January 2016 Moms
Firsttimer16
member
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Next baby - forward planning
Firsttimer16
member
When did all of you second time mums have your babies? How long of a gap did you leave?
Theu say 18 months - is that 18 months from birth to giving birth again ie fall pregnant when child is nine months (18 months when baby arrives) or is it 18 months between pregnancies ie child is 18 months old ( 27 months)
Sorry if the answer is obvious!
Theu say 18 months - is that 18 months from birth to giving birth again ie fall pregnant when child is nine months (18 months when baby arrives) or is it 18 months between pregnancies ie child is 18 months old ( 27 months)
Sorry if the answer is obvious!
Re: Next baby - forward planning
Research shows that optimal time in between children varies from family to family, but most experience the most positive results when placing their children anywhere from 18 months to 3 years apart.
ETA: FWIW my sister and I are 14 months apart. My mom loved that we were so close and didn't want it any other way. DH and his brother are 6 years apart. His mom didn't want them too close, but didn't plan on them being so far away. I think that whatever happens, you'll figure a way to make it work.
That being said, my babies are 13 months and 2 days apart. The second pregnancy was much harder on my body and I truly feel like I missed out on a lot of my son's first year because I was uncomfortable, the size of a blimp, and focused on preparing for baby #2.
Now that baby #2 is here, it is beyond exhausting. Exhibit A: my son is just learning how to climb, but my hands are often full with a severely colicky baby. One baby ends up screaming. I either have to let my son learn the hard way, or constantly set the baby down in a hurry (usually interrupting feedings, etc) in order to go catch my son... who, in all reality, will do whatever it is again the second I turn around. It has been really challenging. Because they are supposed to be sharing a room, SO and I have been taking turns sleeping on the couch (11 weeks and counting)* so that baby doesn't wake up toddler during the night. I absolutely love both of them, and there are incredibly precious moments where my son acknowledges the baby and shows love towards her, but personally, I would have waited a while.
*Since SO and I can't even sleep in the same room, it has taken a toll on our relationship. Again, we love our family, and each other, but there has been no intimacy, serious exhaustion, and many more chores to battle over. We also spend close to $200 a month on diapers alone, plus around $250-300 a month on formula.
I will piggyback off of @BarrettJ89 even though she now has 2, that even with just our 1, LO has definitely taken a toll on my relationship with DH. We have had to work through a couple of tough issues already regarding our relationship and intimacy is the last thing on my brain after a long day at work and then coming home to LO and a house that needs tending to.
However there are a lot of advantages to having 2 under 2. They are close in she and will go to school together eventually. DS has turned his jealousy around and is now helping me out with simple things with the LO. It's also still fresh in my mind... All the milestones and what to expect at doctor visits, etc.
I would say I had DD at the perfect time. DS can go to daycare and start learning some things he would in preschool--that would free up my time as well, he is potty trained so I found that people are more willing to help babysit him, he is old enough to understand that the baby is more dependent on me and than him... I wouldn't have it any other way.
I really want to TTC #3 when DD is in preschool at least 4 years from now, but do I really want that big of an age gap and to start all over from the beginning when things are supposed to get easier? DH would be on board with a third but at least start trying a year from now. I'm just dreading that having 2 under 2 again is going to be even more difficult because DD has proven to be more difficult than DS.
DS#1 born 02/19/2013
apart. It's lovely. My brother and I are also 4 years apart. He was
my baby and it looks like dd and ds are going to have similar relationship. We are close, and we never had issues growing up. She adores her baby brother and helps out a lot. She has her moments where she wants to be the center of attention but she's four so it goes with the territory little bro or no. She so sympathetic to the nursing thing she still has good memories of it since she stopped at 3.5 years. She gets me water and her brother a blanket. She will shake a rattle for him if I have to go to the bathroom. After ds got his shots he fussed all night and heard her tell dh she felt bad for me. She's old enough for me to feel
like I have someone to talk to during the day since newborn days can be lonley and long. She's struggling a bit with her feelings about being a big girl though. And this makes me sad. I need her to be more independent with the toilet, she needs help with buttons and wiping and she's trying...there's been a bit of regression in other areas too. And it hurts to see it. With two I feel like I'm robbing Peter to pay Paul. But at least she's old enough to have insight and that's a blessing.