We don't have an HR, we are a small company so she runs everything. If anything, I might be considered HR since I do payroll. It's just super frustrating and I might just tell her that it upset me, but not make too big of a deal about it. Like I said, the damage is done.
@karabearrr How disturbing that she freely shared your private medical information. It's a wonder with how casually she treats people's personal business so casually that she hasn't been bitch slapped with a lawsuit. I'm sorry she broke your trust! I would say something though. Unacceptable.
My bitch for today is my MIL. I am bilingual, and I fully intend to teach our child another language--there are so many benefits to learning multiple languages! My MIL disagrees, and sent DH a message that:
1.) She wanted to know where her gifts are from Mother's Day and her birthday
2.) She doesn't want me to teach our child German because she won't understand and doesn't think it's appropriate for our child to know since her family doesn't speak it.
Fortunately I'm in a much better mood than yesterday (the power of good sleep!) and I'm just brushing it off. DH put her in her place, but geez, lady...stop asking us for gifts! If you haven't gotten them by now, you're not going to.
@dmontgo WOW. I'm sorry that your MIL is acting this way. I wished that I spoke another language so I could teach my children two languages.
Another a side note the gift thing is crazy. My own mother does the same thing. She's the type of person that buys whatever she wants and money isn't a total issue for her. She's hard to buy for because she has everything. If she's not hounding us about her gifts she will try to tag us in things randomly throughout the year and says "If someone wants to get this for my birthday. HINT HINT."
Me (28), H (30) Together Since 04/21/2009; Married Since 05/29/2013
@dmontgoI've said it before, your MIL is a selfish something else. Teach your kid German! Seriously. In kindergarten we were taught Spanish, French and German. In first grade they dropped French and German so we only learned Spanish. I'm fluent in Spanish, but I wish I had continued to learn French and German. DH is half Spanish (but doesn't speak a word of it) so our kids will definitely learn Spanish, and I'm going to encourage them to learn other languages, too.
Married 4/12/13 TTC since 6/13 Diagnosed w/ PCOS 4/9/15 - R/E recommended lifestyle change BFP 4/10/16 - DS born 12/16/2016 SURPRISE! BFP 3/8/18
@dmontgo - re:MIL, how ridiculous and uneducated. I can be nothing but a benefit to a child to speak multiple languages. If anything, your extended family could take advantage of watching a small child learn a new language and learn it themselves! Oh well, their loss
@dmontgo OMG. Hopefully your DH said something back. That's really offensive, and shouldn't she know that your baby has TWO sides of the family, not just one. I think it's a great idea. My husband is from Bulgaria and plans to teach our baby so our baby can talk to his side of the family when he grows up since none of them speak English. I don't speak a word of it, and both myself and my family are all for it.
Thanks everyone! I had never thought it would be an issue considering my family...is...German? >.> But DH loves the idea (I'm teaching him too), and we've been buying bilingual baby books, so boo on her. DH tells her to stop expecting gifts because she's not nice, but it's like she's in denial? Pretends not hear? Whatevz.
I got some new Magic the Gathering cards today, so I'm a happy nerd and nothing can ruin that.
So, alittle late to the game but I have to see my brother and sister in law this weekend for Memorial Day...the first time since we got into a big fight. Alittle backstory, my oldest has autism and our families know about it but we don't always talk about it because we don't want it to define who he is. Well one of the very first things I posted about Ethan having autism specifically on social media (other than informative articles on autism) was late March when I asked for our close family and friends to support Ethan and wear blue on April 2nd for National autism awareness day. We never expected my brother or sil to wear or post themselves wearing blue because they've never really been supportive (they've never asked about his diagnosis and even went as far as to tell my dh that if we took Ethan out more that maybe he wouldn't be this way...sorry, it doesn't work that way). Anyways, April 2nd roles around and sil goes on fb at 8am and posts a picture of herself in an orange shirt and said that Saturday's are wear whatever color you want at her work so she decided to dress for spring (btw, my sil LIVES on social media so I know for a fact she saw my post) And then at 3pm she gets home from work and posts another picture of her two little boys in green shirts with the hashtag #greenistheircolor. I was so beyond hurt because I felt like it was a slap in the face that she not only can't support her nephew for two seconds and put on a f***ing blue shirt but blatantly goes on fb and purposely points out the specific color shirt she's wearing, which isn't blue. Anyways, I seriously cried for 20 minutes. So, my husband unfriended her on fb and I deactivated my account because I couldn't deal with her anymore. My brother then called out dh that he unfriended her and said that he doesn't need to show his support on fb because it's only fb and then tells me I need to have thicker skin when it comes to my kids....sorry, NEVER going to happen... I am my children's advocate and voice. Anywho, I'm sooooo not looking forward to seeing them because my husband doesn't want to talk to her, which I fully support his decision, and I've kinda accepted that this is just the way it's going to be with them but man, I wish I didn't have to see her lol. Ok, rant over....please pray for my sanity this weekend lol.
