@JennM205 it hasn't been horrible, thanks for asking! The weekend was long because it was raining and just us. But now that we're back and work and school, it's slightly better. Last night was slightly crazy because it was all me doing pickup, dinner, clean up and bedtime but I survived and rewarded myself with ice cream after she was in bed. (And she only got up twice during her nightly bedtime fight!)
I do a couple nights per week of daycare pickup, playtime, dinner, tubby, and bedtime by myself and those nights can feel really hectic. Then I come back downstairs and have to clean up our toy explosion and do the dishes, and usually eat dinner because I haven't fully mastered toddler and I eating together when it's just the two of us (though I'm getting better!) Luckily he is still in his crib and hasn't started fighting bedtime at all, so once I lay him down I know I'm off the hook for the rest of the night. I don't know how single mamas do it!
I'm still trying to catch up on everything I've missed. DH took a half day yesterday then has today off so we've been busy. I'm also glad that @mom2adoodle left a post in the sex thread. I was bothered the first time it was rehashed after her loss, and even more so this time. The orginal post was months and pages ago. Why necro it now?
Also, while voting today, I realized we will be taking BOTH of our daughters with us to the presidential election in November this year. Still crazy to think there will be two soon!
@PSUBecky23 We're going to have a lot of people asking, then, since we're only (really) registered on Babylist and I'm not sure people in our family have heard of it. I decided on that instead of store registries since it was easier to put it all in one place.
We had placeholder registries at Buy Buy Baby (public) and Target (private), just to get the goodie bags, but they weren't actual lists of things we wanted. Someone at DH's work did find the BBB one, so I took everything off of it. I just deleted the Target one yesterday to avoid confusion.
I'm sure it'll work out somehow, I'm just stressing out over here. Thank you for the sanity boost.
@MojieJo Did your invite mention anything about who to direct questions to? If so, I bet people will ask! I think I would ask if I didn't see it listed.
I can't believe it's time to send out invitations to baby showers already. Damn, I'm still lying to my boss (by omission) at work.
I think if there isn't a note on the invitation, that people will ask the host about it if they're interested in purchasing from the registry. I find that people stray from the registry more for babies than weddings, because they are either new moms who might like a particular product and they want to pass that on. Or they're old and they just like buying baby clothes and they don't understand new contraptions.
@PSUBecky23@AnnaS930 That solo pickup/dinner/bath/bed routine can get rough! I've had to do that a lot over the last couple years with DH working 2+ hours away (until now!) I can say, though, those last couple hours at the end of the night after the craziness had subsided, DD was in bed and DH wasn't home yet - were good for the soul! The nights DH got home just after I put DD down, I was almost annoyed to see him. Like, I've been busting ass by myself all night and now that the hard work is done and it's finally "me" time, you show up and want to snuggle?! Lol
I'll be honest...I rarely buy from registries. I'm a crafty person and much prefer to make a gift than to buy one (even though odds are it ends up costing more in the end). So if a registry wasn't listed, I wouldn't sweat it. Those that do want to buy from a registry will likely ask.
@JennM205- Yes!! So much agreed. I prefer if he gets home right before kiddo bedtime (ideal) or several hours after. At least that way I can carry on with my night and watch my own trashy TV. The arrival right after makes me stabby, and I'm not good at hiding it
So, it turns out that because there was a typo on the invitations (nothing that would have affected people, just aesthetic), my MIL is redoing them and including a stuffer with the registry address. Problem solved!
I swear, all I have to do is mention a problem on The Bump and it gets corrected. It's like magic!
@mom2adoodle It just says who to RSVP to (SIL), so I assume people will ask her if they have questions.
@kimmyschmidt I've actually never been to a baby shower so I'm new to all of this. Thanks for the insights! It hadn't occurred to me that people would go off-registry very often (although I knew it was a possibility since people see cute things and buy them).
@diagonalley@sbrown721 Thank you for the input! It looks like the issue is resolved, but that would have helped put my mind at ease.
@marikkita12 That's exactly what my MIL is doing! DH just talked to her a little while ago. She was going to send invites out yesterday, but apparently hadn't done it yet and needs to redo them anyway since there's a small typo (I didn't ask her to redo them, she's just a perfectionist and it bothered her). Good call!
