How to make mommy friends?

Kurrant

It's not that I am anti-social or anything, but I have a very hard time making female friends. Most of my friends back home are male. Actually after making this statement I can't name one actual female friend that I speak with more than once a year ( if that ) that isn't related to me. I moved from Rhode Island to Oregon then to Canada and now I am in New Zealand. I have avoided making male friends in NZ because I don't think MH would love the idea of me hanging out with a bunch of dudes so I have limited my male friend list to 'the guys' back home and he seems ok with that.  

Now that I am venturing in to mommy-hood I find myself with a major issue . . . I have no girl friends, let alone friends with kids. Where do you meet mom ladies?! The park I guess? What the heck do I say to them? " Uh . . . Nice kid ya got there." I guess I should have thought about this sooner but I feel like I am going to now end up with friends (assuming I can find them!) that I have nothing in common with other than having a child. This may seem like a real lame problem but I really don't want to end up at Lucine's first birthday with no one but Me, MH and MH's other kids. So, not only do I need mom friends but I need some little play-date babies for her to socialize with. She isn't going into Daycare but I have considered maybe using the local short term drop off center and letting her chill there for a few hours a week down the track.  Good idea or no? 

Anyone else ever have this issue? How did you make and find mommy friends? 

mcb2016

You could try meet-up groups or maybe a Mommy and me class? We've moved a lot and it is not always easy to meet new friends you click with right away.. 

TXmamatobe

I was skeptical at first but I really recommend looking into local moms groups. I found some through church but you can also find them at the local community centers or sometimes your neighborhood or city webpages. Around here we have church based groups, groups that plan play dates at local parks or rec centers, mom workout groups, etc. I've met a lot of really nice people. You'll meet a few crazy ones as well but that happens anywhere you go 

Bltbear82

I second local groups. I met my best mom friend through our neighborhood parent's association when our sons were 2 months old and we just celebrated their second birthdays. Granted I did meet a few moms that all we had in common was our kids, but you bond over that in the beginning and then you develop actual friendships outside of the kids. We also went to music class once a week and that was a great place to meet people, and it also was helpful for me to get out of the house regularly. 

proudparent2b

I definitely get where you're coming from! DH and I moved to a cliquish area where it's difficult to get to know new people because the vast majority of socialization happens via house parties. 

I'm planning on starting a young families group at my church if I can gain enough interest.

saraleigh2

I have this very same problem tho I can't blame it on moving.... I'm looking into mommy groups as others have said... Not sure what else to do. 

yogahh

I too have a hard time making friends and connecting. Believe it or not, I can be really shy in real life, and always afraid of being rejected!

I plan on enrolling us in some Mommy and Me yoga classes, as well as finding events in the area (we have a great FB page for local moms). I know our library has weekly readings that I thought could be a nice outing. Having these activities planned will also keep me from loosing my mind this summer and feeling like I am stuck in the house!

I am hoping to also meet other moms and dads via daycare. Also, meetup.com has a lot of events and activities you can check out!

LadySamLady

@yogahh

yogahh

LadySamLady said:

@yogahh

Blizzard date!!!!!!!

salbb

Yeah the same - was hoping to meet moms at prenatal yoga but now thinking maybe after baby is here people more open so plan on mom and baby classes... Am not a social media person which kinda doesn't help these days but loathe to start just to fit in!!!
here's hoping we all meet a mommy friend to keep us sane! 
So much harder without the usual social lubricants of work and bars!!! 

Kurrant

Thanks for the suggestions everyone. After I read a few comments about mom groups I started looking around and there are a few mommy and me type groups/classes around here that I wasn't aware of. 

