TTC #1 @ 43

prettysmile40

I am 43 and my husband is 42. We have been TTC for close to a year with no success. We learned recently that he has a low sperm count and low motility so he is cutting down (then stopping) the nicotine mints that he takes along with us both taking supplements. I never wanted to move to IUI/IVF but it is looking like that will give us our best chances. We have an apt. with the RE next week to ask questions, talk about next steps, etc. This is a difficult journey so I am wondering what people do to not get too obsessed/overly consumed with TTC. Are there other older ladies on here TTC? What has worked? 

jennh75b

Hello and welcome.  I can relate to a lot of what you are saying.  I'm almost 41, TTC#1, and I did not think I would be where I'm at now, but I got married at age 39 so what did I really expect?  It's definitely a roller coaster each month.  My latest "strategy" is to stay focused on the present cycle, and stay positive and try to not be stressed out during BD, as H says I focus too much on the future instead of enjoying what we have.   

Best of luck to you!  This board is very supportive and we're all experiencing a lot of the same ups and downs, so it's nice to have a place to share them.

laurad75

Hello @prettysmile40 and welcome.  I can definitely relate to becoming consumed with TTC.  I am 41, I just got married this spring and for some reason was certain we would be able to get pregnant on our own.  Right after we got married I had a 'pre-conception' appt with a recommended Ob and was told my AMH  was very low indicating a low ovarian reserve and that I should call a fertility clinic if it was important to us to have a child.  I was shocked.  We had just started trying and they were already sending me to a RE.  We saw the RE a month later (last month) and he was great.  We have a plan that allows us to to try on our own and then with clomid for a few months before we make the big decision to try IVF.  

I feel like I went from being obsessed with my wedding to being obsessed with TTC but at 41 and tests that indicate TTC may not be easy we really don't have the time to just see what happens.  I love this community and I feel like I can discuss my fertility concerns and hopes with other women who really understand how I am feeling which is especially helpful when I am often surrounded by women who had all their children before they turned 35 and seem to assume they are experts in fertility and infertility. 

This board isn't super busy but the Trying To Get Pregnant board is very active and helpful.  

Aurora1973

Hi @prettysmile40!  OK, so I'm totally relieved to have not one, but at least three of you (hi @laurad75 and @ahrains!!)  that are in the definitely over 40 camp!  I've felt like the oldest old lady on TB for months now!

Ditto on the obsession.  I think most of us, AMA or not, easily fall victim to our own minds.

Welcome to the club!!!  Don't break a hip!

PurpleRains

Leave it to @aurora1973 to make this a dance party!

Welcome, welcome @prettysmile40 - we are trying to get this board a little more active but Trying to Get Pregnant (TTGP) is super active. 

My situation is different, because we are all different people! My husband and I have been married for 19 years but didn't start TTC until December 2014. We have had one miscarriage in that time. I have continued on Clomid through my OB and have my first RE appointment next month. So as you can see, there are all types over here!  

prettysmile40

It's nice to meet you ladies and to see that there are others in the same boat as I am. Good luck and keep me posted as to how it is going. Oh and and I ssssoo relate laurad to this "I feel like I went from being obsessed with my wedding to being obsessed with TTC but at 41 and tests that indicate TTC may not be easy we really don't have the time to just see what happens." I'm doing my best to not stress and enjoy what we have now (more freedom, money, sleep. ,etc) albeit hard. 

Aurora1973

You are definitely not alone.  TTC is rough for most of us, I think.  But there are certainly challenges that we AMAers face based solely on age.  We had a bit of a discussion about it on the TTGP board last week that is here:

https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12684657/twatwaffle-tuesday/p1

I just re-read the whole thing, and it's so comforting to share this experience with others.  There are lots of other posts in there, but we kind of monopolized the discussion, LOL.  I'm thinking we need to started an Over 40 Frustrations thread or something over here

Momifbysea

I will be 42 next month. I agree it's really hard not to obsess. I try and focus on positive stories from other 40-plus who have conceived and on being as healthy as I can. This group has really helped me. I wish you the best!

amp61470

I had my first baby last year at 45. We gave up trying because of the stress and 4 miscarriages. It was a few months after I had come to terms with not having a baby that I got a positive test result. Little man was born happy and healthy at 38 weeks. 
Good luck ladies, don't lose hope. 

avas_dream

Welcome and wish you all the very best in this journey. I think there are a lot great stories on this board that will help you not feel alone in your journey. 

SP128

Welcome.  Wishing you a short and sweet stay : )

PoeMasque

welcome! I think if you can financially do it go with the IUI, it's usually the best route for sperm issues. From what I've read IVF is usually not super successful for us AMAers (statistically of course, although it's worked for lots of "older" ladies) and I think REs push it way too hard without actually giving patients the statistics on success. (Likely because it makes them lots of money) 

My OB always says fertility is simple, you need a sperm and you need an egg and they need to meet. As long as you are ovulating (if you have regular cycles then you probably are!) it's likely just a sperm meeting egg issue and IUI is great for that  

hipefully your stay here is a short one! 

avas_dream

PoeMasque said:

My OB always says fertility is simple, you need a sperm and you need an egg and they need to meet. As long as you are ovulating (if you have regular cycles then you probably are!) it's likely just a sperm meeting egg issue and IUI is great for that  

hipefully your stay here is a short one! 

@PoeMasque I kinda want to roll my eyes at your OB right now.  

PoeMasque

@avas_dream I'm a nurse, so I sort of take his view of things......I get rolling your eyes, but it's like my patients who come in with asthma exacerbation who smoke.....stop smoking and your asthma gets better.......I know what science says, yet I know there are a lot of smokers with asthma and no respiratory issues....