@slartybartfast so there's no allowance for date nights/vacations/home improvement updates?
I think we're somewhere in the middle with finances. We pay ourselves first (savings), pay bills, then do a cash budget for food shopping, household purchases, gas, and then each of us gets an allowance per pay period - including the twins (theirs goes towards diapers,clothes and other things they need before birth).
@slartybartfast so there's no allowance for date nights/vacations/home improvement updates?
I think we're somewhere in the middle with finances. We pay ourselves first (savings), pay bills, then do a cash budget for food shopping, household purchases, gas, and then each of us gets an allowance per pay period - including the twins (theirs goes towards diapers,clothes and other things they need before birth).
Oh totally - in moderation but yea. But those are always joint decisions too
My DH also exclusively pays the bills and knows exactly what we have in our account and when certain bills are coming out in any given month while I know next to nothing. So when I want something (new maternity clothes, shoes, stuff for our children) I just ask if we have the extra money this month for me to plop some cash down on whatever it is. I typically always ask if it's over $50-$100.
I don't view it as he's controlling the money or the purse strings, because he's not. I view it as a respect thing. He's doing all of the work balancing the budget and paying the bills on time and making sure we have the money for bills that come out later in the month while I know zilch about it. I believe it's being respectful to him to ask if we have the money for my splurge rather than just assuming and putting us in a financial bind.
My UO while I love all things dessert, I find chocolate chip cookies ho hum. If they are there and are the only things sweet in my house I'll eat them but they aren't my go to. I'd rather eat any number of desserts over chocolate chip cookies.
@Lisa3379 I wouldn't call it "asking permission". I'd call it checking the budget. I never ask my husband permission to buy anything, but I do ask him if it's in the budget to buy something.
It does make it easier if you had a budget for each category for sure. We have no budget, really, so that's where I feel like I'd have to run it by him if I went out and bought a bunch of stuff with his money. I would just feel bad if I didn't. He gets automatic alerts on his phone whenever his card is run (he had issues with unauthorized purchases before) so I can just imagine this happening - the instant I walk out of Target, I get a text saying "what'd ya buy?" He wouldn't do so in an accusatory way, probably more to break my balls.
I guess maybe I'm the controlling one? lol. I have an excel sheet with all of our bills, and the dates and amounts we get paid. These bills get paid out of these pay checks at the middle of the month, and these bills get paid out of these checks at the end of the month...and this is what's left to spend. And by bills, I mean every single bill, money for groceries, and gas money. So what's left is truly spending money. DH is terrible about money, so within our joint account, we each have a checking account that our debit card pulls from. I leave half of the spending money in his account. A lot of times tell him we have a little less than we really do, because I just KNOW how he is...and then when something we really need comes up I have backup funds lol.
I guess maybe I'm the controlling one? lol. I have an excel sheet with all of our bills, and the dates and amounts we get paid. These bills get paid out of these pay checks at the middle of the month, and these bills get paid out of these checks at the end of the month...and this is what's left to spend. And by bills, I mean every single bill, money for groceries, and gas money. So what's left is truly spending money. DH is terrible about money, so within our joint account, we each have a checking account that our debit card pulls from. I leave half of the spending money in his account. A lot of times tell him we have a little less than we really do, because I just KNOW how he is...and then when something we really need comes up I have backup funds lol.
OMG DH has this ON HIS PHONE!! He factors in our paychecks, bills, groceries, gas, what goes into savings, EVERYTHING! Every time we buy something he updates his spreadsheet. I've looked at it a few times, I can't decipher his system (even though he's explained it numerous times). As long as there's money in the accounts I'm good.
Married 4/12/13 TTC since 6/13 Diagnosed w/ PCOS 4/9/15 - R/E recommended lifestyle change BFP 4/10/16 - DS born 12/16/2016 SURPRISE! BFP 3/8/18
@brittnic86 I have a spreadsheet with 6 tabs for stuff...savings projections go out until 2040...when I expect my third kid to finish college. Note: I'm pregnant with kid 2 right now lol. Of course the actuals vary from my projections every month but yeah...my financial "perfect story" is planned.
@phoenix870509 hahahaha sounds like me. Any time either of us spends money I update it. I've tried to explain it to DH, but he doesn't get it. I'm a bookkeeper though lol. It's just easier for both of us if I just tell him how much money is left, and leave money in "his" account.