@dmontgo thanks. It's just so disheartening because my son loved and adored my brother when he used to come over our house all the time before he met his wife and accidentally got pregnant and decided to get married. He would sit on his lap and always wanted to be tossed in the air by him. Anyways, all we've ever been was supportive of them...gave them our baby stuff (bouncer, swing, bottles, clothes) when they found out they were pregnant and only ever wanted to the best for them and then she turns it around and turned everything into a competition between our kids....my youngest is 8 months older than her oldest. Even stupid things like shoe sizes she'd brag that her son has a bigger foot than my youngest...who cares? Before that she was just really annoying but after I realized that she just can't support anyone else and can't be happy for anyone because it takes the focus off of her.
@mimi603107 how awful! I don't blame you one bit for being upset. In fact, I commend you for not posting something snarky to retaliate. If that's the way they are going to be then the distance might be for the best. I hope this weekend goes as well as it can.
@mimi603107 I am so sorry you're having to deal with such cruel ignorance. I can deal with people's passive aggressive crap towards me, but my kid? Nope, you're out. I'd do my best to ignore them and avoid all conversation with them this weekend because Lord knows nothing nice would be coming out of my mouth.
@slartybartfast I completely agree with you. It's really hard to deal with especially when it's directed towards my kids. She's said things to her family members about how my son acts sometimes....he'll have a sensory meltdown which looks like he's throwing a fit. And at her son's birthday party my son wanted to blow out the candle because it's something he's fascinated with so we had to take him in the other room and she nodded at our son to her cousin and her cousin gave him a dirty look. Who does that? It's so sad because he's not a bad boy, he's autistic. They don't see him when I have to comfort him when he's rocking on the floor squeezing his eyes shut and plugging his ears while crying and when I ask him what's wrong he says "I don't know" because he can't make sense of what goes on around him sometimes. My son is so innocent and for a grown adult to direct that kind of hurtfulness towards him honestly makes me feel like she's a horrible person. Sorry, I can't stop my ranting lol.
@mimi603107 I can understand the feeling of hurt and even betrayal. It is so much worse because a child's feelings are involved. The worst thing is when someone makes a competition out of everything--it truly is so exhausting! That's what started my issues with my friend, everything is a competition, and then I wonder why I cry when I'm at the end of my rope. Your SIL sounds insecure and manipulative. It's sad that we go out of our way to help friends and family, and many of them can't be bothered to lift a finger when it means the most.
You sound like a great person, and especially a great mom. I commend you on not letting anyone define your son by his autism---we need more parents like you to encourage our children and educate misinformed/ignorant adults!
@dmontgo awe, thanks so much. I try to be nice but sometimes I'm at the end of my rope. When you first posted that about your "friend" I immediately thought, "oh my gosh that's my sil!?!" Lol. I don't want autism to define him but at the same time I want people to understand him and his actions especially those that are around him often. Honestly she acts like she almost doesn't want to admit that he has autism which is really weird to me.
