How is everyone doing? Check in June 6 — The Bump
Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

How is everyone doing? Check in June 6

**figured I would get the check-in going this week, in the future anyone is welcome to start**

For the new people who joined this board recently, we are all so sorry for your losses. This board is proof that you don't have to go through this alone.

How are you all doing this week? Any questions or anything we can help you with? Feel free to rant and vent, this is a safe space where we offer support and compassion.  Hugs to all those that need them.

GTKY: Do you live in an area with a hot summer?  Favorite ways to keep cool?
About me:
/loss mentioned/
TTC#1 July 2014
dx: MFI (morphology)
IUI #1 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Sept. 2015 ~ BFN
IUI #2 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Halloween 2015 ~ BFN
IUI #3 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Thanksgiving 2015 ~ BFP!!
hb 146 bpm at 7w5d
1/28/16 ~ began to say goodbye to our beautiful baby at 11w 
d&c, followed by cytotec
TTCAL April 2016
IUI #4 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Apr. 2016 ~ BFN
IUI #5 w/Clomid + Ovidrel ~ CP
IUI#6 w/Clomid + Ovidrel ~ BFN
rainbowturtles
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Re: How is everyone doing? Check in June 6

  • pce515pce515
    First Comment Photogenic
    member
    I am ok - i am so confused and torn.. I had my first pregnancy that I was over the moon for, and it ended with a natural m/c on 5/6.. I was about 7 weeks.. I still have yet to get AF, my levels dropped to 0 very fast.. I did a OPK and it showed peak fertility on 5/27.. and yesterday 6/5 I had eggwhite CM and decided to do the OPK again and it showed once more peak fertility.. what is going on? I just want to be a mom.. I want my body back to normal also.. how long will this last?
  • @BrightenMySky thanks for starting this week :)

    @pce515 So sorry for your loss. It can take some time for some people to get back to normal cycles. Some women will ovulate the cycle after loss and some won't. I'd say having signs of fertility is a good sign, tho. Have you ever tried temping? I don't know if it would help you at all right now, but I'm finding it very reassuring even tho I'm not TTC til September. I know after a period of time if you still don't have your AF you can return to your doctor and they can help get it started for you. Maybe the other ladies can talk more to that point.

    I'm doing okay, had a rough one yesterday. Some past traumas came to the surface and I just wanted to cry and cry :'(

    Also a little annoyed because I might have O'd really early. I've had two days of EWCM and two raised temps on the same days BUT I haven't been perfectly temping because I've had restless sleeps plus it's been a heat wave this weekend. Only time will tell. Again, DH isn't ready to TTC yet but I'm tracking my cycles to see if they're mostly "regular" and to give me peace of mind if an "oops" happens. There's some comfort in knowing I'm O'ing and when AF should arrive.




    BrightenMySky
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  • I'm okay.  Feeling better than last week and back to work today (prior to all this happening, I already had last week planned off.  It was well timed).  I'm hitting  CD 10 now so starting OPKs to see when I ovulate.  Still nervous and worried this might happen again or that it will never happen for us.  

    GTKY: It typically doesn't get super hot where we live.l, but this past weekend was a killer.  100 degrees both sat and Sunday.  DH and I were supposed to go camping but it was forecast to be 105 there so we cancelled.  DH hates the heat so if it starts to get too hot we just sit inside with the AC on.  Sometimes I wish we had a pool, but it's not practical where we live. 
    Married: 7/9/15
    Me: 37, DH: 36
    Started TTC #1: 9/2015
    Preliminary labs/testing @ 6 months: TSH, A1c, progesterone, prolactin, SA, HSG all normal
    BFP: 5/19/2016, M/C: 5/29/2016
    BFP: 6/22/2016  EDD 3//6/2017

    BabyFruit Ticker
  • @pce515 so sorry for your loss.  It took forever to get AF for the first time post-loss for me.  I was being monitored for various reasons, and there was a time when I was so sure I Oed based on CM, but bw did not confirm, but then eventually I did O, and then AF came.  Loss can just really mess with your body.  I hear you on just wanting things physically back to normal...I felt like I couldn't really heal emotionally that much until physical was back to normal. 

    @rainbowturtles sorry yesterday was rough.  Cry as much as you need to.  Hugs.  

    @PattersRN glad you are doing a bit better than last week.  I had also already planned a vacation that coincided with the weeks right after my loss.  Big bummer not to be able to go on our vacation, but it was also a relief that I had already basically cleared my plate at work.  Hope you can take it a bit easier and go home early/take walks/etc. to make the transition back to work less harsh.

    I am doing ok.  Just had my college reunion and it was definitely bittersweet to think about how pregnant I would have been at this point and how I could have been so happy about it with all of those friends (we're all over, geographically).  I have stopped thinking about that on a daily/weekly basis, but when these events come up that I had known about for a while, my mind goes there.  

