Comments from strangers - PP edition

wsgjmw1

So... I was grocery shopping with DS today and he was being so quiet for me the whole trip, UNTIL of course it was time to check out. He then decides to have an epic meltdown screaming like a wild banshee. I was trying to put the stuff on the belt as quick as I could, then pay while trying to shush him and give him a paci. This was not working, he just got more upset with me. So i pick him up out of the stroller and I shh/rock/comfort him until he came down to a lower decimal of crying. I look up and this dude behind me waiting with his gf (probably in their 20's)  stare at me and he says " geez what did you do to make him cry  like that?" I don't know if this dude was trying to be funny or cool but wow what a f-ing rude ass comment, so completely unnecessary. I could tell this guy was just a stupid d-bag. It took everything I had in me to not cause a scene and chew him out. I gave him the evil eye and hurried out of the store, then once in the car I started to cry because I was completely overwhelmed. I wanted SO bad to just go off on this dude but I know karma will take care of him. 

Anyone else in the short while your LO has been in the world have a story about a random stranger or acquaintance with a comment?

balamama

@wsgjmw1 ugh that would have made me cry too! What a d-bag

I had an unsolicited comment in the park by an old lady who didn't want to mind her own business the other day. It was a warm day and I had LO in his pram and could tell he was getting hot (his little shirt was getting sweaty and he tends to run hot especially when he sleeps). I took off his socks and hat to help him cool down and took him out of the stroller to sit on my lap and get a breeze. This old bag on the next bench comes over to tell me that I better put a hat on my baby because he's cold. I go "actually he's very warm" and she very sarcastically says, "okay!" Pissed me off. 

yogahh

I might have already posted this...

Took dd to the pedi last week. Old ass nurse (seriously she's ancient) asked what "his" name is. Baby is wrapped in a PINK blanket, wearing a PINK footie with cats on it. Safe to assume it's a "her". When I say her name is Harper, bitch nurse tells me that's a "generic name" (Harper then peed all over her!). On our way home, some trashy woman comes up to me on the street, tells me it of no where it will take time to loose the weight, then tells me I should have had twins like j.lo. Okkkayyyy....

Ive had people come up to me to tell me that it's too hot out for the baby and to feed her water.

Random people dh works with, who I've never met, have insisted I try bf again. 

Opinions are like assholes, ya know. And most people giving their opinion are assholes I'm learning. 

kbrands7

@wsgjmw1 Hugs. That guy has no tact. That would have made me cry with DS1 for certain! Luckily, my first store venture with him was to Target, where he proceeded to melt down despite being fed, changed, etc. A kind, old woman came up to me as I was trying to soothe him and I had started just putting things back because I hadn't gotten very far in my trip yet and mt gut instinct was to just leave asap. She assured me that a child's cry is always loudest and most memorable to the parent, and that I had just as much right to shop there as any, crying baby or not-- as long as an effort was being made to address the baby's needs, that should be enough to not feel embarrassed. It was so helpful to have a compassionate stranger on my side.

The oddest thing I've encountered so far is, by this point, several older men have complimented me on my boys (DS1 is usually really good in stores now) and have told me that I make nice babies and to keep making babies. I know it's meant as a compliment, but it still makes me feel weird to hear it phrased that way. I guess it just ruffles my feminist feathers a tiny bit.

Kennedy0830

@yogahh holy cow...! You're making me not want to get out as much now. People are horrible!!!

saladflambe

The only comment I got was "it gets easier" ... Which I need to hear hourly

Bltbear82

"Two boys?! Are you going to try for a girl?" From the mail lady in our lobby earlier. Seriously, is that the only thing people care about?

I feel like if we have a third everyone will automatically assume it's because we are "trying to have a girl", which would be lovely, but that's not how science works. And I've always imagined having three boys. So shut it, everyone. 

