**September Benched Thread***

RiverSong15

Time to start a new Benched thread. Anyone is welcome to start this thread, but I figured I'd get us going since this thread will be my home for a while longer.

This is where those of us who are taking a break from TTCAL for medical, emotional, or other reasons can check in, chat, and vent about being benched. 

1. If you're new (or just feel like it), introduce yourself!

2. Status?

3. Rants/Raves?

4. GTKY - Let's kick off Fall! What are you most looking forward to? And more importantly, do you like all things pumpkin or are you a pumpkin hater?

RiverSong15

2. Planning to stay on the bench at least until the end of October. I need to get APS antibodies and thyroid retested. I also want to talk to H about setting up an RE appointment to discuss our two losses and test results before trying again. Life outside of TTC is so crazy right now, though, that I think we need to have things calm down and take a month or so to enjoy the calm before starting TTC again.

I suspect H will not want to start TTC in November, though, as that's when we started last year and got pregnant with our first loss. I think he'll be superstitious about it. He's 100% analytical and logical and a scientist to the core about everything else, but not this. So, I suspect my butt will be parked on this bench until December.

3. R/R - No rants or raves TTC related at the moment. Our puppy is sick with kennel cough right now, and I'd really like him to get better soon. It can't be comfortable for him, and the all-night coughing is waking H and I up. We don't want to move him out of our room though, as he gets a little separation anxiety. My raves are how much our puppy loves us. Give me all the puppy kisses!

4. I love Fall. It's hands-down my favorite season. I love pulling out cute boots and jeans and sweaters. I love changing leaves and almost everything pumpkin. Pie, scones, muffins - pretty much everything pumpkin except Starbucks PSLs.... Don't kill me, PSL-lovers! I'm curious about Starbucks' new fall drink - the chile Mocha. I'm imagining a Mexican hot chocolate with coffee and drooling.

chloe97

@RiverSong15 About trying the same month as you got pregnant with your first loss- If we get pregnant next cycle, we will almost for sure have the same due date week as our first loss. I actually see this as a good thing in some ways- first of all I love summer and both DH and I have summer birthdays so having a baby in the summer is very ideal for us, but also I love the idea of a rainbow born a year after his brother or sister should have been. A friend of mine had 3 MCs in a row, her rainbow was due 2 years to the date after first baby's EDD. She thought of it as a sign. I do worry about date triggers during PGAL- for example I was 9 weeks and announced to family at Thanksgiving only to MC the next week, I'm pretty sure that being 9 weeks at Thanksgibing would cause some major PGAL anxiety, BUT that's after 2 losses after 10 weeks that's going to be par for the course any way. I do worry about a second Xmas season recovering from a MC. That may put a long term damper on the season. 

PabloAndChristine

1. Lost our little girl in June (our first, but I have stepkids) She was born in silence and she was beautiful. 
2. My doctor benched me until December due to how incredibly sick I got at delivery and how far along I was (24.5 weeks). But I recovered really quickly and after hearing how long others who in similar positions were told to wait I'm really thinking of talking with my doctor again. We are both ready to start again. 
3. Rant: We just moved August 1st and are really excited about our new place and new town. But today my hubs got a call from animal control that there have been complaints about our dogs barking at people walking by and they want to give us a big fine because we haven't paid the first 2 fines... And this is the first we have heard of any of this! No polite warning, no notice on the door, no ticket in the mailbox. What a welcome to the neighborhood!
Rave: yesterday we both took off work for something we had to do and made the most of it-shopping, went to a baseball game, and all around had a great time. 
4. So I love summer and dislike being cold so fall is tough. I do love crisp fall air though. And apple season. And holiday traditions. I like PSL but I'm not obsessed. 

KarenBeth714

Benched for September - still in initial phases of ivf. Tons of paper work and consultations for the pgd part- which is why we are doing it. Can't start process until our probe is designed which could take a couple of months. Tomorrow was my EDD for our loss. I can't believe its here. I'm going to plant a tree in memory of our baby this weekend.

