Shit your DH/SO said

bearsandbeets7

Now that we are in the second half of pregnancy and quickly rolling in to third tri I'm sure some of our SO/DHs have said some crazy things. 

*Stolen from July 16 and they stole it from May 16*

ballofmeat

I was just thinking this would be a fun thread! I've been laughing my butt off reading the other ones! I'm not a big advocate for DH/SO bashing, but I do get a kick out of the funny things they say!

This last week I caught DH staring at my belly when I got out of the car. I asked him what he was thinking. "I thought you would be bigger by now." Uhhhh thanks?

On May the 4th aka Star Wars day. We both worked a 6am shift at the hospital which is rare for us to be getting ready at the same time. DH hollered at my belly when I was putting on deodorant, "I am your father!!"

Fremdschamen

DH is very good this time around, but he said some doozies last time!  The best was after we attended a prenatal class that was focused on the actual birth and ways to support the woman during labour.  Afterwards, I asked DH what he thought and he said, "Whew.  It looks like your labour is going to be a lot of work for me!  I might not even get to sit down."  LOL! 

emmeline714

My DH is always looking at my belly and he always tells me "you have a piece of my heart in there, you are beautiful" and i always respond with "thanks i feel like a hippo, i feel so big" lol then he surprised me because his response was "well baby if your a hippo i am an elephant" i then laughed, he was just trying to make me feel good with my weight because i feel huge and kind of getting to me how big i am, when before pregnant i was small 

Nikkoli98

Last week DH and I had to recycle a bunch of tires (1,300 pounds worth) that were left on the property that we purchased and are cleaning up.  Imagine a pick-up truck pulling a trailer FULL of old tires.  We were charged by the pound for the load that we dropped off and had to have the truck / trailer weighed both going in and out of the facility.  He commented to me, "It was nice of her (the attendant) to make sure you were in the truck both times, so we weren't charged for a couple hundred extra pounds."  

Snaps816

Mine has mostly been pretty good. But last night he had asked how I was feeling and I was telling him how I felt and said "I've just gotten so huge recently!" and he just says, "I know."  

I was like .... uh.. this is the part where you say "No you haven't! You aren't huge! And you look beautiful." Oh well. I love him anyway. 

Katienu

I had a nasty cold of the weekend and I kept waking up blowing my nose.  Our spare bedroom is a complete mess so I couldn't sleep in there.  He turned to me and said, "Would you mind going downstairs and sleeping on the couch? I am having a hard time sleeping with you blowing your nose." 

What cracked me up the most was that I don't even think it dawned on him that he should be the one to sleep there...until I told him, "bu-bye".

Curls919

For Mother's Day DH got me a carvel ice cream cake. As we started eating it he said "I didn't get you a fudgie the whale because I didn't want you thinking I was calling you a whale"

Bookhousegirl

@Curls919 DH actually called me fudgey the whale recently! He was joking, and referencing how often I make him go to carvel for me, but I was not pleased with that nickname. 

@Fremdschamen your story reminds me of my brother. When he came into the waiting room after his wife gave birth (after 4 hours of pushing on top of 15 hrs of labor), the first thing he says is "ugh, I am exhausted!" We all just looked at him with a death stare. 

charmedlifex3

After I asked him about the same thing for the third time: "Oliver! Give mommy her brain back!"

BritMC18

Mine called me a "growing lady" or at least that's what I heard... he says he said something different, but I think he realized he put his foot in his mouth. lol

bananers

Someone posted a picture on FB of me serving cake to all the kids at DS's bday party this weekend. MIL asked if all the other kids were older than DS because he looked small. DH was like, "no, [DS] was just standing next to [bananers] and she's bigger."  

No more Miss!

My DH called Mother's Day a Hallmark holiday. No card, no present, no special celebrating (we both had to work together)
Our DD is 5 and my mom passed 5 years ago, so it's kinda a sensitive day. 
At least I got a kiss and a "Happy Mother's Day"??

lilpinky7878

I walked out of the bathroom one night and got told ...DAMMMMM you look huge -_-  
The other one I get get ur own food ur not not due yet 

bearsandbeets7

The other night I was in the shower and asked DH if he would wipe off a decoration I got for DDs room before we hung it up. His response was "I've worked all day." While yes I get that and I'm a SAHM I don't think he realizes everything that I do. If something happened to me this man wouldn't even know how to go in to pay our bills. I handle EVERYTHING, bills, cleaning, most cooking(he likes to cook sometimes), I'm with DD all day everyday, and I'm growing his child which is exhausting all in itself. I don't mind doing any of this because it's my job as a SAHM but he damn well better respect what I do or I just may forget to wash his clothes. 

I had to vent that somewhere, I don't like talking to my family about DH when he pisses me off because they'll just take my side. 

cm716

My husband looked at me at around 10 weeks after a particularly long day and asked .when are you going to feel better?"

Me: "Ummm in like a year?"

