How is everyone doing? Check-in 4/25

rainbowturtles

I thought I'd go out on a limb and start this thread since the woman who started it last week said she's stepping back for a bit and encouraged anyone to continue it, and personally I'm having a hard time.

For the new people who joined this board in the last week or two, we are all so sorry for your losses. This board is proof that you don't have to go through this alone!

How are you all doing this week? Any questions or anything we can help you with? 

GTKY: What is your favorite comfort food?
(Just throwing something out there; it can be changed)

LaurenDarling

Thanks for starting this @rainbowturtles ! 
It's now been 3 days since my d&c. I'm really looking forward to getting some answers. My entire body aches today and I'm not sure why. Maybe it's a reaction from the anesthesia. im just trying to get through the day so I can go back to work tomorrow and hopefully feel normal again (though I know I won't). 

Fav comfort food: I love a good Mac and cheese. 

rainbowturtles

@LaurenDarling sorry you're so achey, I wouldn't be surprised if it was the anesthesia. I hope you at least feel physically well enough if you have to go back to work, though I imagine it will be emotionally hard

It's exactly two months since my last miscarriage and I thought my period had started this morning but it's doing the weird start/stop thing, I think, which is incredibly triggering because I had spotting and thought my period was coming when I found I was pregnant. It being the exact day of the miscarriage is hard, and it's the day my period started last month, too.

Also, I dropped DH off at work this morning for seven days out of town work and he was away last time I found out I was pregnant. Also triggering.

Lastly, I have a wicked nasty cold and have been confined to the couch all day. Which is kind of fine because I'm super sad and crying at everything but if I wasn't sick I probably wouldn't let myself rest.

GTKY: my favorite comfort food would have to be pizza or yummy pasta (sometimes even just noodles lol), but typically savoury over sweet

Wishilivedinflorida

@LaurenDarling It can definitely be the anesthesia. After mine it felt like I had done a thousand crunches and generally I was achy all over for a couple days. Rest up today for sure. It should get better soon. 

I am finding after this loss that my husband and I are more up and down from day to day in our feelings. The last time, we got better and better with time. Now, we both are triggered more and it feels like a roller coaster of emotions. Today I met with my PCP and he kind of went over everything and ordered one test my OB missed. We decided that since we have only had two losses and I seem to get pregnant relatively easily, that we will hold off on SA or any invasive testing for myself. All my bloodwork is normal thus far, which is great! This time around, we both feel hesitant to really jump back into TTC again, but we aren't really doing anything to prevent (nobody technically benched us). I'm half-assedly tracking temps and thus have a lot of open circles and missing days, so it's pretty Rocky Mountains-esque. No sign of O or AF for now. I'm sure that's not helping matters. I just want to feel "normal," whatever that means. I have only had one real AF since October, not including spotting after D&Cs. Ok, end rant. 

I love all things Italian for comfort food: bread, pasta, cheese, red sauce, cannoli, I could go on but I'm drooling already. 

blacknightsky

I'm new here today. I was supposed to be 7w5d, but at my ultrasound today the sac only measured 6w1d and there was no heartbeat. I'm going back next week for another ultrasound in case my dates were wrong, but I'm sure they weren't so I'm preparing myself for bad news. Right now I'm just so  overwhelmed, my head is spinning and I can't stop crying. I am relieved to see on this board that everyone is so supportive and I'm glad at least that we live in a time when we don't have to go through this alone.

rainbowturtles

@blacknightsky oh goodness, sweetie, I'm so sorry My fingers are definitely crossed for you that maybe dating was off. I know everyone is probably telling you not to stress but having been there I know that is practically impossible. But if you can find even moments of peace, treasure those. Whether it's a song that is uplifting or some other sort of self care. The waiting will be hard but we are here for you Rest as much as possible

Spartanrd4

It has been almost 8 weeks since my mc and D&C...currently I'm having my first AF and feeling more hopeful now that it is here. Still feeling up and down emotionally but at least the physical part is behind me. 

This week I am preparing myself for my co-worker's baby shower at work (I survived her non work baby shower so I should be okay I hope) and my other co-worker's impending pregnancy announcement (she hasn't told me but pretty certain she is). Very triggering that her due date is 5 weeks from what my due date would of been. Hope I can keep it together!

