Crazy inlaws- VENTING

kerris713

so while my daughter and I are visiting my family, my inlaws basically harassed my DH into telling them we're expecting again. They were guilt tripping him over why we were not going to go on a family cruise next July and he finally just said that we had a good reason, but we're not telling anyone at the moment. Even though we weren't going to go anyway. Well obviously they realized and now I feel like they took our reveal away. She has such a big mouth. We haven't even gone to the Drs yet
I wouldn't be so sour about it, but last time she offended me several times regarding the sex of the baby before we found out (she REALLY wanted us to have a boy- we had a girl) so I wanted to wait to tell them after we knew this time around (we hardly see/speak to them anyways) 

blush64

I would be angry he gave in and told, no matter how much they bothered him. I wouldn't fight about it but I would be annoyed. It won't make a big difference in the long run and you can still reveal to your family and it sounds like you would prefer that anyway. Hopefully they won't tell everyone they know. (did he tell them it was early and you haven't told many people?)

Edit I just wanted to add that I'm sorry you didn't get to handle the reveal the way you wanted to, especially when she gave you a hassle last time. Hopefully things are different this time.

grapeskittles4lyfe

I get how it's hard to stand firm in the face of family, but your DH must have seen your MIL's prior record with her reaction to the "wrong" gender of your first...
Sorry they're so difficult, but at least you hardly see them anyway.

kerris713

They are extremely manipulative with him and were insinuating that it was about money and how they would pay for things when it was simply bc we don't like spending our vacations with them since visits are so stressful. They pounce on opportunities when I'm not there to really eff with him. I'm just praying she's smart enough to tread very lightly when she's sees me next bc I'm about to unleash #dontpokemommabear

WinchesterGirl

I feel your pain. I have an extremely manipulative MIL also. She used to try that crap with DH, but after enough years went by, he has seen that for what it is. 

Now she still tries it, but it usually doesn't work and she moves on to just being downright ugly. Don't let her get to you! Stay strong and definitely tell DH about how you feel - if he grew up with them,  he may not fully realize just how messed up the dynamic is. 

kswiger06

I'm sorry about your situation. I love my mil but she gives us a hard time too. @kerris713 maybe we can share stories just to keep us sane. I have tons lol

kerris713

@kswiger06 wow maybe they're related?!? Lol sounds like a plan. I couldn't sleep last night bc I was stewing about what I wanted to say to her. But I think in the end it's just not worth it- she's in her 70s and has never seen herself as anything but the victim. My DH is adopted so she thinks he has unresolved issues when he doesn't. He has unresolved issues with her but she gets way too defensive and emotional when they try to talk. It's very frustrating bc my family is very open about our feelings. I'm just pissed that they found out before we were ready to share the news- we just found out ourselves last Saturday 

kswiger06

@kerris713  I feel like they could be related! Lol my mil is like that too. If we try to have a calm discussion about something that upset us, she gets defensive and actually kicked us out of her house once!! I always keep quiet for the most part. If I actually told her how I feel it would be a big mess for who knows how long. Unfortunately we have our first vacation with the inlaws scheduled for the end of August. We never did 1 before just because of how she is. My husband asked her if she wanted  $ for the house that's being rented and she replied by telling him we can at least help pay for our own food!! What the heck! Went from looking forward to it to dreading it. Goodluck with your mil and feel free to vent to me. I get it

peachesnbean

Oh wow! I could have written this! My MIL texted me a few days ago basically informing us of a cruise that we are all going on in April after the grandparents 50th anniversary party. I told her we would make the party but not the cruise and she said "why not? We're paying for it." Ohhhh several reasons. I didn't end up telling her because she can be pretty flakey so the cruise only has a 10% chance of happening anyway. Also, she outed our other pregnancies so this time around she is finding out with everyone else.

kswiger06

@peachesnbean yes! I think mils think that once they find out, its their job to tell everyone. My last pregnancy I found out about a week after a cousin had her baby. My mil went to see the baby for the first time and bragged about my pregnancy. I felt Terrible that the attention got moved from the new baby to my pregnancy.

kerris713

The first time I went on vacation with his entire family (one of his cousins wedding) I told him the first night that I will never vacation with his family ever again. That was 4 years ago. It's just no a vacation when we're both stressed out the entire time. His mother has painted a pretty nasty picture of him since he was little and they all treat him like he's a POS. He makes over 70k a year and is very successful but all they reflect upon is how he was when he was a kid. Oh and one of his other cousins told us that she used to fantasize about marrying him when she was younger- since he was adopted in her mind it was totally plausible. Umm gross

peachesnbean

kerris713 said:

The first time I went on vacation with his entire family (one of his cousins wedding) I told him the first night that I will never vacation with his family ever again. That was 4 years ago. It's just no a vacation when we're both stressed out the entire time. His mother has painted a pretty nasty picture of him since he was little and they all treat him like he's a POS. He makes over 70k a year and is very successful but all they reflect upon is how he was when he was a kid. Oh and one of his other cousins told us that she used to fantasize about marrying him when she was younger- since he was adopted in her mind it was totally plausible. Umm gross

OMG gross!
Sounds a lot like my DH family... Maybe we're related 

BumpasaurusRex

kerris713 said:

The first time I went on vacation with his entire family (one of his cousins wedding) I told him the first night that I will never vacation with his family ever again. That was 4 years ago. It's just no a vacation when we're both stressed out the entire time. His mother has painted a pretty nasty picture of him since he was little and they all treat him like he's a POS. He makes over 70k a year and is very successful but all they reflect upon is how he was when he was a kid. Oh and one of his other cousins told us that she used to fantasize about marrying him when she was younger- since he was adopted in her mind it was totally plausible. Umm gross

blush64

kerris713 said:

His mother has painted a pretty nasty picture of him since he was little and they all treat him like he's a POS. He makes over 70k a year and is very successful but all they reflect upon is how he was when he was a kid. Oh and one of his other cousins told us that she used to fantasize about marrying him when she was younger- since he was adopted in her mind it was totally plausible. Umm gross

It doesn't matter if he makes 20,000 or 30,000 or 500,000 a year, it is terrible that a family member would treat him badly. 

As for how gross the cousin thing is I think it depends on how old she was and how close they were. I think cousins marrying is absolutely gross, even of there's no blood shared but if she was 4 or 5 years old I think it's different than if she were 18 or 19. What I find incredibly uncomfortable is that she would say anything about that now. Seems like that might be information you don't ever want to share.

Edit

kswiger06

.

kerris713

@blush64 it was during her teen years- he is about 7 years older than her so it's even sicker. This was also the 2nd time I had ever met this girl so it was super awkward

kerris713

Here's another gem- my mil once told my mom that "she trained me well" in regards to cleaning and making dinners over Thanksgiving week last year. I almost started barking but I held it in. Why was it so difficult for her to believe that I did those things bc I wanted to have a nice holiday and I didn't want her to feel like she had to do a bunch of cooking?

BumpasaurusRex

kerris713 said:

Here's another gem- my mil once told my mom that "she trained me well" in regards to cleaning and making dinners over Thanksgiving week last year. I almost started barking but I held it in. Why was it so difficult for her to believe that I did those things bc I wanted to have a nice holiday and I didn't want her to feel like she had to do a bunch of cooking?

Ugh, this would really piss me off.

::makes mental notes of things not to say to my future DIL::

peachesnbean

BumpasaurusRex said:

kerris713 said:

Here's another gem- my mil once told my mom that "she trained me well" in regards to cleaning and making dinners over Thanksgiving week last year. I almost started barking but I held it in. Why was it so difficult for her to believe that I did those things bc I wanted to have a nice holiday and I didn't want her to feel like she had to do a bunch of cooking?

Ugh, this would really piss me off.

::makes mental notes of things not to say to my future DIL::

Yep! Sometimes I will do something nice for someone and she will see it, nod, and say "good girl". As if I am a trained puppy. *Rage*

kswiger06

kerris713 said:

Here's another gem- my mil once told my mom that "she trained me well" in regards to cleaning and making dinners over Thanksgiving week last year. I almost started barking but I held it in. Why was it so difficult for her to believe that I did those things bc I wanted to have a nice holiday and I didn't want her to feel like she had to do a bunch of cooking?

