How is everyone doing? Check-in week of 3/28

AL_TwinCities

How are you all doing this week? Any questions or anything we can help you with? 

GTKY: what is one of your favorite books?

Spartanrd4

Had a pretty good weekend- Saw 2 movies: Batman v Superman for the DH and My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2 for me....it was nice to have a good laugh (didn't mind the eye candy with Ben Affleck and Henry Cavill either!) Was tough to see all the happy little Easter families yesterday on FB, had to kind of avoid social media yesterday. Today I would be 13 weeks and it is still tough to think of where I would be right now with the pregnancy. 

I think I am finally done spotting from my D&C...no ovulation indicated yet per my temping but hopefully will this cycle even though I read that sometimes you don't your first cycle after MC. Next week I will go to the OB for my follow up. 

I love to read, I have so many favorite books but I loved the Harry Potter series. I think those were the last books that I literally could not put down. My favorite writer is Stephen King- I have read almost every book he has ever written. 

Hope everyone has a good week and had a happy Easter....hope this week finds you one step closer to healing from your loss. 

MooFish2364

@Spartanrd4 I agree...it was really hard looking at happy family/baby pics on social media yesterday. I looked for about 10 minutes and decided not to get back on the rest of the day. I also love Harry Potter! It's exactly what I was going to say here. 

MooFish2364

No questions for me really. I think I will be o'ing today for possibly the first time post loss. It seems to be right on schedule which is exciting. Hopefully the DH and I can get some BDing done tonight! 

The Harry Potter books are by far my overall favorite books of all time. I just love them. I also love the author Charlaine Harris. She wrote the Sookie Stackhouse books that the show True Blood is based off of (the books are way better than the show). 

BrightenMySky

I thought AF was finally coming last week (d&c was 2/1), so I went in for my baseline u/s with my RE, and it turns out I still have retained material that he did not see last time.  HCG was 180.  I think if I didn't have the dog stuff going on (discussed more last week, my greyhound just got diagnosed w/osteosarcoma), I would be more upset about this, but at this point I'm kind of resigned, assuming I'll need a hysteroscopy, etc.  

I really liked the book The Art of Racing in the Rain, and I might reread it now as my dog is nearing her end of life.  I need to do some reading.

@Spartanrd4 I want to see Big Fat Greek Wedding 2, as well as the Boss (and then Ghostbusters when it comes out!).  I am looking forward to having a reason to laugh.  

@MooFish2364 hope your cycle is back on track and things are getting back to normal physically for you.

iceandsnowflakes29

@MooFish2364  LOVE the Sookie  Stackhouse books. Now I want to re-read them  

chloe97

I'm doing pretty crappy. Since our bad u/s in Thursday,, I wake up every morning and it takes a minute for the reality to set in. Mornings are the worst. I emailed my doctors office to get cytotec, though I'm starting to feel a little bit more activity down there- no bleeding yet. I'm not sure whether I should take it tomorrow or Wednesday. Luckily I work from home today so I can sit at my desk and cry all day if I need to. 

Just getting through the physical miscarriage is my first step. Second step is finding some sort of new hobby. I'm thinking about going back to Pilates. I need to find a studio around here that is convenient. I also am thinking about training for another longish race. Maybe a half marathon?

@spartanrd4 Movies are the best distraction. I saw Brooklyn and The Big Short this weekend. Both were incredible. I'd like to see My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2. Loved the first one. Also the Easter pictures yesterday were pretty freaking horrible. We found out we were definitely miscarrying yesterday so it was just like insult to injury. 

@brightenmysky I'm so sorry about the retained tissue and your dog. It sounds like you are going through a lot.

My favorite book of all time is Gone With the Wind. It's so much better than the movie, which I also loved.

MooFish2364

@BrightenMySky I'm sorry that you are still going through all of this. I'll be thinking of you and hoping that things start resolving for you. 

@iceandsnowflakes29 I've re-read some of them but would like to read them all over again. I just might after I finish the new Charlaine Harris book that I just ordered. 

@chloe97 I'm sorry that you are going through such a hard time. I'll be thinking of you as well as you go through this whole process. Starting a new hobby sounds like a great idea. Hopefully it will take your mind off of everything even if just for a few minutes and give you something to look forward to. 

chloe97

Thanks @MooFish2364.