@Lisa3379 we have a credit card that does this. Every time it's swiped, DH gets a text. I don't mind, as I'm obviously not trying to hide anything from him and I realize identity theft is real. It does get annoying though - like this morning he texted me "did you just spend $10 at Porter something?" Um, yeah, you knew I had a dentist appointment and that was the co-pay. I guess that's less annoying than having to cancel and replace all the cards though.
Regarding purchases, our situation is more or less like that of @phoenix870509. I don't ask permission, but I do let DH know before I buy anything. I think that since I'm spending our money, he deserves to know. We're a team, and I'd feel like I was going behind his back if I spent $ and didn't tell him.
My mother always paid all the bills and handled all the finances, and now she's doing the same for my grandmother, who has no idea how now that my grandfather's passed. She was appalled when she found out that I also don't really know how, nor am I really aware of our overall financial situation. However, looking at numbers and doing math literally gives me a headache. Always has, and it's gotten significantly worse each year out of high school. The numbers swim before my eyes, blend together, and I forget them seconds after I see them. DH is an engineer, and therefore works with numbers every day. Our situation works for us, but it does scare me that if something were to happen to DH, I would be at a complete loss.
Regarding purchases, our situation is more or less like that of @phoenix870509. I don't ask permission, but I do let DH know before I buy anything. I think that since I'm spending our money, he deserves to know. We're a team, and I'd feel like I was going behind his back if I spent $ and didn't tell him.
My mother always paid all the bills and handled all the finances, and now she's doing the same for my grandmother, who has no idea how now that my grandfather's passed. She was appalled when she found out that I also don't really know how, nor am I really aware of our overall financial situation. However, looking at numbers and doing math literally gives me a headache. Always has, and it's gotten significantly worse each year out of high school. The numbers swim before my eyes, blend together, and I forget them seconds after I see them. DH is an engineer, and therefore works with numbers every day. Our situation works for us, but it does scare me that if something were to happen to DH, I would be at a complete loss.
THIS! So much this! And I agree about being lost without DH. I'm good at math, don't get me wrong (math team in high school for 2 years) but I suck at budgeting. I would know what to budget for bills, but groceries? Forget about it. He manages to budget for groceries, stick to it, and manage to have money left over. I'd spend all the money on food I'm that bad.
Married 4/12/13 TTC since 6/13 Diagnosed w/ PCOS 4/9/15 - R/E recommended lifestyle change BFP 4/10/16 - DS born 12/16/2016 SURPRISE! BFP 3/8/18
My uo or up (unpopular practice): I like having separate saving accounts for separate things. I have a home repair, emergency, travel, new car, and baby accounts that all have goal amounts set up for them. That does not include college or retirement plans. DH hates the idea of them but loves it when we have enough "travel" money for a vacation or enough "home repair" money for a bathroom remodel. If I didn't do this, I'd be tempted to not travel or not improve things because I'd be in the "it all has to go towards mortgage, college, or retirement" mindset. Nothing wrong with that, but I'd probably take it to extremes and we'd never "live a little".
We basically do this, although it's not actual separate accounts but just a spreadsheet with different savings items that we call our "buckets". We take out bills, then set aside a specific amount each month for things like travel, home improvements, etc. Isn't it awesome when you see that you have enough in one of the accounts to do something fun? I love that feeling that we're working toward a bunch of goals with our money.
We end up with fun budget after all of our different savings and as long as we stay under that limit, we kind of buy what we each want. I might give him a heads up that I'm, say, back to school shopping but that's about it. Neither of us are big spenders, so this seems to work for us.
DH is an engineer, and therefore works with numbers every day. Our situation works for us, but it does scare me that if something were to happen to DH, I would be at a complete loss.
SAME. My boyfriend is so good about keeping track of everything and investing and refinancing when it's the right time and all that... I am so not in tune with any of it. I should really do better, honestly.
I make the budget in our house, but yeah--we have different accounts for everything. Checking, Emergency Fund, Baby Fund, Car Fund, Holiday Fund, Home Fund, Vacation Fund...plus retirement and any CDs or trades we have going. It's nice to have funds for specific purposes--I don't feel guilty spending the money for its purpose because that's what it's there for!
We use a cash system, though. We leave the bill money in checking (auto payment), but then for food, dining out, allowance, gas, baby items, etc we use cash. Keeps us on track for the most part, although sometimes we slip up. We are fortunate that the only debt we have is our car, and that helps a lot. If we use the credit card we pay it off immediately.
We talk about big purchases, but if it's lunch or something it's whatever. I involve DH in the budget process (Excel) so it's not like I make a budget and he has no idea how I got there--we sometimes have special things to budget for and the communication helps.