Eta: oh I forgot, at the pediatrician earlier a woman introduced herself and handed me a card saying she's a mommy and baby fitness instructor. Apparently she has the dress I'm wearing so she felt like we "would totally get along." I can't decide if she was hinting I need to get myself sorted or being friendly. 

That1didntcount

3 people asked me when I was due the first week
pp so it really can only improve from here. 

TheThornBird

No awful comments yet, but when LO was about a week old some lady RAN out of a store we were walking by and immediately tried to touch her. Apparently babies are public property.

Something that makes me laugh- every morning I take LO out on a walk, and we go by the exit of our subdivision at rush hour when there is a line of cars leaving. When it's just me and LO, no one says anything to us. When MH comes along with us and holds her, a bunch of women roll down their windows and try to chat him up like I'm not even there! 

kbrands7

That1didntcount said:

3 people asked me when I was due the first week
pp so it really can only improve from here. 

Hugs. It sucks.  I had a mother's pooch when I returned to work with DS, and at a meeting, a fellow teacher rushed up and grabbed my belly and congratulated me on having two so close and asked when I was due. It was really awkward. I replied something along the lines of, "Thank you, but I'm not pregnant,  just fat still."

TXmamatobe

kbrands7 said:

That1didntcount said:

3 people asked me when I was due the first week
pp so it really can only improve from here. 

Hugs. It sucks.  I had a mother's pooch when I returned to work with DS, and at a meeting, a fellow tea her rushed up and grabbed my belly and congratulatEd me on having two so close and asked when I was due. It was really awkward. I replied something along the lines of, "Thank you, but I'm not pregnant,  just fat still."

Are you KIDDING me??! Some people are so unbelievable. That deserves a slap. 

gamommyx3

Similar comment...I was at the park trying to calm my son who was about 3 hours overdue for a nap. We're walking back to the car, he had just started crying again. Two biddies walk up to me and ask how old he is. 2 weeks, I say. First comment, slightly snotty: "and you're already up and walking around??" Um..yes? I smile politely. Big mistake. Second comment, 100x more snotty: "well, he's crying because it's hot outside." Yeah....not so much. I said "actually he's crying because it's time for a nap." "And because you're super ugly."
Ok, the second part was in my head.

kbrands7

TXmamatobe said:

kbrands7 said:

That1didntcount said:

3 people asked me when I was due the first week
pp so it really can only improve from here. 

Hugs. It sucks.  I had a mother's pooch when I returned to work with DS, and at a meeting, a fellow tea her rushed up and grabbed my belly and congratulatEd me on having two so close and asked when I was due. It was really awkward. I replied something along the lines of, "Thank you, but I'm not pregnant,  just fat still."

Are you KIDDING me??! Some people are so unbelievable. That deserves a slap. 

*****QBF*****

Yep. People are ridiculous with the assumptions they make...and invasion of personal space.


Also, sorry for the odd typos above, my phone does strange autocorrects because of how I edit and my brain for quick-proofing seems to be getting steadily worse

tgortney

TheThornBird said:

No awful comments yet, but when LO was about a week old some lady RAN out of a store we were walking by and immediately tried to touch her. Apparently babies are public property.

Ah yes, we were waiting at the orthopedic office when I was 2 weeks PP to check my foot injury. DH drove and we brought LO with us. While in the waiting room (which we made sure to sit far from everyone), this old lady walked up to us and started rambling on about something I didn't even bother to remember (I think about babies and stuff). Then she proceeded to touch his foot! He was sleeping in the car seat and flinched, she got startled and retracted her finger. 

Good thing he had booties on! Mitts off my 2 week old with your nasty fingers lady! I don't know where they've been!  

But she did end by saying how tiny I looked for only 2 weeks PP, which was nice but don't touch my dang baby!

krisspy22

I ran into Kohls to pick up something I ordered online and a woman comes up to DS and says "what a lovely Prince you have." Hmm ok thanks? 

