Second Baby

ShortStuff5

My husband and I decided we would like to start trying for our second child our daughter will be 6 months here in a few days. We don't want our children far apart. I loved being pregnant and all that came with that but I felt some sadness about trying because I'm just absolutely in love with our daughter she was our first after two miscarriages so it was long awaited something I wanted more than anything. Of course I'll love her no matter if there is a new baby I guess it was just that she won't be my one and only have any of you felt that way or had children close together and how'd it work and feel?

mamakate1616

We are probably going to start trying for our second sometime this summer (LO will be 6months on the 6th) and I'm struggling with the same feelings. I just love her so much, can't imagine sharing my attention! 

KFrob

We're not trying yet but we want another. I desperately want to have the pregnancy experience again but when I start thinking about sharing that special bond with another baby it does bother me, in a strange way I don't want to share it. I'm also on the older side, 34, and between my age and our financial situation after having this baby I'm not sure it would even be possible for us. We're planning on talking about trying again when she is a year. There are so many mixed emotions about trying again and having another baby. 

ShortStuff5

Yeah I feel like the decision to have one baby is an easy decision I feel like it does somewhat become more complicated when you decide to start adding the second and third and so on. Definitely will be excited either way and love all my babies.

cali1710

We don't plan to try until shes about one. I couldn't imagine being nauseous again and having to look after her right now! Shes very high energy and doesnt like sleep haha. 

teachmegs817

DS has most certainly been a life changer for DH and I.  A couple of weeks ago, DH gave the green light for being up for trying for baby #2 once DS turns 1. I personally do not want to start trying again that soon. I still feel like a lot of things need to be worked on between him and I, in regards to parenthood and responsibilities. Also, I can't imagine taking time off from work so soon, after just coming back from a maternity leave. I'd rather wait 2-3 years before having another, so that I can build up my time off. So I am thinking sometime in 2018, is when we will start trying again. 

I will say though, I have the conversation about sharing my time with another child all of the time with my mom.  I constantly say how I can't even think about giving my time to another baby right now. 

Becky012016

We just started trying for number 2. We've always wanted kids close in age and our family doesn't feel complete yet. 

Eta: I used to just be the numbers at the end of my sn. 

BarrettJ89

My babes are 13 months, 2 days apart. I love both of them, but I would have absolutely rather had them further apart. I feel like I missed out on so much of his first year because I was miserable/pregnant and trying to prepare for baby #2. And even now, DS is 18 months and baby is 5 months and I still feel as though my hands are always so full with my fussy, needy baby, that DS is forced to self entertain a lot more than I'd ever want... the cost is also huge! Both babes in diapers costs about $90 every 2 weeks, plus the baby is on Nutramigen (1 can lasts about 2.5 days) which is running us about $240 every 2 weeks. Of course, that's situational, but definitely take cost into mind. 

They also share a love I would have never expected, being so young. When she's upset, he brings her bottles and pacifiers. When she's babbling, he brings her HIS toys and plays with her. He loves her and knows ways to make her smile that the rest of us don't. 

JanuarysBaby1

@BarrettJ89 to go a little off track, my daughter is also on Nutrimagen. We buy the ready to use bottles now. We used to use the can because we have the baby brezza but found the bottles are much cheaper. On Amazon, you get a 24 pack for $72. My LO has about 4-5 bottles a day so it comes out cheaper for us. Just something to look into depending on your LO feedings, this might work better for you! 

Ju111310

My boys are 17 months apart, a little closer than we had planned but it has turned out great. I certainly couldn't imagine loving another the way I love DS1. And I don't. It's a whole new love with DS2, not less or more than DS1. Just a different kind. I work FT so I felt like it was a bonus that I got to spend another maternity leave enjoying DS1 while he's little & let's face it -- newborns can be boring in the first few months when you're on leave. At only 5 months old, DS2 already loves his big brother so much. Possibly his favorite person alive, he smiles and laughs at everything he does! I have terrible nausea/vomiting in the first half of my pregnancies so it was actually nice for me that DS1 was only 8-12 months old and too little to understand that mommy was sick. He'd happily play in the bathroom while I puked my guts up. It would have been much harder for me to go through that now with a 22 month old. Do what works for your family, good luck! 

