People inviting themselves to baby shower

yellowrose314

My mom and best friend are organizing my baby shower. The only input I asked to have was the guest list because otherwise my mom will invite a bunch of people we don't know or people we haven't seen in years and I want our close friends and family there. 
The other day, I had a friend who I don't really hang out with but we do talk on FB from time to time, ask me when the baby shower was. We didn't have a firm date yet, so I told her I wasn't sure. Her reply? "Excited for my invitation!"... I had no intention of inviting her whatsoever, mainly because A) she hasn't made any effort to even hang out in over a year, she's just about the flakiest person ever and C) EVERYTHING is a competition with her, and she just found out she's pregnant so I know it will become another competition somehow. 
My question is how do you deal with people inviting themselves to events or a baby shower? Especially people you know you don't want there? I don't want to offend people, but I also don't want to invite a bunch of people just for the sake of inviting them, and I don't want to put my mom out for the extra cost. 

marikkita112

Does she know your mom and your friends throwing the shower? If no, then say something along the lines of "they're in charge of the guest list so it will depend on them" or simply tell her the space isn't big enough so the guest list is being kept to family and very close friends. It's a tough situation to be in for sure. I hope it works out for you 

tinypikachu

Unless she brings it up again, I wouldn't even mention it. If she brings it up after the shower (maybe if she sees pictures) just say that your mom hosted it and you didn't make the guest list. Same thing if she brings it up before the shower and just shrug it off and talk about something else and/or shift the conversation back to her and ask how her pregnancy is going, etc. I'd be nonchalant about it since there's no point pretending you're closer than you really are. I'm kind of harsh though lol

jbscmama

I had an aquaintance (a coworker's wife actually) ask me the same thing and I ended up having my aunt send her an invitation. Not someone I dislike but never would have thought we were that close! She ended up not being able to come but I was happy to have included her.

sflaherty13

I would just be thankful you're having that many people that want to come. I haven't been able to get anyone to actually show up to birthday parties or anything in the past 2 years or so. (I moved to a different state 2 years ago, and when I go home to where my friends are, they never make an effort to see me or my kids). 

steminist

@sflaherty13 I'm sorry you don't feel like your friends are there for you.  It sucks when you move and find out that many people were really only friends out of convenience, rather than ones with a real connection.

@yellowrose314 However you choose to play it, just remember that your baby shower is all about you and your LO.  You don't have to invite anyone unless you actually want them there.  Sounds like the kind of friend I would have left off my list, too.  It's harder since she already decided to bring it up, but if someone tried to invite themselves to my shower and I didn't want them there, I'd find some polite enough excuse to put them off.

hey_clever_girl

AlwaysAuntNeverMom said:

Unless she brings it up again, I wouldn't even mention it. If she brings it up after the shower (maybe if she sees pictures) just say that your mom hosted it and you didn't make the guest list. Same thing if she brings it up before the shower and just shrug it off and talk about something else and/or shift the conversation back to her and ask how her pregnancy is going, etc. I'd be nonchalant about it since there's no point pretending you're closer than you really are. I'm kind of harsh though lol

^^^^ This. 

ElcaB

runningisrad said:

AlwaysAuntNeverMom said:

Unless she brings it up again, I wouldn't even mention it. If she brings it up after the shower (maybe if she sees pictures) just say that your mom hosted it and you didn't make the guest list. Same thing if she brings it up before the shower and just shrug it off and talk about something else and/or shift the conversation back to her and ask how her pregnancy is going, etc. I'd be nonchalant about it since there's no point pretending you're closer than you really are. I'm kind of harsh though lol

^^^^ This. 

^^^ I third this. 

nativetexan512

I had someone show up to my baby shower uninvited, and for the life of me I cannot figure out how she knew the time and location. She's a work acquaintance and I'm thinking maybe she talked to someone else about it? Who knows.

I agree with AlwaysAuntNeverMom completely on how to handle, 100%.

nanibrooks15

Ugh I am so glad I am not the only one encountering this issue. Two women from my church invited themselves. I am a pretty private person and keep my circle pretty tight, and these women JUST joined like 1 month ago, so it was awkward to explain I didn't have any more invitations. They asked me about it again this last Sunday and thankfully are not available to attend since its this Saturday. Bullet dodged! 

vampirina

I'm also with @AlwaysAuntNeverMom

yellowrose314

Thanks ladies. I think I'm just going to let it be for now. She's the type of person that if I say I'm not in charge of the guest list she will message my mother or my friend (my mother she's met in her life, but my friend she works with) asking about it. So if she does ask again, I'm just going to say that it's just immediate family coming due to budget constraints, and maybe ask if she wants to meet up for coffee or something (which she will probably bail on at the last minute, as per usual).