I have a preemie. I am now wading into 'does your LO do xyz yet because he should be that age' comments. He was two months premature. So although he's 12 weeks old, he's really only 4 weeks adjusted. I don't know why people think the last 8 weeks of pregnancy were totally irrelevant for brain development and that he should have come out of the womb as developed as a 40 weeker. Preemies basically treat their incubators like time in uteru. They don't just skip those last two months and start social smiling and trying to crawl as soon as they pop out.
I also explained that to my stylist who went on to tell me that most preemies he's met seem permanently delayed but that my baby seemed normal from pictures. I told him 32 weekers have the same long term prognosis as 40 weekers but that, again, no shit a three month old preemie is not the same as a three month old full term baby. That doesn't mean my son is delayed, he's just a 44 week old being as opposed to a 52 week old being. See my rant above.
I think sometimes people say stuff without realizing how dumb or offensive it sounds. I remember feeling really awkward around pregnant women as I felt compelled to comment on the size of their bump. Then when I was pregnant, I cringed whenever anyone inspected me to comment on my stomach and mentally beat myself for everything I ever said to a pregnant woman before. I wish I could go back in time and instead talk to those pregnant women about anything other than their bumps. Live and learn.
This a million times over!! I actually apologized to one of my closest work friends because I used to make comments to her all the time that I thought were being nice and friendly but when I experienced them for myself I found out otherwise.
@vs2016 right? I swear I never meant anything by the stupid comments I would make. Half the time I didn't even mean whatever pregnancy small talk nonsense I was making. I hadn't really noticed if their bump looked bigger or not and had no idea if it was the appropriate size. Being on the receiving end made me feel too big/too small/like I was on display at a meat market even though those people likely didn't really mean half the comments they had made either. I wish I had just shut up.
I went to a graduation party today and all the guests were swarming around Isla. At some point, a woman I've never met came up to me to congratulate me and ask if she could hold the baby. We got to talking and it became apparent that she is very much a free spirit/hippie. She started telling me that my baby's painful reflux issues (which have been a nightmare and have really been devastating in terms of my experience being a FTM and how I expected a newborn to be) are probably just attributed to her still getting used to being alive and not warm and cozy in my "beautiful belly." She then proceeded to ask if I'm breastfeeding and if Ive had any issues with that.
I would be angrier but she also told me she was shocked I just had a baby and that I look amazing and young and not tired at all, which was nice to hear. She then asked if she could hug me.
Had my first "if I wasn't a nice person I'd be very rude to your face" moment today. Took LO to the farmers market this morning with my mum. Stopped to feed the baby and 2 older ladies started chatting with us...one asks how old she is (6weeks) and then proceeds to be shocked that I have her out when it's so hot outside. The other then tells me that I'm brave for being out when she's so little. Like WTF are these women on? I told one of them I've been leaving the house since she was a week old because I was so annoyed by her comment. Gah so frustrating!
On my way out of the chiropractors office today, there was a homeless woman who started talking to me. Normally I wouldn't really mind but Isla as having a meltdown and i was on the verge of tears, so I found it frustrating. The convo went like this:
Her: cute baby, so small! What is she, 6 pounds? Me: 8, actually Her: oh... she really looks like 6. So what, did you just have a check up? Me: yep Her: she sure screams a lot, you should probably take her to her regular doctor Me: yeah I have, she has reflux
Our apartment building is being renovated so there are tons of contractors working here everyday. They're all very respectful and kind and have been very interested in the baby since they've been around since before she was born. Not in a creepy way, kind of like friendly neighbors. Anyway, I rode the elevator down with one of the guys today on my way to do laundry and he asked how Holly was doing. I told him she's great and we just found out at her dr appt that she gained 3 lbs. "She's a big baby," I said as the doors opened for him to get off. "Of course she is, your a big woman," he said stepping out. Realizing what he said I heard him shouting as the doors closed, "you're tall, you're very tall!"
I honestly was not offended, I know he meant tall because he is very short and I tower over him at 5'9" - I died laughing because I know he was mortified. Talk about putting your foot in your mouth!
