Thank you! You're right too though! The whole thing is an every 10 yrs shot, but it can be given sooner for those around infants to keep the effectiveness at its highest against whooping cough.
I would ask them to stay at a hotel and I wouldn't feel one iota of guilt about it. Not one bit of guilt.
I have been on theBump since it started and one of the biggest regrets I see time and time again is from new moms who didn't put their foot down when it came to visitors and were too afraid of hurting feelings. They were miserable, so miserable and unfortunately they will never get those precious first few weeks back ever again.
When they did have a second child, they didn't give a shit. They didn't care if they made their parents mad, their ILs mad, even their husband mad. They put their needs first and of all of the times in your life when it is ok to put yourself first, this is one of them. They swore they wouldn't spend those weeks hiding in their bedrooms, having their guests eat all of their food, cleaning up after them or their husbands chauffeuring them all over town.
Just do the hotel. Trust me on this one. It is a nice compromise. You all will still get to have nice visits together but you will also get breaks from each other.
I would ask them to stay at a hotel and I wouldn't feel one iota of guilt about it. Not one bit of guilt.
I have been on theBump since it started and one of the biggest regrets I see time and time again is from new moms who didn't put their foot down when it came to visitors and were too afraid of hurting feelings. They were miserable, so miserable and unfortunately they will never get those precious first few weeks back ever again.
When they did have a second child, they didn't give a shit. They didn't care if they made their parents mad, their ILs mad, even their husband mad. They put their needs first and of all of the times in your life when it is ok to put yourself first, this is one of them. They swore they wouldn't spend those weeks hiding in their bedrooms, having their guests eat all of their food, cleaning up after them or their husbands chauffeuring them all over town.
Just do the hotel. Trust me on this one. It is a nice compromise. You all will still get to have nice visits together but you will also get breaks from each other.
This 100%. First time I was blissfully ignorant and didn't ever think I would have to set rules. Now I've had almost 2 years of enforcing rules and beliefs, this time DH and I are making reasonable requests to ensure we all enjoy this time with as few tears and as little frustration as possible.
@kbrands7@LadySamLady - I had whooping cough two years ago (sucked) and while talking to my doc (I was surprised because my Tdap was current per the ten-year recommendation) found out that Tdap effectiveness declines for pertussis after just two years.
I would ask them to stay at a hotel and I wouldn't feel one iota of guilt about it. Not one bit of guilt.
I have been on theBump since it started and one of the biggest regrets I see time and time again is from new moms who didn't put their foot down when it came to visitors and were too afraid of hurting feelings. They were miserable, so miserable and unfortunately they will never get those precious first few weeks back ever again.
When they did have a second child, they didn't give a shit. They didn't care if they made their parents mad, their ILs mad, even their husband mad. They put their needs first and of all of the times in your life when it is ok to put yourself first, this is one of them. They swore they wouldn't spend those weeks hiding in their bedrooms, having their guests eat all of their food, cleaning up after them or their husbands chauffeuring them all over town.
Just do the hotel. Trust me on this one. It is a nice compromise. You all will still get to have nice visits together but you will also get breaks from each other.
YAS!
I cannot agree more. After trying to accomodate friends and family the first time around and becoming pissed off, resentful, and emotionally drained from well-meaning visitors, I give zero f***s this time about anyone outside of my DH, my kids, and my dog. No overnight guests here and visitors only when we feel up to it.
@bkjade, thank you for the link. I have a family member arguing with me that they don't need it since they received it within the last 5 years. Now, I have a CDC website to show them that they'll be getting it again if they want to hold the baby.
Also, check out prices on Hotwire.com. I have used them a bunch of times and have always been happy and never paid more than $60 a night for a room and always get a free breakfast.
Remember, asking visitors to stay at a hotel doesn't mean you won't get lots of quality time together. It just means everyone involved will get breaks from each other. Who knows, they actually might like being in a hotel where they can have access to a free breakfast, a pool,a fitness room and housekeeping.
Now, that I think about it. Maybe I should have stayed in a hotel.
I would ask them to stay at a hotel and I wouldn't feel one iota of guilt about it. Not one bit of guilt.
I have been on theBump since it started and one of the biggest regrets I see time and time again is from new moms who didn't put their foot down when it came to visitors and were too afraid of hurting feelings. They were miserable, so miserable and unfortunately they will never get those precious first few weeks back ever again.
When they did have a second child, they didn't give a shit. They didn't care if they made their parents mad, their ILs mad, even their husband mad. They put their needs first and of all of the times in your life when it is ok to put yourself first, this is one of them. They swore they wouldn't spend those weeks hiding in their bedrooms, having their guests eat all of their food, cleaning up after them or their husbands chauffeuring them all over town.
Just do the hotel. Trust me on this one.
Trust this wise person. This was me and I still can't get over it. So many rules are being put in place this second time around, including some people who were waiting room warriors then house guests under the guise of "being helpful" are not coming until months out and then when they do getting a hotel. The guilt started immediately after the boundaries were in place - they say they are not getting "enough time" if they don't stay extended days and if extended stays are not allowed they "won't come to see the baby". After the last experience the bags weren't even packed for that guilt trip because it is crystal clear where it leads.