I also get lots of questions on if I'm breastfeeding. Still not sure why that is anyone's business, but it really irks me and is way more common than I was expecting. 

balamama

KDennis202 said:

I ran into Kohls to pick up something I ordered online and a woman comes up to DS and says "what a lovely Prince you have." Hmm ok thanks? 

I also get lots of questions on if I'm breastfeeding. Still not sure why that is anyone's business, but it really irks me and is way more common than I was expecting. 

me too! And DH has been asked by multiple people too, including several he works with, which I find bizarre. They must be the same people who asked about how much we were dilated. 

JoMunson

Has anyone seen the Facebook post of a mom who went to eat with just her and her baby? Her food came just as baby needed to eat so she sat there feeding him while her food got cold and an older women came over, told her she was being a good mom, and proceeded to cut her food for her so she could eat it one handed.
i haven't gotten any bad comments so far but that story made me on the hunt for other moms so I can tell them they're good moms and try and help them when I can- I mean, I hear you moms struggling at the store and I think "why didn't someone offer to help you check out while you helped your baby?!" 
People suck.

valerie4786

Saturday (6 days PP) I went to my grandma's house to visit family because my sister, BIL & nephew flew in from Alaska and that's where they were staying.  The first thing out of my grandma's mouth to me was "still haven't lost the baby fat?"  I'm sure she didn't mean anything my ot and I love her to death, and my daughter is named after her, but WTF grandma!?

Charissadeats

At the pedi: 

Lady nr 1 - "I probably shouldn't tell you this, but I will. There are posts being shared on Facebook about kids being stolen at the moment and this week especially. They (the thiefs) are targeting moms this week at schools". OK THANKS - never going to send my kid to school then. 

Lady nr 2 - whilst we were waiting for his bili count - 'Aw shame does he have jaundice?' Lady, you can't just ask people why their baby is yellow...

tgortney

@JoMunson yes! That story made me teary eyed!! So cute!

Here's another one: every time my dad sees me, he tells me how tired I look and this last time, apparently I looked "sick and green". I know he's only saying that out of concern but...

DUDE! What the heck am I going to do about it, captain obvious?! Clearly you're not going to help me overnight and feed the baby so I can get my beauty sleep! I know I look tired and awful, I don't need you to remind me every. damn. time!

The next time he says that again (and he will), that is exactly what I plan to say because I'm sleep deprived and have no filter anymore.

TheThornBird

I totally forgot- I actually have had a couple people comment that I shouldn't have LO outside or in public until she's older. One woman at WalMart was pretty upset with me for bringing her into the store (it was a weekday so it wasn't crowded, and I kept her wrapped up and away from people)and told me I should wait a few MONTHS before taking her out of the house. Told her the pediatrician said it was fine, but she was still pretty upset. Not sure how she expected me to survive for months without going out to get important things like food. 

tgortney

Charissadeats said:

Lady nr 2 - whilst we were waiting for his bili count - 'Aw shame does he have jaundice?' Lady, you can't just ask people why their baby is yellow...

Because it's you who posted that, I had to.

Charissadeats

tgortney said:

Charissadeats said:

Lady nr 2 - whilst we were waiting for his bili count - 'Aw shame does he have jaundice?' Lady, you can't just ask people why their baby is yellow...

Because it's you who posted that, I had to.

LOL! And I've been asked that question a couple of times when I was on an exhange program in Germany. 

yogahh

TheThornBird said:

I totally forgot- I actually have had a couple people comment that I shouldn't have LO outside or in public until she's older. One woman at WalMart was pretty upset with me for bringing her into the store (it was a weekday so it wasn't crowded, and I kept her wrapped up and away from people)and told me I should wait a few MONTHS before taking her out of the house. Told her the pediatrician said it was fine, but she was still pretty upset. Not sure how she expected me to survive for months without going out to get important things like food. 

