UO Thursday

jomama1618

(Starting early cuz I'm bored lol)

I know you've get them, so let's hear them! 

jomama1618

My UO is that I like a bunch of baby shower games! I am amused they are being played at my showers (although it will be made crystal clear that they are completely optional) and can't wait to include that stuff in his baby book.

LadyFleck

My UO is that I think it is pointless to get indignant about people commenting on our pregnancies, whether positively or negatively.

I get that there are just some straight f#8&ed up things people say (like that one slore who commented that wearing heels caused someone's miscarriage, ugh!) but honestly, the experience we are going through is a pretty public thing once we hit a certain point (i.e. when that belly becomes waaaaaay obvious). People ARE going to comment.

In 99.9% of the cases, people are excited about our pregnancies and want to share in our joy and we should let them, and forgive them for maybe not being so tactful. And for those who view our "condition" as dreadful, then that's their loss. I just don't see the point in getting ANGRY over it. Every time. It's more stressful to be upset than to just let it go. Do we really need more stress right now???

oneliloaktree13

It's actually more healthy to relieve your anger than keep it bottled up inside, so if someone is being rude and hurtful about your pregnancy you don't just have to sit there and take it. You're an adult and if another adult thinks that it's ok to say something hurtful and rude you're completely with in your rights to get angry and let them know what they said is unwelcome. Bully's are bully's no matter what situation they present themselves in. 

ButterMyBiscuit

Way to go @joberkiser! I love that other members are starting the fun!

Also, my UO is that I LOATHE the term "dirty thirty." All of my friends have been forewarned that if they say it in reference to my birthday, it won't be pretty. I just think it's stupid. Turning 30 doesn't make you dirty or the years themselves aren't considered dirty. Are we really just making up phrases because they rhyme? STUPID.

ButterMyBiscuit

@LadyFleck I understand that this is an UO thread but I just want to respond to yours..

As a woman, I don't feel comfortable with ANYONE commenting on my body at ANY time. Why is pregnancy different? Just because I have boobs does not give someone the right to give their remarks on what they think of them. Just like having a big belly does not mean that it's okay for someone to tell me their opinion of it. AND if they DO make a comment, I have EVERY right to be upset or feel whatever I feel about it. After going through this once before, I am STILL not prepared for the idiotic shit that comes out of other people's mouths. I do not excuse them because they "mean well." If they don't understand that what they're saying is hurtful, they will continue doing it to others.

oneliloaktree13

@ButterMyBiscuit I got called fat yesterday, and then they tried to play it off like it was just a silly comment because I'm pregnant. I see no difference than being called fat pregnant to being called not pregnant. Why does anyone think it's ok to be rude and get a free pass because my uterus is the size of soccer ball.

ButterMyBiscuit

@oneliloaktree13 No one gets a free pass to insult others. I hope you gave them the death stare.

maddmama

@ButterMyBiscuit going off what you said - I think people comment even more on pregnant bodies because we are women - and people are constantly commenting on women's bodies: too fat, too skinny, too hairy WHATEVER. And that pisses me off to no end. If our pregnant bellies are considered public then so are our breasts, right? They're both bumps under our shirts. Neither of those have anything to do with anyone else (well our pregnancy has to do with our husband/significant other/baby daddy). It's our body and they (meaning anyone) really have no right to comment on it at all unless they are a medical professional in a medical setting or if we ask for their feedback or thoughts. I believe that no matter if the comment is hurtful or nice, random people I don't know, or even those I do who bring it up out of the blue without me talking about it first have no right. All in all, our bodies are not things to be commented on. They keep us warm, alive, breathing, walking etc etc. Similar to the fact that we weren't given breast to be constantly sexualized, I feel we weren't givin the experience to grow a child to be commented on by others. I think my rant is over. Who knows. Pregnancy brain has been bad lately I can't remember anything. 

stillcozy

@LadyFleck I think it's fine that you don't want to let comments get to you but it's kind of judgemental to tell everyone else to just let it go. Hurtful comments don't not hurt because you just brush it off and mean things still make people angry even if you forgive. 

