I'm trying to think of the nicest way to type this because I 100% agree every mother should do whatever is best for them and their child and especially after all I've gone through with breastfeeding I have no judgements for those who choose not to do this. But I feel like "breast is best" is said for a reason and it shouldn't be a condemnation on those who are formula feeding. Breastfeeding is more work than I ever imagined and so far I have been through hell and back with it. The first week we couldn't get the latch right because my nipples were a little flat so my son literally sucked them raw. I was in excruciating pain and screaming every time he latched and cried while he fed because the pain was so intense. I did this every hour. I dreaded each time he cried from hunger but grit my teeth and did it over and over again until blood was dripping out as well. I then understood why not everyone does this but I am stubborn and determined and with the help of LC goddesses we were able to fix the latch and the pain was completely gone in a day. Since then we feed comfortably but also struggle with weight gain. So I now have a routine of feeding and pumping and ingesting things to help my milk supply. Everyday I drink some gross mother's milk tea, take fenugreek 3 times a day, eat oatmeal and lactation cookies and pump after feedings to keep it all going. I'm about to give up dairy, which includes all my favorite foods, because my baby is gassy and I need to see if it's due to that. If breast isn't best for my baby than why am I doing all of this when I could just pour some powder in water and be done? Why have I gone through all that I have if its just the same as formula?
Either one is better for babies or they are identical. Which research has shown countless benefits to breastmilk which have yet to be mimicked. So yeah, technically breast milk is the best thing out there healthwise for babies while they're babies. That doesn't mean the fact that it's best that someone can't do it should feel bad about it. Eating organic, non processed whole foods is better for our adult bodies but just because I can't afford or don't want to eat that way doesnt mean I should feel guilty about it or judged by people who do live that way.
This doesn't help. I'm sorry, but it just exacerbates the problem when you outline how awful it was to continue to breastfeed. It's insinuating that if others switched to formula or started with formula that somehow they didn't have their child's best interest at heart. Most all moms have their baby's best interest at heart.
Do I breastfeed or formula feed or a combination? It doesn't matter. What matters is I work as hard as I can to do what is best for my baby and my family, and I don't need to justify it to anyone. You going through all of your struggles to breastfeed doesn't mean you are a better mom than a formula feeder any more than a mom who breastfeeds without any trouble is a better mom than you. Let's stop comparing our struggles with each other.
I'm trying to think of the nicest way to type this because I 100% agree every mother should do whatever is best for them and their child and especially after all I've gone through with breastfeeding I have no judgements for those who choose not to do this. But I feel like "breast is best" is said for a reason and it shouldn't be a condemnation on those who are formula feeding. Breastfeeding is more work than I ever imagined and so far I have been through hell and back with it. The first week we couldn't get the latch right because my nipples were a little flat so my son literally sucked them raw. I was in excruciating pain and screaming every time he latched and cried while he fed because the pain was so intense. I did this every hour. I dreaded each time he cried from hunger but grit my teeth and did it over and over again until blood was dripping out as well. I then understood why not everyone does this but I am stubborn and determined and with the help of LC goddesses we were able to fix the latch and the pain was completely gone in a day. Since then we feed comfortably but also struggle with weight gain. So I now have a routine of feeding and pumping and ingesting things to help my milk supply. Everyday I drink some gross mother's milk tea, take fenugreek 3 times a day, eat oatmeal and lactation cookies and pump after feedings to keep it all going. I'm about to give up dairy, which includes all my favorite foods, because my baby is gassy and I need to see if it's due to that. If breast isn't best for my baby than why am I doing all of this when I could just pour some powder in water and be done? Why have I gone through all that I have if its just the same as formula?
Either one is better for babies or they are identical. Which research has shown countless benefits to breastmilk which have yet to be mimicked. So yeah, technically breast milk is the best thing out there healthwise for babies while they're babies. That doesn't mean the fact that it's best that someone can't do it should feel bad about it. Eating organic, non processed whole foods is better for our adult bodies but just because I can't afford or don't want to eat that way doesnt mean I should feel guilty about it or judged by people who do live that way.
This doesn't help. I'm sorry, but it just exacerbates the problem when you outline how awful it was to continue to breastfeed. It's insinuating that if others switched to formula or started with formula that somehow they didn't have their child's best interest at heart. Most all moms have their baby's best interest at heart.
Do I breastfeed or formula feed or a combination? It doesn't matter. What matters is I work as hard as I can to do what is best for my baby and my family, and I don't need to justify it to anyone. You going through all of your struggles to breastfeed doesn't mean you are a better mom than a formula feeder any more than a mom who breastfeeds without any trouble is a better mom than you. Let's stop comparing our struggles with each other.
Agreed. We all struggle somehow. We are all different people with different bodies. Choosing to FF was the best thing for me and baby mentally. I was severely depressed and did not want to feed her because of the pain. We are both thriving now. You do what you gotta do and in the end it really doesn't matter at all...as long as they're fed.
@rachel10488 If I don't eat organic no one says anything because it's a choice I'm making for my body. How I chose to feed my baby will be judged and commented on, no matter my reasons I will have to justify my choice to complete strangers, friends, and family that don't even have a medical concern but have been fed the same line "breast is best".
Formula feeding isn't at all easy, any more than breastfeeding and to insinuate differently is incredibly rude to those mother's who use it. There's an endless number of bottles and nipples and figuring out which baby will take or do well with. There are multiple brands of formula. Do you go with concentrate, ready to feed, or powder. Milk based, soy based, partially hydrolyzed, extensively hydrolyzed, amino based. Do you mix ahead or on demand. Then if you warm a bottle those dreaded middle of the night feedings and waiting for a bottle to warm while trying to sooth a screaming, hungry baby. It is not easy.
Yes! Thank you for posting this!! I pump and top up with formula but it's almost mostly formula because my supply is so low. It's been horrible and painful and emotional and ppl who judge it are the worst!
