Today's the day I've been dreading since I found out Jaxon would have a cleft. I knew no matter what he looked like I'd love him but I never realized how in love with his smile I would be. There is so much emotion going into this surgery (cleft lip repair, minor work on nose and palate). My biggest fear is seeing my little guy in pain. It's not fair that innocent little babies have to fight these battles. It's going to be a rough week but I'm going to try to keep him as happy and comfortable as possible but it's already a challenge. His surgery is at 6:00 am but here I am up at 3:00 am trying to convince him clear liquids is formula. This kid hates apple juice/pedialyte and this is all this poor baby gets to eat today, even after the surgery. To make things worse I can only feed him with a syringe, for a week. No bottles or pacifiers. I'm dreading nap time because I usually pop a pacifier in his mouth and lay him on my chest but no pacifiers or chest sleeping. It's making me so anxious. Babies need to suck. How else can you calm them? Besides that we have to start swaddling him again at night (and nap time) even though we've been swaddle free for about a month now and during the day he has to wear arm restraints. I'm hoping he adjusts easily not for my sake but for his. It feels like I'm going to be torturing my little guy. I hate to turn this into a rant but I feel like I always have to be so strong and it's nice to just get it off my chest to people who actually have babies and can relate. I know that I'm so lucky that this is the birth defect we were dealt with but I hate when people down play it. It's not just a cosmetic thing. It affects him in many ways. There's not only an issue with feeding and regurgitation it can also affect his speech and hearing. (He's also getting tubes in his ears today) He also has to have a minimum of 3 surgeries but I've read so many stories of people having upwards of 15. I hope that he's happy with the results and he doesn't get bullied. I know in my eyes he's perfect but kids can be so mean. I can probably go on and on but I better stop now before it gets to long. Wish us luck!
These were taken yesterday, in an attempt to memorize every little expression.
UPDATE: First I want to thank everyone for their kind words and prayers and give you guys an update. The surgery went perfect and only took 2 hours. I can't believe how good it looks! He was crying on and off for about 6 hrs but I think he's finally feeling a little better and only whining. I have a feeling this week might be better than I anticipated. Here's an updated photo only a couple hours after surgery. There's minimum swelling and redness. Im seriously in awe at the surgeons work. I'll post another update when I get a chance. Once again thank you all!!