to tell or not to tell? — The Bump
April 2017 Moms

to tell or not to tell?

I am not even 5 weeks, so I'm trying to keep it under wraps professionally for a while longer. I used DS and my friend's fertility doc to achieve this pregnancy. Today she texted to ask me if I'm KU. I don't want to lie, but....

1. She has been trying for 5 years and this summer had a chemical pregnancy. I kind of hated her telling me all her symptoms and stuff (before she knew the pregnancy wasn't ok) b/c it made me sad I wasn't pregnant. So I don't want to make her feel bad.

2. She's kind of has a big mouth. And while she teaches in another district she lives in the district where I reach and is neighbors with a semi-coworker. Also, we used to work together and have a lot of the same friends whom I don't really want to tell. 

What do I do?!?

Re: to tell or not to tell?

  • It's really up to you. If you're not comfortable saying anything this early, then don't. With the information that you've given, I would not say anything to her, unless you trust her well enough to not say anything to anyone until you do. 
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  • If I were your friend and you didn't give me a straight answer I would assume you were KU. But that's not to say you can't do that and she may not ake the same assumption. I wouldn't worry about making her feel bad if she's asking. She wouldn't ask if she didn't want to know. I know exactly where you're coming from with that though after my MC I had a hard time hearing about anyone else's pregnancy or even seeing my pregnant friends for awhile. 

    Bottom line. If you dint want to tell her, dont! Mayne try saying it's too early to know yet?
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  • I know where you are coming from, but if you really don't feel ready to share....DON"T and also do not feel guilty about telling a "white lie". If she comes back and asks why you lied, plain and simple tell her you were not ready to share the news #sorrynotsorry

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  • I agree with @beemaya83. Tell a little white lie if you don't feel comfortable sharing the news yet. I've been asked a couple of times over the last few days and I've lied to those people. When I do eventually tell them, I'll apologize for lying but say I wasn't ready to share the news quite yet. 
  • I mean, it doesn't sound like you want to tell her so just... Don't.  Obviously she knows you were trying so it may be hard to keep it from her for long without blatantly lying but your medical business is your medical business.
  • Also, thanks all for the advice. 

  • @babymama619 you certainly can make as many posts as you'd like. But at some point there are redundancies and a lot of one-off posters who don't participate anywhere else aside from posts that they start. 
  • Did she know you were cycling? Not that it changes much, because if you don't want to tell her, don't.  We were completely open about our IF journey when we were going through it, so everyone knew super early on. 

    At the end of the day, it's your decision to make. If you don't want her to tell anyone, a white lie won't hurt anything and she will probably understand when you finally come clean, esp if she went through tx herself. 
    Me: 37, DH: 35 :: TCC since 2/11 SA: Perfect! CD3  HSG = Blocked Right Tube
    April- Femara 2.5mg + Trigger + IUI = BFN   May- Femara 5mg = CX - No Response on Left = BFN
    June- Femara 7.5mg + Trigger + IUI = BFN  August- Lap & Hysteroscopy = Blocked & Partially Blocked Tubes
    September- Femara 5mg = CX - No Response on Left = BFN  October- 100mg Clomid + Trigger + TI = BFN
    IVF # 1: Stims 11/30 ER 12/12/12! (10R, 10M, 8F, 2T, 6 F) :: Beta #1- 176  c/p @ 4w4d
    FET #1 February 26th :: Lost 4 to Thaw, Transferred 2 = BFFN
    IVF # 2 Stims 5/10 ER 5/21 (15R, 13M, 13F, 2T, 7F- 6d3 & 1d5) :: Beta # 1- 15 c/p @ 4w
    FET #2 Cancelled, Right Tube Developed a Hydro  8/28 Hydro & Scar Tissue Removed  Cleared for FET
    FET #2.2 Scheduled for September 20th
    2 Thawed, 2 Transferred! Beta #1- 96, Beta #2 906! :: EDD June 10th
    2015- 2 failed FET. We are done
    SURPRISE! BFP 8/8/16   EDD 4/1/17

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