I'm trying to think of the nicest way to type this because I 100% agree every mother should do whatever is best for them and their child and especially after all I've gone through with breastfeeding I have no judgements for those who choose not to do this. But I feel like "breast is best" is said for a reason and it shouldn't be a condemnation on those who are formula feeding. Breastfeeding is more work than I ever imagined and so far I have been through hell and back with it. The first week we couldn't get the latch right because my nipples were a little flat so my son literally sucked them raw. I was in excruciating pain and screaming every time he latched and cried while he fed because the pain was so intense. I did this every hour. I dreaded each time he cried from hunger but grit my teeth and did it over and over again until blood was dripping out as well. I then understood why not everyone does this but I am stubborn and determined and with the help of LC goddesses we were able to fix the latch and the pain was completely gone in a day. Since then we feed comfortably but also struggle with weight gain. So I now have a routine of feeding and pumping and ingesting things to help my milk supply. Everyday I drink some gross mother's milk tea, take fenugreek 3 times a day, eat oatmeal and lactation cookies and pump after feedings to keep it all going. I'm about to give up dairy, which includes all my favorite foods, because my baby is gassy and I need to see if it's due to that. If breast isn't best for my baby than why am I doing all of this when I could just pour some powder in water and be done? Why have I gone through all that I have if its just the same as formula?
Either one is better for babies or they are identical. Which research has shown countless benefits to breastmilk which have yet to be mimicked. So yeah, technically breast milk is the best thing out there healthwise for babies while they're babies. That doesn't mean the fact that it's best that someone can't do it should feel bad about it. Eating organic, non processed whole foods is better for our adult bodies but just because I can't afford or don't want to eat that way doesnt mean I should feel guilty about it or judged by people who do live that way.
This doesn't help. I'm sorry, but it just exacerbates the problem when you outline how awful it was to continue to breastfeed. It's insinuating that if others switched to formula or started with formula that somehow they didn't have their child's best interest at heart. Most all moms have their baby's best interest at heart.
Do I breastfeed or formula feed or a combination? It doesn't matter. What matters is I work as hard as I can to do what is best for my baby and my family, and I don't need to justify it to anyone. You going through all of your struggles to breastfeed doesn't mean you are a better mom than a formula feeder any more than a mom who breastfeeds without any trouble is a better mom than you. Let's stop comparing our struggles with each other.
I never said I was better than anyone outlining everything I've gone through with breastfeeding. My point was why on earth would I go through all that if it's just the same as formula? What is the point if breastmilk doesn't have some benefit over formula?
just because doctors and nurses and lactation consultants encourage and support mother's to breastfeed because of all of the benefits it allows newborn babies does not mean it's some attack on everyone that it doesn't work out for but perhaps it just means that it's offering support for those mother's who are trying to make it work out. Sometimes when we try it doesn't work out, and that's ok! But sometimes we can never make it through something difficult on our own if it wasn't for people encouraging us and reminding us of why we're doing this. I'll tell you, if it wasn't for the random Le Leche League consultant that called me back at 10pm one night when I was in pain and didn't know what I was doing and she talked me through things and told me everything was going to be ok and just let me cry about it, I wouldn't have made it through with breastfeeding. She has/had a mentality that breast is best but I didn't feel judgement from her that if I gave my son formula that I failed, I felt like she was there to support and help me push through my struggle and avoid that IF it's what I wanted. No one should be looked down on for however they feed their child and I'm sorry if people have done that to you, it has happened to me with breastfeeding! I've heard judgement from my mother-in-law multiple times that "I formula fed my children and look how great they are yadda yadda" when I never asked for input on how I will be feeding my child. Like I'm wasting my time with what I'm doing. It goes both ways. It's not just formula feeders that get that. You think it feels good to me for people to make it out like I'm wasting my time putting all this time and effort into what I'm doing? It doesn't, but I choose to not care and respect what I'm doing and what other people are doing, even if it's different, and wish that others would do the same.
So yeah, I think it's overly sensitive for people to get offended by "breast is best", it's ok for something to be best but not do it and move on. But I'm probably being overly sensitive too.
@rachel10488 You've been judged so make yourself a martyr and simultaneously mommy shame? You say all these women are being overly sensitive but are clearly defensive yourself.
Personally it isn't oversensitivity. The argument is that the health benefits of breastfeeding outweigh formula. I bf my first for the benefits and because it was "best". Doctors encouraged I stick to breastfeeding past the pain and bleeding nipples, encouraged I refrain from giving formula to my "colicky" baby past vomiting, diarrhea, and watching my baby wither. He screamed in pain constantly except when he ate and then just got worse. I'm now told no amount of cutting anything out of my diet would've helped at all. Formula is the only thing that would have worked for him. Breastmilk made him severely ill. So being told repeatedly that "breast is best" and hearing the list of benefits and thinking of the two months I was making my son ill- all I feel is anger. And even with all of that I felt like a failure and guilty that I couldn't breast feed him because obviously "breast is best". It was so bad I suffered depression and my husband had to give bottles because I would cry through giving them because it wasn't breast milk. No I shouldn't have felt any of that but I did because "breast is best".
I don't care how any one choses to feed their child, or for what reason, but I absolutely never want anyone to feel like I was made to feel.
I'm trying to think of the nicest way to type this because I 100% agree every mother should do whatever is best for them and their child and especially after all I've gone through with breastfeeding I have no judgements for those who choose not to do this. But I feel like "breast is best" is said for a reason and it shouldn't be a condemnation on those who are formula feeding. Breastfeeding is more work than I ever imagined and so far I have been through hell and back with it. The first week we couldn't get the latch right because my nipples were a little flat so my son literally sucked them raw. I was in excruciating pain and screaming every time he latched and cried while he fed because the pain was so intense. I did this every hour. I dreaded each time he cried from hunger but grit my teeth and did it over and over again until blood was dripping out as well. I then understood why not everyone does this but I am stubborn and determined and with the help of LC goddesses we were able to fix the latch and the pain was completely gone in a day. Since then we feed comfortably but also struggle with weight gain. So I now have a routine of feeding and pumping and ingesting things to help my milk supply. Everyday I drink some gross mother's milk tea, take fenugreek 3 times a day, eat oatmeal and lactation cookies and pump after feedings to keep it all going. I'm about to give up dairy, which includes all my favorite foods, because my baby is gassy and I need to see if it's due to that. If breast isn't best for my baby than why am I doing all of this when I could just pour some powder in water and be done? Why have I gone through all that I have if its just the same as formula?