I am am also going to disagree that it isn't 99.9% of people because they are excited it's often strangers or people who are not close with us so I don't think these people are truly excited for me and my pregnancy, as someone who has struggled with an eating disorder I don't have to accept people saying harsh or thoughtless things about my body and I hate to be the one to say it but I can't just "let it go" when someone tells me how huge I am it creates immediate anxiety for me and I have a right to inform them how inappropriate and hurtful that is to help them learn. If you don't want let comments "create stress" for you go for it but please  don't dictate how the rest of us should react or feel. 

nopegoat

I will overlook a comment or two but when I can't even grocery shop without constantly getting basically verbally assaulted over and over again it's down right infuriating. Some people are just twats others are just ignorant. I hope by speaking up and calling them out on their BS comments they will at least think twice when they do it again.  

quartz02

I loathe the term "food porn" (or anything-porn)

nopegoat

Also the comments do not stop once you have the baby.  I have three boys, pregnant with boy #4. I can't tell you how many times I get told "I'm so sorry". MY BOYS HEAR THAT SHIT!!!!  They are young right now and don't get it but I am dreading the day they do. 

oneliloaktree13

@ButterMyBiscuit I did, even had the strength to not say what was in my head, which might have been along the lines of,"Well at least I don't smell like death because I'm old as F."

ButterMyBiscuit

kdm06c said:

Also the comments do not stop once you have the baby.  I have three boys, pregnant with boy #4. I can't tell you how many times I get told "I'm so sorry". MY BOYS HEAR THAT SHIT!!!!  They are young right now and don't get it but I am dreading the day they do. 

I'd turn around so the boys couldn't see and be all..

elldel

Call me crazy, but I don't think anyone has the right to comment on my body, whether I'm pregnant or not. It's just rude. 

arhodes6

I haven't had any unwanted comments yet on my pregnancy and I have snarky responses stored up for when it happens. I wonder if it's because I have resting bitch face and look totally unapproachable. I bet now that I say that I will get unwanted comments everywhere I go. 

stillcozy

@elldel that picture is amazing ! 

maddmama

UO I've seen so many times - F yeah I consider myself a Fing feminist. 

Kellyj103

I agree with @oneliloaktree13 if I'm angry it is way more healthier for me to vent than to bottle up my anger. I wish I could let some comments roll off my back and let it go but it's not always the case. I'm really thankful to have this venue to release my frustrations and be able to vent about some of the stupid things that l'm told. As for people just "being happy" for me, I'm not entirely sure that's true either. Sometimes people make our bodies, our symptoms, even our inexperience the butt of their jokes. For someone who is really sensitive and emotional right now, that shit ain't cool. 

nopegoat

@ButterMyBiscuit my response usually is,  "What?! Why?!  I love it and wouldn't have it ANY other way!!"  with a disgusted look on my face. I like your response better lol

LadyFleck

Haha looks like my opinion is pretty unpopular, which I figured it would be!

I totally get that everyone has varying levels of tolerance, sensitivity, and ballsiness (is that how you spell that) when it comes to responding to comments from others. And @Lindsayleigh1989, my comment was not meant to be judgy of other women for those differences.

In fact, it comes from a place of wanting everyone to not feel so unhappy when it inevitably happens. I hate seeing other people unhappy and I wish I could wave a magic wand for everyone (here and in real life) to be able to block out the unwanted comments. So when all you ladies get stressed and angry about something that more often than not wasn't not MEANT to be hurtful, I wish it just *POOF* didn't bother you.

And I'm not commenting on whether these outsiders are right or wrong for what they are saying, or for saying anything at all. The fact is....it IS going to happen, and we only have control over what we do about it. Some like to get feisty and react (and there are days I get feisty, believe me), but in general, I don't see the point in letting it ruin my day.

As for those d-bags that do mean for it to be hurtful....they deserve all the wrath we can muster. I think a few of you have some MILs that fall into that category.

ButterMyBiscuit

@LadyFleck I hear what you're saying but I wish it was the other way around. That we, as women, were not forced to be the ones to let things go. I wish others would think before they speak and stop their hurtful comments before they ever came out of their mouths. Rainbows and glitter though..right?

nopegoat

@LadyFleck I think if more people actually called them out for stupid comments, meant to be hurtful or not, that they would happen less which helps everyone in the long run. 

deuxbouledogues

@kdm06c  Oh I would lose my shit if someone said "I'm so sorry" about all boys. Within ear shot or not, that is terrible.

LadyFleck

@ButterMyBiscuit Always.

[Deleted User]

Can I just love all of everybody's comments? I have been dealing with people commenting on my body all pregnancy-first it was that I was showing too early for a FTM, now that I'm not showing enough, and am I gaining enough weight? Because I need to be thinking about the baby, not myself. These comments really hurt me. I struggled a bit in high school with an eating disorder and sometimes comments like these make my head go right back there, and that's not a good feeling. Now with my bp struggles and worrying about whether or not my baby is getting the nutrients and everything else she needs to be healthy, these comments just break my heart. I understand that it's not good to be stressing about these comments and letting them ruin our day, but that's why we have this outlet and these supportive ladies, to vent and de-stress from everything, because it's better to let things out than to keep them bottled up inside until you lose it. 

