Adult step daughter rant

needaprince

desperately need help, advice, words of encouragement... something, anything! Let me start off by saying that I do my absolute best to be a good step parent. I have 4 step daughters and I love them all. Now for the issue... my oldest step daughter is 21 and living with us still. She has no regard for rules, respect of other people property and does next to nothing to help out around the house. She goes and comes as she pleases, has a job but no car, doesn't go to school, and doesn't have any bills. With a new baby in the house and 3 other young children here as well I feel like she is a terrible example. She is disrespectful to me now that she has made amends with her mom and has a new boyfriend. She makes time to go out, help her mom, and do everything else but the very little I ask her to do around here is done half a** or done days later.she takes my stuff without asking and does wax vapor and drinking in my house which I do not allow.  I'm just beyond fed up with the treatment and I'm miserable in my home. Not to mention, she has her own room while the 3 younger children share one and she's hardly here. Sorry this is so long, but the cherry on top is that she plays days girl when my husband finally talks to her and other then that he defends her by saying she's 21 and hardly here.  I'm running out of options...

doodleoodle

Awe man. What a tough situation. I would start locking up your things since she takes them without asking, but beyond that I really don't have any advice. You could throw away alcohol and vapor items when she isn't around... I don't really feel like saying anything to her on your own will do anything beneficial for the situation. It's really your husband's place. Maybe you could both talk to her so she feels less comfortable trying to manipulate him into giving her her way?

blush64

I would put anything I own that I don't want her to touch in a place she can't get it. I would sit down privately with my husband and talk with him. I would determine the things that are most important and discuss possible solutions.  I would let him deal with his daughter and fix the situation. I would also make it clear that certain things need to change. I am not sure if you just want her out for space or if she is doing really terrible things.

It does sound like you really want her out. I think it would be incredibly unfair to insist he kicks her out but entirely expected for him to expect she respects your home. 

TwizBeans

blush64 said:

I would put anything I own that I don't want her to touch in a place she can't get it. I would sit down privately with my husband and talk with him. I would determine the things that are most important and discuss possible solutions.  I would let him deal with his daughter and fix the situation. I would also make it clear that certain things need to change. I am not sure if you just want her out for space or if she is doing really terrible things.

It does sound like you really want her out. I think it would be incredibly unfair to insist he kicks her out but entirely expected for him to expect she respects your home. 

All of this. Your H needs to have a serious talk with his daughter. She's an adult and needs to be respectful.

needaprince

I'm fine with her living here if she would change,  but he's talked to her several times and she does whatever she wants anyway, so yes at this point it would be easier if she left.  Believe me I hate saying that,  but that's what is come down to and in all honesty,  I'm ready to leave if things aren't going to change.