@dmontgo We're the opposite. We live on a zero cash system. We have 3 different credit cards with different reward systems. We use the best card for each purchase to make sure we maximize our rewards. But, we pay off all our credit card bills in full each month. Whenever I have to use cash I just feel like I'm missing out on the 1%-5% off. It's tiny, but adds up. Every few months I go in and redeem a hundred bucks or so.
Also, I over spend cash much easier. Once it's out of the account it's like it's already spent to me. So I just blow through any cash in my wallet. Shame on me.
@tinattt23 Interesting! Spending cash pains me because I can see it leaving my hand lol.
If I had more discipline, I would have multiple credit cards, but because I don't see that money leaving my account, it makes me feel like I can spend a lot more than I should or have on-hand. Makes a lot of sense to use CCs that have rewards--we just use one that is backed by our own money so we have less incentive to use it inappropriately. But it's cool because it grows the CD we backed with it faster than a savings account, so I feel good about that!
I'm with @tinattt23 - credit card rewards are my favorite thing. We don't cash out ever - we stockpile. Then we use the points towards travel so we can treat ourselves to something nice without paying so much for it. Also, DH and I have discovered that if we get the same card, one of us can refer the other and get the referral bonus, and then we both get the new card holder bonus and then we have tons of points. We've done this with 2 different cards and it was awesome. Then, because we have the same card and live in the same house, we can combine our points.
@penelope4612 FI and I did this a couple years ago when we got engaged and merged our finances. We each got one new card, added the other as a user, and got all kinds of bonuses. Plus it's just easier to both have copies of the same cards. We also went a big international vacation that year so we got a special travel card that avoided foreign transaction fees. We ended up getting like $700 back (and avoided who knows what in fees) in the first couple months. I was so proud of our skills!
DH is a bank manager sooooo he clearly runs that show for us. I have access to and knowledge of each account and every bill of course. We follow a general monthly budget (and routinely put $ into a money market savings account) but we admittedly aren't very rigid with the budget. We buy what we need, discuss larger "wants," and he will let me know periodically if we need to slow it down a tad (usually if we have done more eating out than we should or have an unexpected expense come up that changes the monthly game a bit). Because he sees everything more frequently than I do, he makes me aware. We are both good with our arrangement now but to prep for our son we are revisiting everything to see what we can modify. For example, we cut off a few monthly subscriptions we had and also our landline phone, which was never used.
It sounds like we all have versions of the same stuff but...here's my spin off UO...what is up with couples who have separate accounts from each other? Why? What's that all about? You can marry, procreate, cohabitate, but not merge money? Mreh?
Also. @phoebecar, you should probably give me all of your chocolate chip cookies.
@swhiddon33 when H and I made comparable checks we had 'deprecate accounts'. We were each on both accounts, though. He put his checks in his and I did in mine. Then I covered the bills at the end of the month- close to my payday, and he did those close to his payday. That way we could use one account for 1/2 the month and switch after all the bills had processed. It probably sounds confusing, but it worked for us. We had what was left over after each 'set' of bills until the next payday.
Formerly known as Kate08young August '18 Siggy April Showers:
Me: 28 H: 24 Married: 7/22/14 Baby L: 8/4/2015 August 2015 Moms Baby E: 11/18/2016 December 2016 Moms TTC #3 08/2017 BFP 11/27/2017. Twin B lost 11/22/2017, Twin A doing well.
@swhiddon33 we have a joint account, and we both have complete access to everything in that account. But we have two checking accounts, and his debit card draws from one, and mine for another. The reason for this is because there may be $1,000 in checking, but I've paid a bunch of bills that haven't cleared yet, and while I know that, DH just sees money in the account lol. So if I know we can really only spend $300 of that, I put $150 in "his" account, and let him know that's half the spending money. We had just one checking account before, and there was just too much miscommunication. I'd pay bills, and dh would just see money and think we could spend it. I tried telling him we have x amount, and updating him as we spent...but he couldn't keep track lol.
We still have seperate accounts, only been married a year, and we didn't live together much before that. Honestly, some of it is just convienence. We both had some auto bills set up, he already had the utility accounts where I lived with family and didn't, and are just lazy to get that switched and direct deposits switched. We do have 2 joint savings though.
DH pays the bills from his account. I pay for my car, my cell phone (his is paid by work), and the groceries/household stuff. We each have some auto savings set up to go to the joint savings monthly, and if either of us have a big surplus at the end of the month we transfer over. We talk about large purchases first...probably anything over $50?