SqweetyPie

I got my first maternity tops in the mail on Friday so Sunday I was wearing one of the tank tops. We were at a friends house and DH is staring at me looking happy/ scared so I ask what he is thinking. "That you are looking so much more pregnant now... and cute... and all pregnant." I think he forgets some times. lol

Sekerambo

@Lynnlove28 -  That is so my husband!  It drives me insane.  There are times when I wish we could switch for a few days so he had a clue what I actually do all day. 

the_other_mother

Mine looked at me a few weeks ago (@ 21 weeks) and said "you look full term"..i would have been mad but he followed that with "you're ready have this baby" and then we both laughed.

melly204

My DH has started telling me that the baby is getting big instead of saying that I'm getting bigger, he started doing this after I started crying when he made a really surprised face at how much I've begun to eat recently...

pelorunningmama

@katienu bless his heart! hopefully he relocated to the couch. Hope you are feeling better! I've got a cold this week (thanks to DH), bleh.

Katienu

LWC1112 said:

@katienu bless his heart! hopefully he relocated to the couch. Hope you are feeling better! I've got a cold this week (thanks to DH), bleh.

I am doing so much better but it was a long weekend! Yes, he slept the couch and the positive thing to come out of this was the motivation to get the spare bedroom in order!

kristynmac

DH crop-dusted me in the grocery store then walked away before I even knew it. A few people then pass me in the aisle and they all get this terrible look on their faces. When I finally catch up to DH, he is in the next aisle laughing because "It's so awesome I can fart and blame it on you now!"

Mrsrundell

I have one that will probly make everyone's head explode (mine did!!) 

we are having a boy -first time parents- and we were talking about how soon after the baby is born do we want to try for baby #2.  I said it would be fun to have a girl next time (or something to that effect) and hubby said oh I would like another boy for baby #1 to be buddies with - ok pretty tame, no biggie.. THEN, hubby says actually a girl would be nice so that there is someone to help you with housework and picking up after me and JR (baby #1)!!! Omg I thought my blood was gonna boil right out of my veins - he looks at me embarrassed right after he says it and goes "God, I'm a mysoginistic asshole - sorry dear" 

Ugh, he felt bad after saying it but, still that is sooooo wrong on so many levels! 

emmeline714

@kristynmac i legit just died of laughter at work something my DH would totally do as well.

@Mrsrundell i would have snapped and got smart with him since my fuse is short now a days.

Snaps816

@Mrsrundell Wow!! If we make a hall of fame on this topic (which might be a fun thing to do come August), that comment would certainly be in the top 10. Glad he caught himself after saying that. 

Mfuller76

@Mrsrundell Yep, head exploded. Mad props to you for not punching him in the nuts.

Mrsrundell

@Mfuller76 oh I fully plan to .. Just waiting for when he least expects it and then yelling "You Know Why!!" In his face afterwards lol 

bearsandbeets7

@Mrsrundell

Duffgurl

@Mrsrundell that made me LOL. Men really do say things they shouldn't. Think before you speak  

tmk0325

Lynnlove28 said:

@Mrsrundell

My girlfriends and I use this line/reference every time one of our SOs says something stupid!! We always joke one of us will go punch them in the nuts!

karaszoo1

@Mrsrundell  I laughed out loud then read that to my husband.his reply "I hope their couch is comfy" lmfao 

charmedlifex3

Last night he yelled "Engage full waddle speed!" while I was walking across a parking lot. And it was raining, so I was hurrying. 

kristynmac

DH has been drinking a few beers and just asked if it was ok for him to finish or if his sperm would get the baby drunk. *silence* He then says, "I guess this means that swallowing is out too."

ballofmeat

I have two more little gems that I forgot about.

1. Before our first prenatal appointment DH wanted to ask our OB how soon we would know the midicholrian count. I thought he was joking, but no he seriously wanted to ask her that to be funny. For those who aren't as nerdy as our household, the midicholrian count is a measurement of how strong the force is in a Jedi. I wish I was making this shit up. For the record, I death glared him into not asking.

2. DH has only one testicle after battling cancer about 5 years ago. (Hurray that he is past the 5 year mark of remission!) When our OB recently asked us what we wanted to do for BC after baby is born, he asked her if she thought the surgeon would give him half price for a vasectomy. Followed by snipping hand motions and a "ya know only one to snip." I wanted to crawl into a hole...He lives to embarrass me. 

Mrsrundell

@midwestbaby omg too funny! 

AliKay20

I was sitting across the table at a restaurant tonight sort of leaning back slouched.

DH: I think your belly has definitely gotten bigger this past week. It's like a table now. You can actually put stuff on it.

BAD TIMING DUDE. I was annoyed that he had to say that while waiting for our food. 

Then on our walk back home, I told him I get full easily these days.

DH: Well, the less space you have in there, the quicker you'll feel full and uncomfortable. That's why you should have smaller portions.

If DHs can just trade positions with us for ONE day...if only.

Curls919

AliKay20 said:

If DHs can just trade positions with us for ONE day...if only.

DH was whining about something stupid yesterday and I basically said "this is why men don't have babies".

Bookhousegirl

@AliKay20 I would give anything for DH to be pregnant, just for one day. Obviously, I'm so grateful to get to experience pregnancy, but man, it would be nice for DH to truly understand the discomfort and sacrifice (mostly drinking lol) that goes along with pregnancy. 

charmedlifex3

I told DH I was done. I did 2/3 of this, the last bit is all on him. He said "Uh... I don't think it works like that?"

jamiesc58

@lgem4 I almost spit my water reading your post because it made me laugh so hard! It sounds like something my dh would say. I could imagine what kind of face you gave him at that!