    GTKY: We have hot & humid summers.  I have a plastic cup w/reusable straw, and I am going to have to start making ice tea at home so I have something cold to sip on my way into work (I walk or bus).  We got my dog one of those pressure-activated gel cooling mats, but so far she doesn't seem to like it, so DH has been enjoying lying on it :)
    About me:
    /loss mentioned/
    TTC#1 July 2014
    dx: MFI (morphology)
    IUI #1 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Sept. 2015 ~ BFN
    IUI #2 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Halloween 2015 ~ BFN
    IUI #3 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Thanksgiving 2015 ~ BFP!!
    hb 146 bpm at 7w5d
    1/28/16 ~ began to say goodbye to our beautiful baby at 11w 
    d&c, followed by cytotec
    TTCAL April 2016
    IUI #4 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Apr. 2016 ~ BFN
    IUI #5 w/Clomid + Ovidrel ~ CP
    IUI#6 w/Clomid + Ovidrel ~ BFN
  • Oops! I forgot to do the GTKY!

    I live in Canada so our weather is fairly moderate (west coast but in the "valley") but this past weekend we had a heat wave, too! I don't think we quite broke 100F but it was HOT for what we're used to lol What sucked is that instead of going to the lake that our new place is super close to (or doing anything fun, really) we were installing our new kitchen in that heat! Well mostly DH, I was mostly useless as the heat was really affecting my blood pressure and I even ended up puking. I still couldn't help but think "imagine if I was still pregnant in this heat?" And then envisioning myself lying in a kiddie pool with a baby bump and at least feeling better about being useless because it would be for a better reason :(

    I have a pug who doesn't do well in the heat either @BrightenMySky and I'm considering getting him one of those mats, too, but also worried he may not use it lol I just kept dousing him with water and kept him mostly inside (no A/C yet but had fans going)

    I found that an electrolyte freezie/otter pop really perked me up later in the day!




  • I'm doing okay. Still get sad, but I feel kind of forced to move along and look towards the  next thing as I've found I've ovulated and would at the bare minimum at least expect AF in a week now. Something is moving forward, which direction idk yet. But it's keeping my mind occupied.

    BFF has been temping and started using FF to chart. It's nice to share and teach things about our amazing bodies and cycles. She came over and found my ultrasound and looked at it.. and I didn't cry. Almost, but didnt. That was a first.

    I've been redoing Baby Names again. 

    GTKY: I live in Dallas, so hot! We love to go out on the lake and go swimming and cool off by driving the boat around. Also, good ol Texas AC is legit :)



    Me: 27 years old            DH: 27 years old
    Type 1 Diabetes since 2001, MTHFR hetero A1298T
    Dogs: Raider 4 yrs, Dex 4 yrs
    Married in July 2014
    TTC #1 since late Feb 2016
    BFP #1 3/29/16     MMC: 5/5/16
    BFP #2 7/6/16    SCH, D&C 8/4/16
    BFP #3 12/26/16     EDD: 9/6/17
    My Chart / My Diabetes/Pregnancy Blog
    My Type 1/TTC/Pregnancy Podcast: 
    Juicebox Podcast Episode 118
    A1Cs:
    1/12/16 6.7%
    5/25/16 6.0%
    11/2/16 6.1%
    3/22/16 5.8%
    4/27/17 5.4%
    6/13/17 5.3%
               
    "Sugar Fancy Tutu"
    rainbowturtlessrnj3AliciaGoose
  • @Sugargirl1019 the small victories are still victories :) Glad you feel like things might be moving forward. It's awesome that someone you know temps! I'm so excited about it that I wish I knew someone irl who did and just can't believe I didn't do this sooner! They should teach all women about temping lol




  • @BrightenMySky Thanks for starting this week! Also, I understand feeling that way at events. I'm going to a family reunion in August and that's also when family would have had a baby shower for me. Those times are tough, but I'm glad you're doing ok. 

    @rainbowturtles I'm sorry you had a hard day, and I also hope your heat wave broke!! 

    @PattersRN Glad you're feeling better than last week!

    @Sugargirl 1019 Glad to hear you're looking forward at future steps, hopefully they're good ones!! Also, did I ever tell you, I love your bunnies? They always make me so happy! :smile: 

    As for me, I'm doing better both emotionally and physically - I even took the dog out for a walk (a short and slow one) but I did it! And I didn't feel exhausted afterward either! DH and I haven't had sex in about 2 months (I was being cautious when I start spotting, then we were told not to) and they other night I was feeling a little frisky. I just want to have sex again. That's all.  ;) Hopefully we'll get clearance soon. 

    GTKY: We're lucky to live on the ocean coastline, so our summers tend to be very warm, not extremely hot, they evenings get nice and cool (most of the time). My favorite way to stay cool involves sitting in the shade sipping a nice margarita! Something I'm looking forward to! 
    Married 9/27/2014  :)
    BFP #1: 8/23/2015 M/C: 9/24/2015
    BFP# 2: 4/15/2016 M/C: 5/13/2016 Cervical Ectopic Pregnancy
    5/13/2016 Methotrexate Shot #1
    5/15/2016 Methotrexate Shot #2
    5/17/2016 Methotrexate Shot #3
    BrightenMySky
  • @rainbowturtles I think it should be taught in school! The female body is fascinating and who knows if it would help the teen pregnancy rate if girls actually knew what to look out for. Health class for sure at least should give a general overview. I loved learning about the female reproductive system in school and thought the hormones were so interesting, but nobody went into detail because the hormones are "difficult" to understand.