Either one is better for babies or they are identical. Which research has shown countless benefits to breastmilk which have yet to be mimicked. So yeah, technically breast milk is the best thing out there healthwise for babies while they're babies. That doesn't mean the fact that it's best that someone can't do it should feel bad about it. Eating organic, non processed whole foods is better for our adult bodies but just because I can't afford or don't want to eat that way doesnt mean I should feel guilty about it or judged by people who do live that way.
This doesn't help. I'm sorry, but it just exacerbates the problem when you outline how awful it was to continue to breastfeed. It's insinuating that if others switched to formula or started with formula that somehow they didn't have their child's best interest at heart. Most all moms have their baby's best interest at heart.
Do I breastfeed or formula feed or a combination? It doesn't matter. What matters is I work as hard as I can to do what is best for my baby and my family, and I don't need to justify it to anyone. You going through all of your struggles to breastfeed doesn't mean you are a better mom than a formula feeder any more than a mom who breastfeeds without any trouble is a better mom than you. Let's stop comparing our struggles with each other.
I never said I was better than anyone outlining everything I've gone through with breastfeeding. My point was why on earth would I go through all that if it's just the same as formula? What is the point if breastmilk doesn't have some benefit over formula?
just because doctors and nurses and lactation consultants encourage and support mother's to breastfeed because of all of the benefits it allows newborn babies does not mean it's some attack on everyone that it doesn't work out for but perhaps it just means that it's offering support for those mother's who are trying to make it work out. Sometimes when we try it doesn't work out, and that's ok! But sometimes we can never make it through something difficult on our own if it wasn't for people encouraging us and reminding us of why we're doing this. I'll tell you, if it wasn't for the random Le Leche League consultant that called me back at 10pm one night when I was in pain and didn't know what I was doing and she talked me through things and told me everything was going to be ok and just let me cry about it, I wouldn't have made it through with breastfeeding. She has/had a mentality that breast is best but I didn't feel judgement from her that if I gave my son formula that I failed, I felt like she was there to support and help me push through my struggle and avoid that IF it's what I wanted. No one should be looked down on for however they feed their child and I'm sorry if people have done that to you, it has happened to me with breastfeeding! I've heard judgement from my mother-in-law multiple times that "I formula fed my children and look how great they are yadda yadda" when I never asked for input on how I will be feeding my child. Like I'm wasting my time with what I'm doing. It goes both ways. It's not just formula feeders that get that. You think it feels good to me for people to make it out like I'm wasting my time putting all this time and effort into what I'm doing? It doesn't, but I choose to not care and respect what I'm doing and what other people are doing, even if it's different, and wish that others would do the same.
So yeah, I think it's overly sensitive for people to get offended by "breast is best", it's ok for something to be best but not do it and move on. But I'm probably being overly sensitive too.
I understand what your saying @rachel10488. It really is best if you're able to do it. Its why doctors and nurses push it so much. It's the real deal. In no means I think its putting FF moms down. How many of you tried BF first? Because you thought it was the best as well. Theres nothing wrong with that. Fed babies are happy babies.
I'm trying to think of the nicest way to type this because I 100% agree every mother should do whatever is best for them and their child and especially after all I've gone through with breastfeeding I have no judgements for those who choose not to do this. But I feel like "breast is best" is said for a reason and it shouldn't be a condemnation on those who are formula feeding. Breastfeeding is more work than I ever imagined and so far I have been through hell and back with it. The first week we couldn't get the latch right because my nipples were a little flat so my son literally sucked them raw. I was in excruciating pain and screaming every time he latched and cried while he fed because the pain was so intense. I did this every hour. I dreaded each time he cried from hunger but grit my teeth and did it over and over again until blood was dripping out as well. I then understood why not everyone does this but I am stubborn and determined and with the help of LC goddesses we were able to fix the latch and the pain was completely gone in a day. Since then we feed comfortably but also struggle with weight gain. So I now have a routine of feeding and pumping and ingesting things to help my milk supply. Everyday I drink some gross mother's milk tea, take fenugreek 3 times a day, eat oatmeal and lactation cookies and pump after feedings to keep it all going. I'm about to give up dairy, which includes all my favorite foods, because my baby is gassy and I need to see if it's due to that. If breast isn't best for my baby than why am I doing all of this when I could just pour some powder in water and be done? Why have I gone through all that I have if its just the same as formula?
Either one is better for babies or they are identical. Which research has shown countless benefits to breastmilk which have yet to be mimicked. So yeah, technically breast milk is the best thing out there healthwise for babies while they're babies. That doesn't mean the fact that it's best that someone can't do it should feel bad about it. Eating organic, non processed whole foods is better for our adult bodies but just because I can't afford or don't want to eat that way doesnt mean I should feel guilty about it or judged by people who do live that way.
This doesn't help. I'm sorry, but it just exacerbates the problem when you outline how awful it was to continue to breastfeed. It's insinuating that if others switched to formula or started with formula that somehow they didn't have their child's best interest at heart. Most all moms have their baby's best interest at heart.
Do I breastfeed or formula feed or a combination? It doesn't matter. What matters is I work as hard as I can to do what is best for my baby and my family, and I don't need to justify it to anyone. You going through all of your struggles to breastfeed doesn't mean you are a better mom than a formula feeder any more than a mom who breastfeeds without any trouble is a better mom than you. Let's stop comparing our struggles with each other.
