Momma Says NO!!

alyssavalentino · February 2016

I agree with "everything in moderation" but what are a few things you know you are going to be completely adamant about when your little one comes. (I know things can change when baby is actually here)

1. DH and I hate to see children soothed with electronics (I understand they can be educational it's just preference) So when our little one turns 8 months old she will definitely not be the proud new owner of an Ipad.

jomama1618 · February 2016

Unlike his cousin, Lincoln will NOT be having over night/weekend stays alone with SIL or DH's grandparents (or anyone for that fact) before he is a toddler. (Yes I realize there might come a time when it is necessary that I can't avoid. That is a different story. MY DD is 4 and never stayed anywhere without me or DH, so not unrealistic.) Yup, there will be hurt feelings. Our nephew started having overnight/weekend stays with family at like 2 months. That's what was right for her/them and I support that, but just not something I can be comfortable with, for us.

nopegoat · February 2016

This will be baby #4. I have learned to never say never.

oandmplus1 · February 2016

I agree with @kdm06c this is #3 for me. I was adamant about a lot of things that have gone out the window.
I read this in an earlier thread about the child leashes. I am seriously even considering one of those for my older DD who has special needs and a runner(at least in crowded public places like amusement parks) I never thought I would say that, but her safety is more important to me than what other people think.

Weville · February 2016

I've been thinking no underground baby fight clubs or meth labs. The rest we will sort out as we go

jennyleigh16 · February 2016

Not a no, but I want to say for me it has to be when you're with your kid be in the moment. I see so many parents come into my facility for activity play groups with their kids and it breaks my heart to see the kids trying to interact and pull their parents into the activity and the parents are glued to their phone and totally checked out.

nopegoat · February 2016

@jennyleigh16 I totally get how that could be frustrating, but coming from a SAHM with 3 kids and H that works OOT I see the other side too. I take my kids out to the park and stuff so they can play independently and so I can get a small break from the constant hands on attention they need at home. Parenthood is such an amazing experience, but it's effing exhausting too. It's hard to always "be in the moment".

Obviously this isn't always the case, some people do choose their phone over everything, but just be careful. Needing or wanting a moment to yourself is perfectly normal and can cause a lot of guilt for some parents.

holly142 · February 2016

No tv was was my only big no for DD!
@alyssavalentino - we were against tv before two-years. We did really great for the first 18 months with only watching tv if we were sick. However, I am sure the 2nd child will be more exposed to it since DD likes to watch a show after she wakes up in the morning and after nap!

@jennyleigh16 - I agree! A friend highly recommended the book, "Hands free Mama: A Guide to Putting Down the Phone..." I am on hold for it at the library.

jennyleigh16 · February 2016

@kdm06c Fair point, and of course this is coming from a FTM. I guess it's more that many of these programs are designed for parent interaction, and in ignoring them, the kid is missing out on part of the experience. I think it's a little different than a park or an open gym where they can just go and play.

nopegoat · February 2016

@jennyleigh16I get that. But I am also assuming that you have to pay ahead for the program you're talking about right? At least that's how many of things like that here are set up. If that's the case, bringing my kid to something I have already paid for even though I might get judged for not being in the moment by a stranger because I am having a rough day totally trumps taking my kid to a free park.

I promise I'm not trying to be snarky, though it's been a tough few days here so it might be coming across that way. I am still part of BMB for all my boys and we constantly talk about the guilt we all feel/made to feel because sometimes we don't want to be in the moment or can't be. It's great to try to always be present with your kids mentally and physically. Just try not to beat yourself up if you can't. That's my main point.

Nerdchild · February 2016

Weville said:

I've been thinking no underground baby fight clubs or meth labs. The rest we will sort out as we go

Dammit, I was just coming here to post that.

Also, no bigotry. I have family members who say some really off the wall, backwards bs, and I'm establishing very early on that speaking like that around my kiddo gets you uninvited for return visits. When she is old enough to communicate she will have the pleasure of watching me verbally eviscerate offenders in her presence before they are sent away, then she and I can sit down and have a conversation about how what the person said is hurtful and wrong.

alyssavalentino · February 2016

@oandmplus1 I definitely don't blame you for considering the leash, not worth compromising her safety just to avoid judging glances. There aren't many alternatives besides hand holding and strollers which aren't always even options. Safety first(:

Taymiller · February 2016

kdm06c said:

This will be baby #4. I have learned to never say never.

