Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

How is everyone doing? Check-in week of 3/28

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Re: How is everyone doing? Check-in week of 3/28

  • @Cubslove12 coworkers can royally suck during things like this. You don't like them enough to share your personal life, but at the same time you just want to tell them to shut up because there are others going through their own hardships as well. I understand 100% You should take a day off if you need one. I took 2 off through mine. One the day before it all happened (a friday) and then the following Tuesday. That Tuesday i literally stayed in my pj's all day and didn't leave the couch. It was very therapeutic for me.

    @riversong15 she's not too bad with that, but she's very judgmental, so part of me worries that she'll be supportive and understanding to my face, but then be annoyed that I'm complaining when i was able to conceive right away. I think those are my own insecurities though and I need to let go of it. Sorry you're still in limbo  :( really hoping for some resolution for you very soon.
    Me: 30  DH: 31
    Married 2010
    TTC since Nov. 2015
    BFP#1: 2/8/16
    MC: 3/19/16  :'(
    BFP#2: 9/3/16   EDD: 5/17/17

    mommy to the cutest rescue mutt ever.
    my chart
    RiverSong15
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  • @roxgibbons thanks for the kind words. 
    I hope you have a good trip. I also planned a big trip the day after my MMC was discovered. Its a 3 week vacation in the summer and I'm both looking forward to it and dreading it. I want to be happy during the vacation and hope I will be... but I'd rather be 35 weeks pregnant at that time and staying home. Sucky. 
    **** TW - kids and loss mentioned ****
    ~~ married 8.11.07
    ~~ DD1 1.16.11 ~~ DD2 1.3.14 ~~
    ~~ BFP3 12.22.15 MMC 2.29.16 @ 13 weeks ~~
    ~~ 2 D&Cs (3.1.16 and 3.10.16) for MMC
    ~~ BFP4 10.27.16  MMC 1.23.17 @ 16 weeks ~~ D&E 1.26.17 ~~
  • Hey all, I'm sorry this weekend was rough for so many. There was a baptism at my church before Saturday night services and I just sobbed as that little baby cried. Lots of triggers at holidays :(

    I have been better. I'm starting to get test results back from our infertility testing, and my FSH is high and AMH is really low, which together indicates diminished ovarian reserve. This makes my losses sting even harder - we are running out of time. I am likely to go through early menopause, and our chances of conceiving even with IVF are very low, like 14% low. It is possible our best chance will be to use a donor egg, and the thought of having a baby that isn't biologically mine is so depressing. We are making an appointment with a specialist and will continue TTC until then. This is just so unfair.
    me 30; DH 35
    TTC since May 2014.
    Aug 2014 BFP, EDD April 22, 2015. Low progesterone, started suppositories. Loss at 5w6d.
    Nov 19, 2015 BFP at 13 dpo, EDD July 29, 2016. MMC discovered 12/29 (9+4). Natural miscarriage 1/16 (12+1).
    AMH results 0.42, 1.2; FSH 12.1, AFC 10, dx DOR. 
    RPL testing results normal. Nurse recommended progesterone suppositories in TWW.
    Clomid + trigger + TI cycle August 2016 - failed. Thin lining.
    Femara + trigger + TI cycle December 2016 - failed. Thin lining.
    Short LP (8 days).
    Acupuncture & Chinese herbs starting January 2017, lengthened LP to 10 days 

    Summer 2016 LFAF awards: 



    Winter 2016/2017 LFAF awards:

  • I am so sorry @AL_TwinCities.  Hugs.  
    About me:
    /loss mentioned/
    TTC#1 July 2014
    dx: MFI (morphology)
    IUI #1 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Sept. 2015 ~ BFN
    IUI #2 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Halloween 2015 ~ BFN
    IUI #3 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Thanksgiving 2015 ~ BFP!!
    hb 146 bpm at 7w5d
    1/28/16 ~ began to say goodbye to our beautiful baby at 11w 
    d&c, followed by cytotec
    TTCAL April 2016
    IUI #4 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Apr. 2016 ~ BFN
    IUI #5 w/Clomid + Ovidrel ~ CP
    IUI#6 w/Clomid + Ovidrel ~ BFN
    AL_TwinCities
  • I'm so so sorry @AL_TwinCities. There are no words. Hugs.
    AL_TwinCities
  • roxgibbonsroxgibbons member
    edited March 2016
    I'm so sorry @AL_TwinCities. Hugs to you.
     ****TW: Pregnancy, loss and children mentioned****
    Me (39) DH (40) 
    From my first marriage DD: 03/04 CP:01/06 DS:12/06 
    DH- no kids
    ******************
    TTC: since 2/15, RE Consult 9/15
    IUI #1 10/15: Letrozole = BFN 
    IUI #2 11/15: Letrozole + trigger = BFN
    1/08/16: Surprise- BFP!!  2/16/16: MMC @10w 2days,  D&C: 2/17/16
    TTCAL: May 2016
    IUI #3 5/27/16: Letrozole+trigger=BFN
    IUI #4 06/24/16: 7.5mg Letrozole+trigger= BFN
    IUI#5 08/24/16 Menopur+trigger = BFN
    IUI #6 09/19/16 5 mg Letrozole +Menopur + Trigger= BFN
    **10/2016: No more medicated cycles, TTCAL on our own**
    12/03/16: BFP!! EDD: 08/12/17 It's a girl!! 
    Eleni was born on 8/14/17!!
    AL_TwinCities
  • I'm sorry to hear about your results @AL_TwinCities :(
    AL_TwinCities
  • @AL_TwinCities I'm sorry to hear about your test results. I hope that the specialist has more answers or ideas for you. 
    Pregnancy Ticker
    AL_TwinCities
  • @AL_TwinCities  I'm so sorry to hear this! 

    AL_TwinCities
  • KirchettaKirchetta member
    edited March 2016
    Hi all,
    I'm feeling miserable.  It's been a little over 2 weeks since my miscarriage, after struggling with infertility for 17 months.  Today I had my post-MC follow-up with my doctor.  A tiny bit of positive news amidst all this misery is that I successfully miscarried naturally. I passed everything on my own and my body has very much healed itself, as it is supposed to do, so I am glad about that, and that I won't need any additional procedures or medication to finish this process. Now I'll go back in two weeks for another blood draw to see if my HCG levels are dropping. My doctor says it takes about as long for the levels to return to zero as it took for them to increase in the first place, so that would be about 8 weeks for me, I guess, since I was 8 weeks along.  After my levels are back to zero, I'll probably have to take Provera to induce a period, as I don't ovulate on my own, and then start all the infertility treatments again.  I can't even fathom the big long road ahead of me...It is overwhelming.

    Everyone here is on my mind. Thanks for keeping me on yours.  :blush: 

    AL_TwinCities
  • Thanks everyone. I really appreciate all of the support on this board!

    @kirchetta I'm so sorry. Loss after IF is like rubbing salt on the wound :( hugs to you!
    me 30; DH 35
    TTC since May 2014.
    Aug 2014 BFP, EDD April 22, 2015. Low progesterone, started suppositories. Loss at 5w6d.
    Nov 19, 2015 BFP at 13 dpo, EDD July 29, 2016. MMC discovered 12/29 (9+4). Natural miscarriage 1/16 (12+1).
    AMH results 0.42, 1.2; FSH 12.1, AFC 10, dx DOR. 
    RPL testing results normal. Nurse recommended progesterone suppositories in TWW.
    Clomid + trigger + TI cycle August 2016 - failed. Thin lining.
    Femara + trigger + TI cycle December 2016 - failed. Thin lining.
    Short LP (8 days).
    Acupuncture & Chinese herbs starting January 2017, lengthened LP to 10 days 

    Summer 2016 LFAF awards: 



    Winter 2016/2017 LFAF awards:

  • @Kirchetta I am so sorry. Hugs to you. 

    @AL_TwinCities ...my heart is breaking for you. You are such a kind and thoughtful person -- truly compassionate. I wish there was something more I could say or do. Sometimes the world just doesn't make sense. I am sending you a PM. 