    @lyndam1 I'm glad you like the bunnies :) I've  decided to keep them forever to help make everyone smile!

    Me: 27 years old            DH: 27 years old
    Type 1 Diabetes since 2001, MTHFR hetero A1298T
    Dogs: Raider 4 yrs, Dex 4 yrs
    Married in July 2014
    TTC #1 since late Feb 2016
    BFP #1 3/29/16     MMC: 5/5/16
    BFP #2 7/6/16    SCH, D&C 8/4/16
    BFP #3 12/26/16     EDD: 9/6/17
    My Chart / My Diabetes/Pregnancy Blog
    My Type 1/TTC/Pregnancy Podcast: 
    Juicebox Podcast Episode 118
    A1Cs:
    1/12/16 6.7%
    5/25/16 6.0%
    11/2/16 6.1%
    3/22/16 5.8%
    4/27/17 5.4%
    6/13/17 5.3%
               
    "Sugar Fancy Tutu"
    lyndam1rainbowturtles
  • @rainbowturtles I think it should be taught in school! The female body is fascinating and who knows if it would help the teen pregnancy rate if girls actually knew what to look out for. Health class for sure at least should give a general overview. I loved learning about the female reproductive system in school and thought the hormones were so interesting, but nobody went into detail because the hormones are "difficult" to understand.
    I was just having this discussion the other day and had a similar thought! If girls knew the signs of ovulation and new about the most fertile days, etc that could help prevent unwanted pregnancies but also help give some realistic expectations for later in life! I had no idea how hard it can actually be to conceive until we started to try!!! I always say, "I wish I was taught this in health class!" 
    Married 9/27/2014  :)
    BFP #1: 8/23/2015 M/C: 9/24/2015
    BFP# 2: 4/15/2016 M/C: 5/13/2016 Cervical Ectopic Pregnancy
    5/13/2016 Methotrexate Shot #1
    5/15/2016 Methotrexate Shot #2
    5/17/2016 Methotrexate Shot #3
    rainbowturtles
  • Not doing well at all....it's only been 3 days post D&C so I'm sure I'll have bouts of crying for weeks. I will try to get in to see a therapist.

    Does anyone have a good resource for Temping & such? I tried for a couple cycles, but my temps have always been on the low side (thyroid issue) and i didn't have much success with that or charting the CM consistency.

    I also did Ovulation tests, but they got expensive after realizing that you need to use several to find the exact day/time. The whole process is just soooo stressful for me and it totally killed our sex life (it became such an awful timed chore and I still can't imagine enjoying it ever again) I now associate sex with feelings of "Failure" because we can't get pregnant the normal way. :'(
  • srnj3srnj3
    Second Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its Photogenic
    member

    I thought I was going to feel better this week because I had a busy weekend but I opened my nightstand drawer on Sunday night and saw our 8 week ultrasound picture. I lost it from there and couldn't sleep that night. Did anyone else keep their ultrasound? I don't think I can let go of it. My husband thinks I should throw it out but it's all I have left.

    I've noticed a bad trigger for me has been the Huggies commercial about hugging your baby. It's on the radio a lot and I die every time I hear it. I feel like I'm missing out on so much.

    @new_ivf I'm sorry for your loss. Have you tried Fertility Friend? You can log your temperatures on the app. I used Wondfo ovulation tests and it worked well for me. They are a lot cheaper than other tests you find at the drugstore. I got pregnant using these. I wasn't so crazy about the pregnancy tests though.

    Here are the tests - http://www.amazon.com/Combo-Ovulation-Tests-Pregnancy-Strips/dp/B0002YIQLY?ie=UTF8&psc=1&redirect=true&ref_=oh_aui_detailpage_o01_s00

    GTKY - I live in the Northeast and summers here are hot and humid. My husband and I go to the beach every weekend because we are only 45 minutes away. The coastline is pretty hot too especially in July and August but the water is always a refreshing temperature.

    Me: 29, DH: 30

    TTC Baby #1: 1/16

    BFP #1: 4/1/16, MMC: 5/25/16

    BFP #2: 10/10/16, EDD: 6/18/17


  • @srnj3 I kept our ultrasound from around 7w that showed the hb.  We recently got a fireproof safe to keep documents, so I put the ultrasound in an envelope, along with the sympathy cards we received after our loss, and keep it in the safe.  I can look at it whenever I want (and there are times that I just feel the need to see it), but no risk that I will come across it when I'm not prepared to see it.  Sorry for your loss.  

    @new_ivf I don't temp.  I tried, but my sleep is kind of irregular and I found temping was contributing to my sleep anxiety.  When I started seeing my RE, he said he doesn't care about temping, and I'm getting a lot of info from the monitoring I do with him, so I feel like I don't need it for myself.  Just thought I'd add that perspective since I assume you're seeing an RE (although not sure if you're planning to keep doing medicated/monitored cycles).  
    About me:
    /loss mentioned/
    TTC#1 July 2014
    dx: MFI (morphology)
    IUI #1 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Sept. 2015 ~ BFN
    IUI #2 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Halloween 2015 ~ BFN
    IUI #3 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Thanksgiving 2015 ~ BFP!!
    hb 146 bpm at 7w5d
    1/28/16 ~ began to say goodbye to our beautiful baby at 11w 
    d&c, followed by cytotec
    TTCAL April 2016
    IUI #4 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Apr. 2016 ~ BFN
    IUI #5 w/Clomid + Ovidrel ~ CP
    IUI#6 w/Clomid + Ovidrel ~ BFN
  • Fertility Friend is great for logging temps and CM and it creates the chart for you. "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" is an awesome book and resource for figuring everything out (temping, CM, timing, etc).