I never said I was better than anyone outlining everything I've gone through with breastfeeding. My point was why on earth would I go through all that if it's just the same as formula? What is the point if breastmilk doesn't have some benefit over formula?
just because doctors and nurses and lactation consultants encourage and support mother's to breastfeed because of all of the benefits it allows newborn babies does not mean it's some attack on everyone that it doesn't work out for but perhaps it just means that it's offering support for those mother's who are trying to make it work out. Sometimes when we try it doesn't work out, and that's ok! But sometimes we can never make it through something difficult on our own if it wasn't for people encouraging us and reminding us of why we're doing this. I'll tell you, if it wasn't for the random Le Leche League consultant that called me back at 10pm one night when I was in pain and didn't know what I was doing and she talked me through things and told me everything was going to be ok and just let me cry about it, I wouldn't have made it through with breastfeeding. She has/had a mentality that breast is best but I didn't feel judgement from her that if I gave my son formula that I failed, I felt like she was there to support and help me push through my struggle and avoid that IF it's what I wanted. No one should be looked down on for however they feed their child and I'm sorry if people have done that to you, it has happened to me with breastfeeding! I've heard judgement from my mother-in-law multiple times that "I formula fed my children and look how great they are yadda yadda" when I never asked for input on how I will be feeding my child. Like I'm wasting my time with what I'm doing. It goes both ways. It's not just formula feeders that get that. You think it feels good to me for people to make it out like I'm wasting my time putting all this time and effort into what I'm doing? It doesn't, but I choose to not care and respect what I'm doing and what other people are doing, even if it's different, and wish that others would do the same.
So yeah, I think it's overly sensitive for people to get offended by "breast is best", it's ok for something to be best but not do it and move on. But I'm probably being overly sensitive too.
So yes, in your particular case, breast is best. But how can you possibly put a blanket statement on that for every mother everywhere? In another person's case breast isn't best because of medical issues or mental health issues or physiological issues. The problem with a statement like that is that there is no caveat. No room to leave out guilt for women who have had mastectomies for breast cancer or previous sexual abuse. There is no wiggle room for "breast is best" which is why it is a phrase that does nothing but incite guilt and mommy wars.
@rachel10488 You've been judged so make yourself a martyr and simultaneously mommy shame? You say all these women are being overly sensitive but are clearly defensive yourself.
Personally it isn't oversensitivity. The argument is that the health benefits of breastfeeding outweigh formula. I bf my first for the benefits and because it was "best". Doctors encouraged I stick to breastfeeding past the pain and bleeding nipples, encouraged I refrain from giving formula to my "colicky" baby past vomiting, diarrhea, and watching my baby wither. He screamed in pain constantly except when he ate and then just got worse. I'm now told no amount of cutting anything out of my diet would've helped at all. Formula is the only thing that would have worked for him. Breastmilk made him severely ill. So being told repeatedly that "breast is best" and hearing the list of benefits and thinking of the two months I was making my son ill- all I feel is anger. And even with all of that I felt like a failure and guilty that I couldn't breast feed him because obviously "breast is best". It was so bad I suffered depression and my husband had to give bottles because I would cry through giving them because it wasn't breast milk. No I shouldn't have felt any of that but I did because "breast is best".
I don't care how any one choses to feed their child, or for what reason, but I absolutely never want anyone to feel like I was made to feel.
How am I mommy shaming just because I say that breastmilk is better than formula? If that or sharing my experience is mommy shaming than that is absolutely over sensitivity. I'm not "making myself out to be a martyr because I felt judged", I continued to push through my issues because science says that breastfeeding is better for babies than anything else out there for MOST people. Emphasis on most.
I am sorry for what you went through. While that sounds terrible to go through for both you and your baby that fortunately is not the norm. You had a unique issue and received advice that your Drs probably gave to all of their patients assuming that everyone is the "norm". This is the same reason Drs want every baby to receive vaccines. It is better for the average baby to be vaccinated but some babies will react negatively or have an allergy thus having a horrible outcome. A very very small percentage of children have a bad reaction. So medical professionals assume it's best for everyone to receive vaccines while accepting that few will have issues. Does this mean that doctors should stop saying that vaccines are best? No, because for the majority it is better to be vaccinated than to not be.
@rachel10488 Like a pp said, the issue is that the phase is a blanket statement. It doesn't allow exceptions. You can say it's most but it isn't "best is best most of the time".
My situation was one example. What about an adoptive family? Would it be better they not adopt because they can't breastfeed? A mother struggling with mental health that needs medications that aren't safe during breast feeding? There are so many situations where it isn't possible or best but the phrase doesn't allow for any of them yet it's touted as doctrine.
My issue with your original post is you list your struggles (and it's fantastic that you are breastfeeding) but then to say it's better to struggle through than the choice anyone else has made otherwise. You may not have said it directly but it is implied with the "If breast isn't best for my baby than why am I doing all of this when I could just pour some powder in water and be done?" It isn't nearly so simple or convenient. If it was there would be no guilt.
That was the point of my shared experience. The pressure and the guilt. If it wasn't there to start wouldn't have struggled with the decision. The point is simply that the phrase "breast is best", while potentially well meaning, is terribly flawed.
And yes, when you say you breast feed and that breast feeding is better than formula you are shaming every parent offering formula. Yes, many women start out breastfeeding for the benefits but is it was best, don't you think they would all stay with ebf?
There's no blanket phrase for vaccines or organic foods like there is for breastfeeding. No one says "vaccines are best" or "organic is best". We discuss pros and cons, doctors advise and councel. If we can't receive a vaccination or eat organic we aren't made to feel guilty. Heck, we aren't even made to feel guilty when we feed our kids junk food so why does it matter if breast or bottle is better as long as baby is fed and healthy. Why does anyone need to be told one is better rather than given a list of pros and cons for both and allowed to decide objectively like with vaccinating or eating organic food?
@LaceyH13 I totally get what you're saying. I would still argue that breastmilk is best in MOST cases.