We just had a meeting with some drug reps (normal practice around here) and part of their presentation included pediatric oncology (cancer treatments) and they told a story of the first pediatric patient that they trialed on a certain treatment (which includes removing T cells, sending them to a lab for treatment and infusing them back into the patient - INSANE stuff) who at the time had 48 hours to live before her system shut down and now she's cancer free something like 5 or 6 years later. I was seriously biting my lip fighting back tears. Holy moly... gets you in the feels. I sincerely wish we didn't live in a world with cancer and rare diseases, but I gotta tell you ladies - the treatment they're coming up with these days are AMAZING.
Yes for the stuffer idea! @marikkita12 beat me to it! This also happened for our bridal shower and the stuffer was a small sticker that didn't get read. People did ask us where we registered so all was good.
I am also shocked that baby showers are starting up already and I still can't believe it's May
On the shower talk, I have a friend that offered to throw me one at her house as soon as he found out I'm pregnant and another that offered to plan it because she wanted to throw it as well. Going over some details and talking about the games, etc, the question came up and she asked me what my budget is. I was just like, huh? I haven't said anything because I was thinking that the people that planned it would pay for it (maybe selfishly? I don't know the etiquette). I told her in the beginning that we don't have a theme and she could pick decorations, food, games, etc as I'm a typically a control freak and really just decided to hand everything over. I'm thinking if I have to pay it, I might as well plan it myself and let my inner control freak fly. Is this a thing? Who pays for the shower typically?
ETA: We all agreed on having the shower next month and I feel like it's not a lot of time to back down. She's a family friend and we've been close for many years so I don't want to be confrontational.
Soo has anyone else had relatives get REALLY invested in your pregnancy? Long story short, my fiance has an older half sister (that ive met 1 time) and a younger sister that I'm fairly close with who is also pregnant! and his older sister is just going bananas over my pregnancy. I mean she is checking in with me at least 2x a week, she offered to give us an old crib, bouncer, rocker, bottles you name it. I am feeling very smothered because, well, I just barely know her! We have been together for almost 5 years and I just met her last august. Now she posts things about me on facebook all the time, sharing my photos and its just too much!
@AlwaysAuntNeverMomI've never heard of the mother-to-be paying for her own shower... I was fortunate enough to have three separate showers (one local for friends, one for DH's family and one for my family) with my first pregnancy and didn't pay for anything for any of them. I've also thrown two baby showers - one for my sister and one for my best friend, neither of whom paid a dime for anything. Not sure if that's the norm, but I assumed it was...
Yeah, agreed @AlwaysAuntNeverMom- I had 3 showers (2 for me 1 for husband) and didn't drop a cent for any of them.. and the showers I've thrown for my sister (bridal and baby) we certainly didn't have her pay for any of it, just let her be involved as much as she wanted in the planning and left the rest a surprise. I wanted to help plan mine, but only offered up my house and a time and an invite list, but was surprised by who RSVPed and came and the theme, etc
@AlwaysAuntNeverMom - Agreed. I think it's customary for the person throwing the shower to pay. My BFF and mom threw the shower for DS and DD. That was really my BFF's gift to me.
I've made a point at my showers (bridal and baby) to make a little speech after the gifts of thanking everyone for coming out and a special thank you to whoever threw me the shower and other contributions made (aunts making goody bags, parents bringing food, etc). A shower can be a lot to handle and a little recognition is something I find necessary!
@alwaysauntnevermom Also agreed. I've never heard of anyone paying for their own shower (assuming someone else is throwing it). That's just crazy to me!
If someone doesn't want to or can't foot the bill, then they shouldn't be offering to throw the shower for you, IMO.
@AlwaysAuntNeverMom Oh my, I really don't know how to bring it up that the mommy isn't supposed to foot the bill...Then what is she doing for the shower? Choosing things for you to pay for!? What the.
@MojieJo Agreed! One of my biggest pet peeves is when people offer to throw showers and then backpedal when they come back down to Earth and realize parties cost money...