    I constantly regret not getting my ultrasound pic from my first pregnancy when I saw the heartbeat because I thought "there would be other times" and didn't want to pay for it :( I kept the pregnancy test for years. Right now I still have the two positive tests from my recent miscarriage in a drawer and I look at them from time to time. *shrug* we all grieve differently. DH probably said to get rid of it because he thinks it made you sad and he doesn't like seeing you sad. But if you want to keep it I definitely would, just maybe put it somewhere where it won't sneak up on you. <3




  • Hi guys-

    Im doing ok. It's been a whirlwind week. We decided to get a puppy and have been getting ready for that. I pick him up tonight! I had to have an endoscopy after having difficulty swallowing- turns out I have esophagitis because I've been taking my pills the wrong way and taking too much Advil!

    It was my 37th birthday Sunday. That was hard because it was just another reminder of how little time we have left to wait to try again. My first EDD is in 3 weeks. It just feels like another freaking punch in the face along with all the other punches we've gotten the last few weeks. My coworkers threw me a cute puppy shower today. It was so sweet and nice how much they are fawning over us getting a puppy, I just wish it didn't feel like they were only doing it because we've had so much sadness in our life of late. It struck me that today I should be having a baby shower not a puppy shower. 

    We started couples therapy last night, which went well. The therapist started crying when I told her about how much pressure I feel to have a child for DH and how I feel like I can't take any breaks and just have to subject myself again to another  potential loss without having time to properly heal and grieve. I think DH finally got how much worse it is for me than him. I feel like if I gave up, I'd not only being giving up on my chance to be a mom, but his chance to be a dad. I'm not sure he'd ever be okay with it- no matter what he says.

    GTKY We live in Chicago which can have hot summers and cool summers. This summer seems like it wil be hot, so we probably will spend a lot of time at my IL's place in Michigan at the beach! Can't wait!
    Age 39, H 38

    Married 8/15

    Pregnancy #1, MMC, D&C November/December 2015
    Pregnancy #2, Dx with Triploidy at 12 weeks, MMC, D&C May 2016
    Pregnancy #3 BFP 10/20/2016- EDD 7/01/2017
    DD was born on June 26, 2017
    Pregnancy #4 CP 4/2018
    Pregnancy #5 BFP 9/13/2018, EDD= 5/27/2019
    rainbowturtles
  • @chloe97 Please post a pic of your pup here! I think it is the right choice to get a puppy. Gives you an outlet to care for something! I'm glad your couples therapy went well. 

    Me: 27 years old            DH: 27 years old
    Type 1 Diabetes since 2001, MTHFR hetero A1298T
    Dogs: Raider 4 yrs, Dex 4 yrs
    Married in July 2014
    TTC #1 since late Feb 2016
    BFP #1 3/29/16     MMC: 5/5/16
    BFP #2 7/6/16    SCH, D&C 8/4/16
    BFP #3 12/26/16     EDD: 9/6/17
    My Chart / My Diabetes/Pregnancy Blog
    My Type 1/TTC/Pregnancy Podcast: 
    Juicebox Podcast Episode 118
    A1Cs:
    1/12/16 6.7%
    5/25/16 6.0%
    11/2/16 6.1%
    3/22/16 5.8%
    4/27/17 5.4%
    6/13/17 5.3%
               
    "Sugar Fancy Tutu"
    chloe97AliciaGoose
  • lyndam1lyndam1
    10 Comments 25 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    member
    edited June 2016
    @srnj3 I kept both of my ultrasounds - the first was just a gestational sac and a yolk sac (it turned out to be a blighted ovum) and I'm glad I asked for it. I like having a physical memory of what could have been. For the second pregnancy ultrasound, the tech printed one out for us but she didn't know we weren't going to be able to keep the pregnancy. I kinda felt bad for her with me crying during the ultrasound. 
    They're both on my fridge. I've been thinking about moving them, but was unsure where I should put them. Putting them into a photo album feels strange to me. @BrightenMySky I like the idea of the safe! We have one too, and I think that'll be best for now. 

    ETA: spelling corrections
    Married 9/27/2014  :)
    BFP #1: 8/23/2015 M/C: 9/24/2015
    BFP# 2: 4/15/2016 M/C: 5/13/2016 Cervical Ectopic Pregnancy
    5/13/2016 Methotrexate Shot #1
    5/15/2016 Methotrexate Shot #2
    5/17/2016 Methotrexate Shot #3
  • @pce515 I'm so sorry you're dealing with the confusion. I was told to give it up to a couple of months to straighten out my ovulation and I know it's frustrating. Please keep us updated and I'm hoping everything is back to normal soon with your cycles.