DungeonTrollMel

@KarenBeth714 I will be thinking of you tomorrow. I am so sorry yor EDD is here while you are in the middle of such a difficult journey 

BitterBetty12

@KarenBeth714 Thinking of you today 

@MK1013 My H was afraid of DTD after our loss as well. We didn't really talk about it, one day it just kind of happened naturally. Afterward he said "That wasn't so bad", and we have been fine since. I hope you and your H are comfortable enough to talk about it soon. My H also is very reluctant about the idea of another pregnancy. It's been three months and he just admitted for the first time a few days ago that he's even a tiny bit excited. He's very emotional and is horrified at the idea of it happening again. But his desire for a family is greater than his fear, and so he was on board to try again as soon as we were cleared (I was worried he would want more time). Maybe your H will surprise you. Hugs.

TScalei

@karenbeth714 - thinking about you - hope the day wasn't too bad. Planting the tree seems nice.

1.) Had a mmc in March and another in August.

2.) Benched until I get AF again which wouldn't be until October. My first cycle after mmc last time was pretty weird so might be benched until my 2nd cylce which would be in November. Going to see an RE on 9/13 so Im not sure if they will have anything further to say about this.

3.) Ugh its been a week. I miscarried naturally Tuesday night- it happened pretty quickly and was very intense this time. I lost a lot of blood really quickly. Had to take the day off work the next day bec I was so emotionally and physically drained. On Thursday I got pink eye so I have been dealing with that on top of everything. Just feeling so defeated right now. Feel like I keep getting kicked when I am already down. Rave my DH has been really great this week in helping me with everything.

4.) Fall is my favorite season and I love everything pumpkin.  I feel like I loved it before it got really popular though lol. Im excited for the days to get a little cooler, I love the crisp fall air and getting out my fall clothes, fall scented candles and soups and Im excited for football season to start.

RiverSong15

@KarenBeth714 - I'm thinking of you today. EDDs are tough. Hugs lady.

@MK1013 - After my second MC, I was the one who was afraid to have sex. Not going to lie, sex came with mixed emotions for a while. But talking with my H helped. Hopefully you and your H can talk things through. Maybe work up to sex gradually?

@PabloandChristine - Ugh, I hate neighbors who don't even give you the courtesy of stopping by. You're brand new to the neighborhood! Hopefully you get something worked out. And dogs bark - unless they're foaming at the mouth and acting like they want to kill the neighbors, that's not a good enough reason to call animal control!

@TScalei - I'm glad things finally are moving forward, at least. I know the waiting was hard for you. Hopefully nothing else happens (pink eye - ugh!). Also, yum, soup!!! I can't wait to make sweet potato and butternut squash soup. Any favorite recipes?

@chloe97 - Thanks. I'd like to think of it that way, but I'm not sure about H. And I need him to be on board because I know I'll be a big ball of craziness once we TTC again. Either way, I think the holidays will suck this year for me. 

NewMommyCoop

@TScalei I'm glad you have that past you now. I think I will feel better when it happens for me.

@KarenBeth714 My thoughts are with you.

1. If you're new (or just feel like it), introduce yourself! I was on TTCAL for about a month and then got a BFP in early August. Found out yesterday, on my 39th birthday that there was no heartbeat. We saw a heartbeat the week before.

2. Status? Benched. Waiting up to four weeks to miscarry naturally; otherwise, we will schedule a D&C, but my OB wants to take the wait and see approach.

3. Rants/Raves? Life is so unfair and I can't believe this is happening again. I feel like crap and am really wondering if DH and I will ever have our baby. DH did his best to try and make my birthday not suck completely, but we both just shut down yesterday and then had to act like everything was fine once SD got home from school. It is so hard being at work today, but I have three projects due and no energy or desire to complete them.

