People asking if you're pregnant?

annanerenberg

I just have to know if this is out of the norm or not. I'm only 8 weeks pregnant, but we have friends that we see at least 4 days a week, so there are a lot of opportunities for them to pick up little nuances.(i.e: I switched to decaf, started eating red meat for more iron, turned down sushi, and wore a mask on a volunteer assignment when we were painting a building) So I get that people were probably wondering if I was pregnant. But I was completely surprised when a girlfriend flat out called me out on it. Is it just me? Is this not considered  rude anymore? I'm not a liar, so of course I was forced to admit it, but with this being my first child, I really wish I would have been able to tell my mother before anyone else.

princesslockness

It depends on how good of friends you are. My best friends from college would ask as soon as I changed one thing, but that is our relationship. 

sourlemon

I'm getting asked because I'm showing. I just tell people my diet is a bit messed up, vacation food was great, and I haven't had much time to workout. I also get asked why I'm not going to command pt which is typically contact sports and I just say I have a medical issue right now and I'm not cleared to play. 

If you are being asked because you completely changed your habits but don't want people to know, then hide those changes better. The "medical issue" excuse works for tons of things and no one has pressed me further on it. 

But I have found lots of people ask even though it's rude. When are you telling your mom? 

penelope4612

It's rude but also honestly I don't think people understand the discomfort it causes unless they've been in the situation.  I flat out lied to the one person who brought it up (a coworker who doesn't need to know).  If anyone else asks I'll probably just say "why? Do I look fat?"

SarahF8611

Yes, it's rude but depending on how good the friend is, I can see why she would ask. I'm also assuming she has no kids? Sometimes people need to experience it to get it. 

phoenix870509

Before I got my BFP if I said anything off, like my boobs hurt or I didn't feel well, my best girlfriends would ask if I was pregnant. They know how long DH and I were TTC, so I don't think it was rude. I've never had a random person or an acquaintance if I was. And we announced to all close friends when we did find out we were expecting, so no one has had to ask.

dmontgo

All of our friends and family know, but I haven't had strangers ask me. But that's probably prescribe to the Morticia Adams' school of dress:

"Does it come in black?"

bakerstreetboys

A cashier asked me this weekend if I was having twins because I was buying two pairs of the same boy's PJs.   Um, one was a size 5 and the other a size 10...so no.

jenlynne0624

My closest girlfriends from college hinted at me being pregnant by asking all sorts of questions, "when are you trying for number 2?" and "I figured you'd be pregnant with another by now!" and "when do you think you'll give H a sibling?" plus they stared at my belly the entire baby shower we were at for our mutual friend. I would have said something, but it was at a baby shower and I didn't want to be rude.

doodleoodle

It's so rude, but everyone is rude. No one thinks before they speak. 

aevan011

I had several patients ask me this weekend and I flat out lied and said "nope just fat" bc I hadn't told my upper management yet. I'll give them a pass because I work in psych and that's not the worst thing I have been asked. 

But I was pretty pissed off when a coworker called me out about it in front of my immediate supervisor. "Well, yeah, I'm pregnant ... good thing she already knows!"

queenklau

I agree it is rude and inappropriate.

I went to a baby shower last weekend (11w4d) and some friend of a friend asked me if I was pregnant. I was wearing a maxi skirt and my blump was obvious in the wind. So I said yes. I plan on telling my boss tomorrow and I think I won't try to hide it any longer (12w today!)

cjt121413

I haven't had anyone ask yet, probably because I'm chubby and most people know not to ask a fat girl that. I could see a good friend noticing changes in habits and asking, which I supposed is understandable if it's a really good friend. 

jazzminlee

I started showing around 6 weeks or so but I am pregnant with twins. We annouced our pregnancy after 6 weeks but we kept the twins under wraps until this past weekend when i hit the 11 week Mark. We have known about the twins since I was 5 weeks due to some cramping docs did ultrasound and found the two sacs. Before I told about twins I did have people asking me if I was sure there was just one in there and I just laughed it off. I find it rude to ask but society now a days thinks it has the right to just asking anything. 

ashleaf2018

No one has come out and asked me yet. I've told all the people I want to know at this point except my dad; he lives 5 hours away and it was so important for me to tell him in person. Thankfully he is coming for Memorial Day so I'll get to tell him then. I think he'll be pretty upset because he is so old-fashioned and I'm not married. 