    @rainbowturtles sending you big hugs. I can totally understand the puking bringing up all the sad feelings.

    @pattersRN glad this is a better week for you!

    @BrightenMySky how did the reunion go besides the obvious bittersweet moments? Hope you were able to find some fun.

    @Sugargirl1019 I'm so glad you have someone to chart with. People look at me like I have three heads when I bring it up.

    @lyndam1 so glad you're getting your mojo back and hope you get clearance soon!

    @new_ivf I wish I had words but I have nothing but big hugs for you. I know the raw pain is just overwhelming 3 days out. 

    @srnj3  Keep that ultrasound picture! It's a picture of your beautiful baby and, while painful, in time I think you'll be glad you still have it.

    @chloe97 So glad your couples therapy went well, I'm really hoping it brings you some relief. Can't wait to see pics of your puppy! 


    I'm doing okay, I guess.  A little more numb which is a good thing. Thursday is my first appointment with a grief counselor and I'm scared but hoping maybe it will help somehow. I can't believe it's been 3 weeks. It still hurts to look at myself in the mirror; every time I see my flat stomach it just feels like I've gotten punched. I can't believe he's not here anymore. I miss carrying him so badly.

    Hoping AF will show up in the next week or so and then I can try to figure out if we want to try doing this again. Now that I've been released from my peri I go back to my OB next Monday and I'm hoping she'll be able to give me some advice.

    Big big hugs to everyone. 
    Me: 38 l DH: 41
    Gavin - 8/27/10
    *TW*
    Gabriel - 2nd tri loss 5/17/16 Trisomy 18 & 21
    Hope -  2nd tri loss 12/7/16 complications from pneumonia


    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
    rainbowturtlespce515
  • I just found out today that I've MC'd for the third time and will quite possibly need a D&C for the third time. Even though I'm 9w today, LO didn't make it past 7w. I am feeling quite frustrated at my body. That it won't let the LOs thrive, but also that it won't let them go after. Has anyone else had multiple MC and had to get a D&C for all?
    It's weird, I half feel like it gets easier with each one and half feel like it gets worse. But now I'm in this crazy limbo world where I'm not pregnant but LO isn't gone either and I HATE IT SO MUCH! 

    Thanks to to everyone who posts here. Even just reading that women everywhere go through this and feel all the crazy and heartbreaking things I feel helps. Thanks for listening to me vent.
  • I'm so so sorry for your losses
    @newlymrsparaons :'( I hope the ladies here can answer some of your questions. I've had 2 mc's but no D&Cs but there are women here who have <3




  • BaylieGirlBaylieGirl
    250 Love Its Third Anniversary 100 Comments Name Dropper
    member
    edited June 2016
    Hi everyone,

    I'm really anxious this month because I was layed off last month from the company I was at for 5 years. I luckily found a new job quick and start next week, which would make timing terrible if I get a BFP. I hate that maternity leave benefits don't kick in till you've been at a company for a year. It adds whole nother layer of stress to TTC.

    I don't want to put off TTC just for my new job... After TTC for over a year now, with 1 loss and nearing my 38th bday I've waited long enough. 

    As as for summer, I live near the coast so we get lots of June Gloom this time of year. I'll have to wait till August for my summer weather to begin again. The fog does make for comfortable sleeping weather.
  • @newlymrsparaons I am so sorry for your losses.  I have only been pregnant once, and it ended in a missed mc.  Discovered at 11w, baby measured a few weeks behind.  I had a d&c, went to the ER later and was given cytotec for retained material, and then still had a bit remaining that I didn't full clear until my second period post-loss.  It really felt like my body could not let go of the baby, even though the baby was already dead.  

    @BaylieGirl sorry for the layoff and glad you have something new.  I know it adds anxiety to TTC, but you can't time your life, so hopefully the new job will be understanding if you ended up needing to take mat leave before a year.  
    About me:
    /loss mentioned/
    TTC#1 July 2014
    dx: MFI (morphology)
    IUI #1 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Sept. 2015 ~ BFN
    IUI #2 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Halloween 2015 ~ BFN
    IUI #3 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Thanksgiving 2015 ~ BFP!!
    hb 146 bpm at 7w5d
    1/28/16 ~ began to say goodbye to our beautiful baby at 11w 
    d&c, followed by cytotec
    TTCAL April 2016
    IUI #4 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Apr. 2016 ~ BFN
    IUI #5 w/Clomid + Ovidrel ~ CP
    IUI#6 w/Clomid + Ovidrel ~ BFN
  • @newlymrsparaons I'm sorry for your losses. I don't have any experience with D&Cs, but completely empathize with the pregnant, but not feeling. I'm sorry. 

    @BaylieGirl I too hate that maternity leave doesn't start until after a year! Good luck to you! 
    Married 9/27/2014  :)
    BFP #1: 8/23/2015 M/C: 9/24/2015
    BFP# 2: 4/15/2016 M/C: 5/13/2016 Cervical Ectopic Pregnancy
    5/13/2016 Methotrexate Shot #1
    5/15/2016 Methotrexate Shot #2
    5/17/2016 Methotrexate Shot #3
  • mjolkmjolk
    100 Comments 100 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    member
    Incoming diary entry, I need to type and send it, but no response needed.