On Saturday dh and I were out with baby. I was trying on clothes (because you know NOTHING fits now!) and two older women came up to him to coo over the baby. When they asked how old she is and he said three weeks they got soooooo concerned, telling him the same (shouldn't be out for months). Same as you, our pedi is thrilled we are taking her out. We take her somewhere every day, even if it's just the deli for a coffee. I can't stay  in the apartment and I think it's great for her development to be outside, seeing different things and getting some social interaction.

dsmith211

TheThornBird said:

I totally forgot- I actually have had a couple people comment that I shouldn't have LO outside or in public until she's older. One woman at WalMart was pretty upset with me for bringing her into the store (it was a weekday so it wasn't crowded, and I kept her wrapped up and away from people)and told me I should wait a few MONTHS before taking her out of the house. Told her the pediatrician said it was fine, but she was still pretty upset. Not sure how she expected me to survive for months without going out to get important things like food. 

Our pediatrician actually recommended going out in public. Obviously take some precautions to make sure gross strangers don't touch baby but she said for the sanity of both of us it was HIGHLY recommended. So far we've only taken some walks around the neighborhood, but a Target trip is in our future - mommy has some gift cards she recently got and desperately needs some new clothes.

wsgjmw1

So far the major ones I get from anyone and everyone is " baby is either too big or too small for his age " and nobody agrees with how I have dressed him either he too hot or too cold . Good lord people and their damn opinions. Just keep your mouth shut ! 

JoMunson

MIL kept saying baby was too cold until we left her alone with him for 15 minutes and his body heat triggered a hot flash in her. She didn't complain after that

khochanadel

Everyone I encounter A) applauds me for getting out of the house and wants to know if and how I breastfeed my twins. Then they proceed to tell me it's okay if I give it up because it's too hard.  Thanks, I know it's okay, but it IS hard and I don't need any naysayers in my corner right now. 

Otoh, people keep commenting that I look amazing for pushing out 2 babies 7 weeks ago. This breastfeeding twins part does have its perks. 

folamij

Charissadeats said:

LOL! And I've been asked that question a couple of times when I was on an exhange program in Germany. 

 @Charissadeats Attempting to ask in the most non creepy way possible; do you speak German? I always get super excited when I find others who do! I also did an exchange in Germany-loved it!

Charissadeats

folamij said:

Charissadeats said:

LOL! And I've been asked that question a couple of times when I was on an exhange program in Germany. 

 @Charissadeats Attempting to ask in the most non creepy way possible; do you speak German? I always get super excited when I find others who do! I also did an exchange in Germany-loved it!

Oh, unfortunately not hey!! I only went for a month, and have had a couple of German exchange students, some with whom we are still in contact with. But I never learned the language unfortunately. My DH qualifies for citizenship on his dad's side though, so we might need to learn it someday!! 

How long did you go on the exhange for? Hope you had as much fun as what I did?

NinnyJean

Everyone in stores always commented on how she's a "baby baby" or a"new baby". I really just want to say no, she's a toddler dressed up like a newborn.

Kurrant

NinnyJean said:

Everyone in stores always commented on how she's a "baby baby" or a"new baby". I really just want to say no, she's a toddler dressed up like a newborn.

Haha Guilty!  When I was pregnant I was pretty excited when I saw babies which is *very* out of character for me.  There was a woman and her husband in the grocery store with a very new baby and I actually said out loud "Its a fresh one!"  Then I realized how stupid it sounded . . . The husband smiled at me and nodded anyways. 