I guess I do have a question. Has anyone heard of anyone having bad side effects from taking cytotec? I just want this miscarriage to be physically over, but I had a D&C last time and I had issues in my recovery. I probably won't do another D&C again unless I REALLY have to. I'm turning 37 very soon and I do not want to wait 4 weeks to miscarry, but I don't want to rush into the decision and find out later that my D&C + Leep procedure made me more likely to have uterine rupture. 

ETA- Was anyone able to start miscarrying naturally by using acupuncture?

BrightenMySky

@chloe97 sorry for what you are going through and I do not have any real answer to your question--my cytotec experience was not bad, but it was post-d&c (so I'm sure that made it less painful) and did not fully work to get everything.  What I did want to suggest is this workout video channel we signed up for (it's an app and on Roku, called Daily Burn)--they have pilates, plus all kinds of other exercises (I was getting into the MMA and the dance videos)--if that sort of thing appeals.  The videos are something a little different. 

HLD3194

Weekend was pretty good. Weather was amazing so it was nice to spend some time outside and to enjoy the sunshine. I saw 2 more friends post pregnancy announcements and like everyone else it seems they're all in September (When I was due). I have removed the fb app from my phone and don't think I will be going on it much anymore. I finally for my 1st AF since D&C, so dealing with some pretty good cramps. Kind of bittersweet but at this point I am so emotionally drained I just want to move on and look ahead. Having nice weather helps because I can go outdoors for walks with the dogs or play in the yard or just sit on my deck with a big ol' cup of coffee and a nice book or sometimes I just sit there and stare of into nothingness and enjoy the silence. I feel like I have really been connecting within myself and realizing what I truly want in life.

I liked the divergent series but the movies are not so good. Also liked the kite runner and room. Would really like to see the movie Room now especially since it won an Oscar.

Sorry for the long rant

SnobunnieMel

@Spartanrd4 we were previous due date buddies, I just realized that. Went on a date with my parents for Greek wedding as well, and I agree, it felt nice to laugh like that again 

no no real questions today. Just watching my temps just around like mountain peaks, waiting for O or AF, I'm 4 weeks post d&c Wednesday so just waiting on anything to happen I guess. 

I I am a huge book nerd. I am always rereading the Harry Potter series in the background of other books as a nice escape. My favorite from forever ago is "the chosen" by Chaim Potok and also The Art of Racing in The Rain. 

mtvkv5

Hi all, I had a miscarriage/chemical pregnancy on Saturday at 4w5d. It was my first pregnancy and we tried for 3 months. I am benched until after my next AF, possibly longer if I am not emotionally healed by then. I'm not really sure where to hang out until we try again.

Did any of you tell your family after your loss if you didn't tell them you were pregnant yet? I am really close to my mom, and she knew we were trying but we didn't really talk about it much. I am pretty emotional now and I know she will ask what's wrong, but I don't know if it would make things better or worse for me to tell her.

GTKY: My favorite books are the hobbit/LOTR series. My dad used to read me the hobbit when I was little before bed, and I read the whole series in HS. I re-read them every now and again.

RiverSong15

@MooFish2364 and @crazypt2285, I also can't do social media anymore. I deleted FB off my phone after my last MC, and I think it helped me move on faster. I realized that I always felt worse after checking Facebook, so what was the point?

@BrightenMySky, so sorry to hear about the retained tissue.

@chloe97, again, I'm so sorry you're going through this a second time. I'm glad you can work from home today. Hugs.

@mtvkv5, we told my MIL only because she is visiting us right now, and I couldn't hide what was happening. She's been OK about it, but has said some insensitive things. I'd say it all depends on how you feel and whether you think family would be understanding.

RiverSong15

As for me, I'm not doing great. There is so much other crap going on in our lives right now, it's just too much. My MIL has been staying with us and has been ill, so we've been taking care of her. My mother is severely depressed and refusing treatment of any kind (meds or therapy) even though it has had a profound impact on her finances, which has fallen on our shoulders. Our garbage disposal broke on Friday and we've had a backed up, unusable sink for three days while our landlady tries to get the handyman here. And we found out Friday night that our car got recalled by Honda for one of those Takata airbags (basically, we were driving a death trap for 4 years). They gave us a rental car but won't be able to fix our car for six months. Yes, months. And now I have to figure out how to transfer our city permit parking to a rental car this morning. Oh yes, and I've been sitting here on hold with the ultrasound place for 15 minutes this morning trying to get an appointment scheduled so I can get out of limbo and move on. I just want to crawl under my desk and hide....