mrsgetz4000

Hell nooooo. Lol. God bless you ladies who are ready. I want miss violet in a toddler bed before we have another. That's the one thing i would do differently. The next baby will sleep in a crib from day 1. Violet fighted the crib, and our guest room is right across the hall from the nursery so I'll sleep there. Having kids close in age wouldn't be terrible. But I want to get back in shape. I want my body to be mine for a little while. I want to enjoy violet while shes a tiny baby. I defiantly want her to have a sibling. Siblings are important, but for now i couldn't imagine anyone but her.

kaym6

I got in good shape before I got pregnant and I feel like that helped me stay pretty active through my pregnancy so I def want to get in decent shape before I get pregnant with baby 2. Not sure when that will be because so far I can't stop eating snacks and snuggling my baby during his naps hahaha as of right now we're thinking after he's a year old 

mrsgetz4000

Also. I want an effin martini. Violet is breast feed. And a martini is basically a glass of gin. So it's been awhile

teachmegs817

@kaym6 I second the getting back in shape part.  Once DH and I decided to start trying, I had already been working out, but continued doing it pretty regularly and was in really good shape when I got pregnant. I continued working out a few months into it, but had stopped going to the gym once I began teaching back at school in September. I had a great recovery process and being pregnant was not tough on my body. I hope to get myself back into the same shape, if not better, before baby #2. 

jrouge12

People keep insinuating DH and I are trying for #2. Hells no. If that is what you can handle, awesome! No way am I ready physically or emotionally to be pregnant again. It'll take me 2 years to accrue the sick time for maternity leave anyway. I had some bad granulation tissue, so fun time with DH has been slow to get started as well. 

Knottie84607381

mrsgetz4000 said:

Also. I want an effin martini. Violet is breast feed. And a martini is basically a glass of gin. So it's been awhile

Amen to this! I've had a sip of wine now and then but I'd like to enjoy a glass or two some time without worrying about how much longer until I can feed baby girl again. That being said, I grew up very close in age to my brother and have always enjoyed the experience and wanted to pass that on to my children. Also when I see her I just think she's so darn cute and I need another one!

But I really feel the same way about it as many of you have posted. I feel conflicted about dividing my love and attention and want to give her everything I have right now. Plus, we weren't entirely prepared for this one so I really think we should take it slow and learn to handle what we've got. I'm also in the financial boat where it's almost impossible to think about affording a second baby and taking another maternity leave. This past time only half of the leave was covered by some disability and those weeks without any paycheck at all really hurt our savings. 

It's a shame we have to wait years to grow our families because we can't get decent maternity/paternity leave. =(

ChrissyD1203

I can't imagine having another baby right now.  Maybe it's just me but I feel like 1 is overwhelming.  Also, I feel like I'll have a better shot an easier pregnancy and post pregnancy if I wait a little longer .... Not to mention I need to catch up on about 6 months of sleep, drink MANY gin martinis, repair the strains having 1 baby has put on my relationship with my husband, rebuild goodwill at work so I can take another maternity leave, oh and save some money because this baby thing is expensive!

kaym6

babys been up for two hours and still isn't back asleep I want to revoke my original answer and say never? Lol jk 

Moore2love2014

My husband and I have been trying sense my son was just barely 5months old. Koen is now 6 months. I have always wanted my kids to be close in age so they wouldn't bond well. I feel the same as all of you do, it is defiantly something different to decide weather or not to have a baby after your first, sense you are so close to the first. 
Mum struggling with the thought that I won't be able to get pregnant until I have my first period. I haven't had mine back yet, so I think it will be a long ttc this time around! 
 @shortstuff15 you mentions that you had 2 misscriges before getting pregnant with your baby, I as well experienced the same before having Koen. It is defiantly hard to go through that, and I think makes your bond so much grater because of that! I hope the best for you in your trying again! 

krrpe99

I finally got my period, so we're on the "trying" path. I feel some of the same conflicts that you do. I have to keep telling myself that more than anything, I want DD to have a sibling. I don't know if you can ever really be "ready." You're going to miss some part of them growing up, no matter when the second comes along. 
@Ju111310 Thank you for your words. I can't wait to some day make/meet/raise a whole new person!

BarrettJ89

For me, I was so sad to see the attention taken away from my son. By his first birthday, I was exactly a month away from my due date. I was miserable and huge and everyone was much more interested/concerned with me and baby #2 than they were my son. 

