Vent Sesh

SoonToBeMommaHowe

So this weekend my very old and well intentioned grandmother said to me in front of 5-6 of my family members..."do you have something to tell us? oh you're probably pregnant right now and you just don't know it"
obviously I can't be outwardly mad at her so I just responded that I was very much not pregnant and that right now my body wasn't doing what it needed to. (Hard to get pregnant when you don't ovulate). And then they all started to joke like I was being dramatic and my body was "just fine". 

AHHHH I hate awkward encounters and being put on the spot! My miscarriage was over a year ago and we were open about starting to try again last summer, 10 months later still not pregnant...do you think you need to keep bringing it up?!?!?!?  

SnobunnieMel

I'm so sorry. It's the worse when people keep asking if you're pregnant. It's just a constant reminder of NOPE!! Mind your own womb 

BornReady

Ugh, I'm sorry. The absolute worst. I've had people lecture me about waiting too long in the past. Not waiting, just not successful people.

@snobunniemel Did you see that blog post called Mind Your Own Womb? My friend just posted it yesterday on Facebook. Warning,there are pregnancies and loss mentioned and a photo of a pregnant woman. 

https://nadirahangail.com/2016/05/25/mind-your-own-womb/

yolandamunoz

OMG I'm so sorry, people can be really cruel, especially if they haven't experienced pregnancy loss and think it is not a big deal. 

I'm sorry you had to go through that, but I admire your strength!

SnobunnieMel

@BornReady I did! It's where I got the phrase from that I totally love now. 

mylittleversailles

Yikes, people can be so cruel without even realizing it. I'm sorry. I don't think most people understand how hard this is, especially since pregnancy seems to happen so instantly for most.

amberruka

I'm so sorry...some people just don't realize how insensitive they are. Too bad we can't smack 'em (with the best of intentions, of course ;-)). DH's aunt is always saying, "don't you have something to tell us?" Over, and over again. "No...and please pass the wine." I'm afraid if I say anything it would be all over Facebook or something. My sympathies to you.

Wishilivedinflorida

I just posted something about this on the MC/loss board. I have now resorted to telling people "You should never ask anyone about this, as you never know what they've been through."  It's direct, not rude, and hints that they are being rude and that you may have trouble. Most people shut right up after that. I've lost patience for people prying into matters that aren't their own business. Luckily our families stay pretty silent on the matter, it's acquaintances and coworkers who are asking. 

Hopefulmommy1980

That sucks. I don't think people realize how their comments impact others. I am sorry you had to go through that

MooFish2364

Yeah...people who have never struggled to get or remain pregnant have no clue. My mom tells me all the time to "just relax and it will happen," "I just know you're going to have a baby," or the "there's nothing wrong with you, it will happen." She has no idea about fertility and still tells me everytime I talk to her that we just need to have sex on day 14 because that's how she got KU, despite the fact that I've told her about 10 times that I don't even ovulate in day 14. Ugh!

Spartanrd4

I'm so sorry you had to deal with that awkward family moment  

SoonToBeMommaHowe

Thank you ladies, it is nice to have a place to come vent. I love that "Mind Your Own Womb" article, I actually read/sobbed over it this morning. People (myself included before this journey) just really have no clue how hurtful even the most seemingly innocent statements can be. Everyone in my family (I'm the oldest of three girls and the only one without kids) has gotten pregnant either on accident or first try so they think just having unprotected sex does the trick (no idea about FW, WTO, TWW, etc), sigh

Thanks again for listening and letting me get that off my chest

catiecatp

After I read the article - and shed a few tears over it - I randomly went over to FB and found that 2 of my friends had recently shared it. I don't know the story of one friend (my gut tells me she's getting a lot of flack about not having children yet - I don't know if she plans to have them) and the other had major IF issues that I didn't know about it until they were nearly pregnant with their first (after years of trying). If we end up with IF issues we'll be talking to her and her husband for sure. 

MissPrint1219

I'm so sorry you had to deal with that. I've had similar experiences to the point where I no longer worry about offending people with my responses. If the inquisitor is well-meaning, I usually respond with, "we're still working out the recipe." Sometimes, the questions give way to advice about how to get pregnant (inevitably with the good old line about how once I relax they're sure I'll get pregnant), and those usually get a, "unfortunately, we have no problem getting the souffle in the oven, they just keep falling flat." After that, I figure I've politely given you the chance to back off, and future questions get met with, "we're trying, but we've had four miscarriages in the last two years." That always shuts them up.

SoonToBeMommaHowe

@catiecatp surprisingly four of my 10 former college basketball teammates have had some
sort of issue (miscarriage, IF, MFI, etc) but no one will talk about it. They reached out to me when I was open about what we had gone through but that was the first I had heard of their situations. You really do have no idea what others are going through.