My lo was 5 weeks early, but is now officially one month old. So far I have been ebf and there are times I love it and times I get beyond frustrated from the lack of sleep. My resentment is towards my SO. I have been so considerate of him and I feel none in return. He was not very involved with my pregnancy; he blamed it on not being able to have the same connection as me- I was understanding and did not push him. My pregnancy grew more complicated and landed me in the hospital on several occasions towards the end; he often grew frustrated with the frequent trips- I was understanding and apologetic. We had to feed and grow for a week after she was born because she had lost too much of her birth weight. I roomed in and he complained a majority of the time I asked him to come up and help saying there wasn't anything for him to do because she was always sleeping- I tried explaining that she was up every 2 hours eating and I was not sleeping, but I let him off the hook. He had one week of vacation once we got home, but we constantly fought. Being that I was ebf I did most if not all of the baby work so he treated the week like a personal vacation and complained when I asked for his help late nights and would dramaticlally sleep in and complain the next day about his lack of sleep-ha! I finally broke and went crazy on him and threatened separation. He stepped up a bit by helping around the house and watching her while I slept. My anger and resentment now is that he chooses his computer over us (he runs a small eBay type business that he enjoys but is not necessary)- I've had computer smashing fantasies. Tonight I asked him to watch her until the next feeding so I could get a measly hour of sleep- she screams for 30 minutes until he busts in the room saying we have spoiled her. Every time he put her down she cried and would stop when he picked her up. I tried explaining to him that her stomach hurt and the pressure and motion helped ease the pain, but also acknowledged his thoughts by saying that yes she may just want the comfort. As soon as he gave her to me I layed her on my chest and she fell asleep almost instantly. After a while I moved her off of me and onto the bed-she screamed until I picked her up again. Thinking he may be right about us spoiling her I tried to comfort her without holding her- longest story ever-short- it was her tummy. After 30 minutes before I could calm her again I am livid. He is in the other room on the computer and I am still awake with her-going on 3 hours-when all he had to do was rock her, walk her or just comfort her until her next feeding ( hopefully getting her to sleep before) and instead, once again, I'm doing all the parenting. Even if she just didn't want to be put down why couldn't he just comfort her and spend a lousy hour of his time with her since he barely sees her?!
I honestly do apologize for the novel, but I'm at a loss. I guess I just need validation that I'm not crazy or hormonal. I am coming to a breaking point. She is a month old. Why is this still a struggle for him? I am trying to understand and he has a ridiculous amount of freedom, but this is getting old and I'm ready to throw in the towel. Is this normal for first time parents?