So much of it is situational though. I realize now how easy of a baby my son was. But I also see how hard it is on him since his baby sister has had medical issues. Nobody ever plans to have a needy baby with colic. I've cried more times than I can count about feeling like a horrible mom because I literally couldn't care for both kids and had to call someone to come help me. Obviously, for someone else, they could have a great baby. But when you have them so close in age, just think of the negative possibilities (I don't think that's the wording I want, but I'm tired and have the dumb).

kodariah

The other day I thought about getting pregnant again and cried. Haha! I know I will love my next baby just as much but I don't know them yet, I know Keaton and he's my world. My husband and I are thinking a 3-4 year gap between siblings.

l4rk

I originally thought I wanted 2 but there's no way I could handle another small human. In addition, they daycare... my goodness. It's going to be tough to afford $800 month when I go back to work. $1500 would mean a serious drop in or quality of life. I might change my mind eventually but right now I'm thinking "less is more"! That said, IF I was still set on 2, this is around the time I would consider trying. My sister and I were 18 months apart and it was great having a friend growing up. I sometimes wish my stepson would have an older sibling to help keep him entertained, especially when school is out. Mind you, we also fought every day of our lives until we were adults. So, there's that...

grkgdss00

I would love to get pregnant again, but waiting until at least 1 year PP especially since I had a c-section. Please be aware of the risks of 2 pregnancies close together - https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/getting-pregnant/in-depth/family-planning/art-20044072

cammiedeeann

BarrettJ89 said:

My babes are 13 months, 2 days apart. I love both of them, but I would have absolutely rather had them further apart. I feel like I missed out on so much of his first year because I was miserable/pregnant and trying to prepare for baby #2. And even now, DS is 18 months and baby is 5 months and I still feel as though my hands are always so full with my fussy, needy baby, that DS is forced to self entertain a lot more than I'd ever want... the cost is also huge! Both babes in diapers costs about $90 every 2 weeks, plus the baby is on Nutramigen (1 can lasts about 2.5 days) which is running us about $240 every 2 weeks. Of course, that's situational, but definitely take cost into mind. 

They also share a love I would have never expected, being so young. When she's upset, he brings her bottles and pacifiers. When she's babbling, he brings her HIS toys and plays with her. He loves her and knows ways to make her smile that the rest of us don't. 

My brother and I are 16 months apart and I (youngest) was a surprise baby-- but we were best friends our entire lives and I thought he hung the moon. Our teachers at school thought it was so neat that my brother and I didn't fight... Even as kids (10 and older) we just got along, and I remember him telling a teacher that had both of us for a class at school, "No, of course we don't fight. She's my sister and I love her-- what's more important than that?"

My mom has said about having two so close together, "It was really, really hard those first few years... But then it was never hard again. You guys loved each other, and looking back, I'd have done it the same way all over again."

Rakastajatar

I do not have much as advice but only support and wish you the best of luck  
I would love a second baby, but my husband does not and i made the huge mistake of getting my tubes tide.

maureenmce

It's funny, after Rose was born, I was like she's an only.  I can't handle another.  I mean it was SUCH a shock to my system, literally, my body freaked out - PPD, PPA, postpartum thyroiditis, couldn't breastfeed much and then not at all after 2.5 months, I mean yikes.  But!  Now that my PPD/PPA have been treated and I'm enjoying life with our sweet, hilarious little 5 month old, I definitely do want another.  Unfortunately, my postpartum thyroiditis is still VERY out of control and I have to do blood tests and medication adjustments every 4 weeks for the next 7 months, at least, and my endocrinologist doesn't want me to start trying until Rose is at least 18 months and my thyroid has been stable 6 months to a year.  So, we'll probably start trying between when she's 1.5 and 2, depending on my health.  If not for that issue we'd probably start trying when she's a year, or sooner, even, because I'll be 36 in October, but I have to accept the situation and focus on my health.

It's crazy to go from wanting an only to being impatient about having another, but I'm trying to remind myself of the awesome things about a 2.5-4 year age gap, like more time to lavish on your first born, get in shape, save money, accomplish career goals (all of which are very important to me!). But I totally get the baby fever, especially as we get further from the chaos of the newborn stage.

ctmamaoftwo

Rakastajatar said:

I do not have much as advice but only support and wish you the best of luck  
I would love a second baby, but my husband does not and i made the huge mistake of getting my tubes tide.