    AL_TwinCities
  • @AL_TwinCities I am so so sorry. I can't imagine the heartbreak and string of emotions you're going through right now. I know there are no words that will help, but I'm thinking of you.  <3
    Me: 30  DH: 31
    Married 2010
    TTC since Nov. 2015
    BFP#1: 2/8/16
    MC: 3/19/16  :'(
    BFP#2: 9/3/16   EDD: 5/17/17

    mommy to the cutest rescue mutt ever.
    my chart
    AL_TwinCities
  • @AL_TwinCities I just saw your update :(  my heart breaks for you. 
    AL_TwinCities
  • @AL_TwinCities I'm so sorry to hear about your update.    Hugs to you.  (& also hello, lady!!!)

    @kirchetta I'm so sorry.

    ***newbie intro***

    Hi ladies,

    I hope it's ok that I join you here from N16.  I found out from my midwife yesterday at 6+1 that my latest hcg went down from its value 4 days earlier and she is expecting a mc in the coming days.  I stopped taking Progesterone yesterday and I am currently in limbo waiting to lose my first pregnancy.  So. many. tears.  A few of my fellow TTGP grads recommended I come here to walk through this with you all.  I will probably just keep lurking for awhile, but I wanted to introduce myself and let you know I'm here and I'm a newbie rooting for all of you.  This is hard, I hate that this is such a reality with pregnancy.
    me . early 30's | h . mid 30's | < 3 . 2013

    ntnp #2 . summer 2018

    *siggy warning*

    ttc#1 . jul 2015
    mmc . mar 2016 | 6w2d
    dx PCOS (non-IR) / subclinical hypothyroidism . summer 2016
    tx metformin, levothyroxine, LP progesterone, femara + trigger + ti . fall/winter 2016
    BFP! . jan 2017
    DD . oct 2017

    AL_TwinCities
  • Welcome, @virginiaham sorry you are going through this.  Being in limbo is the worst and I hope you get answers soon. 
    virginiaham
  • Sorry to find yourself here @virginiaham...I have found this board really helpful, we are here for you anytime. 
    virginiaham
  • @kirchetta, I'm so sorry for your loss. Hugs.

    @virginiaham, I'm sorry you find yourself here. This board, as well as TTCAL when you are ready, is wonderful and supportive. Don't be afraid to reach out for help or support if you need it. Sometimes it helps just to know you are not alone. Hugs.
    virginiaham
  • As for me, I've started spotting, so I suspect I'll MC today or tomorrow. This is especially cruel, as I dreamt last night that we went to our next ultrasound and saw an embryo and a heartbeat. My subconscious sucks.
  • @virginiaham I'm so sorry for your loss. My miscarriage was my first pregnancy too. It takes away a bit of the 'perfect' image of pregnancy when you find yourself on this side of the statistics. It's physically and emotionally draining, but as everyone else has said, this entire board is beyond helpful and supportive. I hope you can find some comfort in this amazing group of ladies. 
    Me: 30  DH: 31
    Married 2010
    TTC since Nov. 2015
    BFP#1: 2/8/16
    MC: 3/19/16  :'(
    BFP#2: 9/3/16   EDD: 5/17/17

    mommy to the cutest rescue mutt ever.
    my chart
    virginiaham
  • @RiverSong15 hugs to you.  My heart is going out to you, especially today.
    me . early 30's | h . mid 30's | < 3 . 2013

    ntnp #2 . summer 2018

    *siggy warning*

    ttc#1 . jul 2015
    mmc . mar 2016 | 6w2d
    dx PCOS (non-IR) / subclinical hypothyroidism . summer 2016
    tx metformin, levothyroxine, LP progesterone, femara + trigger + ti . fall/winter 2016
    BFP! . jan 2017
    DD . oct 2017

    RiverSong15
  • I know this is a MC/Loss board, but I am adding another layer of ***TW*** here.