Research has shown benefits of breastfeeding are: -A healthier baby--The incidences of pneumonia, colds and viruses are reduced among breastfed babies,” -Long-term protection--reduces risk of developing chronic conditions, such as type I diabetes, celiac disease and Crohn’s disease. -Stronger bones for mom -Lower SIDS risk by about half -Fewer problems with obesity for both mom and baby -It’s good for the earth--Dairy cows, which are raised in part to make infant formula, are a significant contributor to global warming -Better healing postdelivery-- Oxytocin released when your baby nurses helps your uterus contract, reducing postdelivery blood loss. Plus, breastfeeding will help your uterus return to its normal size more quickly—at about six weeks postpartum, compared with 10 weeks if you don’t breastfeed. -Less risk of cancer--Breastfeeding can decrease your baby’s risk of some childhood cancers. And you’ll have a lower risk of premenopausal breast cancer and ovarian cancer, an often deadly disease that’s on the rise -A custom-made supply--Formula isn’t able to change its constitution, but your breast milk morphs to meet your baby’s changing needs. Colostrum—the “premilk” that comes in after you deliver—is chock-full of antibodies to protect baby. I've also read that breastmilk changes its formula based on babies needs or time of day, like milk at night has more melatonin in it to help baby sleep than milk during the day. Also, a sick baby's saliva on mother's nipple can communicate with her body and the breastmilk will adjust to provide more antibodies to help baby get better -More effective vaccines Research shows that breastfed babies have a better antibody response to vaccines than formula-fed babies. -It’s cheap!--According to La Leche League International, the cost of formula can range anywhere from $134 to $491 per month. That’s $1,608 to $5,892 in one year!
All of this said, I will again say that the research stating all these benefits are for MOST women and babies. Absolutely, there are some women or babies that it is not best for for whatever reason or that it just cannot work out.
@LaceyH13 I totally get what you're saying. I would still argue that breastmilk is best in MOST cases.
Research has shown benefits of breastfeeding are: -A healthier baby--The incidences of pneumonia, colds and viruses are reduced among breastfed babies,” -Long-term protection--reduces risk of developing chronic conditions, such as type I diabetes, celiac disease and Crohn’s disease. -Stronger bones for mom -Lower SIDS risk by about half -Fewer problems with obesity for both mom and baby -It’s good for the earth--Dairy cows, which are raised in part to make infant formula, are a significant contributor to global warming -Better healing postdelivery-- Oxytocin released when your baby nurses helps your uterus contract, reducing postdelivery blood loss. Plus, breastfeeding will help your uterus return to its normal size more quickly—at about six weeks postpartum, compared with 10 weeks if you don’t breastfeed. -Less risk of cancer--Breastfeeding can decrease your baby’s risk of some childhood cancers. And you’ll have a lower risk of premenopausal breast cancer and ovarian cancer, an often deadly disease that’s on the rise -A custom-made supply--Formula isn’t able to change its constitution, but your breast milk morphs to meet your baby’s changing needs. Colostrum—the “premilk” that comes in after you deliver—is chock-full of antibodies to protect baby. I've also read that breastmilk changes its formula based on babies needs or time of day, like milk at night has more melatonin in it to help baby sleep than milk during the day. Also, a sick baby's saliva on mother's nipple can communicate with her body and the breastmilk will adjust to provide more antibodies to help baby get better -More effective vaccines Research shows that breastfed babies have a better antibody response to vaccines than formula-fed babies. -It’s cheap!--According to La Leche League International, the cost of formula can range anywhere from $134 to $491 per month. That’s $1,608 to $5,892 in one year!
All of this said, I will again say that the research stating all these benefits are for MOST women and babies. Absolutely, there are some women or babies that it is not best for for whatever reason or that it just cannot work out.
I don't think you understand this post. Nobody here misunderstands or disputes the medical benefits of breastmilk. Nobody here is arguing that formula is medically superior to breastmilk. We are all very informed people.
Saying breast is best for most women is another blanket judgmental statement. It takes into account the pros of breastfeeding but not the cons or the individual circumstances which might preclude a woman from breastfeeding. If you have to say "breast is best....except for you, woman with breast cancer" or "breast is best...except for you, woman with a mental illness who desperately needs her medication" or "breast is best...except you who suffered severe sexual assault as a child", then maybe you shouldn't use "breast is best" at all, because there are too many exceptions.
I'll take my two cookies and beer please! Seriously though no one really cares if you BF or FF. My husband was a FF baby and I was BF. He's a heck of a lot smarter and healthier than I am. But we don't chalk it up to how we were fed as babies lol. That's just silly.
@Mizuiro007 That is an incredible story thank you for sharing!
@rachel10488 The only issue I had with your post was the "Why am I doing this if I could just pour some powder in water and be done?" I don't think I'm being oversensitive at all, that was a rude slap in the face to all FF mothers.
In the end there is no point in arguing because yes breast is best, but formula is amazing as well. Happy mommy, happy baby, happy life!
@taysun I get the dental and immune benefits they claim for BF but the bonding thing came up the other day and it surprises me. Babies can't feed themselves so either way a parent is typically holding them to eat (and bf wouldn't change daycare needs). The hormones they discuss for BF are typically the same ones people discuss for cuddling so I don't understand that arguement. I feel like I have to BF because I'm a SAHM and don't qualify for wic...so formula would be expensive.
It's the same here, formula is expensive and I'd like to save the money that would be spent on it. We qualify for WIC and food stamps 2-4 months of the year during SOs layoffs but the rest of the time we don't so I don't want to depend on that.
put two 20 year olds side by side and identify the breastfed and formula fed one and it'll be a crapshoot guess.
You won't be able to. They're both gonna want beer anyway.