4. GTKY - Let's kick off Fall! What are you most looking forward to? And more importantly, do you like all things pumpkin or are you a pumpkin hater?
Nothing at the moment, which is depressing and crappie, I know. I'm sorry. I guess I will be able to go to the top of Pike's Peak in October on our trip to Colorado Springs and visit some wineries. I love everything pumpkin except pumpkin pie; it's a texture thing.

TScalei

Aww Im sorry @newmommycoop- and on your birthday too -that really just sucks. I hope you don't have to wait too long. I had to wait about 2 weeks and you are right the waiting and wondering was the hardest past. Your trip to Colorado Springs sounds like it will be nice. Hopefully having something fun to look forward to will be a nice distraction.

NewMommyCoop

@TScalei Thank you. I have no idea what to expect and am hoping that when it happens I am fortunate enough to be at home. I have a 45 minute commute to/from work, so I pray it does not happen here.  My OB said to expect a minimum two weeks based on the u/s. (My body still thinks its viable). I am ready for the long weekend so I can just be home and not have to put on a happy face at work.

chloe97

@NewMommyCoop I'm so so sorry for your loss. What a f-ing awful thing to happen on your birthday. Sending thoughts to you and your husband. We are all here for you!

@KarenBeth714 Thinking of you on your due date.

AFM I'm waffling between WTO and self-imposed benching. DH is of the mindset that we just pull the goalie and see what happens and not pay attention to timing. Ha! He has no idea how that it's not possible for my OCD self to not know if I'm fertile. My body seemingly accepts all embryos- good and bad- so I fully expect to get pregnant as soon as we DTD during my FW. I will say that if I ovulate late this cycle, we will be putting the goalie back in place. My last loss happened when I ovulated a week late and I'm pretty sure it contributed to the poor egg quality. Part of me knows that if I'm not 100% sure I'm ready, we should wait. The other part of me recognizes my age (37) and that I need to jump on a good cycle if it's coming. 

TScalei

@newmommycoop- I had 2mmcs now and for both of them I had about a day of spotting, then a day of light bleeding before the actual mc took place. So at least I had a little warning. Hopefully that will happen for you. When it did start for me it wasn't incredibly dramatic I just started passing clots. I had to drive home from work during the middle of it ( about 25 min) and was nervous about that too but I was fine. For 2 weeks though I brought a small pouch of maxi pads everywhere I went just to be prepared and I tried to wear dark pants, leggings, yoga pants to work just in case.

** Hope you don't mind me sharing my experience but sometimes when you look online you can find some crazy scenarios so I thought by sharing it might help put your mind at ease a bit while you wait. Please feel free to reach out if you have any other ques.

NewMommyCoop

@TScalei Thank you very much for sharing. It does help me, more than you know. I know I need to get some heavy pads soon, just in case. I did not have the energy to leave the house yesterday. Was the spotting your first sign? I did not have to get up in the middle of the night last night to go pee for the first time since a week after I ovulated. I wondered if that was a sign this morning, but I have not had any spotting or cramping today. Plus I just saw the OB yesterday.

@chloe97 Thank you and GL with your decision.

TScalei

@newmommycoop - yes it was light spotting about a day and day a half before it started both times. After 2 weeks of waiting it was a relief to see the spotting and just know it was going to begin.

@chloe97 - Im sorry you are having a tough time with this but after 2 losses as well, I completely understand.  For me its hard to when I will ever feel emotionally or physically ready to go through this again. It is hard. I hope you can follow your gut and feel at peace with your decision.

PabloAndChristine

@NewMommyCoop I'm so sorry!
@RiverSong15 I know, dogs bark right? They've had a few excessive moments which I think is only natural when they are dropped in a new environment. And as for barking at passerbyers? If they ever were to get out I guarantee they would cover them with doggy kisses! These are no watch dogs! Hope your is better soon!

Hopefulmommy1980

Benched until the 20th. So I will be out this month

rants/raves. Just working to much. Need to do more self care. Which has made my anxiety skyrocket. Must do more self care. 