@mimi603107 your SIL sounds like a real boach. I wouldn't be able to stop myself. She would be getting autism awareness gifts from me for every holiday in the foreseeable future. Donations in her name. Post a bunch of autism links on her FB wall. Photos of her wearing blue captioned with #autismspeaks or something. But I guess taking the high road is nice too
@zubenescamali oh my gosh I'm laughing so hard right now! I seriously did think about ordering her a couple books and giving them to her for her birthday but I don't know if I want to waste my money on her at this point.
@mimi603107 I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. My little brother has Asperger's which is on the autism spectrum so I know how it hurts when someone doesn't understand them. Of all my siblings I'm closest to my brother and it hurts when someone makes an off handed comment about his behavior because he is the sweetest, smartest individual I know. If it's any help, just remember that your SIL is not the end all, be all of your son's support system. I can tell by your posts that he is so loved and so cared for and her being a twit is not going to affect that. Plus you have all of us rooting for you!
@mimi603107 I'm so sorry that you have to deal with that in your own family. I agree, all their future gifts should be in the name of autism research. Everybody wins!
June Siggy Challenge: Dad Fails
Married 7.28.2012 DD born 7.27.2014 BFP 09.2015 - m/c 10.21.2015
@ashleaf2018 thank you so much for the understanding. I guess I just originally expected more from them because they know my son and aren't strangers looking into a situation they know nothing about. Seriously, all of you guys are so great and make me feel so much better about all of this (big creepy internet hugs!)
@dmontgo Our child will speak English, French from me, and Danish from SO, who also speaks fluent German. Language = knowledge. Sadly it seems that your MIL = ignorance.
@JessCL That's awesome and I totally agree!! So, so cool all of the languages that your baby will learn! I speak some conversational Italian and Korean, but not enough to feel confident to teach it.
I think that my MIL feels threatened by the worldly upbringing I had in the sense that it seems like she is afraid DH will like our culture better (even though we are German-American :S) which is ridiculous. She got extremely upset that we went to Germany for our honeymoon, even though DH requested it. His heritage is Irish and I make sure that we celebrate that, too, because every heritage is important and unique! We blend so many traditions thay are special for both of us. But she doesn't seem to care that I try. Nothing I do is quite to her standards, which is sad because it doesn't have to be that way.
@dmontgo that's so bizarre that your mil is against it. If I had a grandchild that could speak another language I'd be bragging to everyone! Plus if she wants to not feel left out, what a great bonding experience to learn a new language together with your grandchild! Learning different languages is such a great horizon to broaden for your child and will only help them be more successful in the future, you'd think she'd be all for that
@dmontgo I am planning on teaching the baby French; FI knows German plus a lot of the Nordic languages so he will be teaching that; and then neither of us knows sign language very well but we want to learn so we can teach that to baby. I think ASL is most useful because baby can then communicate with us before it can talk, and also not many people out there know ASL anymore. Interpreters for ASL are very in demand, I hear. Anyway, "the more you know, the more places you'll go" has always been my motto. I definitely believe that parents are the first teachers a baby will ever have, even before they go to school, so the more you can teach them, the better off they will be in the long run.
@ashleaf2018 we learned ASL with my oldest son when he was younger because he didn't start to speak until after he turned 4 years old. There's a ton of kid apps for the iPhone and iPad to teach the alphabet and different words. We basically all learned together and we learned from different apps and from YouTube videos geared towards children. It was super beneficial because he would get very frustrated that he couldn't tell us what he wanted and after we learned he could easily tell us things. We even taught it to our 3 year old and he loves it even though he does speak.
@ashleaf2018 Very wise advice! I have been reading more about the sign language, and DH and I are interested in teaching that as well, so we've been practicing in our spare time. I know a little from previous work, but a lot of it is songs, so it's been really cool learning the basics again. I had no idea that babies were capable of learning it so young! And I 100% agree about parents being teachers--we can set that love of learning in motion!
I taught ds some sign language starting at a few months and he still uses a lot of it. I have had fewer meltdowns with him because he can tell me what he wants even if he can't say the actual words. People are so impressed by him that he can do that. He knows, please, thank you, more, milk, I'm sorry, sleep, food, and all done. Apparently babies can start communicating via sign around 6 weeks, so start it early and don't give up if baby isn't catching on. Once he hit about 18 months, he could learn a new sign every few days and use it appropriatly.