    I am so sad. Found out at 8 weeks I likely have a blighted ovum. I'm just ready for it to be over. I don't know why they did not mention DC to me. I was just told what a natural m/c will be like. I am not prepared for that to happen at any moment. I am not prepared to wait weeks. I am supposed to travel this weekend and visit relatives, and am not prepared to start having a miscarriage there. I am supposed to get my HCG checked next week. I honestly don't get the point. My arm already looks terrible I've had so much blood drawn. It isn't like I have a yolk sac or pole or anything, I have absolutely nothing but a gestational sac and my HCG is going up but not nearly enough.

    How are you supposed to get over a pregnancy when you are still pregnant? I've been too sick to cook or eat. I haven't been having dinner. I often feel out of breath. I cannot eat much or I get heartburn. I don't sleep well. And now I have this all with this crushing feeling that it is all for nothing. I just keep wanting this to end. I don't know how I will get through this weekend visiting my family.

    Next week I hope I can get a D&C scheduled, pending I don't bleed all over my parents couch over the weekend or something.
    -----
    TW: Loss
    EDD: 1/14/2017 : Blighted Ovum : D&C @ 10w6d


    BaylieGirl
  • @mjolk I am so sorry for your loss.  Any way you can postpone the travel?  I am so sorry you were not offered multiple options.  It seems like some providers think of miscarriage as a routine part of pregnancy, but it is so devastating to experience, the lack of compassionate care can really compound how horrible it is to go through.  Hugs.
    About me:
    /loss mentioned/
    TTC#1 July 2014
    dx: MFI (morphology)
    IUI #1 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Sept. 2015 ~ BFN
    IUI #2 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Halloween 2015 ~ BFN
    IUI #3 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Thanksgiving 2015 ~ BFP!!
    hb 146 bpm at 7w5d
    1/28/16 ~ began to say goodbye to our beautiful baby at 11w 
    d&c, followed by cytotec
    TTCAL April 2016
    IUI #4 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Apr. 2016 ~ BFN
    IUI #5 w/Clomid + Ovidrel ~ CP
    IUI#6 w/Clomid + Ovidrel ~ BFN
    mjolkrainbowturtles
  • mjolkmjolk
    100 Comments 100 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    member
    @BrightenMySky ;

    thank you for the kind words. unfortunately it is a celebration I cannot miss. my experience so far has been very uncompassionate doctors, but all my nurses have been so great. Perhaps the doctor thought suggesting anything else was jumping the gun but even if my dates were a couple weeks off they'd be seeing more than this on scans. I am going to call this the "blighted ovum limbo".
    -----
    TW: Loss
    EDD: 1/14/2017 : Blighted Ovum : D&C @ 10w6d


  • I don't think this will help anyone it's just my own mind babble but it just hurts my heart when I see doctors not providing better care in these cases or have more answers and I honestly think PART of it is that they themselves don't have all the answers when it comes to pregnancy and loss. Last night when I was trying to fall asleep I started thinking about my recent mc and was sort of getting mad and sad at myself that I didn't go to the ER at all and why didn't I do that etc. But then I remembered my first mc. And how I had spotting but I had THREE ultrasounds and three doctors tell me everything looked fine and oh the HB is a bit slow but it might be okay, etc. And it wasn't okay and a week later the ultrasound showed an empty uterus. This time, I felt I knew what was happening and it was earlier than before and I was in so much pain and the thought of waiting hours at the ER for them to possibly tell me "well it might be okay, some bleeding and pain is normal" or just to confirm that indeed I was miscarrying...I couldn't bear it. I'm still mad at myself because I think we might have been able to see something on the U/s and maybe that would have helped DH but maybe it would have just made it harder. 
    I don't know, anyways, my point is that I wish the technology was there. I wish that doctors could give us more accurate info but when I hear other stories I feel like they're hoping just as much that they're wrong and that our pregnancies will be fine and maybe we got the dates wrong or maybe they're missing something. It's so difficult and we end up in this limbo with 'do we keep our hopes up' and they won't give you anything for pain 'just in case' or they make you walk around wondering when/if something is going to happen.
    ugh I'm crying now, for myself and for you ladies. We are honestly some of the strongest women around and yet so few will understand all that we go through or have been through. I'm so sorry we're all here and I wish I could make it better for everyone <3




    BrightenMySky
  • Spartanrd4Spartanrd4
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    member
    edited June 2016
    @newlymrsparaons I am sorry for your losses. I had a missed miscarriage similar to you- I was 9w2d but baby only measured 7w4d. I had a D&C- its so hard to wrap your head around everything and the betrayal by your body. I hope you can find some answers to why this keeps happening to you...Hugs. 
    Me: 35      DH: 35
    Married: 8/16/2014
    TTC 6/2015
    BFP #1: 1/2016, MMC 3/2016 (9 weeks)
    BFP #2: 6/2016, DD born 3/1/17 at 39 weeks 1 day 
    BFP #3: 1/2019, CP (4 weeks 1 day)
    BFP #4: 4/2019, Due 12/10/19


  • Today is hard, but I knew it would be. We got our tissue chromosome results back, and it looks like it would have been a normal baby boy. I wish there was an answer as to what went wrong, but it's not this. I'm scared it might be something my body did wrong, but we won't know until we do more testing. I don't want to have to go through this again. 