Our apartment building is being renovated so there are tons of contractors working here everyday. They're all very respectful and kind and have been very interested in the baby since they've been around since before she was born. Not in a creepy way, kind of like friendly neighbors. Anyway, I rode the elevator down with one of the guys today on my way to do laundry and he asked how Holly was doing. I told him she's great and we just found out at her dr appt that she gained 3 lbs. "She's a big baby," I said as the doors opened for him to get off. "Of course she is, your a big woman," he said stepping out. Realizing what he said I heard him shouting as the doors closed, "you're tall, you're very tall!"
I honestly was not offended, I know he meant tall because he is very short and I tower over him at 5'9" - I died laughing because I know he was mortified. Talk about putting your foot in your mouth!
Haha!!! I had a similar exchange at my niece's birthday party this weekend. Someone asked how old the baby was and then said "wow he's big, but you and your husband are really big too so that's why." Cue furious blinking to hold in the hormonal tears. She immediately said " i mean tall! You're tall!!" That's ok lady...now if you don't mind you're standing in front of the cake...
Today I had to BF in a public area and I was feeling anxious about it. Both LO and I were hot and sweaty, I just wanted to go home, and she was super fussy. I went into the bathroom because there was a chair off to the side, and I sit down and notice and lady starting at us. I kind of waited, thinking she'd stop soon so I could take my boob out when she stops creeping but she didn't. She starts telling me that the baby is hot. Yes, she is hot and hungry. Eventually I just took my boob out anyway, and this lady WALKS up to me and just starts watching... it was super uncomfortable! I was about to say something but then she started asking if I needed anything or wanted some water, which was nice. I know she was being sweet but it was so awkward!
The other day while going to get fitted for my bridesmaids dress, the attendant was looking for the correct style. After finding it she looks back at me and asks "when are you due?" ...I was so baffled because I was HOLDING Aniyah in her car seat. I mean I was 3 weeks pp, but I'm nowhere near looking 9 months pregnant! Never have I wanted to punch someone so badly. She quickly apologized after she realized her mistake but the damage was done.
Jet and I were walking and a man came up and asked if she was my first, I replied that no, she was my third. He then said "you look good for having three kids!"
Last week at Sierra's first doctor appointment we were going up in the elevator and when the doors opened to get off, a young woman got on, saw our baby and gasped, "Brand new!" And started following us back out of the elevator to keep looking at our 5 day old baby. It was pretty cute. Got several more similar reactions on our way into the office, reminded me of how special and rare that time is!
After almost 7 weeks of DS being in the world, I finally had my first experience with some rando touching him. I dont understand why people feel the need to touch a strangers baby. Its similar to people touching your bump, its just weird.
I went to work today to close down my classroom and my "work wife" said some parents and a few other workers were saying they didn't think I was really coming back next year and that id probably just stay home. Im actually the primary bread winner of my family...
I haven't had any weird about baby comments yet, but I did have some guy at the store hit on me. I was pushing our stroller. It seriously weirded me out.
Also everyone wants to touch her. Just stop it people!
When DS was about a year old the person at the door at Costco grabbed his hand and rubbed his arm. I asked her to stop very nicely, mentioning germs to be polite (rather than laying it on thick about respecting personal space regardless of age) and got sassed back about how the cart was far more germy than her hands. I smiled and walked away but stewed about everything I wanted to say for hours after!
Ok today I had my first comment from a stranger, I'm soooo angry right now! I was at the shops, carrying LO in a wrap that is suitable for newborns and minded my own business. Then this lady came along and said how I could have her in a wrap because she can't hold her head straight yet. Err sorry I didn't ask for your opinion, lady! This wrap is MADE to carry newborns and she rested her head on my chest. I told her that this is MY baby and that this is really none of her business. Oh jeez this really pissed me off so much, why can't ppl just shut their mouth and mind their own business? Especially when they have no idea what they are talking about. So annoying. This is the way I carried her btw
I was at walmart the other day picking up condoms on the off chance things get heated here (lol. Yeah, right!) and some random mid 20's looking dude asked if my baby needed a step daddy. While totally awkward I gave him the stank face and walked away but is it bad that I let that comment secretly boost my self-esteem? Then, while checking out at the self checkout to avoid people, the attendant started commenting on LOs baby acne. Why do people feel warranted to give you their open opinion about your child?