If I thought I could pull it off, I would just do an announcement like, "Surprise, we had a baby yesterday!" But I know it's silly to think I could hide that. I'm not sure when we'll officially announce but I definitely want to do it before we get any questions.

mattanda2011

I haven't had anyone come out and ask, but I work at a k-12 school and I spend most of my time in the K-8 and very little time at our 9-12 which is a few miles away. It ends up being like different worlds, but I go to the High School a few hours a week. The last time I was there I swear everyone I ran into was awkwardly looking at my blump but no one said anything. After a few people I ended up just finding it entertaining (maybe its also because its baby #3) and it made me not want to say anything long enough to make people feel awkward about it - but maybe thats just a mean sense of humor coming out 

karabearrr

No one has asked me if I'm pregnant, but I've had people ask me "Why do you look so tired lately?" "Why won't you eat this/that?" "Why can't you tell me if you can coach in August?" 

Even though they aren't asking me, I almost feel PRESSURED to tell them, you know?

annanerenberg

The friend who asked me was actually pregnant last year and she's a big time drinker so I knew it the moment we went to a restaurant and she didn't get a drink. But I never would have asked her about it. I guess thats why I'm especially surprised that she wouldn't have been more considerate. I guess I could have figured out a more clever reaction where I didn't have to confirm nor deny, but I was just caught off guard. I've actually been complaining about weight gain ever since we started TTC, so no one would ask questions about eventual weight gain.  Guess that was a bust. She's a pretty close friend though, so hopefully she's the last one to ask until we're ready

@sourlemon , we're telling our parents at 12 weeks, which will be Father's Day.  

JEM525

Yes it is rude, and your friend should know that. Maybe mention it to her and express how you feel so she doesn't do it to someone else. Also my friends will notice as soon as I go back home to where I grew up next weekend because my boobs are huge and that's the kind of thing we would bring up to each other. But I plan to tell them as soon as I see them anyway. 

ashcakes921

The workers at DD's daycare asked DH like 2 weeks or so ago. I was like 10 or 11 weeks and had some serious bloat but still! I have no idea how they knew. Now there's no real hiding it as I'll be 13 weeks tomorrow but no one has mentioned me getting fatter lol

H4aPartyof5

With my first pregnancy, I had several people ask me.  However, I didn't/don't really blame them.  There were very few people that I actually told outright (very close friends and immediate family); I just let aquaintances and most co-workers figure it out for themselves or find out thru the rumor mill.  I'm a pretty private person and personally
found starting that conversation kind of awkward, so it worked for me to just confirm as time went by.  No one asked me in the first trimester though, and I would never ask someone else, regardless of how pregnant they appeared/were acting, with the possible exception of my twin sister.

bailando.bebe

I'm sorry that is how you had to reveal your pregnancy for the first time. That sounds frustrating and disappointing to say the least.

I'm not sure it is rude, but it is certainly not tactful. I feel like it depends on so many factors, however. Friends are especially tricky. Has it before been openly jokes about / discussed with friends but now that you're pregnant it just felt different? Was her tone joyful for you or was it simply wanting "in" on a secret? Were you perhaps being obvious about the changes in habit that may naturally invite that question?

I personally would never ask anyone if they are pregnant because it can be such an emotionally loaded question, and I don't think it's my business until someone tells me that it is, but I do not think everyone who does so is intending to be rude.

alas, such is the life of a pregnant woman and it's only just beginning. 9 months (and beyond) of deflecting personal, private questions.

l9i

I haven't had people flat out ask me but DH and I have ran into several people in the last few weeks that have made comments about us having kids.  We are moving and buying a new house so we've told a lot of family and friends and a good majority have responded with something along the lines of "I thought the good news would be that you're pregnant".  It's very weird and even DH commented that it's like people "know".

sonomama14

I had 2 people I know claim they knew I was pregnant? Don't know how...and I've had a LOT of coworkers comment on how tired I am and how much I'm eating   but I do work back to back 12 hour shifts + overnight call, so most of the time I just tell them it's because I didn't get any sleep or whatever haha a couple coworkers have found out though sooner than I would have liked because of how bad my nausea was while at work. 

annanerenberg

Yeah I'm at the point where the nausea is probably going to tip people off.  I guess I figured people would wonder, I just never thought anyone would ever ASK.  I would just never think to do that to anyone. And especially since this friend has been through it herself, she's the last person I would think would ask. She also randomly brought up that she is frustrated because she's struggling to get pregnant, the day before she asked me, so afterwards it kinda seemed like she was trying to bait me into a pregnancy conversation, which I think is about the most awkward way you could bring it up. 