My comfort food is Macaroni and cheese it's one of the first foods DH made me because he knows how much I love it! 

rainbowturtles

@Spartanrd4 that's definitely a lot to prepare for  Best wishes with both of those events and feel free to vent here if needed

CRJones1978

@rainbowturtles Thank you for keeping this going. I'm still waiting for things to get started. I found out last week there was no growth. I stopped the progesterone and have been off for 7 days...still nothing. 

I feel a bit guilty for feeling good. I'm in good spirits most times. And unlike the other 2 miscarriages, I'm at work enjoying conversations with people, not snappy. I'm normal. Anyone else get to that place? I'm starting to think maybe I'm in denial about this bring my 3rd miscarriage. 

rainbowturtles

@CRJones1978 sorry you're still waiting. It could be denial or it could be survival or subconsciously trying to protect yourself or any number of things. Just keep in mind that whatever you feel or don't feel is normal and valid and true for you. And try not to feel bad for that

kmkremp7

I had a D&E 2 weeks ago on 4/12. We went in for out 20 week ultrasound(4/7) and found out that our little baby's heartbeat stopped at 18 weeks. I've gone through many/all of the stages of grief in the last 2+ weeks: sorry for my husband because I couldn't give him the baby I was supposed to, ashamed that I couldn't bring a baby to term, and heartbroken that the baby that we planned for in August is not going to be here. However, this week I have found myself so flipping angry. Everyone keeps telling me that it's not my fault (which I know is true, but still hard to accept) and that people who smoke, drink, do drugs, have no prenatal care have perfectly fine babies. This does not help me at all. I exercised daily, drank water, took my vitamins and ate a healthy diet. The fact that women did none of these things and had a healthy baby does not make me feel better at all. I've found that I'm so pissed and ready to be pregnant again already. Like I'm ready to setup this nursery, plan on a delivery in February and ready to move on. I know this is only how I'm going to feel for the time being (Saturday was a ROUGH day for me as I had to drop off my cousin's baby shower gift) but right now I am PISSED. 

As for my favorite comfort food, right now I am enjoying Summery Shandys. I know it's not food, but I was supposed to be due in August and obviously didn't plan on drinking any of these until next summer, so for the next month that I can drink-I'm living it up with Summer Shandys!

kmkremp7

xoxo

fiorip

So sorry for everyone here, obviously we all wish we weren't part of this board but it's nice to have a safe place to pour out my feelings, it annoys me when I try talking to a friend or a family member and I get a pity party or not comforting phrases like "at least you can get pregnant" "you are young and can try again"; they mean well but they just don't understand what it feels like. 

I've been really down all day, it's been 14 days and I'm still bleeding, it's a constant reminder that I don't need and I'm just ready for it to stop. Its also hard on me that there are at least 10 really close friends and cousins who are pregnant, most are due around the same time as I was and it just crushes me. I am genuinely so happy for all of them, but at the same time I can't help that "why me?" feeling. 

GTKY: my go to comfort food is traditional Dominican plate, rice with peas and coconut with goat stew and fried plantains. Just thinking about it warms my soul. 

kmkremp7

@LaurenDarling I had a D&E on 4/12 and went back to work on 4/15. I'm a teacher and was afraid it was going to be too soon and almost took the entire week off. I felt that work was was a welcome distraction. It was good to be in a place that I had to think about other things and take care of other people. I miscarried at 20 weeks (went in for our ultrasound and found out baby had no heartbeat) so obviously everyone knew I was pregnant. However, I had a friend who told them that I needed my space and to give a quick hug or blow a kiss and then get back to business as usual. It was exactly what I needed-I knew that people were apologetic and sending their love, but I was able to focus on school stuff for the time being. Each day has been easier and easier. Wishing you the best in your journey healing! xoxox

kmkremp7

@CRJones1978 I've found that somedays I feel totally normal, and others I'm a flipping mess. This is my first pregnancy and first loss (@18weeks) so I'm not sure how else to feel. But I've found that I feel totally guilty when I do feel "normal" like I should be in bed crying my eyes out at all time. It's good to know I'm not the only one with normal feelings! 

fiorip

@LaurenDarling it could be from the anesthesia or the manipulation of the procedure itself. I hope you feel better soon, take your time to heal, don't be in a rush to feel normal. 

@rainbowturtles I guess it's good you're sick, you should allow yourself to rest and cry. 

@Wishilivedinflorida I feel the same way, this is my third loss and with the previous ones I seemed to feel better as timed passed, I did go through therapy with the second loss, I was almost 22 weeks and it hit me really hard, this time around I feel like I'm sinking and get more and more depressed. I'm hoping as more time goes by, I'll feel better. 