I was at walmart the other day picking up condoms on the off chance things get heated here (lol. Yeah, right!) and some random mid 20's looking dude asked if my baby needed a step daddy. While totally awkward I gave him the stank face and walked away but is it bad that I let that comment secretly boost my self-esteem? Then, while checking out at the self checkout to avoid people, the attendant started commenting on LOs baby acne. Why do people feel warranted to give you their open opinion about your child?
A woman came up to me in the grocery store yesterday and was making small talk with me about Isla. Then she randomly goes "I'm pro life, that's why she smiled at me!"
1) My baby did not smile at you, but ok. 2) What an odd thing to say to somebody 3) Im very pro choice, but I'm not about to discuss that with a stranger in the produce section
I've had this type of comment a few times. My son was 8 weeks premature. He's now 14.5 weeks old based on his birth date and 7 weeks old based on his due date.
Parents of preemies are told to use the due date (and their 'adjusted age') to calculate where the child should be developmentally for the first two years (particularly the first year). So, if my son is meeting goals suitable for a 7 week old, he's not 'behind'. He's right on track.
So many people don't seem to grasp the concept that, just because he came out early, he can't just bypass the in utero brain development he was supposed to do in the third trimester and instead came out like a full term baby. Those two months are massive in terms of development. They don't even have a suck/swallow reflex when they come out and their central nervous system isn't fully formed. They forget to breathe because of their immature CNS and need to be hooked up to monitors constantly. They sleep all day and rarely open their eyes. They are still going through the third trimester.
Instead I get comments like this:
"He's like a newborn now even though he's older...but preemies are slow to develop aren't they?"
"My friend's baby was born early and he wasn't right. Always had this slow look about him. Your son doesn't look like that though so it may not happen to him."
It makes me question their intelligence for not grasping that, for example, a 6 week old preemie born at 32 weeks wouldn't be social smiling yet as that would be expecting the same of a 38 week old fetus still in utero.
But, all that said, if anyone has a child who IS actually developmentally delayed due to prematurity, why on earth would you make snarky remarks about it? The baby came out early! Cut them some slack and let them catch up.
Anyways, rant over. Clearly it's a touchy subject for me. People are so thoughtless.
I've had this type of comment a few times. My son was 8 weeks premature. He's now 14.5 weeks old based on his birth date and 7 weeks old based on his due date.
Parents of preemies are told to use the due date (and their 'adjusted age') to calculate where the child should be developmentally for the first two years (particularly the first year). So, if my son is meeting goals suitable for a 7 week old, he's not 'behind'. He's right on track.
So many people don't seem to grasp the concept that, just because he came out early, he can't just bypass the in utero brain development he was supposed to do in the third trimester and instead came out like a full term baby. Those two months are massive in terms of development. They don't even have a suck/swallow reflex when they come out and their central nervous system isn't fully formed. They forget to breathe because of their immature CNS and need to be hooked up to monitors constantly. They sleep all day and rarely open their eyes. They are still going through the third trimester.
Instead I get comments like this:
"He's like a newborn now even though he's older...but preemies are slow to develop aren't they?"
"My friend's baby was born early and he wasn't right. Always had this slow look about him. Your son doesn't look like that though so it may not happen to him."
It makes me question their intelligence for not grasping that, for example, a 6 week old preemie born at 32 weeks wouldn't be social smiling yet as that would be expecting the same of a 38 week old fetus still in utero.
But, all that said, if anyone has a child who IS actually developmentally delayed due to prematurity, why on earth would you make snarky remarks about it? The baby came out early! Cut them some slack and let them catch up.
Anyways, rant over. Clearly it's a touchy subject for me. People are so thoughtless.
I actually love that pro life comment. Like your baby did research on this lady and has an opinion and she could just tell they shared he same beliefs. people are so stupid.
@seasalt123 I hear you! Cole was 6 weeks premature. I haven't gotten any developmental questions since he seems to be pretty advanced in that regards, but I get rude questions/comments about his stay in the NICU ALL the freaking time. Cole came home on oxygen and was on it for the first 6 weeks of his life. MIL feels the need to comment on this all the time saying things like, "My nephew was born 4 weeks early and HE didn't need oxygen. Why would Cole need it?" Um...well that extra 2 weeks makes a big difference and we are also in CO while you are in IA, so the altitude makes a big difference. Ugh!
