Adjusting with a toddler

eswany1

I'm having a hard time with disciplining my 3 year old I feel like everything he had has been taken from him ever since my daughter has been born. He goes to grandma for daycare along with his baby sister and his baby cousin. The only thing he seems to have issues with is listening. Does anyone else feel this way? What can I do to get me thru this along with helping my 3 year old listen better? 

redfallon

What's been taken from him? 

I have a 2.5 year old daughter and she's been adjusting pretty well, I think. She goes to preschool two days a week. I think it helps that she gets to do that on her own without her baby brother. Do you do things only with him sometimes? 

As as far as listening, I think that comes with the territory of having a three year old. Mine is starting to show more willfulness every day, but it's normal right now. Amazingly, time outs or threats of timeout work with her. 

Cejiml

I will admit my 3 yr old has been awesome with baby brother but really acting up with us. She was good at first but has gotten worse over the last month. DS is 3 mo old today. I read up and it seemed like it was a cross be teen new baby, needing attention, and exercising her control. And I have a VERY STRONG WILLED kiddo. I read up a little and I'm trying to be really affectionate with her now. DS was colicky so up until about 2 weeks ago it was 80-20 in the attention. Now things have calmed a bit and I can be free a little more. They said she is fine at school and it's part of it and it will phase out eventually. 

eswany1

I stayed home with him 2 days a week so he had my full attention 4 days out of the week. It's harder on me than him. He does really good with her I keep him involved for instance helping puck out her clothes. 

We had a situation with my step mom this weekend when my child wasn't sharing with another child (her own grandchild) it was going both ways neither wanted to share she grabbed my sons wrist hard and she turned red in the face raised her voice and said if you can't share your going to the other room by your self . All this happened right In front of me..... I picked up my child and said he doesn't deserve to be treated that way and I took him to the other room. I just cried I felt so bad. Maybe I'm being alittle protective idk but I don't think lashing out on him like that was necessary over sharing. 

redfallon

eswany1 said:

I stayed home with him 2 days a week so he had my full attention 4 days out of the week. It's harder on me than him. He does really good with her I keep him involved for instance helping puck out her clothes. 

We had a situation with my step mom this weekend when my child wasn't sharing with another child (her own grandchild) it was going both ways neither wanted to share she grabbed my sons wrist hard and she turned red in the face raised her voice and said if you can't share your going to the other room by your self . All this happened right In front of me..... I picked up my child and said he doesn't deserve to be treated that way and I took him to the other room. I just cried I felt so bad. Maybe I'm being alittle protective idk but I don't think lashing out on him like that was necessary over sharing. 

Uh, no. That lady needs a major chill pill! Wtf?

blended10

Yah - as a step mom myself that's no way to be! Sorry that happened. 
2.5/3 yr olds are crazy. Threenagers
and it only gets worse (& better in other ways). I try to have one-on-one time with my son - even if it's just running to the store- and also telling him how awesome he is & celebrating big boy stuff he can do (like get himself 100% ready). Some days are better than others- that's for sure. 
Be easy on yourself - they won't even remember these little moments - just the overall tone of how you are.

eswany1

redfallon said:

eswany1 said:

I stayed home with him 2 days a week so he had my full attention 4 days out of the week. It's harder on me than him. He does really good with her I keep him involved for instance helping puck out her clothes. 

We had a situation with my step mom this weekend when my child wasn't sharing with another child (her own grandchild) it was going both ways neither wanted to share she grabbed my sons wrist hard and she turned red in the face raised her voice and said if you can't share your going to the other room by your self . All this happened right In front of me..... I picked up my child and said he doesn't deserve to be treated that way and I took him to the other room. I just cried I felt so bad. Maybe I'm being alittle protective idk but I don't think lashing out on him like that was necessary over sharing. 

Uh, no. That lady needs a major chill pill! Wtf?

thats what I was thinking

eswany1

blended10 said:

Yah - as a step mom myself that's no way to be! Sorry that happened. 
2.5/3 yr olds are crazy. Threenagers
and it only gets worse (& better in other ways). I try to have one-on-one time with my son - even if it's just running to the store- and also telling him how awesome he is & celebrating big boy stuff he can do (like get himself 100% ready). Some days are better than others- that's for sure. 
Be easy on yourself - they won't even remember these little moments - just the overall tone of how you are.

I just don't understand her. I don't think you have to yell discipline...... Talking in a normal tone gets the issue solved faster. I constantly get told you need to discipline more. The thing is I do discipline just nt by yelling and most times I don't have to use time outs or anything either. My child minds well. I don't see why they have to be like that! 

Im glad you have input on the step mom part of this

redfallon

eswany1 said:

blended10 said:

Yah - as a step mom myself that's no way to be! Sorry that happened. 
2.5/3 yr olds are crazy. Threenagers
and it only gets worse (& better in other ways). I try to have one-on-one time with my son - even if it's just running to the store- and also telling him how awesome he is & celebrating big boy stuff he can do (like get himself 100% ready). Some days are better than others- that's for sure. 
Be easy on yourself - they won't even remember these little moments - just the overall tone of how you are.

I just don't understand her. I don't think you have to yell discipline...... Talking in a normal tone gets the issue solved faster. I constantly get told you need to discipline more. The thing is I do discipline just nt by yelling and most times I don't have to use time outs or anything either. My child minds well. I don't see why they have to be like that! 

Im glad you have input on the step mom part of this

I can use a low, quiet, almost whisper with my daughter sometimes when she's going off. Other times, if she's in full on meltdown mode, I have to use more of a short, sharp tone with her to get her to pay attention to me. Then I can use the low voice. 

soccsm13

DS turns 3 on Saturday and has been driving me insane! He's super strong willed and I feel like I spend my entire day bargaining with him to do anything! It's so frustrating. I spend lots of 1-1 time with him when DD naps, but it is never enough for him it seems and he says "mommy play" about 500 times a day, especially when I'm feeding his sister. We go places just the 2 of us but then when DD comes he is mad and wants her to stay home. He starts preschool next week so I'm hoping having his own place will help. Or it might make it all worse. We'll see! 

Thankfully he is really sweet with DD after a bit of a rough patch weeks 4-8ish. 

soccsm13

I should add that DS climbed out of his crib a few weeks ago. He isn't napping now and sleeping less at night. He's so over tired so that transition has been really rough and added to the frustration.

blended10

Lets pretend you don't, in fact, discipline your child- that still doesn't make it anyone else's job. Their choice is to speak to you about it - not do it themselves!
and in fact that's how I "discipline"- I say "here's your choice, you can share the toy with cousin or we can put the toy away"
if my son is being really passionate about the perceived injustice I empathize with him, hug him, calm him down...then we discuss the choices. 
It took my in-laws a while to understand this approach but now he's 5 & very well behaved. He still has his moments, like all of us, but I treat him how I think any human should be treated. Child or not.
imagine someone grabbed your wrist & yelled at you? And that person was physically much larger & someone you trusted? How terrible. 
Sorry for the rant