It works. We're fortunate that we haven't really had to worry about money. But now that the baby is coming, daycare costs, and we're shelling out tons for the new house we're being much more mindful of our extra money.
Catching up after being away for most of the day, but ooooo, I like to talk about finances!
One of the best things MIL has ever done was pay for H and I (sort of...H was away at college, so I mostly did it myself) to go through the Financial Peace University course. Dave Ramsey, anyone? A lot of the philosophies on here are similar to what he says, and I'm actually surprised that his name hasn't come up yet. Anyway, he's big into budgeting for individual categories, accounting for your entire paycheck, and working on a cash-only basis.
So far, it's worked like a dream, with a few modifications. I'm the money manager in our household, and I love it. I'm such a nerd that way. H would absolutely flounder if he was left on his own...about every three months or so he panics and asks if I've paid off the credit card bill, and I'm like, "Duh. Here's how we're doing. Everything is fine."
But yeah, we've moved away from the Dave Ramsey Letter of the Law, just as it fits our situation. The biggest thing is credit cards. We realized we were missing out on points, and credit cards aren't a huge temptation for either of us to go spend crazy. Plus, carrying around like, a thousand or more dollars of cash on my person? Risky. Imagine the panic when you leave your wallet somewhere. (And that special Etsy wallet I bought for each category! So thick. So unwieldy.)
We also started using YNAB, which is SUPER handy. It's a phone and computer app that syncs across all devices, so my husband can see how much money is in a given category and record his transactions if I'm not with him -- instead of me having to come up with the cash if he needs, say, a haircut.
TL;DR: I love budgets. And I could talk about them all day.
Me: 31 | DH: 31
Together since 2003 | Married 2010 TTC #1 January 2016 BFP April 18 2016 | EDD December 29, 2016 Welcome baby A! January 9, 2017
TTC#2 March 2018 BFP March 30, 2018 | EDD December 12, 2018
I'm also with @tinattt23 . We have two credit cards we bounce between, one for everyday spending and one for travels. The travel card we stockpile points. We took a big vacation a year or so ago and with the points we earned we paid almost entirely for a vacation this spring and still have some points in our bank to use for the next time. I think credit cards are often given a bad rep, but if you use them responsibly thay can pay you back!
I also do all the budgeting and paying of most bills (the others are in DH's name and I tell him how much and when to pay). DH doesn't mind, he looks at the spreadsheet every now and then but has seen I do a good job so just lets me at it. For the most part we spend as we please for miscellaneous spending (lunch, gas, etc) but ask/inform others for anything out of the norm (clothes, etc). For bigger items (like we currently are looking for a new dishwasher) I look more to see the status of our monthly spending and if we can fit it in or need to wait. We're both included on all accounts so nothing is really a mystery we can both see what the other is spending.
Me: 26 & DH: 25
Married: August 2014 TTC since November 2015 BFP #1 12/17/15 - MC 1/28/16 BFP #2 4/22/16 - EDD 12/30/16
@Kate08Young I think I followed. If it works for you, I say it's a win! Same for you @brittnic86 especially if there have been miscommunication issues in the past! @cgss11 DH and I are going on 8 years of merged finances and that first year was definitely a learning curve after both of us had grown accustomed to our own ways. Baby coming means it's all about to get a little different AGAIN! @l9i I'm glad you said that. I had forgotten to mention we also use our CC (not debit and very seldom cash) and pay them off monthly. It absolutely works for us and we love those checks that come when we cash in points!!
@PensiveCrayon yeah our method is a modified Ramsey. I never took a class, but did read the principles. We pay ourselves first, pay all bills due that pay period and take out ~$900 for different things and put in envelopes like food, household, me, H, DS, and the twins. If that money isn't spent, we roll it over, if it is and it's gone - it's gone. Obviously there are some things that don't fit perfect into this and we do move money around from time to time. Our state makes us pay taxes on our vehicles yearly so that's $900 in payments that comes once per year that annoy the hell out of me.
We're doing an awesome job with this and wish we would have started years ago instead of when we learned we were having twins. There was well over $1k /mo of spending that was not quantifiable before. It drove me nuts. We'd just swipe debit cards with no concern. This has stopped that dead in its tracks.
One thing that REALLY stresses me out is seeing our bank account balance compared to what it used to be. Because we account for and pay expenses, save the max (which gets transferred out) and keep a small cushion for unexpected incidentals and take out the remainder in cash - I feel like our balance is so low. I'm used to seeing a much bigger number so it does incite panic regularly. Any tips on that?