I love fall. I love hoodie weather it is my favorite! 
Not a big pumpkin fan but not a pumpkin hater

all of you ladies are awesome. I read all of your comments and hope the best for all of you. 

weareturtles

1. Hi everyone. DH and I miscarried triplets between July and August. We didn't know it was triplets right away. Found out there were two sacs in July when I was miscarrying the singleton. And then at my re-check, found out that the other sac contained identical twins. They did well for a while, heartbeats and growth all perfectly normal and then suddenly nothing. DH and I have been devastated. We want nothing more than to have our twins back. 

2. Status? Benched. I've been miscarrying for a month now and my hormone levels are still crazy high due to it being a twin pregnancy, so I don't know how long I'll be here, but it's until further notice. DH and I are definitely wanting to try again, we just have to wait for my hormones to exit my system and they are surely taking their sweet time. I'm also waiting to be in the clear on ultrasound too. They thought I was on my first re-check, but then something showed up on my second re-check that was suspicious. Next re-check is 9/9.

3. Rants/Raves? I really wish there was a way to help my HCG levels go down. Stupid hormones. 

4. GTKY - Let's kick off Fall! What are you most looking forward to? And more importantly, do you like all things pumpkin or are you a pumpkin hater? I'm honestly not looking forward to fall. I'm not looking forward to much these days. The only thing I am looking forward to is a vacation with my side of the family in December.

BWhitta

Hi, everyone...I'm new here.  I found out I was pregnant just last week, spotted for a few days and then finally stared very heavy bleeding on Wednesday.  I was just 5w2d.  It was my first pregnancy and so my first loss...I have PCOS so I've been working with an RE just for a couple months actually so I guess I should be encouraged that I was able to conceive so quickly.  But now I'm just terrified that there is something else wrong that caused the mc.  I haven't really gotten any answers from my doctor yet, so I *think* we are benched until I start my next period?  I don't know if that means we need to abstain or use protection this month, or if it would be safe if we did conceive naturally?  I'm having another blood draw next week to make sure my levels have returned to 0 so hopefully I will get some answers then.  Right now I feel sort of in shock, I'm really scared about what the future holds honestly.  I know these early losses are so common by that just doesn't make it any easier...I do love Fall, though...but I live in Florida so that won't be showing up for a while, haha.

TScalei

@weareturtles - I'm sorry this process has been so hard for you. Hoping your levels will go down soon.

@bwhitta- welcome! But I'm sorry to see you here and so sorry for your loss.

stephann85

@weareturtles - I totally get the slow decrease on the hcg. My first time around my levels dropped down quickly, within 2 weeks of my d&c. This time it took over 2 months.

@MK1013 - my husband too had a hard time dtd after our losses. I don't think it was so much that he was afraid of me but afraid that he might hurt me. He watched me go through all the pain physically and emotionally during the mc, and I don't think he wanted to add to that pain. But as time went on that was less of an issue, especially if I initiated it. 

2. Status - currently still benched. This will be month #3 benched following a d&c at end of June. Found out this last Monday that I had retained tissue and that is why my hcg was dropping so slowly. So had another d&c with hysteroscopy on Sept 1st. So I am benched until I have my next cycle, which hopefully will be end of September. 

3. Raves - with the hysteroscopy they found a fibroid that may have been causing some of our issues with mc. Also glad I am not in limbo anymore with my hcg.

4. GTKY - Let's kick off Fall! What are you most looking forward to? And more importantly, do you like all things pumpkin or are you a pumpkin hater?
Not really a pumpkin lover, I could take it or leave it... but I Love fall, the temperatures, the decrease in humidity, the changing leaves, and sweaters.

KarenBeth714

@stephann85 Hoping that they can address the fibroid and get you cleared for next cycle! It's good to get some answers.