@LaceyH13 perhaps I didn't fully understand the purpose of this post, but my point was taking "breast is best" pretty literally for the masses based on research. That's why I brought up vaccines in another comment because your point could be said of anything. Which is why I personally don't think it's necessary to take offense to it. Yes vaccines come with a disclaimer of the negative affects but that's because they're made in a lab by people who could be sued. Yet the majority of the world accepts them as better than any other option despite the negative affects on some people. I wish that no one needed to be so offended by a simple statement such as "breast is best" or anything they're doctor or random strangers said to the point of feeling guilt or depressed about it. Perhaps that sentiment is just over my head because I am not easily made to feel guilty especially when it's something out of my control. I couldn't give birth naturally because my baby was breech, I had a few people asking me judgementally why I wasn't trying at least to have a natural birth. Even though some women try that I just replied "because that's what's best for *my* baby." Turns out I have 2 uteruses so even more likely would have failed at laboring because they can't contract normally. As much as I would have loved to have a natural birth I cannot control my circumstance or change my body so I don't feel bad about that. And like I've said many times I have no judgements for people doing whatever is best for them, even if they never try breastfeeding! I really do not care what others do and can completely understand that this is not for everyone because it is extremely difficult. I am just defending the statement as it makes sense to me based on all the research that's been done.
@ammnam14 I'm sorry if that part of what I said was offensive. My intention was to mean that formula seemed like an easier option for me personally but I pushed through my struggles because my belief that breastfeeding was what was best for me and my baby based on my research. I admit that I was being overly dramatic because I am sure formula feeding is a lot more complicated than that.
I think the bottom line is that if someone says a phrase like that makes them feel guilty or bad, no one else has the right to tell them their feelings are wrong. It's better to be empathetic to one another than combative; we all have the same goal - to raise our babies to be as happy and healthy as possible.
I'm trying to think of the nicest way to type this because I 100% agree every mother should do whatever is best for them and their child and especially after all I've gone through with breastfeeding I have no judgements for those who choose not to do this. But I feel like "breast is best" is said for a reason and it shouldn't be a condemnation on those who are formula feeding. Breastfeeding is more work than I ever imagined and so far I have been through hell and back with it. The first week we couldn't get the latch right because my nipples were a little flat so my son literally sucked them raw. I was in excruciating pain and screaming every time he latched and cried while he fed because the pain was so intense. I did this every hour. I dreaded each time he cried from hunger but grit my teeth and did it over and over again until blood was dripping out as well. I then understood why not everyone does this but I am stubborn and determined and with the help of LC goddesses we were able to fix the latch and the pain was completely gone in a day. Since then we feed comfortably but also struggle with weight gain. So I now have a routine of feeding and pumping and ingesting things to help my milk supply. Everyday I drink some gross mother's milk tea, take fenugreek 3 times a day, eat oatmeal and lactation cookies and pump after feedings to keep it all going. I'm about to give up dairy, which includes all my favorite foods, because my baby is gassy and I need to see if it's due to that. If breast isn't best for my baby than why am I doing all of this when I could just pour some powder in water and be done? Why have I gone through all that I have if its just the same as formula?
Either one is better for babies or they are identical. Which research has shown countless benefits to breastmilk which have yet to be mimicked. So yeah, technically breast milk is the best thing out there healthwise for babies while they're babies. That doesn't mean the fact that it's best that someone can't do it should feel bad about it. Eating organic, non processed whole foods is better for our adult bodies but just because I can't afford or don't want to eat that way doesnt mean I should feel guilty about it or judged by people who do live that way.
I have to formula feed, but wish I could have breast fed; however, your statement of "I could just pour some powder and be done" was very rude. If you had done your post and not said that, I would have been fine with it. It is a sensitive topic for many, so you unfortunately have to be bery careful about what you say.
"Pour some powder and be done" really makes it sound a thousand times easier than it is. We supplemented in the beginning with Henry and dealing with formula is honestly a pain with all the bottles to wash and sterilize, having your hungry baby wait while it's being prepared and then what if baby doesn't do well on one formula and has to be switched around until the winner is found? IMO formula isn't the "easy way out" that some people make it seem. It's very insensitive to moms who cannot (or chose not) to breastfeed. Yes, it is proven that breastmilk is healthiest for most babies, barring allergies and intolerances when formula is clearly the better choice for them, but there are multiple other reasons why formula is better for some people. Medications mom has to take, hormonal imbalances that prevent lacation, PPD, history of sexual abuse, etc. Breastfeeding may be the worst thing for mom to do in these situations and I can only imagine how the blanket statement "breast is best" makes them feel. We live in a society that has studied and knows the benefits of breastmilk. Ask anyone which is "better" and the majority will answer the same. We are also lucky enough live in a society that has a secondary source of nutrition for when a baby needs it, and I think that's pretty great. There is a huge difference between educating and shaming. There is enough guilt parents face over the way they choose to do things and the way they feed their babies shouldn't be one of them.
I'm trying to think of the nicest way to type this because I 100% agree every mother should do whatever is best for them and their child and especially after all I've gone through with breastfeeding I have no judgements for those who choose not to do this. But I feel like "breast is best" is said for a reason and it shouldn't be a condemnation on those who are formula feeding. Breastfeeding is more work than I ever imagined and so far I have been through hell and back with it. The first week we couldn't get the latch right because my nipples were a little flat so my son literally sucked them raw. I was in excruciating pain and screaming every time he latched and cried while he fed because the pain was so intense. I did this every hour. I dreaded each time he cried from hunger but grit my teeth and did it over and over again until blood was dripping out as well. I then understood why not everyone does this but I am stubborn and determined and with the help of LC goddesses we were able to fix the latch and the pain was completely gone in a day. Since then we feed comfortably but also struggle with weight gain. So I now have a routine of feeding and pumping and ingesting things to help my milk supply. Everyday I drink some gross mother's milk tea, take fenugreek 3 times a day, eat oatmeal and lactation cookies and pump after feedings to keep it all going. I'm about to give up dairy, which includes all my favorite foods, because my baby is gassy and I need to see if it's due to that. If breast isn't best for my baby than why am I doing all of this when I could just pour some powder in water and be done? Why have I gone through all that I have if its just the same as formula?