She's a goo friend and not a rude person in general. I'm not trying to say that. I do just think she was wanting to be "in the know", and maybe didn't consider that my privacy should be ore important than her curiosity.  I was just wanting to know if most people consider it too rude to ask, or if this is something that is common and I should prepare to field these questions  more.

LinziLoo09

I had a close friend who knew we were going to try ask me about being pregnant repeatedly last time. I felt terrible lying to her and felt like she knew. Eventually I decided to tell her around 10 weeks because I wanted someone to talk to about it.

This time, I've told people who were probably going to know due to my symptoms as I've gone along, and this has worked pretty well for me. Work has known since I got a positive test because symptoms are killing me in clinic right now. I told a friend we were visiting because I didn't know when I was going to be nauseous or not up to hanging out.

That said, if I felt pushed into telling someone, I would feel very uncomfortable. I don't think people realize how rude it is until they've been pregnant and felt similarly pressured. I'm sorry you're going through that.

millerclanx5

I haven't had anyone ask me straight out.  My face got super chubby right away and I've had a few people ask my mom if I was.  Which is annoying. 

emisi

Ugh, it's super rude.  Haven't people ever heard that you never ask a woman if she's pregnant unless you see the head crowning?    Geez.  What if you weren't pregnant, just gained weight?  I guess that's one of the benefits of being fat before I got pregnant, no one asks if I'm pregnant because I've always been fat. 

Kacie209

No one has asked me straight out either, but I have also been wearing looser blouses to hide the bloat. So far, so good. DH hasn't told anyone but his immediate family and I thought for sure one of his uncles would have asked me a couple weeks ago at a nephews birthday, as I went to their bar to fill up my pop and he was there making his drink... and I didn't put Morgan in first. I think they are waiting for us to say something before they say something. We were with him and his aunt the day after I got my BFP, and I had ordered a lemonade versus a drink. They made a little comment, but we played it off.

I am not thin, but am average... so once my belly starts protruding out more than this bloat has... I am sure people will ask. I had gained about 10lbs. in the last year, so that hasn't helped either... or maybe it has and people will just think I've gained some weight. But, I am hoping I can at least get through our first appointment next week before anyone really asks!

I hope to make it public before people ask. At least I can say I have a reason for the weight gain!

ashleaf2018

Okay, I've officially been asked.

I am on a yard sale page for my county on Facebook and I saw someone selling a fetal doppler really cheap. So I just commented on their post saying I would PM them about it. Not even 2 seconds later, my cousin texts me and says, "I just saw you ask about a fetal doppler, are you pregnant?"

Now normally, I would tell her the truth. But last time when FI and I found out we were pregnant I told her because she is just a little bit younger than me and has a son already so I wanted her pregnancy advice. She told her mom, her mom told our grandma, and grandma told my dad. I was pissed because I wanted to tell him myself and he was angry that he found out from someone other than me.

So I just told her that a friend had asked me to get it for her because she wasn't ready to go public about it. I feel bad not telling her the whole truth, but my dad is SO close to being down here for me to tell him in person and I do not need anyone spoiling the surprise for him, especially not the same people that ruined it last time.

karmba

@emisi I feel the same way!  No one is going to ask me if I start getting fatter haha.

aevan011

@ashleaf2018 I have been passing up a lot of really good deals on my local FB sale site for this exact reason. !!! My mother is already suspicious and is criticizing my body in an effort to beat the info out of me (via FaceTime, 1500 miles away), the last thing I need is FB outting me before my visit next month! It sucks that you have to lie bc of what she did last time. 