This JUST happened for my cousin's bridal shower. For whatever reason my penny-pinching Mom offered to throw her shower for her. Soon, she was emailing and texting my sister and I asking if we were "interested" in helping and when neither of us jumped on it, all of a sudden started delegating tasks/costs to each of us! No, sorry. If I wanted to foot the bill, I would have offered to host the shower. I ended up coming up with games (free) and that was about it. My poor sister on the other hand...can't say no to save her life and ended up basically throwing the entire shower, other than the fact that it was at my Mom's house.
Thanks for the input, guys... I really wasn't sure of the etiquette and we weren't even planning on having a shower until they offered. It's such an awkward position to be in and I don't know what to say as she's texted me for an answer... I'm super non-confrontational so I feel that I don't want to be all "what do you mean, so you want me to pay for it?" and I don't want to go behind her back and ask the other friend that is planning it as I don't know if the other friend is expecting me to pay as well. I feel like I can't back down now and just cancel the whole thing. Ugh.
@AlwaysAuntNeverMom I'm so sorry they put you in this position Maybe one of the ladies on here will have a good response. I don't think I know or would know how to respond either. I would just cry but I'm a wuss like that sometimes.
@AlwaysAuntNeverMomI would say according to general etiquette guidelines, whoever is hosting/throwing the shower is supposed to pay for it. Normally the shower is considered some form of gift for the mother-to-be (or bride!). I'd just tell her "oh, I'm sorry. I must have been confused. I didn't realize i was supposed to contribute financially! I don't have a budget for the shower, but I understand if you can no longer host it." I think this wording puts more blame on yourself than on the host, so it makes it less awkward. I've never paid for my own shower and also have thrown several showers which I have paid for.
I also think it's generally rude/gift grabby to throw your own shower, but I think there is a thread here that discussed that further with various thoughts and opinions
@PoodleDoodleOoo Agreed. While I'm not opposed to anyone throwing their own shower, I AM opposed to someone offering to throw it but asking the mommy to pay for it! I'm not sure why this is irking me so much. I just wouldn't dream of asking someone to even pay for a balloon if I'm the host, let alone the shower itself!
Yes--I was going to suggest something along the lines of what @PoodleDoodleOoo said. I think a courteous form of honesty is just right. This has caught you off guard (as it should, because it is crazy), and I think you can just let her know that and offer to let her cancel.
Man y'all are fast! I took a small social media break last month & could never get caught up with this thread. I thought I would just catch back up this month but 3days in and I'm already 9 pages behind! Lol! Oh well, I tried.
I second (third?) what @PoodleDoodleOoo said as how to approach it. It's diplomatic and shouldn't hurt feelings. That said, the host never pays for a shower someone offers to host for them. The shower is a gift. It boggles my mind that someone would offer to host and not expect to pay. You could have hired an event planner if you'd just wanted someone to put it together for you.
On the shower talk, I have a friend that offered to throw me one at her house as soon as he found out I'm pregnant and another that offered to plan it because she wanted to throw it as well. Going over some details and talking about the games, etc, the question came up and she asked me what my budget is. I was just like, huh? I haven't said anything because I was thinking that the people that planned it would pay for it (maybe selfishly? I don't know the etiquette). I told her in the beginning that we don't have a theme and she could pick decorations, food, games, etc as I'm a typically a control freak and really just decided to hand everything over. I'm thinking if I have to pay it, I might as well plan it myself and let my inner control freak fly. Is this a thing? Who pays for the shower typically?
I was wondering this too. I asked a few people close to me and they told me they planned to pool their $$$ together and ask my father for help to cover it all. I've been giving them ideas on how to cut back the costs since then- like a free venue (I work in an art museum and my boss offered), and that kind of stuff. If I had to pay for it, you better believe I would be picking absolutely everything myself!
Re: May Randoms Thread
How in the heck are people supposed to know what's on our registry if they don't know where to find it?
● IUI #2: BFP - early M/C
● IUI #3: BFN
● IUI #4: BFN
● IVF/FET #1 (2 transferred): BFP! TWINS!
● FET #2 (1 transferred): BFP! BOY #3!
● Natural #1: BFP - M/C @ 8 weeks
● Natural #2: BFP - M/C @ 5w5d
People know where to look - they'll check the major ones and if they can't find it, they'll ask.