ETA: books! I love Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings.

JDMRS

@chloe97 I did acupuncture and it started the miscarriage within 24 hours but ended up going for the D&E because my hemocrit levels were so low and my OB was worried about how hard the process would be on my body. I had an iron infusion this morning and I'll be going back once a week for 3 more weeks.

BrightenMySky

@RiverSong15 that is terrifying about the airbags, and sounds like that plus the house stuff is a lot of headache you don't need right now.  Sorry about it all, plus your MIL and mother stuff, on top of the limbo.  

@mtvkv5 we had already told immediate family about the pregnancy so told them about our loss.  I think whether you tell or not depends on whether you think you would get support from your mom or not.  Even though my mom said some less supportive things and could not identify with how I was feeling, she was generally helpful.  

chloe97

@RiverSong15 I'm so sorry to hear about everything else going on in your life right now. What an f-Ing nightmare. One of those things would be enough to send me over the edge, but all of them? You got to be kidding me. Sending hugs your way.

@JDmrs thank you for your reply. I called my acupuncture place and they are having me come in an hour. To be honest, I'm not a huge fan of this place because the cost so much ($140 per session with herbs) and b/c the worst insomnia of my life started after a treatment and my baby stopped developing the same day as my last treatment. Maybe both are coincidences, but they are certainly not doing what they are supposed to be doing. Hopefully they can't mess this up. 

@mtvkv5 I have been very open about my 1st MC and will be with this one as well. I am open for 3 reasons. The first is that  it sucks and it's nothing to be ashamed of. If you were in the hospital for getting your tonsils out would you tell them? Why wouldn't you tell them about an even more traumatic medical/emotional issue. Second, it stops people from making really hurtful comments. I'm not sure about you, but if another relative/friend asks me when I'm going to have kids again, I'm going to breakdown and cry. Why not head them off at the pass and save them and yourself the embarrassment. Finally, I need the support. I've been battling pretty bad depression and anxiety. I wish that I could say it got better after 3 months, but it didn't. H can't be my only support. I need others to lean on and talk to. Also the more people I told, the more people who I found out we're going through the same thing.

iceandsnowflakes29

@chloe97  I tool cytotec on the 11th. I did not have any complications on it. I bled 10 days and spotted 2 days. I passed the sac the night of the 11th. 

Make sure you get pain meds! 

ladipale

Hello - I haven't checked in in a few weeks because I feel like my life has been a shit show - but i'm trying to get back to the real world....

Ended up having a 2nd D&C on 3/10 (first was 3/1 and missed all the pregnancy tissue and perforated my uterus) - 6 days later had a super horrible bleeding experience - should have gone to ER probably but instead I got a Rx for methergine and stayed home and bled and passed massive clots for 6 hours. Had my follow up with OB last week. I'm feeling super scared for the future. This was my 3rd pregnancy and 1st loss and it happened close to 13 weeks. Waiting for pathology/anora results and hoping it shows something and this wasn't my body's fault... I'm really scared to try again. I'm anxious for my body to get back to its cycle, but we think we are waiting to try again until June/July which feels so far away and I can't figure out how to fill the time until them.
And i'm getting 'old' (35)
And I'm still spotting which is this awful/constant reminder that I'm not pregnant anymore
And my sister is having her 4th kid a week after my due date - I haven't seen her since my loss and don't want to.
And I'm can not stop googling shit and freaking myself out - Anyone have suggestions for this?

I read a ton! All different genres. My latest favorite was The Martian. 

AL_TwinCities

@chloe97 I miscarried naturally with acupuncture and herbs. It took a week and a half for the MC to start after my acupuncture appointment, though, so it wasn't immediately effective.

Wishilivedinflorida

@chloe97 I think I'm going to train for a half marathon as well. We have one locally in July, which I don't think is unreasonable for me. I'm sorry you have to go through Cytotec. 