Thanks for all of your support on my EDD. I really felt the love. I'm really thankful for this group - as I see it as an essential part of my healing process.  I was so wishing and hoping that I would be ku by that day.. but it came and went. It wasn't as terrible as I thought. I worked in my classroom and kept busy in the morning and then went to the beach with my mom. We walked along the beach and enjoyed every last moment of Summer. I am so soothed by nature in times like this - it's beauty keeps me grounded and gives me so much perspective. Nature is healing.

stephann85

@KarenBeth714 - they removed the fibriod as well as some retained tissue. So now just waiting until my next cycle, which should be the end of this month, and then I will finally be off the bench. FX
@BWhitta - I am sorry that you find yourself here but this is a great group of ladies. As far as trying again, I know everyone is different. As for me I ended up with a d&c both times and I was benched until I got my next cycle. And basically that meant that we just needed to use protection. I don't think it would have been much different for me if it would have happened naturally, just because the hormones need to go back to zero and just to be ready emotionally to try again. I hope your stay here is short.

yolandamunoz

Hi Ladies!

2. Status: benched. My most recent tests are ready and I have an RE appointment this Tuesday. I'll let you know how it goes, if my anti phospholipid syndrome is confirmed, Etc. 

3. Rave: had a lovely trip to Buenos Aires this week. So nice to have this time away with DH.

4. Fall/spring for me. Is still cold most days but they are starting to get warmer... I don't like these seasons as it usually means that I have to walk around with my winter coat for most afternoons.... (Mornings are really chilly).

SoonToBeMommaHowe

@weareturtles I am so sorry for your losses. I also had a twin miscarriage and it took a long time for my body to return to "normal". Fingers crossed that your HCG gets down to zero quickly. 

@BWhitta I had followed your story on the infertility board, so sorry to see you over here with us. Hopefully we can provide you some comfort, this group is great<3

weareturtles

@SoonToBeMommaHowe - So sorry to hear that you also had a twin miscarriage. How far along were you? How long did it take for your levels to go down?

SoonToBeMommaHowe

@weareturtles I was 18.5 weeks and my doctors never monitored my HCG at any point in the process. So I don't know how long it took for my HCG to go down but I had my MC in May and got a two faint false positive HPTs mid July. 

weareturtles

@SoonToBeMommaHowe Interesting...I'm assuming that that was still residual from your MC. 18.5 weeks though...oh my goodness! I'm so so so sorry. My heart aches for you and your LOs.

yolandamunoz

UPDATE 

Today I went to my RE. My latest tests were good news! My prolactin is normal with this new meds, and my anti B2 test was negative, so I don't really have APS after all.

So my doctor put me officially off the bench! I don't even know if I'm excited or scared...

Next month I will start my cycle taking Femara, and will have close following up by my doctor, with sonograms to anticipate ovulation. After ovulation I will take progesterone to help me have a long nice Lutheal phase. 

I can't believe I am back to TTC.. Let the crazies begin!

hugs
-Y

TScalei

Yayyy that's good news @yolundamunoz!

yolandamunoz

Yay thanks!!!! Still only excited. I will probably freak out during FW

SoonToBeMommaHowe

What great news @yolandamunoz! Time to join us on the crazy train 

yolandamunoz

Yes!!! Soon enough, I'm already checking my chart to let DH know about our BD schedule for this month LOL

NewMommyCoop

@yolandamunoz That is great news! 

yolandamunoz

Yes indeed @newmommycoop !!! Thanks!

amberruka

Congrats @yolandamunoz! Glad to have you back to the dark side....

brooklyngirl18

@yolandamunoz congrats!!! awesome news.

RiverSong15

Yay @yolandamunoz!!!!! I'm glad you got such great news!

yolandamunoz

Ohhh thank you ladies @amberruka @brooklyngirl18 and @RiverSong15  !!!
Back to the dark side yeah!!!

BitterBetty12

@yolandamunoz That's fantastic news! I'm so happy to hear it.