Either one is better for babies or they are identical. Which research has shown countless benefits to breastmilk which have yet to be mimicked. So yeah, technically breast milk is the best thing out there healthwise for babies while they're babies. That doesn't mean the fact that it's best that someone can't do it should feel bad about it. Eating organic, non processed whole foods is better for our adult bodies but just because I can't afford or don't want to eat that way doesnt mean I should feel guilty about it or judged by people who do live that way.
The problem here is that that last small paragraph is sort of negated by the first big one. "Well i prefer to die trying to do things the right way rather than slack off and do things the wrong way. But nobody should feel bad about it, feel guilty or feel judged."
Yeeeah... ok.
I EBF too. And for mostly the reasons that you're stating here except that reasons to make certain choices weigh differently for different people. There are parents out there who, looking at the pros and cons of both feeding options, will choose formula because when all is said and done, formula is overall best for their baby in his particular situation. I mean thank god for soy formula! Otherwise lactose intolerant babies and their mothers would suffer horribly. Or moms who don't have the luxury of staying home or having a decent maternity leave, who are still in school trying to provide a better future for themselves and their babies. Who can't pump or nurse all day. Who make the choice because, overall, it is best for their child.
And look, i had the same struggles you did. Flat nipples. Crying during nursing. Doing a little bleeding from time to time. With a bout of mastitis on top of it. And, i dunno but somehow it seems worse when you talk about it. Yeah. It sucked. Not being able to breastfeed would have sucked equally badly. Being made feel like a bad mother for a choice I felt was best would also suck just as bad.
We're moms. We suffer for our kids. Do we need to quantify that to each other now?
Re: Breast is best
Do I breastfeed or formula feed or a combination? It doesn't matter. What matters is I work as hard as I can to do what is best for my baby and my family, and I don't need to justify it to anyone. You going through all of your struggles to breastfeed doesn't mean you are a better mom than a formula feeder any more than a mom who breastfeeds without any trouble is a better mom than you. Let's stop comparing our struggles with each other.
Formula feeding isn't at all easy, any more than breastfeeding and to insinuate differently is incredibly rude to those mother's who use it. There's an endless number of bottles and nipples and figuring out which baby will take or do well with. There are multiple brands of formula. Do you go with concentrate, ready to feed, or powder. Milk based, soy based, partially hydrolyzed, extensively hydrolyzed, amino based. Do you mix ahead or on demand. Then if you warm a bottle those dreaded middle of the night feedings and waiting for a bottle to warm while trying to sooth a screaming, hungry baby. It is not easy.
just because doctors and nurses and lactation consultants encourage and support mother's to breastfeed because of all of the benefits it allows newborn babies does not mean it's some attack on everyone that it doesn't work out for but perhaps it just means that it's offering support for those mother's who are trying to make it work out. Sometimes when we try it doesn't work out, and that's ok! But sometimes we can never make it through something difficult on our own if it wasn't for people encouraging us and reminding us of why we're doing this. I'll tell you, if it wasn't for the random Le Leche League consultant that called me back at 10pm one night when I was in pain and didn't know what I was doing and she talked me through things and told me everything was going to be ok and just let me cry about it, I wouldn't have made it through with breastfeeding. She has/had a mentality that breast is best but I didn't feel judgement from her that if I gave my son formula that I failed, I felt like she was there to support and help me push through my struggle and avoid that IF it's what I wanted.
No one should be looked down on for however they feed their child and I'm sorry if people have done that to you, it has happened to me with breastfeeding! I've heard judgement from my mother-in-law multiple times that "I formula fed my children and look how great they are yadda yadda" when I never asked for input on how I will be feeding my child. Like I'm wasting my time with what I'm doing. It goes both ways. It's not just formula feeders that get that. You think it feels good to me for people to make it out like I'm wasting my time putting all this time and effort into what I'm doing?
It doesn't, but I choose to not care and respect what I'm doing and what other people are doing, even if it's different, and wish that others would do the same.
So yeah, I think it's overly sensitive for people to get offended by "breast is best", it's ok for something to be best but not do it and move on. But I'm probably being overly sensitive too.
Personally it isn't oversensitivity. The argument is that the health benefits of breastfeeding outweigh formula. I bf my first for the benefits and because it was "best". Doctors encouraged I stick to breastfeeding past the pain and bleeding nipples, encouraged I refrain from giving formula to my "colicky" baby past vomiting, diarrhea, and watching my baby wither. He screamed in pain constantly except when he ate and then just got worse. I'm now told no amount of cutting anything out of my diet would've helped at all. Formula is the only thing that would have worked for him. Breastmilk made him severely ill. So being told repeatedly that "breast is best" and hearing the list of benefits and thinking of the two months I was making my son ill- all I feel is anger. And even with all of that I felt like a failure and guilty that I couldn't breast feed him because obviously "breast is best". It was so bad I suffered depression and my husband had to give bottles because I would cry through giving them because it wasn't breast milk. No I shouldn't have felt any of that but I did because "breast is best".
I don't care how any one choses to feed their child, or for what reason, but I absolutely never want anyone to feel like I was made to feel.
I'm not "making myself out to be a martyr because I felt judged", I continued to push through my issues because science says that breastfeeding is better for babies than anything else out there for MOST people. Emphasis on most.
I am sorry for what you went through. While that sounds terrible to go through for both you and your baby that fortunately is not the norm. You had a unique issue and received advice that your Drs probably gave to all of their patients assuming that everyone is the "norm".
This is the same reason Drs want every baby to receive vaccines. It is better for the average baby to be vaccinated but some babies will react negatively or have an allergy thus having a horrible outcome. A very very small percentage of children have a bad reaction. So medical professionals assume it's best for everyone to receive vaccines while accepting that few will have issues.
Does this mean that doctors should stop saying that vaccines are best? No, because for the majority it is better to be vaccinated than to not be.