Also so a suggestion for those who want to get finances in order before baby - see if your mortgage company will allow you to pay with pay period withdraws (if you have a mortgage and multiple paychecks/month). It's much easier to budget $700/per pay period than $1400/month - at least to me.
DH takes care of our finances but I "know" what's going on at all times and we make most decisions together. I put know in quotation marks but usually I don't care enough to actually know. We have ALL our accounts including mortgage, retirement, bank, credit cards, 529 set up on mint.com so at anytime I could go in and get a real-time look at exactly where we stand (it also shows all individual purchases). DH also has a spreadsheet he shares on google doc with all our bills, when they are due, and when they are paid. I call this the "hit by a bus spreadsheet". Of course, I have all the passwords to all accounts in our lockbox.
I do have a credit card with a $500 limit that I've had since I was 16 that I use to buy DH presents with around his birthday, Christmas and anniversaries so there can be some elements of surprise.
The only savings we are able to do right now is DH's retirement plan through work. We put in the max, and is matched by his employer so we are doing well there. We also contribute monthly to DS college 529 plan. Besides that, we do have 3 months salary saved (combined both of us) but that hasn't been added to since DS was born two years ago. Eventually we'd like to continue to grow that emergency fund but may not happen until daycare expenses go down (which clearly, they are going UP soon). We will have to curb spending with the new baby and we have already started.
@swhiddon33 DH and I have a joint account and we have both retained our separate checking accounts from before we were married. My mom is on mine and his mom is on his. We kept those so in case of emergency our moms can transfer us money fast, or we can transfer them money. We also keep them so we can do our separate holiday shopping. We both look at our joint account so if one sees a charge they don't recognize the other gets questioned. So we're not spoiling presents we decided holiday presents for each other are charged to our separate accounts. It's worked out well.
I'll have to talk to him about paying ourselves first. Typically we wait until all the bills are paid to move money into our savings account. He's so paranoid we're not going to have enough. But the past few months we have more money in the account at the end of the day than we're used to, so it's been nice.
Married 4/12/13 TTC since 6/13 Diagnosed w/ PCOS 4/9/15 - R/E recommended lifestyle change BFP 4/10/16 - DS born 12/16/2016 SURPRISE! BFP 3/8/18
@phoenix870509 yes - I'm a firm believer of paying yourself first. Set up an auto draft for your pay days. That money is gone before you even look at your account. Then bills and everything else is what's left. There will be some pay periods that there isn't much left after bills - but you'll have a nice big chunk in savings and that's worth more to me than extra cash going towards things that you can't even remember. If it's there - it will be spent, at least in my house.
@DiFazette We've been doing the same method as you for almost 2 years now, and the panic of seeing less in your checking will diminish as you get used to the method. I've had panic when I check our checking like "OMG are we really this broke?!" but then when I look at my Excel spreadsheet and our money envelopes, it's pretty easy to see we're not hurting--we just have to adjust how we view our money. I designate savings and bill money before I pull out the cash, so I *know* we are fine, but yeah...I think it just takes some time to get used to.
Biggest lesson I've learned is that money goes pretty freaking fast...makes me more diligent that I'm not spending it on shit I don't need, although I don't always succeed haha.
I'm with @Tinattt23 & @PensiveCrayon. Credit card spending definitely isn't for everyone and I very well understand that. I used to work in banking and have a pretty good rewards card. Not only does actually using it every month help our credit out, we get tons of points back. The 2% doesn't sound like a lot in one purchase, but boy do they add up. We cash in about $800-$1000 every year just on the points. We are fortunate financially enough to pay it off every month so we don't pay a dime in interest. We are lucky to be almost identical in how we view finances. We're both conservative and generally spend pretty darn wisely, but both see the value in getting something that you want here and there and some items you truly get what you pay for.
I can't begin to describe how much our mileage cards have been worth to us. I put nearly everything I buy on the credit card, and over the past 10 years or so, I can't remember the last time I actually paid for a flight (or paid more than the fees assessed) because I accrued so many miles.
I need to comb through this thread a little better later...
We we were JUST talking about finances yesterday (well, constantly...) we are both awful with money and have no budget. We've been talking about doing a Ramsey type makeover (we have the total money makeover book... Just haven't read it completely) and we've got some close friends who have offered to sit with us and comb through out finances and make a budget.