@blacknightsky I am so sorry, cry as much as you need to, allow yourself to mourn, it's a hard thing to process so take your time. 

@Spartanrd4 I don't know how you do it, I don't think I could make it through a baby shower. 

@CRJones1978 I wish I was in that place, I'm struggling more and more each day to keep myself together. 

Spartanrd4

@fiorip I hope as each day goes by you feel better. I didn't think I could make it through the shower but I did....she's a really good friend of mine and has been there for me a lot with my loss, any other person I wouldn't of done it for. I also got a necklace to represent my baby that I lost and wore it that day, it definitely gave me inner strength.

LaurenDarling

@kmkremp7 thanks for the support and I'm so
sorry for what you've gone through. My coworkers also knew I was expecting (super small family business), but they've already been informed what happened to me so I don't have to break the news to anyone tomorrow and risk having a complete utter breakdown at work (I'm not good at holding it together when I'm upset). I get what you mean about being angry when people tell you about all the people in the world who get pregnant and don't give a damn. My sisters best friend is one of those. Lives off the state, 23 and unmarried, no job, smokes like a chimney, and yet she just welcomed a gorgeous little boy into the world last month. Her second child. And I'm over here eating non-gmo foods, never touched a cigarette in my life, and not able to sustain a pregnancy. Yeah, it makes me angry. So angry. There are few words anyone can say to me that makes me feel better. I'd rather just not talk to any of my friends right now so they don't wind up on my bad side saying something they don't know would offend me (like "maybe it's better it happened this way..." How could this be better?!?). Sorry for the rant. I know you get it. 

killysmum23

Hi there I'm new to this board I did an intro a few days ag. I want to first say how deeply sorry I am for everyones losses I'm not good at tagging ywt but have read through all of your heartbreaking stories it just isn't fair. My story starts off at 7 weeks and some days I started to have some light spotting and went to er where they said everything was normal but they were not aloud to tell me any details for whatever reason. The next day was my best friends baby shower which i was throwing and hosting and i woke up in a mess of blood and i just knew something was wrong. long story short i forced myself to smile through the longest nost draining day and monday saw my dr. We did an u/s to find baby only measuring 6 weeks i was supposed to be 8 and knew my dates werent wrong i turned a test before i would have even concieved .The baby still had a low hb but i knew .Anyways bleeding continued and friday at 2 am after days of bleeding passed everything it was one of the hardest things I've done. I feel ok as the days go on and my toddler is keeping my spirits up buy I can't shake the feeling of extreme loss I wanted this baby so badly and so many friends of  mine are expecting. 

Gtky: I have never ate so much chocolate in my life!

AandDM2014

Good evening ladies! I hate so much that we all have to be here. I would think by now that science would have found a way around shitty stuff like this.

I am almost 2 weeks post D&C, and I go in for a check up on Thursday morning to make sure everything was removed and I'm looking good. I am, of course, still very angry about this whole thing, but I feel like I'm in a good place right now. I haven't cried about it in over a week, and I've spoken with my RE and have a plan for when we will try again in place.

GTKY: I too am a mac n cheese lover. Especially if it fully homemade with my choice of cheeses. Yum!

AandDM2014

Good evening ladies! I hate so much that we all have to be here. I would think by now that science would have found a way around shitty stuff like this.

I am almost 2 weeks post D&C, and I go in for a check up on Thursday morning to make sure everything was removed and I'm looking good. I am, of course, still very angry about this whole thing, but I feel like I'm in a good place right now. I haven't cried about it in over a week, and I've spoken with my RE and have a plan for when we will try again in place.

GTKY: I too am a mac n cheese lover. Especially if it fully homemade with my choice of cheeses. Yum!

kns1988

How are you all doing this week? Any questions or anything we can help you with? 
I'm doing so much better today. It helps that it's springtime and I'm about a week out from my D&E. H and I have been spending about 4 days a week at our camp/cabin in the woods. It's good for my mental health. And my stomach flu only lasted 24 hours yesterday so I feel like a human being again!

Just throwing this question out there because I've been curious about it. I'm being referred to an RE after my 2 losses, but they'd probably just do fertility testing and send me on my way, right? I don't have trouble getting pregnant - just staying pregnant - so I don't think I'd be a candidate for IUI or anything. 