Oh that must be where our difference is. My mil can't cook hardly at all. She manages to get nice holiday dinners done. But aside from that she doesn't cook much. Its so bad that my kids literally call her "grandma pizza" because that's pretty much all we eat there. They are 9 and 7 and still call her this. They have called her that since they started talking. She finally started ordering different foods to mix it up. It's real funny when the kids talk about her to other people cause they look puzzled and say "who?!?" And my niece on my side of the family saw her out one day and asked her "are you Taylor and kayli's grandma pizza" lol priceless what kids say and do

blush64

kerris713 said:

@blush64 it was during her teen years- he is about 7 years older than her so it's even sicker. This was also the 2nd time I had ever met this girl so it was super awkward

In your teen years it seems you should be especially grossed out by family. EWW! It seems like something a person should never admit to anyone.

kerris713

So today we called his father twice to wish him a happy Father's Day- no call back! I mean we did already give him a gift on Friday bc they said it wasn't going to work out seeing them today even though they go to church down the road when I offered to cook dinner.
 They did gave him his gift a few weeks ago- a pair of Johnny Cash socks which actually turned out to be either women's or child size. Haha #epicfail

Gingersnap

I have some good MIL stories too, but I'll not hijack your post. 
Sorry your MIL is such a twit. 

angeltennis3

Gingersnap said:

I have some good MIL stories too, but I'll not hijack your post. 
Sorry your MIL is such a twit. 

@gingersnap we will need an inlaw vent post soon. Mine just left after staying with us for the weekend. Normally I just keep the wine flowing to get myself through. I am going to need coping methods to survive the next 8 months of visits. 

Gingersnap

We used to do "MIL Monday" on May 13. We should do it here! 

varimama

I'm in the opposite camp, my in laws are great it's my own mother who's judging, manipulative, and who says awful things. DH and I have jokes about not telling my mom until we see her for Christmas when we can't really hide it and even then trying to play it off as too many cookies. In reality we'll probably tell her same time as we tell my in laws because I want to tell my aunt and grandma (her sister and mom) and they are both awesome people. I'm just going to have to be ready to hear all her criticisms and cruel comments. 

kerris713

This can totally be a venting post about all of our crazy inlaws!! It's good to get out our frustrations

kswiger06

Is it terrible that I enjoy reading these stories? Sometimes it's hearing other people's crazy stuff that makes me realize I'm not the only one. I started feeling guilty a few days ago about blasting my mil on here but then I saw her this weekend and wanted to do it all over again

kerris713

I'm going out to lunch with them tomorrow- I'm sure I'll be back tomorrow with a good one

WinchesterGirl

Guys, my MIL likes to forget I have food allergies. Like multiple times. She has nearly sent me to the hospital more than once, and now we can't eat there because, you know, anaphylaxis. 

To quote Sheldon cooper

Xstatic3333

WinchesterGirl said:

Guys, my MIL likes to forget I have food allergies. Like multiple times. She has nearly sent me to the hospital more than once, and now we can't eat there because, you know, anaphylaxis. 

To quote Sheldon cooper

Are you kidding me!? You win the worst MIL. You officially win. I have a severe nut allergy, and I can't even wrap my head around that cruelty. 

kerris713

Wow that's crazy @WinchesterGirl. My MIL recently asked me how my grandmother was (she passed away in August and my MIL came to the funeral). Over the past ten years, I've always thought that she was just really spacey but no, she's just completely out of her goddamn mind and has no filter to the diarrhea that comes spewing out of her mouth. 

But I try to be nice...my patience just goes out the window when I'm pregnant. Whoops

WinchesterGirl

@Xstatic3333 I am allergic to things which are very, very easy to slip into food without being easily recognizable... The Last time, she stared me directly in the face and swore there was nothing in the food... so, against my better judgement we stayed. Less than 15 minutes later, everyone else in the entire house was staring into horror as my reaction started... while she calmly sorted the mail. 

Needless to say, we don't eat there anymore! She has the gall to be offended by this, and has made comments like, "you act like my food is poisoned!" Uhm... ? Duh.

WinchesterGirl

@kerris713 that is just cold!

kerris713

What I said or what my MIL said?? Lol

WinchesterGirl

Oh, definitely her.

kerris713

Yea she says fucked up stuff all the time-funny thing is- she actually likes me. You should hear what she says to my Hubbie. Poor thing had to grow up with the spawn of Satan

kswiger06

@kerris713 that grandmother story is awful. 

kerris713

Yea she sounds pretty bad. My MIL actually made me cry in front of those other crazy relatives at that wedding I previously mentioned. She kept asking me if my grandfather would be singing at our wedding- this was in 2014, our wedding was the following summer. I kept telling her that he wasn't going to. She was asking this because at our engagement party my grandfather broke out God Bless America because it was when his Alzheimer's started getting worse and he never used to do stuff like that. No matter what I said, she wouldn't stop until I finally started to cry and my FIL had to hit her to realize she was being a gigantic twat. 

kswiger06

@kerris713 that makes me want to cry for you. 

Edit: didn't want all that in here