Daycare Guilt

ADM0256

OK, so, I'm a working mom of two, but I work at home, for myself, as a freelancer. Aka, I can make my own hours, set my own schedule. I'm very lucky to be able to do this. But I also have this crippling guilt. My two-year-old daughter has been in daycare since she was 10 months old, from 8-3, Monday through Friday. She loves her daycare and the teachers. She is happy when I drop her off, happy when I pick her up. So this guilt is all my own doing.

I feel like I'm going to regret missing out on this time with her. I keep wondering if I should work fewer hours, keep her home more. (And yes, I know how extremely lucky I am to even have this option as the husband's salary allows for me to be flexible with my work.) But the crux is, I've never felt like I'm really "good" at being a f/t SAHM -- I admire the women who can, but man, it requires a LOT of patience. I feel like I am such a better mom when I get to go to work, and then spend time with daughter. I value the time more, enjoy it more, have more patience. Still, I feel guilty about this. 

I also have a one-month-old daughter. I'm nursing her, which, as you probably can guess, takes up a huge chunk of time each day. If my older daughter were home all day, she wouldn't get nearly as much attention and play time as she does at daycare. And you know how much energy two-year-olds have, and how much of your time and attention they constantly demand. So I feel like daycare is good for her -- to be socialized, learn things, burn off energy -- and for me, to keep me sane. The plan is for second daughter to start daycare around the same time first daughter did -- 10-12 months -- and I'm sure the guilt will double at that point. 

Does anyone else have this? Are you constantly wavering between whether you should work or stay home? Am I doing good for my kids, or is daycare the devil? (I'm obviously kidding.) Do you worry that your kid is at daycare really wishing she or he was at home with you, or am I just straight crazy with this self-imposed guilt trip?

*LrCg*

I think if you re-read your post you'd have your answer.  

" I feel like am such a better mom when I get to go to work, and then spend time with daughter.  I value the time more, enjoy it more, have more patience."  

There are SOME SAHM that are forced to do it- maybe daycare costs, maybe guilt, maybe it's what their mother/spouses mother did- regardless their heart isn't in it and they get resentful and it all flows down to the rest of the family.  They had the best intentions but it's not for them and that is OK.  SAHM aren't better moms because they're home.  You obviously took lots of consideration to find your sitter and that's love.  Enjoy the time you have with your children.  When your children are in their 20s they're not going to remember if you were with them 24 hours a day or 12, they're going to remember the fun they had when they were with you.  Focus on that.  

TwizBeans

*LrCg* said:

I think if you re-read your post you'd have your answer.  

" I feel like am such a better mom when I get to go to work, and then spend time with daughter.  I value the time more, enjoy it more, have more patience."  

 

Totally agree!

You sound a lot like I did right after I had my second child. I had an incredible amount of guilt over every little thing for the first 8 weeks or so. It's hard to adjust to having 2 kids, balancing your time, attention for the kids and still being YOU. Don't put so much pressure on yourself, especially right now when you have a young baby at home. If you enjoy working then do it. Being a SAHM isn't for everyone and I sure as hell couldn't do it BUT I don't love my kids any less.

Give yourself a break

knottieb4439e893816334e

Stop beating yourself up. I have been a stay at home mom for my son’s whole life. He is going to be 3 in two weeks. I wish I had the money to put him in daycare at least a few hours a day a few days a week all the time. He has been stuck to my side his entire life and it is taxing. I have developed a lot of patience but a break would be nice. If I had had another baby I would be thrilled to be able to handle them separately. You have a newborn so your body is producing a nurturing hormone (I can’t remember what it’s called) but it makes you super emotional and intensifies any emotion you have. So your guilt is intensified. If I were you I would just remind myself that this a great time to get to know your newborn without toddler distractions. You get to rest better and recover better. I would have loved that. Congratulations on the newborn.

Wishilivedinflorida

Dude. Zombie thread. OP’s “newborn” is 6 years old now.