    I posted yesterday morning that I was in limbo waiting to lose our first pregnancy.  Yesterday afternoon I miscarried naturally.  Thank you ladies for the words of encouragement.  I'm hurting but already finding myself trying to peer into or, worse, engineer my timeline of grief:  when do I hop into TTCAL or back into TTGP? when do I apply for that job I am wanting? etc.  I think I'll just let myself linger awhile longer and hurt here.  This is not how it was supposed to happen, but I'm so glad (& heartbroken) to know I'm not alone and I'm in truly amazing company.
    me . early 30's | h . mid 30's | < 3 . 2013

    ntnp #2 . summer 2018

    *siggy warning*

    ttc#1 . jul 2015
    mmc . mar 2016 | 6w2d
    dx PCOS (non-IR) / subclinical hypothyroidism . summer 2016
    tx metformin, levothyroxine, LP progesterone, femara + trigger + ti . fall/winter 2016
    BFP! . jan 2017
    DD . oct 2017

  • @virginiaham, again, I'm so so sorry for your loss. Know that there is no timeline on grief, in either direction. Whether you are ready to move on to TTC now or need a few months off, there is no "right" amount of time. Similarly, there are no "shoulds" in grief either - every feeling is valid, good or bad. And you are always welcome here - whether it's one day or one year, or even longer, after your loss. Hugs.
    virginiahamBrightenMySky
  • @virginiaham I am so sorry for your loss.  In terms of boards, linger, lurk, post, wherever you would like.  I was on the Infertlity/TTTC boards before this, and I feel like I'm not ready to be back there yet.  Not quite TTCAL yet either.  I would just give yourself time to grieve and feel whatever it is you are feeling.  It's ok to cry, have moments of happiness or distraction, stay in bed, get out and do something.  It's all ok.  
    About me:
    /loss mentioned/
    TTC#1 July 2014
    dx: MFI (morphology)
    IUI #1 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Sept. 2015 ~ BFN
    IUI #2 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Halloween 2015 ~ BFN
    IUI #3 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Thanksgiving 2015 ~ BFP!!
    hb 146 bpm at 7w5d
    1/28/16 ~ began to say goodbye to our beautiful baby at 11w 
    d&c, followed by cytotec
    TTCAL April 2016
    IUI #4 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Apr. 2016 ~ BFN
    IUI #5 w/Clomid + Ovidrel ~ CP
    IUI#6 w/Clomid + Ovidrel ~ BFN
    virginiaham
  • Just caught up on things here. My heart is so heavy for everyone here.

    @AL_TwinCities
    I'm so sorry about your test results. You're in my prayers!

    @kirchetta, I'm so sorry for your loss and that you find yourself here. The ladies here are wonderful, though, and it's a great place to find support.

    @virginiaham, I'm so sorry for your loss as well, and found that lurking here does help to know you're not alone. This is a great place to post and receive support too. Everyone is understanding if you go MIA for a while and then pop out of nowhere again. (I do it!)

    I found out Monday that we can't have genetic testing for our loss because the tissue sent was only my tissue. I feel like the last thing I held onto is now gone. I know it's nobody's fault, and not being far along, that this was a possibility. I just feel so much more empty and gutted now. It didn't help that the nurse who called to deliver this news sounded as cheerful as ever, and tried to blame it on ME. She told me that "you must have passed it all at home and didn't bring in an adequate sample." Obviously she didn't read my chart to see I had a D&C...I'm slowly beginning to hate my OB office but can't switch to another practice without paying ridiculous out of network fees.