    From the beginning of the pregnancy, I said I thought it was a boy, and it hurts to learn I was right. I was so excited to find out the sex, but never this way. I wish this hadn't happened. 

    Me: 29 DH: 30
    BFP #1: 3/16/2016 MC 12w5d
    BFP #2: 1/25/2018 MC 4w3d

  • kmwmkmwm
    First Anniversary First Comment Photogenic
    member
    edited June 2016
    Hello everyone,

    Sadly, I am new to this board. Sending love & healing to you all.

    I apologize for my long post and TMI. I just need to get it out. 

    On May 30 I was having dinner with my husband and I suddenly lost my appetite. I had some lower back pains and cramping and thought it was gas.  I went to the washroom and discovered I was bleeding. My husband took me to the ER to get it checked out. They did a pap and said my cervix was still closed but they could see blood. She tried to do an ultrasound with the portable machine but was unsuccessful. She scheduled me for an ultrasound for the next afternoon.

    DH and I went home and tried to get some sleep. However, I woke up in the night to excruciating cramps and heavy bleeding. In my heart I knew something was horribly wrong. I woke my husband at around 7am and told him what was happening. He took me straight back to the ER to see if they could get me in earlier for my ultrasound. They couldn't but put me in a private room with warm blankets. Up until my ultrasound my bleeding was quite heavy and cramps were brutal. 

    My ultrasound finally came. The tech did the ultrasound. She then opted to do a vaginal ultrasound. I went to the washroom to empty my bladder and I passed the sac. I yelled for my husband and he came in. I was about to grab it from the toilet but the automatic flusher went off and took it. It makes me so sad, mad and sick that it got flushed. I told the tech what had happened. She continued with the vaginal US and my husband could clearly see that it was empty. She left and came back with her superior. He confirmed that I was in fact in the process of a miscarriage and that I still had tissue remaining. My heart sunk and I started bawling.

    We went back to the Early Gestational Unit where the nurse was waiting for us. The ultrasound people had already gave them the report. We went back into my room and discussed the next step. I opted for Misoprostal (which BTW did nothing for me). 

    I passes a big chunk of tissue on Saturday evening. Sunday I passed some smaller chunks. My bleeding has been on and off and my cramps are gone.

    I am so sorry for the long post. I have had one of the worst weeks of my life. Physically, I feel a bit better. Emotionally I am a mess. I can't concentrate and I have a constant lump in my throat, on the verge of breaking down and crying. I am trying so hard to be positive and wait for my body to heal so that we can start trying again, but I am really struggling. We wanted this baby so bad. I have no idea how long it will take for my body to heal and for me to get my period. 
    I just want this nightmare to be over. 

    GTKY: I live in Canada and it has been HOT! Not normal for this time of year. I have not been able to enjoy it though. Hopefully I am able to get some sun before the weather decides to change.
  • @mjolk and @kmwm I am sorry for your losses. Hugs to you both and may you find help and healing. 

    @lin0442 I'm so sorry for your loss and am so sorry you had a hard day today. Hugs to you. 
    Married 9/27/2014  :)
    BFP #1: 8/23/2015 M/C: 9/24/2015
    BFP# 2: 4/15/2016 M/C: 5/13/2016 Cervical Ectopic Pregnancy
    5/13/2016 Methotrexate Shot #1
    5/15/2016 Methotrexate Shot #2
    5/17/2016 Methotrexate Shot #3
  • mjolkmjolk
    100 Comments 100 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    member
    My doctor says he won't do D&C or pill because my HCG is still going up, and I could be in some less than one percent group who are diagnosed with blighted ovum then show up one day and suddenly there is a baby. He says he has had a couple of cases like that in his career but it is very rare and out of textbook.

    On one hand I respect that and am trying to cool down, on the other I feel like it should be up to me since by regular standards it is an unviable pregnancy. I've been a total wreck and after a couple days of just laying in bed I am trying to get used to the idea that I will remain pregnant for another week or two, and to try to not anticipate miscarrying at any given place. It is difficult. Perhaps some of you will think I am an awful person for having wanted to ignore the small chance of a baby. I think it is awful too, and just now realize how much I have been panicking.
    -----
    TW: Loss
    EDD: 1/14/2017 : Blighted Ovum : D&C @ 10w6d


    rainbowturtles
  • mjolk said:
    My doctor says he won't do D&C or pill because my HCG is still going up, and I could be in some less than one percent group who are diagnosed with blighted ovum then show up one day and suddenly there is a baby. He says he has had a couple of cases like that in his career but it is very rare and out of textbook.

