Need Support (Loss Mentioned)

linzylemonz365

 I had a miscarriage two weeks ago after TTC for two years. We were 6weeks along, that Monday I had seen my baby on an ultrasound, and later started severely bleeding.  We did fertility treatments to get pregnant this time and it had worked on the first try. We are waiting for my HcG to drop to 0. Last Tuesday it was at 90, This Tuesday it was at 12, hopefully next Tuesday it will be at 0. Anyways I talked to my Dr. about starting treatments again after we hit 0, and they said we will talk about it next week (They said it is likely, but want to look over everything to be sure its ok)

I talked to some of my co-workers about everything because I don't like hiding stuff (maybe I should have held back). One lady said that this is my bodies way of telling me that it is not ready for a baby, and I am putting myself at a risk of having another miscarriage because I am not being patient. My problem is that I don't have a period at all, I know we just had a miscarriage and trust me I am devastated but I cannot let this hold me back. For me I cant let go of hope that one day we will have a baby. I am young (only 22), but that doesn't mean that I am rushing my body or myself...... Right?

If anyone has a similar story I could use some help... I feel like they just don't understand how hard this has been for us, and how much of a journey this has been for us- they are pretty harsh saying I am doing the wrong thing.

DinosaurJumper

First of all, I am very sorry for your loss and so sorry to meet you here. I hope your treatment goes well too. Good for you for being so open! It can be so hard sometimes because I feel like people don't understand the pain of a loss and try to push on to a different topic or hang out for all the details when what you really want is just some support. While it is great for them being good listeners for you, I don't think it was right of them to say what they did. I hate that, "It just wasn't meant to be," "Better that it happened early and not later on," All valid points, but certainly not what one wants to hear! They'd be better off saying nothing and just nodding in empathy! In my personal opinion, you shouldn't let someone else make your decisions (That statement is totally contradictory, yeesh) It's all on you and DH, what you two what to do.

Another thing, I don't think I've met someone my age on here yet. I'm 22 as well and have been trying for over two years as well. Our stories are quite different of course, but I understand the frustration and confusion of infertility at such a young age. Stay strong and I hope you get your rainbow baby!!

lablover78

I am so sorry for your loss. I'm not at all in the same situation because I'm 37, but I have been trying for almost 3yrs. I regret not trying earlier as I've always wanted to be a mom and now feel I'm running out of time. You know when it is right for you and people who haven't dealt with infertility have no idea how it feels. It is honestly one of the most difficult things I have ever been through & I've had my fair share of life challenges. I hope you have some other people in your life who can be more supportive and don't listen to your coworker- completely insensitive and uninformed. 

ReesaAnne16

I'm sorry for your loss, that is very sad, especially after you have been trying for so long.
I think what your coworker said was very unkind, and I think she truly does not understand how the human body works. Lets hope her comments were made out of ignorance and not meant to be so cruel.
Even though you are lucky to have time on your side (being 22), it makes sense for you to be doing fertility treatments at this stage, since you've been trying for over a year on your own. This is especially true if you are not ovulating on your own. I don't think you are rushing your body beyond what it can handle (what does that mean anyway?)
Miscarriages are VERY common, but recurrent miscarriages are not, so there is a good chance the next one will stick. I would say the fact that you got a BFP once is a great sign, and when you're ready it's ok to keep trying with the treatment you've been doing (Clomid? Medicated IUI? IVF?)
Good luck to you

22mango22

I know how you feel, we have been through this same situation many times. There are no words I can say that will take away any of the hurt. Moving forward ASAP is something uou and hubby need to have a heart to heart about. If you had any of the baby tested I personally would wait untill those tests came back. But from experience there were times when we waited a year before we were ready to risk the heart break again, but more recently it felt right to dive in immediately after (twice in the same year actually). Its not your bodies way of telling you anything except that the treatment worked (to an extent). Things may need to be tweaked, but search your heart, if its time to try again do it, if you feel like waiting, then wait.

calfherder

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm sure your co-worker thought she was being supportive. Some people don't know what to say. If you feel that you are ready to try again, then that is what you should do. *Hugs*