I taught ds some sign language starting at a few months and he still uses a lot of it. I have had fewer meltdowns with him because he can tell me what he wants even if he can't say the actual words. People are so impressed by him that he can do that. He knows, please, thank you, more, milk, I'm sorry, sleep, food, and all done. Apparently babies can start communicating via sign around 6 weeks, so start it early and don't give up if baby isn't catching on. Once he hit about 18 months, he could learn a new sign every few days and use it appropriatly.
This. DS went to 'school' - daycare - starting at 10wks where they taught baby sign and it was sooooo helpful. He still uses some signs at 2yrs old, especially when he's really frustrated. He was consistently signing to us by/before 6mths old, waaaaay before he would have been using verbal language effectively. Marked decreased frustration and tantrums for sure - and it was so nice to have our baby tell us exactly what he wanted/needed. Baby sign is awesome!
Re: Monday Bitchfest
Married DH: 4/7/2012
TTC: 2/3/2016 (Me: 31yrs DH: 35yrs)
BFP: 4/10/2016
EDD: 12/18/16
Kaynen Alexander born 12/6/16 via c-section (bicornate uterus/breech)
My bitch for today is my MIL.
I am bilingual, and I fully intend to teach our child another language--there are so many benefits to learning multiple languages! My MIL disagrees, and sent DH a message that:
1.) She wanted to know where her gifts are from Mother's Day and her birthday
2.) She doesn't want me to teach our child German because she won't understand and doesn't think it's appropriate for our child to know since her family doesn't speak it.
Fortunately I'm in a much better mood than yesterday (the power of good sleep!) and I'm just brushing it off. DH put her in her place, but geez, lady...stop asking us for gifts! If you haven't gotten them by now, you're not going to.
Another a side note the gift thing is crazy. My own mother does the same thing. She's the type of person that buys whatever she wants and money isn't a total issue for her. She's hard to buy for because she has everything. If she's not hounding us about her gifts she will try to tag us in things randomly throughout the year and says "If someone wants to get this for my birthday. HINT HINT."
Together Since 04/21/2009; Married Since 05/29/2013
Baby Boy born 11/30/16
Baby #2 Due December 4
TTC since 6/13
Diagnosed w/ PCOS 4/9/15 - R/E recommended lifestyle change
BFP 4/10/16 - DS born 12/16/2016
SURPRISE! BFP 3/8/18
Married DH: 4/7/2012
TTC: 2/3/2016 (Me: 31yrs DH: 35yrs)
BFP: 4/10/2016
EDD: 12/18/16
Kaynen Alexander born 12/6/16 via c-section (bicornate uterus/breech)
DH tells her to stop expecting gifts because she's not nice, but it's like she's in denial? Pretends not hear? Whatevz.
I got some new Magic the Gathering cards today, so I'm a happy nerd and nothing can ruin that.
edited cuz I can't spell lol
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You sound like a great person, and especially a great mom. I commend you on not letting anyone define your son by his autism---we need more parents like you to encourage our children and educate misinformed/ignorant adults!
I don't want autism to define him but at the same time I want people to understand him and his actions especially those that are around him often. Honestly she acts like she almost doesn't want to admit that he has autism which is really weird to me.
But I guess taking the high road is nice too
My Wedding Bio!
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Baby #2
~04/19/16 EDD 12/26/16~
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DD born 7.27.2014
BFP 09.2015 - m/c 10.21.2015
Language = knowledge. Sadly it seems that your MIL = ignorance.
ETA I have no idea why my entire post if blue
I think that my MIL feels threatened by the worldly upbringing I had in the sense that it seems like she is afraid DH will like our culture better (even though we are German-American :S) which is ridiculous. She got extremely upset that we went to Germany for our honeymoon, even though DH requested it. His heritage is Irish and I make sure that we celebrate that, too, because every heritage is important and unique! We blend so many traditions thay are special for both of us. But she doesn't seem to care that I try. Nothing I do is quite to her standards, which is sad because it doesn't have to be that way.