@RiverSong15 I continue to admire your strength! Hugs. 

So Easter was awful. I had to work, which was fine. I actually welcomed the distraction. I'm still spotting after my D&C Wednesday. However, we had to go to DH's grandmother's house for coffee and dessert. I already didn't want to go, but the plan was a short stay. Unfortunately, DH's cousin promptly announced she is expecting her 4th child, due pretty much right after my EDD. Nobody in the family knew about the 2nd MC, and only my inlaws knew about the 1st. I wanted to curl up in a ball and die and couldn't show it on my face. So our departure was abrupt because I could not hold it together. And then we had to tell my inlaws because they were worried about why we weren't eating and left so suddenly. It was awful. I have no babies, she gets a 4th. So cruel. Deep down I AM happy for her, but I can't muster the emotion right now. 

I also checked on my on my path reports since I work at the hospital where my D&C was done. Nothing back on genetic testing, of course. But I did read my outpatient records. Found out the heart rate WAS low on my initial ultrasound (they didn't tell me a number, but assured me things were fine). I'm furious. I didn't want false assurance, I wanted truthfulness! I would have been more prepared that I was losing this baby too just like the last time instead of blissfully ignorant that lightening can and does indeed strike twice. Now I'm frantically trying to figure out why we keep seeing heartbeats that stop. 

I am so over things. I want to move on with testing and work up but I'm afraid we won't find an answer. I know that's actually a good possibility. I just don't know when we will have the heart to try again. I'm hoping in a week or two this fog will lift and I'll feel better. The emotion is so raw right now. 

Anyhow, sorry for the rant. Hugs to everyone. 

ladipale

@Wishilivedinflorida - hugs! The family member with close due date is such a sting. I'm right there with you. I'm sorry for your 2nd loss. Does your OB suggest testing at this stage? 

jatwal128

@Spartanrd4 How was the superman/batman movie? DH wants to see it but I heard it got very mixed reviews. And yay for being done spotting!

@moofish2364 FX for Oing and for well-timed BDing!

@brightenmysky It must be beyond frustrating that nearly 2 months after the D&C you still have retained material. Hoping they're able to get you moving forward soon. And lots and lots of hugs to you and your furbaby 

@chloe97 So sorry that you're having a rough time, I know it's absolutely awful. I agree with @iceandsnowflakes29 about the pain meds. Everyone is different, but it's a good idea to have them just in case you need them. The last thing we should have to go through is intense physical pain along with the already tough emotional pain.

@crazypt2285 i'm glad you got your 1st AF since your D&C. I'm sure it's very bittersweet, but at least your body is moving forward.

@snobunniemel FX that you get some sort of regularity soon! Waiting is the hardest part

@mtvkv5 i'm sorry for your loss. this is a great place to hang. I've only been around for a little over a week and can already tell how supportive this group is. We had told our immediate family and a few close friends, and luckily they are the ones that have been a great support for us while we go through this.

@riversong15 You have so much going on in your life! I wouldn't be able to manage while dealing with our own emotional roller coaster. I don't think anyone would blame you for crawling under your desk and hiding! FX that things with your mom, MIL, garbage disposal, car and limbo situation work out soon!! Thinking of you!

@ladipale The intense bleeding sounds horrible! I'm glad you were ok without going to the ER. I understand the fear and anxiety. Hoping that you find some results that will help put you at ease just a bit.

@wishilivedinflorida I am so sorry for the awful Easter you had. I have yet to hear of a new pregnancy since our loss, but I can imagine it is almost unbearable to have to sit through, especially this soon. I also completely understand your anger regarding the low heart rate. I still suspect that we had the same situation and they didn't tell us anything, which is beyond infuriating. Why not arm the two people who created this life with as much knowledge as you can? I will never understand. Thinking of you as you navigate through this 

I'm doing ok this week. Luckily we spent most of the day on Easter at my in-laws and the only people who knew were his parents and his sister. I'm not a huge fan of his extended family, so I'm glad i didn't have to field questions and fake sympathy from them.