Also, while voting today, I realized we will be taking BOTH of our daughters with us to the presidential election in November this year. Still crazy to think there will be two soon!
We had placeholder registries at Buy Buy Baby (public) and Target (private), just to get the goodie bags, but they weren't actual lists of things we wanted. Someone at DH's work did find the BBB one, so I took everything off of it. I just deleted the Target one yesterday to avoid confusion.
I'm sure it'll work out somehow, I'm just stressing out over here. Thank you for the sanity boost.
● IUI #2: BFP - early M/C
● IUI #3: BFN
● IUI #4: BFN
● IVF/FET #1 (2 transferred): BFP! TWINS!
● FET #2 (1 transferred): BFP! BOY #3!
● Natural #1: BFP - M/C @ 8 weeks
● Natural #2: BFP - M/C @ 5w5d
I think if there isn't a note on the invitation, that people will ask the host about it if they're interested in purchasing from the registry. I find that people stray from the registry more for babies than weddings, because they are either new moms who might like a particular product and they want to pass that on. Or they're old and they just like buying baby clothes and they don't understand new contraptions.
I swear, all I have to do is mention a problem on The Bump and it gets corrected. It's like magic!
@mom2adoodle It just says who to RSVP to (SIL), so I assume people will ask her if they have questions.
@kimmyschmidt I've actually never been to a baby shower so I'm new to all of this. Thanks for the insights! It hadn't occurred to me that people would go off-registry very often (although I knew it was a possibility since people see cute things and buy them).
@diagonalley @sbrown721 Thank you for the input! It looks like the issue is resolved, but that would have helped put my mind at ease.
@marikkita12 That's exactly what my MIL is doing! DH just talked to her a little while ago. She was going to send invites out yesterday, but apparently hadn't done it yet and needs to redo them anyway since there's a small typo (I didn't ask her to redo them, she's just a perfectionist and it bothered her). Good call!
● IUI #2: BFP - early M/C
● IUI #3: BFN
● IUI #4: BFN
● IVF/FET #1 (2 transferred): BFP! TWINS!
● FET #2 (1 transferred): BFP! BOY #3!
● Natural #1: BFP - M/C @ 8 weeks
● Natural #2: BFP - M/C @ 5w5d
I sincerely wish we didn't live in a world with cancer and rare diseases, but I gotta tell you ladies - the treatment they're coming up with these days are AMAZING.
I am also shocked that baby showers are starting up already and I still can't believe it's May
ETA: We all agreed on having the shower next month and I feel like it's not a lot of time to back down. She's a family friend and we've been close for many years so I don't want to be confrontational.
Long story short, my fiance has an older half sister (that ive met 1 time) and a younger sister that I'm fairly close with who is also pregnant! and his older sister is just going bananas over my pregnancy.
I mean she is checking in with me at least 2x a week, she offered to give us an old crib, bouncer, rocker, bottles you name it.
I am feeling very smothered because, well, I just barely know her!
We have been together for almost 5 years and I just met her last august.
Now she posts things about me on facebook all the time, sharing my photos and its just too much!
I don't want to seem ungrateful or anything.
If someone doesn't want to or can't foot the bill, then they shouldn't be offering to throw the shower for you, IMO.
● IUI #2: BFP - early M/C
● IUI #3: BFN
● IUI #4: BFN
● IVF/FET #1 (2 transferred): BFP! TWINS!
● FET #2 (1 transferred): BFP! BOY #3!
● Natural #1: BFP - M/C @ 8 weeks
● Natural #2: BFP - M/C @ 5w5d
This JUST happened for my cousin's bridal shower. For whatever reason my penny-pinching Mom offered to throw her shower for her. Soon, she was emailing and texting my sister and I asking if we were "interested" in helping and when neither of us jumped on it, all of a sudden started delegating tasks/costs to each of us! No, sorry. If I wanted to foot the bill, I would have offered to host the shower. I ended up coming up with games (free) and that was about it. My poor sister on the other hand...can't say no to save her life and ended up basically throwing the entire shower, other than the fact that it was at my Mom's house.
I also think it's generally rude/gift grabby to throw your own shower, but I think there is a thread here that discussed that further with various thoughts and opinions