Anyway, this thread has been helpful. I don't have an UO this week, I just think you're all smart
Here's a question for those that use CCs for the rewards: which one do you recommend? I don't want to have several CCs, but I do see the wisdom in collecting points for travel and such.
@dmontgo - I am a fan of Capital One because you use a purchase eraser for travel instead of booking the travel with points. So you don't have to worry about black out dates and such. Also, the card I have does not charge any international fees which can be as much as 3%.
I feel very unorganized compared to many of you when it comes to financial planning! My BF and I have only lived together for about 9 months, don't have a budget, have separate checking accounts and just each have certain bills we are responsible for paying. We kept talking about creating a joint account for all this stuff but it seems just as easy to do it this way. We each buy what we want to with our money. I think we are both pretty responsible with our money so I trust him to only spend what he knows he can and vice versa.
@dmontgo We have chase and use the freedom for everyday use and get cashback. We then have the sapphire card for travel. You earn more points than the freedom for travel related expenses and have zero foreign transaction fees. You can also use earned points to book through chase and get an even better discount by redeeming your points that way. I found about half time it was cheaper to use points and book through Chase than not. I think you can also transfer your points 1:1 to other travel programs.
Me: 26 & DH: 25
Married: August 2014 TTC since November 2015 BFP #1 12/17/15 - MC 1/28/16 BFP #2 4/22/16 - EDD 12/30/16
Here's a question for those that use CCs for the rewards: which one do you recommend? I don't want to have several CCs, but I do see the wisdom in collecting points for travel and such.
I have two: the Chase Sapphire and Capital One Venture.
The good thing about both: you can use your rewards on any airline you want, whereas when I had the Chase United MileagePlus card, you could only fly United, but then if you were super flexible, you could find "super saver" discounted flights, so in those cases, the money you spent using this card went further than on the others I've listed below. I was able to go on business class to Germany once and only had to fork over another couple hundred to make up for the miles I needed.
The pros with Venture: you get 2x points for every dollar you spend (so $20 means 40 points). The way it works is this: if you have 80,000 points, then that translates to $800 of free travel expenses (includes flights, trains, hotels, etc). Also, if you buy travel on your card without using points, you can use the points after the fact and get that money back.
The pros with Sapphire: you get 2x points for all travel and food expenses (but con: only 1 point for each $1 you spend on other stuff). The points to $ transfer is a little different though - I just logged on and I have 41,000 points, but then they say I have like $520 to use toward travel. I dunno. And you can use your points on any travel related purchase (any airline, hotel, etc). Also with Sapphire, if you sign up now, and spend $4000 on it in the first 3 months I think, you get 50,000 points automatically, which is pretty rad.
Re: UO- 8.25
I think we're somewhere in the middle with finances. We pay ourselves first (savings), pay bills, then do a cash budget for food shopping, household purchases, gas, and then each of us gets an allowance per pay period - including the twins (theirs goes towards diapers,clothes and other things they need before birth).
My DH also exclusively pays the bills and knows exactly what we have in our account and when certain bills are coming out in any given month while I know next to nothing. So when I want something (new maternity clothes, shoes, stuff for our children) I just ask if we have the extra money this month for me to plop some cash down on whatever it is. I typically always ask if it's over $50-$100.
I don't view it as he's controlling the money or the purse strings, because he's not. I view it as a respect thing. He's doing all of the work balancing the budget and paying the bills on time and making sure we have the money for bills that come out later in the month while I know zilch about it. I believe it's being respectful to him to ask if we have the money for my splurge rather than just assuming and putting us in a financial bind.
My UO while I love all things dessert, I find chocolate chip cookies ho hum. If they are there and are the only things sweet in my house I'll eat them but they aren't my go to. I'd rather eat any number of desserts over chocolate chip cookies.
TTC since 6/13
Diagnosed w/ PCOS 4/9/15 - R/E recommended lifestyle change
BFP 4/10/16 - DS born 12/16/2016
SURPRISE! BFP 3/8/18
Regarding purchases, our situation is more or less like that of @phoenix870509. I don't ask permission, but I do let DH know before I buy anything. I think that since I'm spending our money, he deserves to know. We're a team, and I'd feel like I was going behind his back if I spent $ and didn't tell him.
My mother always paid all the bills and handled all the finances, and now she's doing the same for my grandmother, who has no idea how now that my grandfather's passed. She was appalled when she found out that I also don't really know how, nor am I really aware of our overall financial situation. However, looking at numbers and doing math literally gives me a headache. Always has, and it's gotten significantly worse each year out of high school. The numbers swim before my eyes, blend together, and I forget them seconds after I see them. DH is an engineer, and therefore works with numbers every day. Our situation works for us, but it does scare me that if something were to happen to DH, I would be at a complete loss.