She didn't say anything stupid, was actually very kind, but this woman ticked me off yesterday! I was checking out at Marshalls and LO was in the carseat/stroller and I had the sun shade from each up so it basically obstructed any view of her. This woman kept inching closer and closer to the stroller to see so I just kept moving the stroller forward as I rocked it back and forth. If she had asked I would have briefly opened it to show of this cutie from a safe distance but heck no if you're going to creep!
She didn't say anything stupid, was actually very kind, but this woman ticked me off yesterday! I was checking out at Marshalls and LO was in the carseat/stroller and I had the sun shade from each up so it basically obstructed any view of her. This woman kept inching closer and closer to the stroller to see so I just kept moving the stroller forward as I rocked it back and forth. If she had asked I would have briefly opened it to show of this cutie from a safe distance but heck no if you're going to creep!
I was at the rehearsal for a wedding last week because DH was a groomsmen (note: the bride and groom are just friends, no one was family at this rehearsal). While he was practicing, I just walked around with LO in the stroller and carseat. I had both sun shades up also with a slight crack. Some of the other guests decided to REACH INSIDE between the crack to touch LO's hand!! What the heck! Don't touch a baby's hands, they put that in their mouth!
Of course I screamed internally, but I smiled politely. Hurried away and quickly wiped his hand with a baby wipe...
You ask to pet my dog, but don't ask to touch my tiny human?!
Why do people think its ok to touch my child? Would you touch a random adult? Babies are human too, not dolls...While this is not what people have said, it about some peoples actions that I find beyond bizarre.
So we have an issue in my neighborhood it seems of what might be one couple (?) coming REALLY close to strollers. Like, seems like they want to take off with your kid close. The next town over, someone tried to grab a little girl off the street while she was holding her moms hand. So there are some concerns that this is the same issue. Without sounds racist, it is one ethnicity that is doing it, and a lot of moms around here are on high alert. Today I had a woman of that race try to stick both of her hands in the stroller. You guys, I almost dropped kicked this woman.WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO TOUCH MY CHILD?????
Then at the laundromat, Harper starts crying and one of the workers comes so close and asks if she is hungry. I asked her to back away and she got offended. Oh well..but you are 2 inches away from my kid. You work in a laundromat. That's very germy and I don't need your germs on my unvaccinated child. And does this stranger really think that frightening my baby is going to help calm her down?
So at the wedding we went to this weekend, we had just fed LO then we got swarmed by 5-6 guests. He started spitting up all over the place. DH had a rented tux on so he ran off to clean it. I held LO while talking to these people and he puked on me too! So I'm standing there talking covered in puke...
(Side note about DH pissing me off: DH comes back and tells me he's going to go play corn hole with his friends without asking me if I needed any help. I said no, come over here now)
DH comes over and holds LO while I wipe myself off. LO pukes on him too. So we're trying to wipe each other up. One of the guests said she would hold him, DH told her "no, it's okay, he's too young". She said "oh, I was like that with my first too"
Lady, I don't care if it's my 80th child, my child is too young to be held by a stranger!
I might be the only mom who feels this way but I don't really mind people trying to touch my baby. A lady at church asked if she could hold Ezra and I said sure and handed him over, chatted with her for a bit and then she walked to show the baby to her husband and I talked to someone else. It turned out her daughter was pregnant so she was really excited to see a baby. She gave him back and everything. i wouldn't let an elderly person or a small child hold him (although I did let my second and third graders touch his toes) but other adults, especially mom looking ladies, seem safe to me.
DD is 7 weeks today and yesterday I told DH how I thought it won't be that long before she starts making sounds other than crying and groaning, and he told me about this conversation he had with a co-worker:
Co-worker: So, how old is your LO now? DH: Almost 7 weeks. CW: Oh, so she's probably starting to chatter* a bit, right? "Mamma, pappa..."
WHAT. No lady, my 7-week-old baby is not saying mommy and daddy, are you for real?
DH said she has at least two children that he knows of so we are completely baffled as to why she would think babies start talking that early. Even my childless cousin who asked where babies' poop goes in utero knows babies don't talk at 7 weeks.
*she actually used the Dutch word 'babbelen', which can mean both babbling like babies do and making smalltalk. When DH started that sentence, I figured she meant the first kind, which, yes, she might start doing in a couple of weeks. But apparently she's under the impression that she'll be making full sentences soon!