My situation was one example. What about an adoptive family? Would it be better they not adopt because they can't breastfeed? A mother struggling with mental health that needs medications that aren't safe during breast feeding? There are so many situations where it isn't possible or best but the phrase doesn't allow for any of them yet it's touted as doctrine.
My issue with your original post is you list your struggles (and it's fantastic that you are breastfeeding) but then to say it's better to struggle through than the choice anyone else has made otherwise. You may not have said it directly but it is implied with the "If breast isn't best for my baby than why am I doing all of this when I could just pour some powder in water and be done?" It isn't nearly so simple or convenient. If it was there would be no guilt.
That was the point of my shared experience. The pressure and the guilt. If it wasn't there to start wouldn't have struggled with the decision. The point is simply that the phrase "breast is best", while potentially well meaning, is terribly flawed.
And yes, when you say you breast feed and that breast feeding is better than formula you are shaming every parent offering formula. Yes, many women start out breastfeeding for the benefits but is it was best, don't you think they would all stay with ebf?
There's no blanket phrase for vaccines or organic foods like there is for breastfeeding. No one says "vaccines are best" or "organic is best". We discuss pros and cons, doctors advise and councel. If we can't receive a vaccination or eat organic we aren't made to feel guilty. Heck, we aren't even made to feel guilty when we feed our kids junk food so why does it matter if breast or bottle is better as long as baby is fed and healthy. Why does anyone need to be told one is better rather than given a list of pros and cons for both and allowed to decide objectively like with vaccinating or eating organic food?
Research has shown benefits of breastfeeding are:
-A healthier baby--The incidences of pneumonia, colds and viruses are reduced among breastfed babies,”
-Long-term protection--reduces risk of developing chronic conditions, such as type I diabetes, celiac disease and Crohn’s disease.
-Stronger bones for mom
-Lower SIDS risk by about half
-Fewer problems with obesity for both mom and baby
-It’s good for the earth--Dairy cows, which are raised in part to make infant formula, are a significant contributor to global warming
-Better healing postdelivery-- Oxytocin released when your baby nurses helps your uterus contract, reducing postdelivery blood loss. Plus, breastfeeding will help your uterus return to its normal size more quickly—at about six weeks postpartum, compared with 10 weeks if you don’t breastfeed.
-Less risk of cancer--Breastfeeding can decrease your baby’s risk of some childhood cancers. And you’ll have a lower risk of premenopausal breast cancer and ovarian cancer, an often deadly disease that’s on the rise
-A custom-made supply--Formula isn’t able to change its constitution, but your breast milk morphs to meet your baby’s changing needs. Colostrum—the “premilk” that comes in after you deliver—is chock-full of antibodies to protect baby.
I've also read that breastmilk changes its formula based on babies needs or time of day, like milk at night has more melatonin in it to help baby sleep than milk during the day.
Also, a sick baby's saliva on mother's nipple can communicate with her body and the breastmilk will adjust to provide more antibodies to help baby get better
-More effective vaccines
Research shows that breastfed babies have a better antibody response to vaccines than formula-fed babies.
-It’s cheap!--According to La Leche League International, the cost of formula can range anywhere from $134 to $491 per month. That’s $1,608 to $5,892 in one year!
All of this said, I will again say that the research stating all these benefits are for MOST women and babies. Absolutely, there are some women or babies that it is not best for for whatever reason or that it just cannot work out.
info I copy and pasted from https://www.fitpregnancy.com/baby/breastfeeding/20-breastfeeding-benefits-mom-baby but can also be found on webmd and other sources.
*disclaimer- I did not write this but I completely agree with it!
Saying breast is best for most women is another blanket judgmental statement. It takes into account the pros of breastfeeding but not the cons or the individual circumstances which might preclude a woman from breastfeeding. If you have to say "breast is best....except for you, woman with breast cancer" or "breast is best...except for you, woman with a mental illness who desperately needs her medication" or "breast is best...except you who suffered severe sexual assault as a child", then maybe you shouldn't use "breast is best" at all, because there are too many exceptions.
@Mizuiro007 That is an incredible story thank you for sharing!
@rachel10488 The only issue I had with your post was the "Why am I doing this if I could just pour some powder in water and be done?" I don't think I'm being oversensitive at all, that was a rude slap in the face to all FF mothers.
In the end there is no point in arguing because yes breast is best, but formula is amazing as well.
https://www.nytimes.com/2015/10/18/opinion/sunday/overselling-breast-feeding.html?smprod=nytcore-iphone&smid=nytcore-iphone-share
I wish that no one needed to be so offended by a simple statement such as "breast is best" or anything they're doctor or random strangers said to the point of feeling guilt or depressed about it. Perhaps that sentiment is just over my head because I am not easily made to feel guilty especially when it's something out of my control. I couldn't give birth naturally because my baby was breech, I had a few people asking me judgementally why I wasn't trying at least to have a natural birth. Even though some women try that I just replied "because that's what's best for *my* baby." Turns out I have 2 uteruses so even more likely would have failed at laboring because they can't contract normally. As much as I would have loved to have a natural birth I cannot control my circumstance or change my body so I don't feel bad about that.
And like I've said many times I have no judgements for people doing whatever is best for them, even if they never try breastfeeding! I really do not care what others do and can completely understand that this is not for everyone because it is extremely difficult. I am just defending the statement as it makes sense to me based on all the research that's been done.
@ammnam14 I'm sorry if that part of what I said was offensive. My intention was to mean that formula seemed like an easier option for me personally but I pushed through my struggles because my belief that breastfeeding was what was best for me and my baby based on my research. I admit that I was being overly dramatic because I am sure formula feeding is a lot more complicated than that.
We live in a society that has studied and knows the benefits of breastmilk. Ask anyone which is "better" and the majority will answer the same. We are also lucky enough live in a society that has a secondary source of nutrition for when a baby needs it, and I think that's pretty great. There is a huge difference between educating and shaming. There is enough guilt parents face over the way they choose to do things and the way they feed their babies shouldn't be one of them.