GTKY: What is your favorite comfort food? Buttered egg noodles

MrsBinPA

@kns1988 I have gotten pregnant 3 times in about 13 months but started working with the RE.  Have you had recurrent loss panel?  If there are findings with that they are probably better equipped to treat you than the regular OB.   I did the infertility testing too between loss 2 and this last one but I think the insurance companies require it.  Was happy to know I had no uterine abnormality causing the losses. 

@CRJones1978 I also feel somehow less bad with this loss,  also my third, than I did with the last one. I think I am just at the point where I expect it now.  I also just knew in my gut this one was the same.  I don't feel guilty about not being sad at this point.  I feel proud of my strength.  Don't be too hard on yourself.

I'm currently laying in bed miserably cramping my my cytotec prep for my in office D&E later this morning.  I need to put 2 more in soon.  I'm worried that things have broken down so much in there that they aren't going to need to do the D&E again so we won't get genetic testing done which we so need.  If it happens I am going to be so mad at my RE I warned and reminded him this happened last time.  **TMI***I'm peeing in a strainer to catch anything I might pass which is fun.  I am just so anxious for today to be over & behind me.  One of the worst parts of this whole thing is having to wear a damn pad.  They just SUCK!!

My comfort food is totally pizza.   I do love a good homemade Mac & cheese.  I have made a few insanely good ones.

Wishilivedinflorida

@MrsBinPA I hope your D&C goes smoothly and you have enough to send for testing. I agree that pads suck. I vote that you get pizza tonight and take it easy. 

rkroupa

Hi All. I am now 8 weeks post D&C and still haven't gotten my AF. It is literally ALL I can think about - it is consuming me Has anyone else waited this long for their AF? I am starting to think there is something wrong with me. 

My OB gave me progesterone at 6 weeks and said that within 2 weeks of finishing it, I should get my period. This Friday will be the 2 week mark, and I'm just thinking of calling her anyways even though Im not quite at 2 weeks. 

Please tell me that there is someone else out there that has had their AF after 8 weeks. I feel so alone and just upset cause I'm just waiting and there is nothing I can do. I'm trying to be positive, but the wait is just excruciating.

ETA - I took a pregnancy test and not preggo.

RiverSong15

@kns1988 - the RPL panel of testing includes a lot of things that aren't part of other IF testing. The ASRM has a good fact sheet on tests that I found useful. Treatment depends on what they find. Causes can include structural uterine abnormalities (septum, etc.), hormonal (PCOS, diminished reserve, thyroid, etc.), or immune related (blood clotting disorders, etc.). Structural problems would need surgery to correct, and hormonal or immune problems may require medication. About half the time, they can't find any reason for the losses and then assume it was chromosomal abnormalities. If they find a cause, you're probably better off being treated by the RE than an OB. If they don't find a cause, the recommendation is usually to try again, either on your own or with IVF with PGD. Even if you try on your own, you're more likely to get early pregnancy support (frequent early ultrasounds, for example) from an RE than an OB, and that could help ease anxiety next time.

Good luck with whatever you decide. I know you got a referral, but it may be worth doing some research on your own to see if there are any REs in your area that specialize in RPL. Although it is an IF diagnosis, it's a slightly different beast when it comes to testing and treatment than other IF issues.

ETA: link

https://www.asrm.org/uploadedFiles/ASRM_Content/News_and_Publications/Practice_Guidelines/Committee_Opinions/RPL.inpress-noprint.pdf

Aera11

@LaurenDarling my D&C was back in January and it went super smooth, but I had a horrible reaction to the anesthesia.  I was achey and threw up for a good 24 hours straight, which sucked because I hadn't had food in 12 hours.  Are you/did you have the fetal tissue tested?  

QOTW:  For sure mac n' cheese!  Or maybe pizza... I can't decide and it's probably because I am hungry.