My comment isn't from a stranger but a family member. So my family keeps asking how baby and I are and instead of giving the generic "We're good" answer I have been honest about my struggles with colic from hell.  Most people have been very nice about it or have offered help in the way of remedies or possible ways to soothe Lucy.  However; I told one person about the 8+ hour cry times and she says "did you try feeding her in that time?" Of course I fed my baby! Shes crying for 8 hours and you think I didn't feed her once in all that time?!  I was nicer and just said "Yes, she ate." I explained that the doctors said she just has to grow out of it and she replies with "Maybe she is just very hungry. I think its hunger"  It makes me feel like she thinks i'm a terrible mom and dont know how to take care of Lucine.

evalynn24

I just can't believe how many times we've been asked if DS is going to be circumcised! In the first couple days at the hospital I think every one of my family members asked and then the ladies at my office asked my DH when we went to visit. I'm sure that wasn't awkward for him at all...

nikkinbonnie

Lurking from April 2016. Had my LO on 4/28. I went into to work with baby today and a co worker helped me take her out to the car. It's a cloudy day but my coworker covered baby's eyes with her hand all the way out to the car and kept talking to the baby about how bright it was. Like "It's so bright out here, doesn't mommy have sunglasses for you?"  And "I know mommy got some sunglasses for you". It was weird, and then I remembered that this particular co worker have sunglasses as a baby shower gift. But they are made for a toddler and LO can't really wear them, oh and it's cloudy today!  The whole interaction was weird. I generally think it's weird when people talk to my baby in ways that are actually comments meant for me. 

folamij

@Charissadeats   Oh, haha, that's cool too! I was only there for a semester but really wish I could have stayed longer! Glad you enjoyed your experience; I also loved mine! 

tgortney

nikkinbonnie said:

Lurking from April 2016. Had my LO on 4/28. I went into to work with baby today and a co worker helped me take her out to the car. It's a cloudy day but my coworker covered baby's eyes with her hand all the way out to the car and kept talking to the baby about how bright it was. Like "It's so bright out here, doesn't mommy have sunglasses for you?"  And "I know mommy got some sunglasses for you". It was weird, and then I remembered that this particular co worker have sunglasses as a baby shower gift. But they are made for a toddler and LO can't really wear them, oh and it's cloudy today!  The whole interaction was weird. I generally think it's weird when people talk to my baby in ways that are actually comments meant for me. 

My mom and husband does this. Soooo annoying!

Kennedy0830

My neighbor ran over to meet LO as I was packing her up to get myself out of the house and was on a time crunch. The one and only question she asked was if I gave birth vaginally.... I was taken aback considering it shouldn't matter how I gave birth to my child; she's here, that's all that matters! But thanks for your concern about my vagina? Again, odd question to be asked by a neighbor you've just really waved to from afar for over a year (and who also has 3 children and should know better!).

dshannah

@Kurrant
"it's a fresh one!"

totally made my night:)

wsgjmw1

Questions from strangers about breastfeeding or circumcision are just outrageous and totally inappropriate. I have no idea why anyone feels they need to know this . 

seasalt123

I have a preemie. I am now wading into 'does your LO do xyz yet because he should be that age' comments. He was two months premature. So although he's 12 weeks old, he's really only 4 weeks adjusted. I don't know why people think the last 8 weeks of pregnancy were totally irrelevant for brain development and that he should have come out of the womb as developed as a 40 weeker. Preemies basically treat their incubators like time in uteru. They don't just skip those last two months and start social smiling and trying to crawl as soon as they pop out. 

I also explained that to my stylist who went on to tell me that most preemies he's met seem permanently delayed but that my baby seemed normal from pictures. I told him 32 weekers have the same long term prognosis as 40 weekers but that, again, no shit a three month old preemie is not the same as a three month old full term baby. That doesn't mean my son is delayed, he's just a 44 week old being as opposed to a 52 week old being. See my rant above. 

I think sometimes people say stuff without realizing how dumb or offensive it sounds. I remember feeling really awkward around pregnant women as I felt compelled to comment on the size of their bump. Then when I was pregnant, I cringed whenever anyone inspected me to comment on my stomach and mentally beat myself for everything I ever said to a pregnant woman before. I wish I could go back in time and instead talk to those pregnant women about anything other than their bumps. Live and learn. 

gampster

DH's grandma asked me 5 days PP if I was still pregnant. Thanks lady. Thanks a lot. Good thing I was wearing sunglasses so she couldn't see my eyes well up with tears.