    On one hand I respect that and am trying to cool down, on the other I feel like it should be up to me since by regular standards it is an unviable pregnancy. I've been a total wreck and after a couple days of just laying in bed I am trying to get used to the idea that I will remain pregnant for another week or two, and to try to not anticipate miscarrying at any given place. It is difficult. Perhaps some of you will think I am an awful person for having wanted to ignore the small chance of a baby. I think it is awful too, and just now realize how much I have been panicking.
    I would hope no one would think that you're awful. You're the only person that can make the right decision for you and everyone is different...... I can't imagine the position you're in.  Hang in there and I'm hoping the best for you. 
    Married: 7/9/15
    Me: 37, DH: 36
    Started TTC #1: 9/2015
    Preliminary labs/testing @ 6 months: TSH, A1c, progesterone, prolactin, SA, HSG all normal
    BFP: 5/19/2016, M/C: 5/29/2016
    BFP: 6/22/2016  EDD 3//6/2017

    BabyFruit Ticker
  • @mjolk not awful at all.  Being in limbo is terrible.  Such an emotional rollercoaster.  Please use this space to vent, ask questions, etc. as much as it might be helpful to you.  
    About me:
    /loss mentioned/
    TTC#1 July 2014
    dx: MFI (morphology)
    IUI #1 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Sept. 2015 ~ BFN
    IUI #2 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Halloween 2015 ~ BFN
    IUI #3 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Thanksgiving 2015 ~ BFP!!
    hb 146 bpm at 7w5d
    1/28/16 ~ began to say goodbye to our beautiful baby at 11w 
    d&c, followed by cytotec
    TTCAL April 2016
    IUI #4 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Apr. 2016 ~ BFN
    IUI #5 w/Clomid + Ovidrel ~ CP
    IUI#6 w/Clomid + Ovidrel ~ BFN
  • RiverSong15RiverSong15
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    member
    edited June 2016
    @mjolk I was in a very similar situation in March/April. It took three weeks and three bad ultrasounds to diagnose my blighted ovum and finally MC. I spent two weeks in limbo in case I was also in that 0.001% miracle group, and one week waiting to MC naturally. Limbo sucks, and I remember just wanting to know one way or another. It's not easy and you shouldn't feel awful about your feelings. Hugs.
  • mjolkmjolk
    100 Comments 100 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    member
    thank you guys so much. <3 today I am much more calm. i think I've finally accepted it is now out of my control and I need to just try to... live. I was seriously in a major panic mode up until today. I am very very thankful this space exists to express my feelings. I wish there were more awareness about miscarriage and loss. Until this happened to me, I had never even heard of a blighted ovum and I can't imagine how much more lonely I'd have felt if I could not read other women's stories.
    -----
    TW: Loss
    EDD: 1/14/2017 : Blighted Ovum : D&C @ 10w6d


  • HGRichHGRich
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    member
    I lost my baby on Tuesday, 6/7. I'm new and I don't know if I'm supposed to jump in here or if I need to find an introductory board. I looked and didn't find one. I'm still grieving and haven't gone back to work yet. This was my first pregnancy and all I can think about is how I wish I could jump back in and TTC again. 

    GTKY: it's super hot here. And our a/c just broke. We may be sleeping on the basement floor tonight! 
    Pregnancy TickerMarried 7/28/12
    Angel 6/7/16
    Rainbow (DD) 4/9/17
  • BrightenMySkyBrightenMySky
    250 Love Its 500 Comments 5 Answers Name Dropper
    member
    edited June 2016
    @HGRich sorry for your loss. Totally fine to jump in here. I hope you find some good support from the wonderful ladies here. Hope the a/c isn't broken for too long! 

    About me:
    /loss mentioned/
    TTC#1 July 2014
    dx: MFI (morphology)
    IUI #1 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Sept. 2015 ~ BFN
    IUI #2 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Halloween 2015 ~ BFN
    IUI #3 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Thanksgiving 2015 ~ BFP!!
    hb 146 bpm at 7w5d
    1/28/16 ~ began to say goodbye to our beautiful baby at 11w 
    d&c, followed by cytotec
    TTCAL April 2016
    IUI #4 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Apr. 2016 ~ BFN
    IUI #5 w/Clomid + Ovidrel ~ CP
    IUI#6 w/Clomid + Ovidrel ~ BFN
  • HGRichHGRich
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    member
    @mjolk you're not awful at all. What a terrible place to be, in limbo. I understand a little about trying not to think about miscarrying in a given place. Also I agree with you about awareness. I think it should be talked about more often and women wouldn't feel so alone. Glad this space exists too. 
    Pregnancy TickerMarried 7/28/12
    Angel 6/7/16
    Rainbow (DD) 4/9/17
  • new_ivf said:
    Not doing well at all....it's only been 3 days post D&C so I'm sure I'll have bouts of crying for weeks. I will try to get in to see a therapist.

    Does anyone have a good resource for Temping & such? I tried for a couple cycles, but my temps have always been on the low side (thyroid issue) and i didn't have much success with that or charting the CM consistency.

    I also did Ovulation tests, but they got expensive after realizing that you need to use several to find the exact day/time. The whole process is just soooo stressful for me and it totally killed our sex life (it became such an awful timed chore and I still can't imagine enjoying it ever again) I now associate sex with feelings of "Failure" because we can't get pregnant the normal way. :'(
    I am so sorry.  A therapist really helped me and I hope you find some peace soon.

    Taking charge of your fertility is a really good book and might help with the temping.  

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