I called this afternoon to get my numbers from my second blood draw. The first was done 2 days before the actual MC and my numbers were at 12,000 (i was supposed to have been 10 weeks) The second came back in the 500s, so i guess that's a good improvement? I'm having a third draw this Thursday, so i'm anxious to see if they decrease by a good amount again. I'm not cramping anymore so I'm hoping that's a good thing. As most of us, I'm ready to move past this and waiting for my body to get on board is tough. I just keep worrying now that there is something staying behind that hasn't come out yet. All i can do is wait.

I'm finding that I am kind of avoiding one of my closest friends who just had her first baby. Not because of the baby, but because i know she'll want to ask how i'm doing and let me vent/cry, but I feel like i can't with her. She had a very difficult time conceiving and they had to do an iui. so part of me feels like i'm over here, obviously able to get pregnant but going through a tough time of my own, and worrying that it'll turn into this "who had it worse" thing. Hoping this feeling passes soon 

Wishilivedinflorida

@ladipale My OB office is so laid back and has been largely unhelpful besides offering early US this last pregnancy. Current literature supports starting RPL work up after 2 losses with no prior history of live births because the subsequent MC rate is pretty much the same between history of 2 or 3 losses. Thankfully my family doc is more proactive and will do some labs for me (thyroid, clotting disorders, etc) to be ahead of the curve. My in-network RE won't see us until 3 losses, though (hoping we don't get that far!)

Spartanrd4

@jatwal128 I liked the movie but DH thought the other movies were better...I dunno I think all the superhero movies are the same. Basically setting up for Justice League movies in the future. You should check it out though!

1inthehopper

Giant hugs for everyone, sounds like rough weekend for many.  

Rough  weekend here-- found out about ectopic and got methotrexate shot Fri.    Lots of pain Saturday until called and dr prescribed pain meds. Yesterday pain was better but I was sad I wasn't physically or emotionally up for going to church so my DH took our daughter.  Back to clinic for labs this morning- HCG decreased by about 100 so hopefully good sign that I won't need another shot. More labs and see dr Fri afternoon.  Today lots of cramping and spotting started. I was glad numbers are starting to decrease which means I'm in less danger of rupturing but devastated because it means baby is dying.  So many conflicting painful feelings.  

1inthehopper

@mtvkv5 we hadn't told anyone about pregnancy but now are telling close friends and family.  I agree with many of you- we needed the support and especially with me going through the physical stuff too we needed help with DD as we go through our grief.  

MooFish2364

@mtvkv5 we didn't tell anyone that we were pregnant but told our parents when we knew I was going to have to go in for a d&c. It was nice because my mom came with me and my DH the day of my procedure. I'm pretty sure that if I'm lucky enough to get pregnant again that we will celebrate with our parents and possibly siblings. after this loss I decided that I was going to celebrate my pregnancy no matter how long it ends up lasting. I really wish that I would have celebrated this pregnancy while I had it. Maybe it would have seemed more real and I could have enjoyed it more even though it was short lived. 

JDMRS

@chloe97  How did your acupuncture session go? 

chloe97

@jdmrs Good, I feel some activity but no bleeding yet. Hopefully it starts soon. My Ob is sending me for another u/s before giving me cytotec.

iceandsnowflakes29

Hey everyone,

I'm doing better. My anxiety is at a manageable level. There's nothing really going on which, I am thankful for. When I was actively miscarrying everything was happening at once and it feels like I'm just now able to take a breath. 

I LOVE to read. I have a BA in English Literature. It's a useless degree by itself lol. I need to tack something on to it

My favorite classics are anything Shakespeare, I LOVE  Poe, and of course Austen and Bronte. 

Non classics I love 50 shades, twilight  (yep!), The Black Jewels Trilogy, HP,  Sookie Stackhouse series,  Gabriel ' s inferno series, I could go on 

lilylover27

Hi Everyone,

New to this board, we found out on 3/22 that our first baby had stopped at 8 weeks and had no heart beat, I should of been 12 weeks that day. I think the hardest part is that I didn't know for roughly 4 weeks that there was anything wrong. I decided to do Cytotec instead of a D&C and administered the pill on 3/24 in the evening and by early morning on 3/25 it had started. I cannot know for sure if it was everything but the experience was something else. Nothing and I mean nothing can prepare you for it. I went back to work yesterday, 3/28, just trying to get into the swing of things. I have moments where I can function but other moments I am completely numb and cannot will myself to do anything. DH has been great and we have been getting through this together but I feel such an emptiness that I cannot explain. I know it will take time to grieve and move on but I feel as if I am on the verge of tears all day. I don't have my follow up with my doctor until 4/15, but thinking about changing OBs after this experience as they were not very sensitive and seemed annoyed when I called with questions regarding the Cytotec and my follow up visit, which they said I do not need an ultrasound at which I found weird because how can they tell everything was evacuated?