@Charissadeats yes! My mom tried to tell me I needed to give LO water too! I've since shut that down real quick. She actually spoon fed me water as a newborn.
Every elderly lady has told me I need to put socks on her feet, even on 80 degree days. Pretty sure if it's warm enough for her to be in shorts or a dress her feet are ok
If anyone tells me that he needs a hat one more time...
"You know you can put a hat on him." Noooo really? They make baby hats?? Wait, is that what those 100 toque like things are that we got as gifts??
"They say babies lose heat through their heads. Hats help with that." Really? I thought an ice pack was more suitable.
I hate hats. They come off and wind up on his face and his mouth latches on like a suctioning black hole. It's also summer so it's not like we need to protect him from subzero temperatures. If it were, I would be more diligent about it.
If anyone tells me that he needs a hat one more time...
"You know you can put a hat on him." Noooo really? They make baby hats?? Wait, is that what those 100 toque like things are that we got as gifts??
"They say babies lose heat through their heads. Hats help with that." Really? I thought an ice pack was more suitable.
I hate hats. They come off and wind up on his face and his mouth latches on like a suctioning black hole. It's also summer so it's not like we need to protect him from subzero temperatures. If it were, I would be more diligent about it.
Tell people that the study that said people lose heat primarily through their heads was debunked because the only people they used were soldiers in full body armor but no helmets- then heat could ONLY escape from their head. kill them with knowledge!
If anyone tells me that he needs a hat one more time...
"You know you can put a hat on him." Noooo really? They make baby hats?? Wait, is that what those 100 toque like things are that we got as gifts??
"They say babies lose heat through their heads. Hats help with that." Really? I thought an ice pack was more suitable.
I hate hats. They come off and wind up on his face and his mouth latches on like a suctioning black hole. It's also summer so it's not like we need to protect him from subzero temperatures. If it were, I would be more diligent about it.
Tell people that the study that said people lose heat primarily through their heads was debunked because the only people they used were soldiers in full body armor but no helmets- then heat could ONLY escape from their head. kill them with knowledge!
Re: Comments from strangers - PP edition
I would be angrier but she also told me she was shocked I just had a baby and that I look amazing and young and not tired at all, which was nice to hear. She then asked if she could hug me.
Her: cute baby, so small! What is she, 6 pounds?
Me: 8, actually
Her: oh... she really looks like 6. So what, did you just have a check up?
Me: yep
Her: she sure screams a lot, you should probably take her to her regular doctor
Me: yeah I have, she has reflux
Thanks lady! You aren't helping!
I honestly was not offended, I know he meant tall because he is very short and I tower over him at 5'9" - I died laughing because I know he was mortified. Talk about putting your foot in your mouth!
...I was so baffled because I was HOLDING Aniyah in her car seat. I mean I was 3 weeks pp, but I'm nowhere near looking 9 months pregnant!
Never have I wanted to punch someone so badly. She quickly apologized after she realized her mistake but the damage was done.
a nurse tech at the hospital asked me if I had "another one in there" at 4 days pp. I really thought I was going to throat punch her.
Thanks, dude.
I mean, I'll still take it but
Im actually the primary bread winner of my family...
Also everyone wants to touch her. Just stop it people!
Ok today I had my first comment from a stranger, I'm soooo angry right now! I was at the shops, carrying LO in a wrap that is suitable for newborns and minded my own business. Then this lady came along and said how I could have her in a wrap because she can't hold her head straight yet. Err sorry I didn't ask for your opinion, lady! This wrap is MADE to carry newborns and she rested her head on my chest. I told her that this is MY baby and that this is really none of her business.
Oh jeez this really pissed me off so much, why can't ppl just shut their mouth and mind their own business? Especially when they have no idea what they are talking about. So annoying. This is the way I carried her btw
Then, while checking out at the self checkout to avoid people, the attendant started commenting on LOs baby acne. Why do people feel warranted to give you their open opinion about your child?
1) My baby did not smile at you, but ok. 2) What an odd thing to say to somebody 3) Im very pro choice, but I'm not about to discuss that with a stranger in the produce section
Parents of preemies are told to use the due date (and their 'adjusted age') to calculate where the child should be developmentally for the first two years (particularly the first year). So, if my son is meeting goals suitable for a 7 week old, he's not 'behind'. He's right on track.