Lol totally kidding. That crap drives me nuts too.
TTC since 6/13
Diagnosed w/ PCOS 4/9/15 - R/E recommended lifestyle change
BFP 4/10/16 - DS born 12/16/2016
SURPRISE! BFP 3/8/18
We end up with fun budget after all of our different savings and as long as we stay under that limit, we kind of buy what we each want. I might give him a heads up that I'm, say, back to school shopping but that's about it. Neither of us are big spenders, so this seems to work for us.
We use a cash system, though. We leave the bill money in checking (auto payment), but then for food, dining out, allowance, gas, baby items, etc we use cash. Keeps us on track for the most part, although sometimes we slip up. We are fortunate that the only debt we have is our car, and that helps a lot. If we use the credit card we pay it off immediately.
We talk about big purchases, but if it's lunch or something it's whatever. I involve DH in the budget process (Excel) so it's not like I make a budget and he has no idea how I got there--we sometimes have special things to budget for and the communication helps.
Also, I over spend cash much easier. Once it's out of the account it's like it's already spent to me. So I just blow through any cash in my wallet. Shame on me.
Also, I just really hate having coins...
If I had more discipline, I would have multiple credit cards, but because I don't see that money leaving my account, it makes me feel like I can spend a lot more than I should or have on-hand. Makes a lot of sense to use CCs that have rewards--we just use one that is backed by our own money so we have less incentive to use it inappropriately. But it's cool because it grows the CD we backed with it faster than a savings account, so I feel good about that!
It sounds like we all have versions of the same stuff but...here's my spin off UO...what is up with couples who have separate accounts from each other? Why? What's that all about? You can marry, procreate, cohabitate, but not merge money? Mreh?
Also. @phoebecar, you should probably give me all of your chocolate chip cookies.
Formerly known as Kate08young
August '18 Siggy April Showers:
Married: 7/22/14
Baby L: 8/4/2015 August 2015 Moms
Baby E: 11/18/2016 December 2016 Moms
TTC #3 08/2017 BFP 11/27/2017.
Twin B lost 11/22/2017, Twin A doing well.
DH pays the bills from his account. I pay for my car, my cell phone (his is paid by work), and the groceries/household stuff. We each have some auto savings set up to go to the joint savings monthly, and if either of us have a big surplus at the end of the month we transfer over. We talk about large purchases first...probably anything over $50?
It works. We're fortunate that we haven't really had to worry about money. But now that the baby is coming, daycare costs, and we're shelling out tons for the new house we're being much more mindful of our extra money.
One of the best things MIL has ever done was pay for H and I (sort of...H was away at college, so I mostly did it myself) to go through the Financial Peace University course. Dave Ramsey, anyone? A lot of the philosophies on here are similar to what he says, and I'm actually surprised that his name hasn't come up yet. Anyway, he's big into budgeting for individual categories, accounting for your entire paycheck, and working on a cash-only basis.
So far, it's worked like a dream, with a few modifications. I'm the money manager in our household, and I love it. I'm such a nerd that way. H would absolutely flounder if he was left on his own...about every three months or so he panics and asks if I've paid off the credit card bill, and I'm like, "Duh. Here's how we're doing. Everything is fine."
But yeah, we've moved away from the Dave Ramsey Letter of the Law, just as it fits our situation. The biggest thing is credit cards. We realized we were missing out on points, and credit cards aren't a huge temptation for either of us to go spend crazy. Plus, carrying around like, a thousand or more dollars of cash on my person? Risky. Imagine the panic when you leave your wallet somewhere. (And that special Etsy wallet I bought for each category! So thick. So unwieldy.)
We also started using YNAB, which is SUPER handy. It's a phone and computer app that syncs across all devices, so my husband can see how much money is in a given category and record his transactions if I'm not with him -- instead of me having to come up with the cash if he needs, say, a haircut.
TL;DR: I love budgets. And I could talk about them all day.
TTC #1 January 2016
BFP April 18 2016 | EDD December 29, 2016
Welcome baby A! January 9, 2017
TTC#2 March 2018
BFP March 30, 2018 | EDD December 12, 2018
I also do all the budgeting and paying of most bills (the others are in DH's name and I tell him how much and when to pay). DH doesn't mind, he looks at the spreadsheet every now and then but has seen I do a good job so just lets me at it. For the most part we spend as we please for miscellaneous spending (lunch, gas, etc) but ask/inform others for anything out of the norm (clothes, etc). For bigger items (like we currently are looking for a new dishwasher) I look more to see the status of our monthly spending and if we can fit it in or need to wait. We're both included on all accounts so nothing is really a mystery we can both see what the other is spending.