I actually just got the Meetup app on my phone the other day to see if I could find some mom get togethers but it doesn't seem like it has hit NZ in as big a way as it has the USA. I found one group with two chicks who don't seem to do anything. I did find a "Americans in Auckland" group that I got a bit excited about till I saw that mostly they are dudes that go to pubs and drink . . . not really something that will be in my "outting" list for a few months. Besides, I spent my 20's in bars . . . MH and I are more of the 'snuggle to a good movie' types now with the occasional concert or musical thrown in for funsies. I suddenly feel like I became a boring adult . . .

balamama

I'm in the same boat being relatively new to my city and not having a ton of friends here and none who have kids. I'm hoping to meet people through daycare or nanny share, by going to music class and readings at the library, and by checking out the mom group that meets up to walk in the park with their babies (which I think I found on meetup.com). It's hard but I'm really hopeful it becomes more natural once I start spending more time with people with babies. 

kbrands7

I go through this too. My girl friends here are all related to me (though still incredible friends) and my few non-relative friends live across the country. I have mostly guy friends that are mutual friends of DH's and mine. We have a few couple-friends...which really have been when our mutual guy friends marry/get in a serious relationship. I also found mom groups to be helpful-- my hospital actually hosts one and the library does too so that women can debrief together in the weeks after birth and bring their babies along. It was great until I went back to work; the offerings for evening/weekend groups are pretty slim around here.

mumbolino

@kurrant Similar situation here, I'm also so far away from all my old friends and family. I started to panic and thought... what will I do once Mumbolino is born (he/she... can't stand calling baby "it" all the time:-)  and I also felt like I really needed  a support network, as I will stay home for 10 or 12 months. 
I went to a childbirth prep class and actually met a few lovely people there, and I have been catching up with two of them. Of course, just being pregnant is certainly not enough common grounds for a  friendship, buf if there's just one person at a class or a mum's group meeting... then you've won! 

doozer1345

I've met moms at the park (there are weirdos out there though). There is an organization called MOPS that is a bunch of moms who get together and support each other. I've met moms from DH's work. I don't have a ton of mom friends bc I don't have a ton of girlfriends. I don't feel like DD or I are at a disadvantage by not having many. The park is a nice place to have DD play with other kids without the pressure of having to befriend the kids moms.

lalala2004

I've joined a few local Facebook mom groups about things I'm interested in (baby-wearing, natural parenting, breastfeeding) and a lot of them have meet ups and play dates. I figure I'll probably hop in on those when the time comes. 

NB817

I would look into your hospital to see if they have a new moms support group. Mine did and it saved my life as I began to get stir crazy at home when DD was 3 weeks old. I've met some of my now closest friends at that weekly group not to mention DD has BFFs for life because it since they've known each other since they were a month old (now 3.5). 

mumbolino

Just thought of something else: I joined a local group that informs about childbirth / kids, etc... and they have a weekly meeting after birth where you take your newborn. You can discuss anything there and gives you a chance to meet other new parents. Maybe your hospital or another group near you offers that as well? 
I'm planning on going, for sure. Also: There are sports classes like yoga for mums and bubs, that might also be a good place to connect?

Kurrant

Yes, I've been thinking about taking a fitness class with babies involved. I heard some bad stories but I found one today that is really baby friendly and allows for crying babies, BFing breaks and nappy changes and so on. It sounds real chill and fun. 

My friend told me that his wife went to one and when her baby started to cry everyone got all huffy about it which seems really stupid to me. 

buffythevampireslayer

If you plan on breastfeeding, they have groups that are a great way to meet other mothers! My prenatal yoga class also has a listserve so mothers can connect. I am sure that once the baby comes, opportunities will come out of the woodwork. 

doozer1345

Oh yeah... La Leche League I believe have meetings every week

Pascal86

I second PPs on prenatal workout classes - I go to several, and don't know if we'll be great friends after the babies come, but I am starting to think I should request we go get a post-workout snack or something to get to know them better. We always hang out for a few minutes after class to bitch about being pregnant and it's been good bonding, so hoping to stay friends once the babies all get here.

dsmith211

My birth center actually just started a new mom's group this past week that they'll be doing once a week so at least while on leave I plan on going to that, plus LO is going to daycare starting at 12 weeks so hopefully I'll meet some people through there. There are also a few people at work that I think are having babies around or shortly after me so that might help as well.