So many people don't seem to grasp the concept that, just because he came out early, he can't just bypass the in utero brain development he was supposed to do in the third trimester and instead came out like a full term baby. Those two months are massive in terms of development. They don't even have a suck/swallow reflex when they come out and their central nervous system isn't fully formed. They forget to breathe because of their immature CNS and need to be hooked up to monitors constantly. They sleep all day and rarely open their eyes. They are still going through the third trimester.
Instead I get comments like this:
"He's like a newborn now even though he's older...but preemies are slow to develop aren't they?"
"My friend's baby was born early and he wasn't right. Always had this slow look about him. Your son doesn't look like that though so it may not happen to him."
It makes me question their intelligence for not grasping that, for example, a 6 week old preemie born at 32 weeks wouldn't be social smiling yet as that would be expecting the same of a 38 week old fetus still in utero.
But, all that said, if anyone has a child who IS actually developmentally delayed due to prematurity, why on earth would you make snarky remarks about it? The baby came out early! Cut them some slack and let them catch up.
Anyways, rant over. Clearly it's a touchy subject for me. People are so thoughtless.
people are so stupid.
Of course I screamed internally, but I smiled politely. Hurried away and quickly wiped his hand with a baby wipe...
You ask to pet my dog, but don't ask to touch my tiny human?!
Some of them decided to touch his fat rolls too
So we have an issue in my neighborhood it seems of what might be one couple (?) coming REALLY close to strollers. Like, seems like they want to take off with your kid close. The next town over, someone tried to grab a little girl off the street while she was holding her moms hand. So there are some concerns that this is the same issue. Without sounds racist, it is one ethnicity that is doing it, and a lot of moms around here are on high alert. Today I had a woman of that race try to stick both of her hands in the stroller. You guys, I almost dropped kicked this woman.WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO TOUCH MY CHILD?????
Then at the laundromat, Harper starts crying and one of the workers comes so close and asks if she is hungry. I asked her to back away and she got offended. Oh well..but you are 2 inches away from my kid. You work in a laundromat. That's very germy and I don't need your germs on my unvaccinated child. And does this stranger really think that frightening my baby is going to help calm her down?
I am apparently in mama bear mode today
(Side note about DH pissing me off: DH comes back and tells me he's going to go play corn hole with his friends without asking me if I needed any help. I said no, come over here now)
DH comes over and holds LO while I wipe myself off. LO pukes on him too. So we're trying to wipe each other up. One of the guests said she would hold him, DH told her "no, it's okay, he's too young". She said "oh, I was like that with my first too"
Lady, I don't care if it's my 80th child, my child is too young to be held by a stranger!
i wouldn't let an elderly person or a small child hold him (although I did let my second and third graders touch his toes) but other adults, especially mom looking ladies, seem safe to me.
Co-worker: So, how old is your LO now?
DH: Almost 7 weeks.
CW: Oh, so she's probably starting to chatter* a bit, right? "Mamma, pappa..."
WHAT. No lady, my 7-week-old baby is not saying mommy and daddy, are you for real?
DH said she has at least two children that he knows of so we are completely baffled as to why she would think babies start talking that early. Even my childless cousin who asked where babies' poop goes in utero knows babies don't talk at 7 weeks.
*she actually used the Dutch word 'babbelen', which can mean both babbling like babies do and making smalltalk. When DH started that sentence, I figured she meant the first kind, which, yes, she might start doing in a couple of weeks. But apparently she's under the impression that she'll be making full sentences soon!
Not everyone can breastfeed - Mammary Hypoplasia/Insufficient Glandular Tissue Awareness
She also told me my baby was thirsty so I should give him water.
Crazy old lady. I mean, I love her to bits, but f*ck sakes.
"You know you can put a hat on him." Noooo really? They make baby hats?? Wait, is that what those 100 toque like things are that we got as gifts??
"They say babies lose heat through their heads. Hats help with that." Really? I thought an ice pack was more suitable.
I hate hats. They come off and wind up on his face and his mouth latches on like a suctioning black hole. It's also summer so it's not like we need to protect him from subzero temperatures. If it were, I would be more diligent about it.
kill them with knowledge!