Loss mentioned — The Bump
2nd Trimester

Loss mentioned

Background is that I am 18 weeks pregnant and I am a daycare provider. 
I have daycare mom, who is my close friend and neighbor, who both found out were pregnant at the same time and due a day apart. We had miscarriages about one year ago together and got each other through it and have been supporting each other through this pregnancy also. We also have 3 year girls that are best friends. I currently am watching her little girl and she is with me today. She just called and I just found out that they couldn't find her baby's heartbeat and after an ultrasound, they confirmed her worst fear that the baby died at 17 weeks. I am a mess for her and just can't stop crying for her and her loss. Not mention that we were both due a day apart and I know I will be a constant reminder to her now about her tragic loss. It just isn't fair and her heart is so broken right now. What can I do for her? I have not had a friend lose a baby so far along and I don't know the words right now or the steps I can take to help her as a friend and daycare provider. Please, I need suggestions. I was going to order meals for her to be sent to her house along with flowers. I offered to watch her little girl over the weekend. I told her I can just sit with her if she needs it. However; I know that perhaps I am last person she wants to see right now, being the pregnant friend. Please help!

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Re: Loss mentioned

  • Firstly, I'm so sorry for her loss. I've had MC in the past but never this far a long. I think it's great you can empathise with her and be her friend if she needs, but remember you are in no way responsible for this loss and I highly doubt she will resent you for being pregnant....Just keep that in mind. Right now she's grieving, and offering help is good and leave it at that. I think a card and flowers and offering to watch her daughter is good. Everyone grieves so differently. You sound like someone with a huge heart, she's lucky to have someone so sweet. So sorry, sounds heart breaking.
  • I lost my 1st baby girl at 19 weeks, and we found out at our anatomy ultrasound. I think that you making her aware that you are there for her when she needs it is good. I was most appreciative for the texts and calls that said you don't have to call me back or respond, but know we are thinking about you.

    Honestly, there is NOTHING you can do to take her pain away. Time heals more that anything, but it never goes away.

    I didn't have any other children at the time, but I think offering to watch her little girl, so she feels OK grieving is a good idea.

    Meals are a good idea, but just drop off and go.

    To me, talking about and people asking questions about it even months later made me relive it, and I would cry every time. My loss was Jan. 2013, and just recently am I OK talking openly about it, but I have Twin Girls I conceived 3 months after that loss, and I wouldn't have had them if the loss hadn't happened, so it is really kind of a weird feeling. Ultimately that helped me heal.

    I am so very sorry for your friend.  If you want to ask me anything, that would be fine if it would help.


    Ticker/Siggy Warning:  Children and losses mentioned


    TTC #1 since 7/2011
    ME: 37  DH: 38
    SA-12/28/11-normal
    HSG-1/16/12-possible blocked left tube
    BFP#1---CP 7/9/12
    Hysteroscopy-8/9/12-blocked left tube for sure, proceeding with IUI#1
    IUI#1 (Gonal-F + trigger)=BFP#2 m/c @ 19w1d D&E 1/23/13
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    Identical girls born 11/17/13
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