As far as books, I have read so many that it is hard to choose! I read Still Alice not too long ago and loved it so I will stick with that one for now.

jatwal128

@lilylover27 i am so sorry for your loss. It is a traumatic experience and one I wouldn't wish on anyone.

I felt the same way about my OB and am definitely switching. They didn't show any concern and didn't even tell me to come in for a follow up! ( i MC naturally). i had to beg them to at least do blood work to track my numbers down to 0. As soon as that happens, i'm finding someplace else. I'm sorry you had the same experience. It makes everything so much worse.

Edited for words

RiverSong15

@jatwal128 I'm sorry you feel like you can't vent to your friend. Does she usually play the Pain Olympics? If not, maybe she'd be understanding and sensitive?

@wishilivedinflorida, I'm so sorry you didn't get straightforward information from your doctor. That is just unacceptable. Hugs.

As for me, I'm stil in f---ing limbo. Went for another ultrasound at a specialist place this morning, and the gestational sac and yolk sac grew to 6+6 (so, I lost another couple days), but there is still no embryo. At this point, I'm thinking it's a blighted ovum and my body didn't get the message, but I'll have to see what my OB wants to do. The ultrasound doctor said they usually do a repeat ultrasound in 10-15 days. That's a long f---ing time to be in limbo. I just want an answer either way so we can move forward. 

BrightenMySky

@lilylover27 I am sorry for your loss.  I would definitely encourage you to look for a new OB if you think you'd feel more comfortable.  I had actually already decided to switch to a midwife group because I didn't like my OB group even before the loss, but unfortunately I didn't make it that far, and the OBs were consistently not compassionate during the loss as well.  It sucks and makes an already devastating situation all the more difficult.  Hugs.

@RiverSong15 I am sorry you are still in the wait and see stage.  Sending you more hugs.

chloe97

Oh no @RiverSong15 I'm so sorry! I can't believe they could make you wait 10 more days. Hopefully your OB lets you come in sooner if they really need to do another scan.

As for me, I have an u/s at 2:30. My levels only rose by 3% Thurs-Sat so I'm hoping they can officially call it after today and give me cytotec. 

SnobunnieMel

@lilylover27 I am so sorry that you have to meet us this way, but this is he most supportive group of strong women I have ever met. Hopefully we can help you through these times. That numb doesn't ever go away but you learn when to prepare a little more. I would definitely switch OB is you are not feeling the support you want. It will be even more necessary if you decide to try again, an understanding doc is needed for the increase in anxiety next go around. 

RiverSong15

Thanks @BrightenMySky and @chloe97.

chloe, I hope you get the resolution and answers you need from your appointment today.

JDMRS

@RiverSong15 My heart aches for you at the thought of you having to spend any more time in limbo. I am so sorry that you're being left without answers for so long. Hugs. 

Cubslove12

How are you all doing this week? Any questions or anything we can help you with? 

This week has just been a roller coaster of emotion. I was able to talk with some family members at Easter who are in the medical field/ have also has miscarriages. I went back to work and I have no patience, a co-worker was recently diagnosed with a gluten allergy I watch her eat gluten all the time. On Monday she sat in the office complaining about how she had to fast for 24hrs and how her gluten allergy isn't getting better (Well I wonder why...) I wanted to snap at her and be like I had to fast for close to 24 hrs this week while still having pregnancy symptoms (extreme nausea due to hunger) while waiting to have my second D&C in 4 months.... Want to keep bitching? Normally I'd be more sympathetic... 

I think I might have to take a day off from work this week I think I just need a day to mourn and be sad, i haven't really had the chance with the holidays and trying to find a house. 

GTKY: what is one of your favorite books? LOVE reading, I agree with Harry Potter and Sookie, I also love teaching Night and To Kill a Mocking bird