to tell or not to tell?

babymama619 · August 2016

I am not even 5 weeks, so I'm trying to keep it under wraps professionally for a while longer. I used DS and my friend's fertility doc to achieve this pregnancy. Today she texted to ask me if I'm KU. I don't want to lie, but....

1. She has been trying for 5 years and this summer had a chemical pregnancy. I kind of hated her telling me all her symptoms and stuff (before she knew the pregnancy wasn't ok) b/c it made me sad I wasn't pregnant. So I don't want to make her feel bad.

2. She's kind of has a big mouth. And while she teaches in another district she lives in the district where I reach and is neighbors with a semi-coworker. Also, we used to work together and have a lot of the same friends whom I don't really want to tell.

What do I do?!?

SnarkasaurusRex · August 2016

It's really up to you. If you're not comfortable saying anything this early, then don't. With the information that you've given, I would not say anything to her, unless you trust her well enough to not say anything to anyone until you do.

TheJerilu · August 2016

I'd answer with "That's not really appropriate to ask." or just "lol" and not answer it. Or I'd just lie; it's not really that big of a deal to be secretive about about your medical information and not everybody needs to know.

Also for future reference, a post like this should probably go in the Pregnancy Chatter thread rather than being its own thing.

SuperKristy85 · August 2016

If I were your friend and you didn't give me a straight answer I would assume you were KU. But that's not to say you can't do that and she may not ake the same assumption. I wouldn't worry about making her feel bad if she's asking. She wouldn't ask if she didn't want to know. I know exactly where you're coming from with that though after my MC I had a hard time hearing about anyone else's pregnancy or even seeing my pregnant friends for awhile.

Bottom line. If you dint want to tell her, dont! Mayne try saying it's too early to know yet?

beemaya83 · August 2016

I know where you are coming from, but if you really don't feel ready to share....DON"T and also do not feel guilty about telling a "white lie". If she comes back and asks why you lied, plain and simple tell her you were not ready to share the news #sorrynotsorry

STM2017 · August 2016

I agree with @beemaya83. Tell a little white lie if you don't feel comfortable sharing the news yet. I've been asked a couple of times over the last few days and I've lied to those people. When I do eventually tell them, I'll apologize for lying but say I wasn't ready to share the news quite yet.

clover28 · August 2016

I mean, it doesn't sound like you want to tell her so just... Don't. Obviously she knows you were trying so it may be hard to keep it from her for long without blatantly lying but your medical business is your medical business.

babymama619 · August 2016

TheJerilu said:

Also for future reference, a post like this should probably go in the Pregnancy Chatter thread rather than being its own thing.

So, I 100% don't want to sound snarky, but I legitimately want to know, what's the purpose of keeping our thought categorized on here? I can't imagine that we'll be referring back to specific threads like tax documents, lol. Maybe these were group norm the early April mamas established, but I don't get it, so just wondering why we're limiting the number of unique threads? I much prefer the variety of 20 threads with 10 comments as opposed to weeding through 5 threads with 40 comments each. And again, if this sounds snippy, it's not meant to be. Reread it and assume positive intentions

babymama619 · August 2016

Also, thanks all for the advice.

leslieknope · August 2016

@babymama619 you certainly can make as many posts as you'd like. But at some point there are redundancies and a lot of one-off posters who don't participate anywhere else aside from posts that they start.

bluthsbananas · August 2016

That's a pretty bold question for her to ask and put you on the spot! Don't feel obligated to tell her if you're not ready (which it sounds like you aren't). Maybe respond and say something like "Not yet, but hopefully soon!" Short and sweet little white lie to get her off your back.

I'm trying to understand this whole board organization thing, as well. I've read a lot of what people have posted and I haven't commented on any of it yet. I'm personally drawn to individual posts and tend to scroll through threads that are a mile long with fifty different topics within them. But I'm trying to go with the flow because that's how the majority here seem to prefer it. So just know that you're not alone in not quite getting it, @babymama619.

twistsandturnsto2 · August 2016

Did she know you were cycling? Not that it changes much, because if you don't want to tell her, don't. We were completely open about our IF journey when we were going through it, so everyone knew super early on.

At the end of the day, it's your decision to make. If you don't want her to tell anyone, a white lie won't hurt anything and she will probably understand when you finally come clean, esp if she went through tx herself.

to tell or not to tell?

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