So much of this! Baby #2 but 100% agree, never say never!

elenabrent · February 2016

No hatefulness is one of mine too, @Nerdchild. I say all the time as a teacher to kids under 6 that my biggest (and arguably most important) job is to make sure they're not assholes. Everything else will come in time, but the first 6 years of life sets the foundation for who you are as a person, your character. Nothing else about you matters if you're a douche canoe.

DobbysSock · February 2016

The only thing I can think of that I'm firm on is extended rear facing in the car seat. Legally in Canada once the child is one and/or reaches the weight requirements their car seat can be turned to forward facing. I chose to keep DD rear facing (actually she just turned 2 and is still rear facing - she's on the small side) and plan to do the same for our next LO. None of my IRL friends do extended rear facing, so it's definitely something people comment on when they see DD in the car, but I feel strongly about it for my family.

Other than that, I'll do whatever it takes to survive. I'll pretty much try to do the same as what we did with DD that got good results, but I'm not tied to any one thing being the right thing.

stillcozy · February 2016

I only want a leash for my kid if it has the snap stop like a dog one

just kidding as a FTM I have been lucky enough to have lots of wisdom from stm's and I'm with the never say never motto maybe it's also because I work with hard and intense kids and I have to have that motto there.

deuxbouledogues · February 2016

As a teacher I plan on following the no technology under age 2 philosophy. I feel strongly about that.
But in general I agree with the "never say never" especially as I've never done this before and have a limited idea of what to expect.

summerfunxo · February 2016

For me, being that this is kiddo #2, my rules are: No sick people, no pop, no caffeine, ( he loves caffeine free tea though) no candy. I also haven't gone overnight without DS and he is 18 months now, just haven't felt comfortable with it.
I do give him the occasional cookie/ bite of cake once in a while though

thebigoaktree · February 2016

I'm anti cell phone baby sitter. My best friend's son knows how to FaceTime and he's 3. Since he was 1.5 he's just been handed her iPhone. I really don't want that. I know my DH and I have very overbearing mothers and we're going to try really hard not to parent that way. I missed a lot my teenage years because my mother allowed me to do nothing.

DobbysSock · February 2016

I respect people who do the "no TV before 2" rule. I read the research and definitely agree that it's a benefit to kids to limit screen time. That said, I didn't follow that rule, partially because on my year of mat leave I wanted to be able to watch TV so I wouldn't go crazy with boredom home alone with a baby every day. Selfish? Probably. But, meh. I like TV. But definite props to those who successfully keep their kids from using screen time before 2, no sarcasm.

betheliz · February 2016

@DobbysSock I agree completely--no screen time seems like a really valuable ideal, but it wasn't doable for me as a stay at home mom. On those days that I'm stuck at home with a little human that can't communicate with me, sometimes I just need to have the tv on for some sanity/company. DS and I watch jeopardy together, so I pretend it's making both of us smarter.

Y0urm0m · February 2016

I really fucking hate this thread. This is how mommy wars start.

anskip · February 2016

Here's the thing. You have to do you. Do what you are comfortable with as well as DH/SO. This is what we do with DD and she's a pretty awesome kid (yes, that's my opinion;) ) Reach agreements on things as often as you can. Keep them happy, keep them safe. Other than that, who really cares what you choose for your kids. They are YOUR kids.

I am in total agreement with @Y0urm0m on this. You just have to be supportive of other moms and respect people's decisions to raise their kids the best way they see fit. But please step in if the kiddo is in harms way.

Taymiller · February 2016

Yea I said no screen time but then I starting flying with my kid. Watching Frozen quietly for 2 hours or trying to escape my lap and run around the plane?? Hmm is there even a question there.

alyssavalentino · February 2016

For the people who say they limited screen time did you not have the tv on any channel or just kids shows constantly on?

@Taymiller I definitely think all bets are off on airplanes lol!

jen11797 · February 2016

Plus, that allows you to watch Frozen too, @Taymiller . Win, win.

My only fast rules with DS have been no soda and that I don't allow him to play with my phone. I don't follow the no technology rule, but I get frustrated when kids think they can grab mine or anyone else's cell phone and do what they want with it. My friend's two year old (whom I love) is the reason I have a passcode on my phone, and I don't want my kid thinking an expensive piece of technology is an appropriate toy.