This broke my heart. But just remember down the road if you both decide another baby would make your family complete there are other ways to achieve this. I know my brothers adopted daughter filled in the holes to their family hey couldn't compete them selves. (And plus I was a surprise baby after my mom had her tubes tied and my sister in law had the same surprise for their youngest!) 

ShortStuff5

I'm only 24 (turned 24 two months before my daughter was born) I just know this is what God put me on this earth for was to be a mother. Wishing all you women the best whether it's trying for a second or enjoying the first.

fishee333

I've always wanted 2. After Freya was born, DH and I definitely questioned that but now that the craziness of a newbirn is mostly over and her sleep has gotten a million times better, we are starting to think about #2 again. I definitely need to get my body back in shape and a few other things sorted out first though, so I'm thinking about starting the discussion once Freya turns 1. We want them close in age but not too close. 

karam425

My question is- do any of you exclusively pump/breastfeed and if so have you gotten AF back yet? I am ready to start trying, I'm an EPer and my daughter is 6 months on the 27th and I still haven't had AF. I've only been pumping 3x a day since March (oversupply) I had brown spotting (sorry for TMI) a few times the last couple of weeks but nothing legit. Any advice to kick start my cycles? 

fishee333

Nope I haven't gotten my period yet. LO will be 6 months on the 22nd, and I exclusively breastfeed. Just starting to try solids but LO is not interested. So I guess I wouldn't be able to try to get pregnant even if I wanted to. 

kaym6

@karam425 my son is EBF and he eats a TON I'm talking like still at least 8 times a day and I just got my period on the day he turned 6 months! 

Rakastajatar

amberjinnett said:

Rakastajatar said:

I do not have much as advice but only support and wish you the best of luck  
I would love a second baby, but my husband does not and i made the huge mistake of getting my tubes tide.

This broke my heart. But just remember down the road if you both decide another baby would make your family complete there are other ways to achieve this. I know my brothers adopted daughter filled in the holes to their family hey couldn't compete them selves. (And plus I was a surprise baby after my mom had her tubes tied and my sister in law had the same surprise for their youngest!) 

I'm currently 38 and I don't have much hope of having another myself. Adoption was something my husband was completely against. We'll see what the future will bring us. thank you for your kind words. 

ShortStuff5

I just weaned and I was an exclusive pumper we weaned do to three cases of mastitis I just couldn't do it anymore constantly out of no where waking up with it. I've just recently weaned gone a whole two days without pumping and no knots in my breasts yay im waiting for period to start we will see how long it takes my body because we wouls like to start trying.

ChrissyD1203

I initially wanted them close in age, but thought health-wise that was sort of a no-no; for those of you that are trying again, did your doctor's give you the green light? 

karam425

Keep me posted. I am day 2 with no pumping as well. 

karam425

I got my green light on Monday. Still no AF though.

ShortStuff5

Well ladies (karam425) AF showed up today it's been about two weeks since we finished pumping been having cramps that whole time and finally some bleeding has started today. 5 days after my daughter turned 7 months the cramps suck my back hurts not to mention all I have on hand is pads. I used to have to be on birth control to control my cramps they get so bad I throw up and run a fever because they are squeezing so tight so hope they ease up. In the bright side on the right path to conceive again once I have a few regular cycles. 

maureenmce

Not sure if it's just me, but months five and six have been SO fun and so nice (especially since I had a really rough first 3-4 months with postpartum complications) that it has me rethinking family size altogether.  I originally (before getting pregnant) thought we'd have two, then the postpartum period was so rough I thought only one!

Now...I am looking ahead to the next 5-6 years and wondering if it's possible to do 3!  (I'm 35, so it'd require a good amount of luck and timing, esp because I'll have to wait 12-18 months after each birth before starting to try because of the high likelihood of recurring postpartum thyroiditis.)

But anyway!  Has anyone else changed their ideal number recently? 

mamadcb

I changed my mind the day he was born! We had agreed on one and now I want a second. I'll be 35 in Oct and DH is 51, so.... we'll see. Three or five might be even better, but I could make do with two