Am i being a bad mother? Help — The Bump
February 2016 Moms

Am i being a bad mother? Help

My husband constantly says i am being a bad mother because of the way i take care of our 1 month old son. We cosleep with our son and he started making me feel bad when our son would sleep my chest. Ever since baby was born he has been sleeping on daddy chest. Now he sleeps on his donut for 3-4 hours at night before he gets up again to eat. Now he says im being a bad mom because i hold him to bottle feed him at night when he wakes up. I don't get it this is my first baby he has 3 other kids with his baby momma. I dont judge him but he puts me down for everything i do. I am just trying to be a mom here and i want to cherish the time i have with my son. He is growing up so fast and he won't need me as much the older her gets and learns to do things on his own. Am i beung a bad mom because i like holding my son to feed him? I just hate that he puts me down instead of seeing all the good i am doing taking care of our son. Ive talked to him about this and he just says that he knows better and that i should listen to my husband.

Re: Am i being a bad mother? Help

  • I don't understand why you would be a bad mom for holding your baby while you are feeding him. You should be holding him while he is being fed. So, no, you are definitely not a bad mom. Babies need to be held and you should enjoy this time while he is still little. They grow up way too fast.

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  • Wtf?! Sorry but he does sound like a jerk.. All, well I guess most, babies are held to feed and sleep on our chests. It's one of the best ways to bond with your baby. I don't know how his baby momma is doing things but you are doing everything normal so you're definitely not a bad mom. Also tell your husband to shove it next time he critizies you.
    Married: 8/25/12
    Started TTC: 1/1/14
    BFP: 6/1/15
    Baby Girl Athena Born: 2/7/16

  • He's an ass. You are doing everything right. Like PP have said, babies should be held. Skin to skin contact is the best thing for them. If I were you, I wouldn't let his ignorant comments get in the way of your bonding with your child. Screw him!
  • AchaeAchae
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    I'd be questioning why I was with this man if this is how he spoke to me. Also the fact that he has 3 other children with "his baby mamma" worries me. Is that just a saying? Idgi but either way, he's out of line for calling you a bad mother. And saying he knows best? What is this, 1920?
  • Take in every moment you can with your little one! They really do grow up so fast. I hold and snuggle my little girl every feeding. I also sometimes put her on a pillow sometimes next to me to sleep but I wouldn't sleep with her on me. Safety reason. But, when she takes naps I do let her sleep on me sometimes. It's the mothering bond we have with our sweet babies. Your husband is being an ass! You are a great mom! 
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  • Breastfeeding moms hold their babies to feed, why shouldn't bottle feeding moms/dads do the same? It's ridiculous that he's telling you not to. And yes, hold your baby anytime you darn well please. Babies NEED to be held. It is important for their development, and you're right, they're only little once.

    All that aside, it sounds like you need to take a good look at your relationship. The way he's treating you is not ok an it's not healthy.



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  • You can't spoil a newborn so there's no reason not to snuggle the crap out of them while they'll still let you. They get squirmy and fight it after a while. I actually cried the other day because my LO didn't seem to want to sleep on me but did on DH. They love that skin to skin contact and it's actually good for them to have some time off the back of their head
  • Wait. Someone help me out here. How do you bottle feed a newborn without holding him???

    Cuddle that baby and send your jerk husband to the couch. 

  • VkrosaVkrosa
    500 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited March 2016
    Hold baby love on baby and don't let your husband tell you otherwise. Your the mom. You carried the baby. You have an innate sense on how to take care of your baby!!! Stand firm mama!
  • My baby chokes when I feed him so if I DIDN'T hold him, that would be bad mothering (and possibly deadly!?) Whenever my husband says I should put our son down, while LO is sleeping, to do a chore or something else I tell him I carried this child for 9 months and worked damn hard making him and being in labor, if I want to hold him 24/7 that's what I'm going to do!! Stand up for yourself, you know what's best for that baby!
  • Thank you everyone for your comments i will continue to do what i am doing for my son. Iys working for us and i want to bond with my son as much as i can while he is still small.
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