If people feel the right to comment on our bodies while pregnant, they will also think they have the right to comment our our babies and our parenting styles, which is also NOT ok in my book. This is why it's important for me to shut it down now before they think they can get the idea into their head that they have free reign to say whatever they want later. People don't know what's going on or what has happened in our lives, they don't know everything we have dealt with, and should really think about what they want to say before they say it. If it has potential to hurt someone who has gone through a difficult time with body image or if there are complications in the pregnancy that might be making that person worried/nervous, it should not be said. End of story. It may not be the right way to think, but I personally always assume that not everything is sunshine and rainbows with a woman's pregnancy, or that she may have had some kind of body image issue in her past, and make a point not to comment on her weight or anything, but rather just tell her that she looks great and hopefully make her feel day just a little better by not being one of those rude a$$hats.

I have so much more I could say about this, but I will stop because this is getting really long and words are hard, so I will end my rant. 

nopegoat

theshannondee said:

@kdm06c  Oh I would lose my shit if someone said "I'm so sorry" about all boys. Within ear shot or not, that is terrible.

It happens more than you can imagine along with Oh I hope you get a girl next time,  etc. Just my last shopping trip I got those comments from 5! different people. 5!!! Those "well meaning people"  just don't get just how hurtful it can be, not only to me but to my boys as well. I mean could you imagine being a kid and basically hearing that they aren't good enough over and over because they have a particular genitalia?! 

ButterMyBiscuit

@schaze
 

quartz02

@kdm06c I applaud you for not losing your shit. Those comments must get SO old. Nevermind 5 in one shopping trip!

deuxbouledogues

Not exciting...but I am just curious to see where people fall on this one as they seem really popular. I find Lofthouse cookies to be the most disgusting things ever. Even as a kid I found them gross and now as a teacher I still can't avoid them.

oneliloaktree13

I think the golden rule of, "if you have nothing nice to say, you should probably keep your rude mouth shut." still applies. 

nopegoat

@quartz02 it's insane.  Which is why people need to speak up and tell them it's not OK, whether they mean well or not. 

austinjl

Oh I really like those Lofthouse cookies!!!!!!

my UO: I just read a fb blog written by a woman who decided she does not like pregnancy and I find myself agreeing with her.  That said, I am super grateful that I am pregnant and will hopefully have a happy, healthy baby at the end of this which I am so looking forward to.  However, I could do without the physical and emotional craziness that comes along with pregnancy.

agradi

@austinjl I say it all the time that pregnancy and I hate each other. We don't get along. I love the outcome but, there are few things I enjoy about being pregnant. Some people don't get it because they have easy pregnancies. I had HG with DD, puked every day with her except maybe 8 days. This time, no HG but, major joint pains, constant nausea, lack of sleep, absolutely zero energy... It sucks. I can't wait for my son to be here though. 

My UO and it might have been voiced last week BUT... Peeps make me want to puke. They're disgusting and I hate them. Hubs likes them, and so does one of my sisters. Just blech. 

oneliloaktree13

My u/o, I side eye anyone who buys a bunny during Easter for their kids then dumps them off at a shelter because you're crap kids are bored with it.

nopegoat

theshannondee said:

Not exciting...but I am just curious to see where people fall on this one as they seem really popular. I find Lofthouse cookies to be the most disgusting things ever. Even as a kid I found them gross and now as a teacher I still can't avoid them.

I mean they are cookies. I don't discriminate against cookies. 

elenabrent

My sister and I went to a book store yesterday and we were talking to the owner (an older lady). She asked if my sister was having a boy because of how she's carrying (she's having a girl) and then looked at me and said "I KNOW that's a boy because you've got ALL THEM TITTIES" (I'm having a boy). 

My UO: I am still laughing about that. 

arhodes6

@kdm06c I have a friend who has 4 boys and is pregnant with her 5th. She was in a grocery store and someone asked if she was FINALLY having a girl. Her oldest son answered "It's another boy. We don't know how to make girls." Haha I died hearing that story and thought you might find it cute  

abpl2014

theshannondee said:

Not exciting...but I am just curious to see where people fall on this one as they seem really popular. I find Lofthouse cookies to be the most disgusting things ever. Even as a kid I found them gross and now as a teacher I still can't avoid them.

I totally agree with you! I think they are too sweet and sugary and totally dislike when my students bring them as a birthday treat! Ha 

oneliloaktree13

@elenabrent that's too funny, only time I wouldn't be upset with a pregnancy comment.