Each family is so different, and each mother and child has their own strengths and weaknesses. Differences in parenting make an interesting world.

holly142 · February 2016

@alyssavalentino - We didn't have the tv on during DD's awake hours the majority of the time. However, there are many exceptions to this for us. Example, we watch our favorite sport games, if we were at someone's house DD watched shows with them if it was on and we definitely watched hours of shows while flying! I am a SAHM so I watch 1-2 shows while DD naps and as soon as she is in bed at night DH and I sit down to watch 1-2 shows together!

PinkLady2015 · February 2016

I think a PP said it too but... no flu shot, no holding the baby...end of story.

SparkySunshine · February 2016

When a FTM says "I will NEVER....!" It makes the STM in me feel no shame in saying "just you wait" with a silly grin on my face. And I hate when ppl say just you wait, but in the "i will never" debate, its warranted

alyssavalentino · February 2016

@PinkLady2015 I didn't even think of that.. it's so hard to know if people have been vaccinated I wish it was as simple as checking their collar for dog tags lol

thebigoaktree · February 2016

Maybe make them wear something like the live strong bracelets. They say either vaccinated or not vaccinated.

whataboutscience · February 2016

We don't let DD watch TV yet, but also break the rules for our college football games, the Super Bowl, Elf when we decorated the tree (a tradition), etc. 99% of the time the TV is off if she is awake/around though. She pays attention though and learned how to swipe to unlock my phone even though I never let her use it. If I left it somewhere, she was in, so I had to add a passcode when she started messing up my calendar.

Also: We didn't do movies on the plane because I think DD was too young to have it keep her attention, but at 10 months, she very quickly figured out that this was a situation that somehow gave her all the control. We did and allowed things we would never do to try to keep the peace for passengers around us.

ncm1919 · February 2016

To be honest, I haven't been focusing on what I will and will not do with our daughter. Instead, I'm focusing on changing the things I don't like about myself and wouldn't want my kids to see.

Limiting screen time is great. Ive decided to put my money where my mouth is and limit my own. I don't think it's fair that I don't want my kid to have an iPad at a restaurant and I'm looking at my own. I've been trying to put it away and keep it there. Once you pay attention to how often you whip your phone out, you feel sick.

I want my daughter to have a healthier relationship with food than I do. I've taken feeling fat out of my vocabulary and have been focusing on bringing mostly healthy food in here but still treating myself. I'm also going to try my hardest to keep modeling how important exercise is by doing it once she is here.

I've also been working on a healthy homemade food repertoire because I want to stop ordering and eating out so much.

I know I'll never be perfect but i don't there is ever going to be a better motivation than my child to try my hardest to be what I want in the world.

whataboutscience · February 2016

@Natinat6 Very smart approach. That's mostly what we've done too. We watch a lot less TV and eat a lot healthier now that we are parents.

noelietrex · February 2016

Hmmmmm I usually have lots of opinions... The only thing I'm certain of is I'm never playing never have I ever with you b!tches

MamaBish · February 2016

I don't have any "never's" but I have some "try to avoid's".

Avoid soda. Avoid too much TV.

Oh, wait, never beer, never drunk driving, never running with scissors...

BostonBaby1 · February 2016

No body piercing (except ears) or decorative tattoos until AT LEAST age 5.

*eta

bunkie999 · February 2016

We're pretty open minded and go with the flow people who are going into parenthood with open minds... My only goal is to raise this girl or boy to be a good person, and to love them unconditionally... BUT One thing I know I won't do is put my kid on one of those leash back pack things!

ach298 · February 2016

bunkie999 said:

We're pretty open minded and go with the flow people who are going into parenthood with open minds... My only goal is to raise this girl or boy to be a good person, and to love them unconditionally... BUT One thing I know I won't do is put my kid on one of those leash back pack things!

I'm betting that now that you have said this, that you will have a runner.

I have a drop and dash kid (the one that drops all of his weight to the ground to break your handhold and then pops up and dashes off). You very quickly learn the usefulness of the backpack leash as a training tool. It doesn't replace handholding, but you use it in conjunction with it, so that the drop and dasher can't get very far. Bonus of the backpack is he gets to carry around his own diapers/wipes/snacks.

This being kid #3, I'm definitely in the 'never say never' camp.

Y0urm0m · February 2016

I have a runner! I don't use a leash backpack but I get jealous when I see a parent using one. I love going places with a kid who is constantly throwing tantrums because he doesn't want to hold my hand. My childless friend thinks it's the parents fault kids are runners and we are obviously terrible at parenting. All I can even do is LOL.