TTC since November 2015
BFP #1 12/17/15 - MC 1/28/16
BFP #2 4/22/16 - EDD 12/30/16
We're doing an awesome job with this and wish we would have started years ago instead of when we learned we were having twins. There was well over $1k /mo of spending that was not quantifiable before. It drove me nuts. We'd just swipe debit cards with no concern. This has stopped that dead in its tracks.
One thing that REALLY stresses me out is seeing our bank account balance compared to what it used to be. Because we account for and pay expenses, save the max (which gets transferred out) and keep a small cushion for unexpected incidentals and take out the remainder in cash - I feel like our balance is so low. I'm used to seeing a much bigger number so it does incite panic regularly. Any tips on that?
Also so a suggestion for those who want to get finances in order before baby - see if your mortgage company will allow you to pay with pay period withdraws (if you have a mortgage and multiple paychecks/month). It's much easier to budget $700/per pay period than $1400/month - at least to me.
I do have a credit card with a $500 limit that I've had since I was 16 that I use to buy DH presents with around his birthday, Christmas and anniversaries so there can be some elements of surprise.
The only savings we are able to do right now is DH's retirement plan through work. We put in the max, and is matched by his employer so we are doing well there. We also contribute monthly to DS college 529 plan. Besides that, we do have 3 months salary saved (combined both of us) but that hasn't been added to since DS was born two years ago. Eventually we'd like to continue to grow that emergency fund but may not happen until daycare expenses go down (which clearly, they are going UP soon). We will have to curb spending with the new baby and we have already started.
I'll have to talk to him about paying ourselves first. Typically we wait until all the bills are paid to move money into our savings account. He's so paranoid we're not going to have enough. But the past few months we have more money in the account at the end of the day than we're used to, so it's been nice.
TTC since 6/13
Diagnosed w/ PCOS 4/9/15 - R/E recommended lifestyle change
BFP 4/10/16 - DS born 12/16/2016
SURPRISE! BFP 3/8/18
Biggest lesson I've learned is that money goes pretty freaking fast...makes me more diligent that I'm not spending it on shit I don't need, although I don't always succeed haha.
DS: 12/20/16
EDD: 11/29/18
We we were JUST talking about finances yesterday (well, constantly...) we are both awful with money and have no budget. We've been talking about doing a Ramsey type makeover (we have the total money makeover book... Just haven't read it completely) and we've got some close friends who have offered to sit with us and comb through out finances and make a budget.
Anyway, this thread has been helpful. I don't have an UO this week, I just think you're all smart
I feel very unorganized compared to many of you when it comes to financial planning! My BF and I have only lived together for about 9 months, don't have a budget, have separate checking accounts and just each have certain bills we are responsible for paying. We kept talking about creating a joint account for all this stuff but it seems just as easy to do it this way. We each buy what we want to with our money. I think we are both pretty responsible with our money so I trust him to only spend what he knows he can and vice versa.
TTC since November 2015
BFP #1 12/17/15 - MC 1/28/16
BFP #2 4/22/16 - EDD 12/30/16
The good thing about both: you can use your rewards on any airline you want, whereas when I had the Chase United MileagePlus card, you could only fly United, but then if you were super flexible, you could find "super saver" discounted flights, so in those cases, the money you spent using this card went further than on the others I've listed below. I was able to go on business class to Germany once and only had to fork over another couple hundred to make up for the miles I needed.
The pros with Venture: you get 2x points for every dollar you spend (so $20 means 40 points). The way it works is this: if you have 80,000 points, then that translates to $800 of free travel expenses (includes flights, trains, hotels, etc). Also, if you buy travel on your card without using points, you can use the points after the fact and get that money back.
The pros with Sapphire: you get 2x points for all travel and food expenses (but con: only 1 point for each $1 you spend on other stuff). The points to $ transfer is a little different though - I just logged on and I have 41,000 points, but then they say I have like $520 to use toward travel. I dunno. And you can use your points on any travel related purchase (any airline, hotel, etc). Also with Sapphire, if you sign up now, and spend $4000 on it in the first 3 months I think, you get 50,000 points automatically, which is pretty rad.