CRJones1978

Thank you @rainbowturtles

rainbowturtles

@rkroupa I'm hoping some other ladies will chime in, but I know that it can take a while after a loss for that first AF. I know the wait must just be torture and I'm sorry.

rainbowturtles

I'm still sick as a dog today plus AF came in full force finally, cramping and all, shattering any ridiculous hopes that I might somehow be pregnant again. We're not trying until at least September but I keep thinking there's still a teeny tiny chance with the pullout method. I just feel horribly sad. I wish it wasn't something I thought about every day. But I want it so badly and there are babies everywhere so I find it really hard not to. And then I'm also afraid of going through more losses. It's such a difficult mix of emotions. Wanting so badly but also so scared. Maybe I'll try some journaling and/or meditation today. I tried making a therapy appointment and she's away for four weeks, of course  Sorry for the rambling, I hope it's okay

Spartanrd4

So my co-worker announced her pregnancy today, at the lunch table...even though I had been preparing myself for the moment you still don't know how you are going to react. I just really don't like being upset in front of people, I was even anxious about crying at my wedding so I think I was more upset than anything that I was put on the spot like that and had to pretend to be ok. Well I'm not good at pretending so got up and left the table and cried in the bathroom. My one co worker went and got me and we went for a walk. She has been so helpful to me! Later my pregnant coworker pulled me aside and talked to me in private and told me how bad she felt and that she had been dreading telling everyone because she didn't want to upset me. I appreciate her talking to me and let her know I was happy for her just sad for myself. Ugh it's so hard to put on the happy face sometimes....tonight I'm making cookies and getting my hair done and hope to not eat all of them!

MrsBinPA

Update:  As I expected the misoprostol worked so well,  even at 1/2 prior dose I didn't need the D&E.  Thankfully **TMI*** this time I kept specimens I passed this morning.  Doctor feels confident I got what we needed.  No D&E needed which is better in the long run,  so now I just wait for the bleeding to subside,  get the test results back, & get AF before me try again either via injectables or IVF with PGD.  The genetic test results will likely dictate the plan.

rkroupa

@Spartanrd4  I'm sorry - that must have been so hard. Atleast you have caring coworkers and the one coworker took the time to reach out to you. I would have cried too, so don't be too hard on yourself! I say add some wine to those cookies tonight...that's my plan! 

AandDM2014

@MrsBinPA Yay for not having to have the D&E! Hopefully you get results quickly!

AandDM2014

@MrsBinPA Yay for not having to have the D&E! Hopefully you get results quickly!

katiegeminimoon

I am just over a month since my miscarriage happened. We knew it was coming for many weeks, it was a special kind of torture. Lately most days I feel normal, but things get to me sometimes. My bff is pregnant which is really hard, plus it seems like I cannot go anywhere or watch any show without pregnancy being thrown in my face.
DH and I just got married Friday, we had a fantastic wedding day! Hopefully this is the turning point for life to get back to normal again.
I wanted to get a tattoo to represent the miscarriage, but I think for now I'm going to get a stamped metal bracelet that reads "I held you your entire life". 

rainbowturtles

I love the bracelet idea, so beautiful! @ktcakes87 and congrats on your marriage I know what you mean that everywhere there are pregnant women or babies...irl, on tv shows, movies. It's a lot to take sometimes. I do better with some things than others. I do really hope things are turning around for you and for all of us

kns1988

@MrsBinPA , I haven't had any testing yet. I probably won't get in with an RE for at least a month. My post-D&E OB follow up is next Tuesday and then he's going to make the referral.

@RiverSong15, thanks for the detailed information and the link! I'm going to have to write some of that stuff down before I make my appointment. 

kns1988

killysmum23, I can't imagine having to host a shower the same day that you were experiencing that. You must be a really strong woman to hold it together. I'm so sorry for your loss.

@Spartanrd4, Sorry you had to go through that at work. I was upset yesterday just listening to a (very) pregnant woman talk about her upcoming maternity leave, so I know I wouldn't handle a surprise announcement well. I'm glad you have a friend to help you out.

@ktcakes87, I'm sorry for your loss, but congratulations on getting married! I hope it's a happy new page for you and your husband.  

Hopietaylor91

So we actually got the call today with our genetic testing results. We found the it was a boy and everything came back normal. He was normal and we went and picked out his name. So it's been a somewhat bittersweet day.  I go in on Friday for a follow up with our RE so hopefully we will get some idea of how we will move forward. I'm also going to request blood testing for me. I don't see the harm in it and I would just like to know if it could have possibly been anything else. My question is at 7w which was 6/5/16 I was measuring 6+4 my hcg was 22,184.  As of this past Friday my hcg was 78. How long should I expect it to take to get back to less than 5? 

My my favorite comfort food is probably spaghetti. My grandmas spaghetti. That or my great grandmothers potatoe tomoator soup. 

CRJones1978

@Spartanrd4 Sometimes it's like that and it's completely okay. So sorry you're going through this. However you feel and whenever you feel it is perfectly okay.