    I'm definitely more depressed this time around with this loss. It doesn't seem like random bad luck when it happens twice. I've considered asking for an antidepressant, but I don't know if it's worth it if I'm going to turn around and stop taking it when we do get to TTC again (and by then it will probably just start to really be effective). Not only that, but I feel like this is more of a situational depression, not a clinical depressive disorder. Do/have any of you see(n) therapists for your losses? Did you find it helpful?
  • @Wishilivedinflorida I am sorry that they were not able to do testing, and how terrible of that nurse.  And I think that talking to someone could be a really good idea.  You can look on https://www.psychologytoday.com/ for people who focus on loss in your area.  I think it's important to choose someone with some experience/expertise.  When I saw a random person about IF issues, it felt like she had no understanding of the common emotions that accompany fertility treatments, but I have found someone who specifically lists IF & loss, and she is much better so far.  
    About me:
    /loss mentioned/
    TTC#1 July 2014
    dx: MFI (morphology)
    IUI #1 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Sept. 2015 ~ BFN
    IUI #2 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Halloween 2015 ~ BFN
    IUI #3 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Thanksgiving 2015 ~ BFP!!
    hb 146 bpm at 7w5d
    1/28/16 ~ began to say goodbye to our beautiful baby at 11w 
    d&c, followed by cytotec
    TTCAL April 2016
    IUI #4 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Apr. 2016 ~ BFN
    IUI #5 w/Clomid + Ovidrel ~ CP
    IUI#6 w/Clomid + Ovidrel ~ BFN
  • @virginaham I am so sorry for your loss and that you are here with us- however, this board is full of supportive women so please reach out whenever you need to. I personally float between boards and even though I'm benched for now I go on TTCAL on occasion and even lurk on PGAL when I need some hope. Like others have said there is no timeline when dealing with this crappy situation. 

    @Wishilivedinflorida I'm so sorry about the nurse. As if going through a miscarriage isn't hard enough, a little kindness and tact would have gone a long way. It baffles me that she didn't take the time to read the chart and see that you had a d&c. Sometimes medical professionals are so insensitive. When I was at my OB's office and we found out our baby had passed, when I walked out of the room and passed the nurses station (sobbing) they wouldn't even look at me, eventhough they knew what had happened.It was terrible- I find my RE's office much more compassionate. 
    I considered taking antidepressants when I was really having a tough time and it seemed that I was having more bad days then good but like you mentioned I knew I didn't want to be on them when I would be cleared to TTC and since I knew this was situational and not clinical I decided to see if it would get better and it has to some degree. I haven't seen a therapist yet but have considered it, once things calm down at work. The link @BrightenMySky sent is a great source so you can find someone who specializes in loss and grief. I'm sorry for all that you are going through. 
     ****TW: Pregnancy, loss and children mentioned****
    Me (39) DH (40) 
    From my first marriage DD: 03/04 CP:01/06 DS:12/06 
    DH- no kids
    ******************
    TTC: since 2/15, RE Consult 9/15
    IUI #1 10/15: Letrozole = BFN 
    IUI #2 11/15: Letrozole + trigger = BFN
    1/08/16: Surprise- BFP!!  2/16/16: MMC @10w 2days,  D&C: 2/17/16
    TTCAL: May 2016
    IUI #3 5/27/16: Letrozole+trigger=BFN
    IUI #4 06/24/16: 7.5mg Letrozole+trigger= BFN
    IUI#5 08/24/16 Menopur+trigger = BFN
    IUI #6 09/19/16 5 mg Letrozole +Menopur + Trigger= BFN
    **10/2016: No more medicated cycles, TTCAL on our own**
    12/03/16: BFP!! EDD: 08/12/17 It's a girl!! 
    Eleni was born on 8/14/17!!
    virginiaham
  • Thank you @roxgibbons and @BrightenMySky for the kind words and advice. I'm going to see how the next week or so goes. I'm feeling the fog starting to lift today. I think the changing hormone levels are really wreaking more havoc this time around as well. Not that I think I'm a slave to hormones by any means, but I definitely feel physically and emotionally different this time and it's hard to explain. Anyhow, today was a better day and I'm so thankful for that. 
    BrightenMySky
  • ThePax89ThePax89 member
    edited April 2016
    The 2ww has ended. With my period. Awesome. :( 

    Is it normal to assume that any month that I don't get a positive hpt that I did conceive, but miscarried? This is me. I assume my body is incapable. I make light of it, but it sucks. I miss my babies. So so much. I know my son should be kicking away in my tummy now. 

    Ive deleted my Facebook app. I'm in a bmb from my daughter and it's too much. I can't deal with it. Everyone and their cousin is pregnant and maintaining pregnancies. 
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