I'm kinda firmly in the awkward/shy group... I had a very small circle of friends in school and we don't even talk now. But it's always been hard for me to socialize and make friends. Hopefully I can overcome that a little bit so LO can get some socialization going on.  

laurenmdrn16

NB817 said:

I would look into your hospital to see if they have a new moms support group. Mine did and it saved my life as I began to get stir crazy at home when DD was 3 weeks old. I've met some of my now closest friends at that weekly group not to mention DD has BFFs for life because it since they've known each other since they were a month old (now 3.5). 

This times a million!!! Most of my best friends have come from either my prenatal class or the new mom support group at the hospital. The support group was run by a lactation consultant and a nurse so we could ask any questions that we had but also just chit-chat and socialize. We would always go out to lunch after and it was so nice to have that sense of community. I remember we would line all the babies up in their bucket seats and if one started crying, whoever was closest would just automatically pick up the baby and soothe it or hand it to mama. When the babies got older, all the mamas would sit in a circle and the kids would just crawl around each other, playing and babbling. It was so incredible! And here we are 2.5 years later and the kids are all still best friends. My son is constantly talking about his buddies who we see all the time. We also babysit for each other since we are all local (I mean, we all delivered at the same hospital). I love that I will be able to tell Renzo that he "knew" some of his best friends before he was even born!

FTR, while I have a lot of acquaintances and know a lot of people, I don't really consider a large group my close friends. I am pretty guarded with who I let in and who I put the effort into. I think more people consider me a friend than I consider them a friend, if that makes sense. However, these mamas are the ones I turn to when sh*t is going down and who I lean on and who I run to when they need support. And I have found that my son really pulls me out of my shell. While we started off being "mommy friends" and mostly talking about our kids, now these ladies are my confidants and we talk about EVERYTHING. And the days I feel like cancelling a play date because I am just too tired or whatever, I feel so guilty about denying Renzo time with his friends so it forces me to get out there and I never regret it.

PYLWhammy

DH and I are both really socially awkward and mostly just hang out with each other. I know that mommy friends can be a great support system, but at the same time, I feel weird socializing with someone just because we both have a baby, you know? I dunno, I've always envied people who can socialize and make friends easily! 

girlmom2018

I joined my local Mom's club when my daughter was a year. It was the best decision ever! Weekly playgroups and I have made two really great friends with kids the same age and who will go to the same school with. Also, places like Gymboree are wonderful. 

NB817

PYLWhammy said:

DH and I are both really socially awkward and mostly just hang out with each other. I know that mommy friends can be a great support system, but at the same time, I feel weird socializing with someone just because we both have a baby, you know? I dunno, I've always envied people who can socialize and make friends easily! 

I get what you're saying but once you have a baby and are around other moms that are going through exactly what you are and can empathize in person over the things you're experiencing it bonds you. You'll see if you join a new mom group. Everyone is trying to figure out the best way to do things for and with their baby. You'll get great ideas and you'll share lots too because you'll need to vent it all.

bkjade

It's definitely been difficult to find people who have something in common with me and/or DH in addition to being mothers/fathers. We have met TONS of parents through our classes, hospital, breastfeeding group, prenatal yoga, etc, but I haven't found a single person I think I could hang out with outside of said classes. I probably sound like an asshole, but I'd like to have more in common than just having babies. It's like heyyyy we both have kids! Cool! Oh wow we have nothing else in common! Both of us are pretty busy keeping up with the friends we already have so that might play a part in it too. Also, we lead pretty non-traditional lives (I guess? Who knows what normal is anyhow?) we own a bar and work late nights, are not religious, covered in tattoos, etc. But man. . . there are some weirdos out there (I'm sure the other parents at these groups think the same thing about us)  

All of that aside, I do have to say that there are plenty of friend-making opportunities at baby+mama yoga and La Leche League. Also, being an active member of the community board (or whatever neighborhood council situation you've got) is a great way to get to know your neighbors and kids in your hood.