LinziLoo09

Sounds like a good call not telling your cousin if she couldn't keep her mouth shut before @ashleaf2018 . It baffles me how some people feel it's their news to tell. I just find that infuriating. Last pregnancy I would have nightmares that my family was trying to tell other people without my permission. Fortunately in real life they are all awesome at keeping a secret. I'm sorry you're having to deal with that insensitivity.

ashleaf2018

Living in the South and having such a tight knit family, I've come to accept it. It makes it hard though because everyone gets upset about not being the first to know, when obviously there are reasons why I have to tell certain family members first and certain ones last. My mom is basically the keeper of all my secrets so she was the first to know. If I told my great grandmother on my mom's side right now (about 6 pm my time) the whole rest of my mom's side of the family and my dad would know by 8pm. So it really is a balancing act by gauging who will tell who. 

I'm a little peeved that she asked because to me that's such a private thing and she was a teen mom so she of all people should realize that some information is not meant to be asked about, but to be shared whenever we're ready. She did buy the little fib. It's not like we're keeping it from her much longer, we'll tell my dad this weekend and I'm sure we'll tell them after we tell him. 

BabyRobbinsAdventure

One of my students (5th grade, so think 10-11 year olds) shouted out "are you pregnant?!" When the class was working with low voices after I told them I had a headache, and needed like 5 minutes of a slightly quieter classroom to refocus. 

I didn't know what to say so I laughed and asked if I looked larger than normal. Of course all my kids were being soooo kind telling me I looked great (despite my slight weight gain/recent bloat).
I feel bad not telling them as I want to wait just a couple more weeks, but technically I didn't say no..

beff12

It is rude to ask! People also get stupid when pregnancy is involved. When you get asked at 39 weeks along - "YOU STILL PREGNANT?!" Throat punch. You fool, look at me. 

When I was pregnant with DD, another teacher stopped me in the hall as I was double fisting a caffeine free Coke and my ziploc bag of pretzels. Her daughter was in my class and had mentioned that I hadn't felt well. I went to my desk later and found a sticky note from her that said, "this too shall pass," and she offered some quick advice. I thought that was a sweet way to tell me that she had figured it out. 

Nobody's asked me directly this time, but someone at church asked DH randomly when we were going to have another kid. He kind of stuttered (I was only about 4 weeks at this point) and she was like, "WAIT is she pregnant now?!" And he didn't want to lie to her. 

He is one of the pastors on staff at our church. We always sit in the front and I am sure that people will notice me stealing DD's snacks and being less involved. 

annanerenberg

@ashleaf2018Agh!  I wouldn't have told her either. I guess if people don't consider it rude to ask, they also might not consider it rude to tell everyone either

FitTris

@annanerenberg I'm sorry you got called out. This happened to me at just over 4 weeks! I hated it. I have a friend who is always on baby watch.  I ignored her because I was halfway out of the room when she asked, but I finally told them all and she responded, "I KNEW IT! I called it!" So I just told her that yes, but that was REALLY rude. This was all over a group text.  I had no qualms telling her that.  You can't force me to admit it when i'm 4 weeks! 

MamaWino

I had a friend ask me this morning if I was expecting.  It didn't bother me.  I'm 12w4d and normally thin so the bump was pretty obvious in the semi-fitted sun dress I had on.  If it was someone other than a friend I might've been offended and 100% agree with PPs that I would never in a million years ask a woman if she was pregnant.  I watched my mother go down that path years ago and it was mortifying.  She asked a larger woman when she was due when it turned out she wasn't pregnant at all... just carried her weight in her belly.  We both learned a good lesson that day.  Lol

emisi

MamaWino said:

 She asked a larger woman when she was due when it turned out she wasn't pregnant at all... just carried her weight in her belly.  We both learned a good lesson that day.  Lol

Haha, this happened to a friend of mine, but she was the one asked.  She was working as a cashier and a guy asked when she was due... she wasn't even that fat!  Also, she was only 18 at the time.  She kind of stared at him and then was like "I'm not pregnant."  Dude left the store double quick, haha.

R0824H

emisi said:

MamaWino said:

 She asked a larger woman when she was due when it turned out she wasn't pregnant at all... just carried her weight in her belly.  We both learned a good lesson that day.  Lol

Haha, this happened to a friend of mine, but she was the one asked.  She was working as a cashier and a guy asked when she was due... she wasn't even that fat!  Also, she was only 18 at the time.  She kind of stared at him and then was like "I'm not pregnant."  Dude left the store double quick, haha.

DH does this a lot!!! not asks women directly...but we'll walk by then he'll whisper "is she pregnant or just chubby?" and each time I smack him telling him to not be rude lol