January 2016 Moms

Next baby - forward planning

When did all of you second time mums have your babies? How long of a gap did you leave?
Theu say 18 months - is that 18 months from birth to giving birth again ie fall pregnant when child is nine months (18 months when baby arrives) or is it 18 months between pregnancies ie child is 18 months old ( 27 months) 
Sorry if the answer is obvious! 

Re: Next baby - forward planning

  • We waited three years in between our two boys. Still haven't entirely ruled out having a third but if we do we will probably keep it around two years in between if we can. I'm not getting any younger and I'd rather get the baby stages of my kids over with personally. The day with no more diapers, bottles and etc will be a good day---sad to see my babies no longer be babies but still good. 
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  • I'd love for my kids to be close in age, but obviously not too close. My doctor's recommendation was to wait a year before getting pregnant again to give my body time to heal and build up important nutrients again. That would make my children 21 months apart if we decided to and managed to get pregnant right away. 

    Research shows that optimal time in between children varies from family to family, but most experience the most positive results when placing their children anywhere from 18 months to 3 years apart. 
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  • MissMheMheMissMheMhe member
    edited March 2016
    I believe the 18 month recommendation is from the birth of your first to conceiving the second because it's the ideal time for your body to be ready to have a child again. We are probably one and done, but won't be upset if we are surprised down the road!

    ETA: FWIW my sister and I are 14 months apart. My mom loved that we were so close and didn't want it any other way. DH and his brother are 6 years apart. His mom didn't want them too close, but didn't plan on them being so far away. I think that whatever happens, you'll figure a way to make it work.
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  • Mine are 22 months apart, I wish we had waited a little longer as the second pregnancy was very hard on my body and I wish my son was a little older, it would be a little easier to handle things.
  • Mine are 7 years apart. It wasn't exactly intentional but I wouldn't change it for the world!  My daughter is the best big sister I could ever ask for. My siblings and I are all spaced out and super close. It worked for us! My husband's family is the opposite and do like 2 years in between and like none of the kids are close but that doesn't mean anything either. Just depends on the kids I think. 
  • I got pregnant with this LO when my daughter was 16 months old. I doubt it had anything to do with it, but I had a somewhat complicated pregnancy, but luckily it all worked itself out in the end. So the kids are almost 25 months apart and I love it so far! We are done with babies now. :)
  • I've heard 18-24 months between the birth and conceiving the next was best in order to allow your body to properly heal. 

    That being said, my babies are 13 months and 2 days apart. The second pregnancy was much harder on my body and I truly feel like I missed out on a lot of my son's first year because I was uncomfortable, the size of a blimp, and focused on preparing for baby #2. 

    Now that baby #2 is here, it is beyond exhausting. Exhibit A: my son is just learning how to climb, but my hands are often full with a severely colicky baby. One baby ends up screaming. I either have to let my son learn the hard way, or constantly set the baby down in a hurry (usually interrupting feedings, etc) in order to go catch my son... who, in all reality, will do whatever it is again the second I turn around. It has been really challenging. Because they are supposed to be sharing a room, SO and I have been taking turns sleeping on the couch (11 weeks and counting)* so that baby doesn't wake up toddler during the night. I absolutely love both of them, and there are incredibly precious moments where my son acknowledges the baby and shows love towards her, but personally, I would have waited a while.

    *Since SO and I can't even sleep in the same room, it has taken a toll on our relationship. Again, we love our family, and each other, but there has been no intimacy, serious exhaustion, and many more chores to battle over. We also spend close to $200 a month on diapers alone, plus around $250-300 a month on formula.
  • DH and I are going to wait until LO is 2 closer to going onto 3, or just after he turns 3.  We both want to give him attention and the time to spend with him before bringing another child into the mix.  We also may just end up with 1.  We've had that discussion and if it comes down to it, we would be happy with just DS.  I am leaning more towards wanting another one, but DH is not sure at this point. 

    I will piggyback off of @BarrettJ89 even though she now has 2, that even with just our 1, LO has definitely taken a toll on my relationship with DH.  We have had to work through a couple of tough issues already regarding our relationship and intimacy is the last thing on my brain after a long day at work and then coming home to LO and a house that needs tending to.  
  • I had 2 under 2 and it is hard! About 22 months apart. DS was potty training while DD was born. He had been potty training for 6 months in pull ups consistently and when DD was 2 months he was fully potty trained and out of pull ups. We got really lucky there because with a newborn hungry and crying and your toddler is pulling your arm because he had a poopy diaper sucked. Plus the expense. Times it by 2 with the diapers. 

    However there are a lot of advantages to having 2 under 2. They are close in she and will go to school together eventually. DS has turned his jealousy around and is now helping me out with simple things with the LO. It's also still fresh in my mind... All the milestones and what to expect at doctor visits, etc. 

    I would say I had DD at the perfect time. DS can go to daycare and start learning some things he would in preschool--that would free up my time as well,  he is potty trained so I found that people are more willing to help babysit him, he is old enough to understand that the baby is more dependent on me and than him... I wouldn't have it any other way.

    I really want to TTC #3 when DD is in preschool at least 4 years from now, but do I really want that big of an age gap and to start all over from the beginning when things are supposed to get easier? DH would be on board with a third but at least start trying a year from now. I'm just dreading that having 2 under 2 again is going to be even more difficult because DD has proven to be more difficult than DS. 
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  • My babes are 4 years and one month
    apart. It's lovely. My brother and I are also 4 years apart. He was
    my baby and it looks like dd and ds are going to have similar relationship. We are close, and we never had issues growing up. She adores her baby brother and helps out a lot. She has her moments where she wants to be the center of attention but she's four so it goes with the territory little bro or no. She so sympathetic to the nursing thing she still has good memories of it since she stopped at 3.5 years. She gets me water and her brother a blanket. She will shake a rattle for him if I have to go to the bathroom. After ds got his shots he fussed all night and heard her tell dh she felt bad for me. She's old enough for me to feel
    like I have someone to talk to during the day since newborn days can be lonley and long. She's struggling a bit with her feelings about being a big girl though. And this makes me sad. I need her to be more independent with the toilet, she needs help with buttons and wiping and she's trying...there's been a bit of regression in other areas too. And it hurts to see it. With two I feel like I'm robbing Peter to pay Paul. But at least she's old enough to have insight and that's a blessing.
  • Mine are 8 years apart. I did this intentionally because I had my first at 18. I have to say it's like being a first tike parent all over again except you know more about babies. But I've forgotten a lot! We also had to buy a lot over again. But I'm relieved I don't have another baby or toddler to take care of and my son is in school so we don't have to worry about day care for two kids. I don't know if we'll ever have a third - money and full-time care for a baby are hard to come by these days. But I like that I have an older child who can help me. He even makes the baby's bottles with supervision in a pinch. He likes to help and has never once complained about being ignored or that he has to share attention. I'd say the sweet spot would have been 4-5 years between them but I take what I can get and this is what we got!
    Vincent 1.1.16 & Daniel 11.6.07
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  • Our kids are 4 years apart and we purposely planned it that way (I actually just wrote an article about it). We won't have another for at least 3 years.
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