you fear wanting to do it again.  

What I do think is every women has an amazing birthing story!  I love hearing them all.  

I hate are when women compare and think other women can't handle the pain just because they could.  Seriously everyone has different pain.  I have a high tolerance for pain and labor still hurt like hell!!

babymama619

I'm glad to hear that so many women here have had great births. As said, I've yet to meet one, so now I'm glad to have found you. Literally every one of the members of my large family and close friends have expressed how awful, disconnected, scarred, and yes, traumatized they have been by their deliveries. I personally took a very long time to bond with DD, months and months, mostly because of my birth experience, so yes, I'm aware that it's a real thing.

NurseLaLa

I had an amazing birth with my son. The pain was intense, but it was amazing. He was a water birth and I still remember the way his hair slowly billowed under the water, highlighted by my midwife's flashlight. His head emerged, but his body still inside. I reached down and I pulled that sucker up out of the water and held him close as he coyly whimpered. His breathing was always fine, he pinked up without any issue, but he just didn't want to cry. Calm birth; calm baby. Magic (I swear I'm not high). 

Anyway, my daughter's birth wasn't fabulous. she was posterior and came out with her hand on her chin like a superstar. 

Anyway. OP, you have time to decide. Also, you going into a birthing centre does not commit you do staying there. You always have the right to say you changed your mind. Always. Well, except when the baby is crowning and you decide you don't actually want to give birth... That part we're all kind of screwed on.

Cook3133

@NurseLaLa technically yes I could change my mind but cost wise No I can't.  With the birthing center I have to start paying from the first visit and they want baby paid of by birth, that's $4500 non refundable if you change your mind, only if there is a health reason.  

I also was able to get pregnancy Medicade and this has taken a huge burden off our family.  I am excited to have a midwife at the hospital and am looking forward to it.  

I always wanted to try a water birth but get way to hot during birth and always get out to deliver.  But jest are awesome during contractions!