I'm a STM and both of our families live out of state. When I had DD almost 4 years ago my family came and visited us in the hospital (I was a scheduled c-section so it was easy to plan). My family stayed in hotels except my mom who stayed at our house. We made it clear to everyone that when we went home we wanted it to be just the 3 of us to get used to life as it will be. Because normal life was just DH and I without the help of family. So all family were gone back home on Sunday and we got discharged on Monday. It was perfect. There's a lot of adjustment that you FTM and dads will face. There's your first trip to pediatrician and just getting to know your baby. Not to mention all of your local friends that are going to want to come meet your baby.
So my advice is no, don't let anyone stay with you at your house if this is your first baby. Visitors are fine but houseguests are not what you'll be wanting.
ME: 35 DH: 39
Married July 2011
DD Born 8/12
TTC #2 since 11/13
ME: Submucosal Fibroid Surgery Date APRIL 14th 2015 -Left Tube is blocked by Fibroid~Surgeon removed 26 Fibroids from my Ute and Unblocked my Tube
DH:Azoospermia...Thank God we have 12 vials of frozen swimmers
I think that if she adamant she is coming to help regardless of whether you want her there or not you just need to plan it. Give yourself up to 6 weeks post birth and tell her that you have help but the ones that were meant to come at the 6 week mark have bailed on you and you could really do with her help then instead of just after. Gives you time to figure the whole mum, baby, house etc stuff out before she arrives and stock up on air freshener. I always had a rule when it came to baby about smoking. I didn't just spend 9 months controlling everything I ate and did, a day of labour without pain killers to give birth to as healthy child as I can for you to poison her the second she is born. You want a cuddle you need to have a shower, wash your hair, change your clothes and then you can have a cuddle otherwise look at her from a distance. I'm sleep deprived and hormonal, don't push me!!! People soon learn that in order to have cuddles they had to be clean, they then think twice about that cigarette. Put your bitch-panties on girl! Stand up for that baby. FYI everytime my mum in law comes to stay it magically ties in with when my darling husband has to put in overtime at the office . Tell him, if he wants his mum there, he is to be at home everyday she is. Hahaha
Thank you!! I was feeling so much (misplaced) guilt after telling my husband that I do not want his mom staying with us (she lives 3 hours away). My parents live down the street from us, so it seems like an unfair advantage in their favor... but I'd rather think of it as an EARNED advantage. They're helpful, she's not. They're considerate, she's not. The list could go on, but I end up getting bitter if I dwell on it for too long!
My family will be coming right around the time in expecting... Total of six people from overseas. I know I will be putting my hair out from time to time, but my family is here to help. They cook, clean, take care of both my two years old and new born wide I get some rest since I do get up in the middle of the night to feed.
I'm sure it will be different if it's that other side of the family coming.. They know they will only be chasing here and there... Good thing also is my SIL is expecting a month after me, so good to have my family to be around since they are from out of states.
I'm glad my family will be here to help for the first month.
Re: Having visitors stay over after LO is born
I have been on theBump since it started and one of the biggest regrets I see time and time again is from new moms who didn't put their foot down when it came to visitors and were too afraid of hurting feelings. They were miserable, so miserable and unfortunately they will never get those precious first few weeks back ever again.
When they did have a second child, they didn't give a shit. They didn't care if they made their parents mad, their ILs mad, even their husband mad. They put their needs first and of all of the times in your life when it is ok to put yourself first, this is one of them. They swore they wouldn't spend those weeks hiding in their bedrooms, having their guests eat all of their food, cleaning up after them or their husbands chauffeuring them all over town.
Just do the hotel. Trust me on this one. It is a nice compromise. You all will still get to have nice visits together but you will also get breaks from each other.
https://www.cdc.gov/pertussis/about/faqs.html
I cannot agree more. After trying to accomodate friends and family the first time around and becoming pissed off, resentful, and emotionally drained from well-meaning visitors, I give zero f***s this time about anyone outside of my DH, my kids, and my dog. No overnight guests here and visitors only when we feel up to it.
Remember, asking visitors to stay at a hotel doesn't mean you won't get lots of quality time together. It just means everyone involved will get breaks from each other. Who knows, they actually might like being in a hotel where they can have access to a free breakfast, a pool,a fitness room and housekeeping.
Now, that I think about it. Maybe I should have stayed in a hotel.
The guilt started immediately after the boundaries were in place - they say they are not getting "enough time" if they don't stay extended days and if extended stays are not allowed they "won't come to see the baby". After the last experience the bags weren't even packed for that guilt trip because it is crystal clear where it leads.
It was perfect. There's a lot of adjustment that you FTM and dads will face. There's your first trip to pediatrician and just getting to know your baby. Not to mention all of your local friends that are going to want to come meet your baby.
So my advice is no, don't let anyone stay with you at your house if this is your first baby. Visitors are fine but houseguests are not what you'll be wanting.
ME: 35 DH: 39
Married July 2011
DD Born 8/12
TTC #2 since 11/13
ME: Submucosal Fibroid Surgery Date APRIL 14th 2015 -Left Tube is blocked by Fibroid~Surgeon removed 26 Fibroids from my Ute and Unblocked my Tube
DH:Azoospermia...Thank God we have 12 vials of frozen swimmers
July 15-Check to see if Ute is all healed
IUI #1 8/3/15...BFN
IUI #2 9/5/15...BFP on 9/17/15
Beta #1-344
Beta #2-809
Beta #3 8,390
1st u/s 8/8/15 1 bean HB 135 @ 6w5d
I'm sure it will be different if it's that other side of the family coming.. They know they will only be chasing here and there... Good thing also is my SIL is expecting a month after me, so good to have my family to be around since they are from out of states.
I'm glad my family will be here to help for the first month.